OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Oh dear lucky not such great start for you. No wonder you’re worn out already. On the plus side hopefully it will mean there will be no disguising the true hard facts of your husbands multiple needs when the assessment is done..it will be etched into your face and demeanour!
Thinking of you as you keep on keeping on with it all

Sending love and a big, but gentle, hug, lucky. I wish there was more I could offer.

I wrote a reply ages ago but it vanished into the ether.

I am aware you are exhausted so write down requirements for the Tuesday meeting. They must take into consideration your exhaustion and bursting into tears then would be an excellent idea and I am sure you are not far from that now.

I have no words of wisdom to impart- I realise you do not get 2 hours free to rest. You cannot stay awake 24/7 and the powers that be must realise that. Would they supply overnight care?

As he acquired pressure sores elsewhere, that is a nursing problem so surely the overall bill should be greatly reduced because of the nursing element. If they are reluctant you could mention that you may sue because pressure sores are preventable, it was negligence. I am aware you would be reluctant but one must beat them at their own game.

I am well aware how difficult it is but sit down when you possibly can and even if you can not sleep, try to rest.

Oh Luckygirl, I do feel for you. Do you have incontinence sheets or pads? Most supermarkets sell child sized ones that I have found to be helpful.

Thank you for updating us lucky, your exhaustion comes through. I’m so sorry, nothing to say that will make a jot of difference, it’s an army of practical help you need. Hands on, non stop caring is oh so debilitating. Can only send love to you all and a wish that somehow there is enough sleep. Please take every opportunity to rest even if sleep doesn’t come .

Thank you.

Bad night last night. I got just 3 hours sleep. It is really like being a new mother, but with the energy levels of a 70 year old. He woke me twice but after the first time, I could not get back to sleep at all. It has just taken my DD and I about 3 hours to get him washed and into new PJs, change the bed, breakfast, wash the wet laundry, get him onto wheeled commode and over toilet and deal with his anxiety (+++) over toileting - you just get him sorted after one abortive attempt and he is wanting help with it again. I have given him a lorezepam - he can have up to 3 a day - so he is sleeping now.

I have been out in garden trying to sleep a bit, but without success. I am staying well away from our room on the principle that you never wake a sleeping lion. He will just have to be late with his meds.

So.....lesson one learned - sleep in the number one priority for me in order to keep going.

Girls and I keep discussing when and how many carers will be needed, ready for this assessment on Tuesday and have concluded that it is almost impossible to say as it depends on when and how often he gets into a toilet fret and needs help. It is sometimes a matter of minutes after you have just settled him after the previous time.

He is refusing his laxative; and I have given up on it - the district nurse will just have to go for the bomb blast technique. And he is incontinent of urine - it is such a palaver sorting this out, as his sacrum is very sore indeed.

I just want a teeny bit of sleep please!!!!

Thinking of you Lucky and hoping the weekend is going well.

Thinking of you. Hope that you are feeling a little more relaxed now your DH is more content. I know it's a lot of hard work, so I hope you get help very soon. xx

Indeed, just come back from garden and was thinking of you xxx

Morning lucky. Hope things are going ok with you all.

Just caught up and agree you’re a brave woman lucky, also a loving and caring one. It’s wonderful your husband is so much happier, I’m concerned for you though, practical caring is a physical job. Your DN does sound both sensible and thoughtful, I hope she’ll help you in what must seem a never ending fight. Shout, scream and cry if you need to, whatever it takes for those who need to listen to be stopped in their tracks. Thinking of you all and sending love.

Just caught up with the latest lucky what a nightmare situation you’re in here. As others have said shout, scream, weep whatever it takes to get the support your dh needs and you both deserve. It’s all such short sighted thinking, has no one noticed that you are an older woman with your own health needs and that caring in this intense way is just not tenable for any length of time. Willing and caring as your girls are, with their own family commitments they can’t necessarily be part of any ongoing package of care. But you already know all that..... I hope you get some much needed rest tonight to enable you to fight tomorrow’s battles x

Oh my- been out all day. I can only rehiterate what others have said and totally agree with the a*se kicking, big time.

For bowels, surely it is up to the DN- probably suppository of mini enema, and/or manual removal. This is definitely not one for you or family.

Hope for a good night tonight.

