OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Thank goodness you held out lucky, a small step forward. Are there written records of these meetings? Could you ask for a copy of any notes? Evidence of what is said may help. Good to hear your husband’s sense of humour surfaces at times, but what a shame it’s all such a fight. Look after yourself. You are all often in my thoughts.

Lucky I hope they get the care in place soon. It sounds as if he is not being terribly well cared for.
There seems to be so little dignity afforded to the ailing and elderly. I found this with my parents.
I wish you the strength to keep going in your battles

oh my, yes a sense of humour is definitely required.

Any idea when he will be allowed home... if ? Get all the rest you can xxx

at home, sorry. They are both still in their own home.

wonderful!

As for your meeting - should it all be such a struggle? My friend who was overseas on a trip found that her mother had been discharged from hospital without a care package. She's in her 90s, has an older and frail DH home and they were told they could both make use of his care package. He does not have a care package.

Good to hear his humour is still there Lucky, you must be so tired of battling all the bureaucracy, hope things start to settle down a bit soon. You are a hero.

And to add a note of humour......

My OH is not a religious man, and a chaplain approached his bed and asked if there was anything he could do for him. OH shot back, quick as a flash, "Not unless you can ride a commode in my direction!" Chaplain retreated pdq!

It really cheered me up as it is the first glimpse of my real OH in 3 weeks.

The meeting went on for about 1.5 hours and I was pretty drained by the end! At the end the representative from the NHS side said she did not think OH qualified for NHS funding of his care; but the social worker disagreed.

In the end I said that I planned to seek advice on appealing if it was turned down and could they please tell me what would happen in the meantime about getting OH home with proper care. They started to backtrack then and said they would discuss it further and let me know.

They have agreed that, in any event, he qualifies for the free 6 weeks of intermediate care at home and are setting that in train. They offered this before but then withdrew the offer - they had jolly well better not do that again!

In fact OH was a little better today - he was less paranoid and the consultant thinks it was because they managed to get his bowels empty! If they had just given him his regular laxative as prescribed, he would not have been in a pickle with it. Consultant felt that the problem might recur and we could not guarantee that it might not continue in a fluctuating fashion.

Yesterday he tried to empty his bowels by hand by himself - today I gave him a shave and a wash and went to get his flannel from the bedrail where it was hanging to dry and it was covered in dried crap - hmmm.

We will have to see what next - but it was good to see him less fearful.

Hope the meeting goes well Lucky.

Bonne chance, with you all the way Lucky x

Good luck with the meeting

Wishing you well today Lucky

Sending strong vibes to you xxxx

from not for. Let us hope my brain is a bot sharper by the time I get there.

Thanks kitty - I have this dreaded grilling for the continuing care team this morning. I have no wish to go through all this as I feel utterly drained, but what else can I do?

Morning lucky. Hope things are ok with you and dh.

As momb said you can only do your best, there is no shame in not being able to cope with your Other Half's very complex needs. You must be quite clear with the medical team about your own capabilities. Please take care of yourself too.

Not sure if a bit of humour is acceptable Lucky - so hope you don't mind.

When I was first in digs in SW London. I told the family that at hope I kept my clothes at home in a beautiful walnut commode. They gave me that look - and it took me literally years before I knew why. In French a 'commode' is a chest of drawers (commode being an adjective that means 'practical and useful') xxx

Did you see the demo on how to use a commode lucky, - just wondering if you video'd it for our enjoyment!

Might it be possible to ask to meet his physio and O.T and demonstrate that with the best will in the world you will not be able to help him as they imagine?

It is indeed a mess ! the comode is a non starter , I remember getting oh on it , but no way could I get him off it , this was pre hoist days , and anyway I wasn;t allowed to use it ............ elf and safety !
I am/ was quite strong and an ex physio , so I could do a bit of lifting and transferring , but I doubt you could
The leaning back will not get better , you end up nearly carrying the poor man , and I think you are too frail
I think get yourself a stick and a few tears and tell them you CANNOT do it

Thank you for all your posts - I appreciate your concern and support.

mumofmadboys - the paranoia has only arisen since his fall and the surgery - he has been put on quetiapine which does seem to start to alleviate this about mid-afternoon. We already have hospital bed/air mattress and cushion/riser-recliner chair/shower rails/stools etc. etc. - and they have just delivered a wheeled commode to go over the toilet. I doubt he will ever go in the shower again now though - I guess someone (district nurse or carer) will have to bed bath him. This kit is all well and good but depends on me being able to use it - I could not wheel him on the commode for instance.

Baggs - your point is well made. The continuing care health funding has an initial checklist and he was marked "low need" on drugs administration as I would be there to do it. The assessment is meant to be based on his health needs, not on when I will or will not be there which is an irrelevance.

Today he was very paranoid in the morning, but slightly saner this evening. He is desperate to come home. His mobility is zilch without someone alongside, propping him up and maintaining his safety. He leans back when using the frame and is likely to fall backwards.

It is a catch 22 - he hates it in hospital; but I have no idea how I might cope when he comes home. What a mess.

Hope things are being sorted - sending good wishes your way xx

Indeed- true for sure.