Lucky that took a lot of courage, and I take my hat off to you. I can only imagine how exhausting all this has been for you but you must be drawing some comfort from knowing that your DH is already feeling calmer and less confused now that he's home.

As Maw has said, you must do some serious ass-kicking now and make sure they don't all just turn their backs and leave you to it. Your D/N sounds as if she's behind you - hopefully she'll help in championing your needs.

I hope and pray that you will continue to find the strength to get through this nightmare. And please accept any and all help that is offered to you.

I hope things are going better today Lucky and they get the carers in before Tuesday.

luckygirl I am sure you have made the best decision for your DH. I pray you have the strength to cope and that help arrives soon. Good that your DDs are at hand to help. Good that DH is less confused.

I must admit I already feel done in. District nurse came and was v helpful, dealing with the pressure area problems that have resulted from his stay in hospital, and giving us loads of help and advice.

We have not yet faced the bowel opening problem - how I am going to manage that on my own I do not know. D/N says I need 2 carers at a time 3 times a day - hospital said he needs 1 to transfer - indeed that was one of the reasons why continuing care was refused. D/N is clear that he needs 2.

He is much less confused at home, thank goodness - very anxious, but knows where he is etc.

My back is killing me already - it is so hard to jet say no when he needs something. I know I am going to have to be firm.

He is seriously skin and bone - you can see all his tendons too, and his shins look like walking sticks. What sort of a life is it for him, poor man.

I continue to send kind thoughts to you, your DH and daughters......

This is definitely the best decision for your DH . I hope the care is provided sooner rather than later , I found the District Nurses to be very helpful and caring and they did not stop on weekends or Bank holidays !
Just make sure you take care of yourself xxxx

Wow lucky! Brave woman.

I bet you all rested more easily knowing your dh is safe at home.

As maw says, kick some a** to ensure it isn't just left to you now you gave assumed some responsibility.

What a nightmare but at least he is at home and is feeling more relaxed about that. Also he will get his medicines on time which was a major issue with PD which the last place did not grasp.

Hopefully there will be less paranoia as the days go by and he may be able to help ever so slightly when prompted.
You need rest and sleep but now the girls are at home if temporarily that may be achieved.

The NHS should not come to a halt over BHs so I would be nagging for more help.

I think you've made the best decision in the circumstances and taken control of the situation. As you say, things had become ridiculous. It makes me wonder if anybody ever qualifies for these systems that are supposed to support us when we need them.

I'm glad your OH had a good night. I'm sure he must have felt more settled and secure with you.

I hope you can find a good care agency. The first one we had for my FiL was OK but not brilliant and deteriorated. The second was only in place a fortnight but was miles better and much more caring. So don't be afraid to change if you're not happy with the service you're getting.

I hope you have an Easter weekend that is less stressfull than the recent weeks have been.

Sometimes direct action is the only way forward Luckygirl - brave woman though.
I think you could perhaps kick a*s just a bit today with the DN because you should not have to wait until Tuesday for an assessment of carer support. My experience was that public holidays need not impact the Care service.
I hope the fact that it is Easter weekend though means that your daughters can be with you (on a rota system if family needs make it hard) as you cannot and must not bear this alone.
Make sure the DN gives you the emergency out of hours DN service number too.

Oh Luckygirl, I am so sorry that you are having such a nightmare. At least you have your husband home and safe. I wish all the very best.

Thank you for all the supportive posts.

Here is the latest news..........yesterday things became ridiculous. The continuing health care bod rang to say that their preliminary finding was that OH does not qualify and they were going to have further consultations and ring me back on TUESDAY; after which, if the answer was still no, then they would try again with the Home First system (6 weeks of free care at home as a start-up) which was offered originally. So - that would probably add another week to his stay in hospital at least.

The girls and I did a 4 way phone call - I have no idea how that was engineered - and decided that we simply could not leave him on the ward for another 10 days or so, as his mental health has deteriorated so badly there.

To cut a long story short he arrived back here yesterday evening. I have a care agency manager coming on Tuesday to assess him for carer input and the girls are covering the interim.

He slept well last night and is using the bottle with prompts, which he was not doing in hospital.

We have got in loads of pads etc. and the district nurse is coming this morning.

We wait and see.