OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Can't you just use it Lucky? The man in the video was quite strong though and able to pull himself up. I'd be inclined to use it and let them sign it off later! The carer's manager is having a weekend break and you need one too.

Ginny unfortunately Lucky's DH is not strong enough to pull himself up and there will also be a problem when he is on the bed again because it will take two to position him comfortably and properly. I cannot see it in use until Monday I am afraid.

My mother is bed/chair bound and has a similar stand-aid but your OHs looks better, and easier to use. It couldn't be used by her carers at home until they had been trained, obviously a safety requirement and my mother does need two carers. A useful tip from her carers was to get some puppy training sheets (don't laugh) for when her pads leak. They are much softer to lie on than regular inco ones. She has now been supplied with more absorbent night pads by community store, after much hassle and DN stating they were not available on NHS - they are. Everything seems such a hassle. She has only just been given an electric ripple type bed, after being at home with care for 17 months. Hope you have an easier time Lucky, and I hope your own health improves. It is so hard, more so when you are not fit yourself. Big hugs.

Thanks Lazigirl - I appreciate your ideas.

And I endorse the hassle bit - there is help available, but getting your hands on it is such a huge challenge. I spend vast quantities of time on the phone getting sent around in circles. There is a fatal flaw in the system and it is utterly exhausting. In fact in some ways it is more hassle than the actual care.

It's so disappointing to hear how you are struggling to get the support you need Lucky. It shouldn't be like this. You have shown amazing resolve in your efforts to get things done right, Let's hope the new aid will be operational from tomorrow. Fingers firmly crossed for you.

I listened to the enquiry into mental health care (or rather the lack of) in Leeds and it was a similar story, with families going round in circles and being left for months caring for very sick relatives.

Hugs for being brave.

Thanks Ginny - I do not feel very brave today; TBH I am not sure I can do this. Worse than the physical immobility and incontinence is his extraordinary anxiety. He just obsesses about the same things (usually relating to bodily functions) and talks about nothing else all day, all day, all day. I am worn out with it already.

Add in the crutches I am now having to use because of extremely painful knee and hip (replaced but always been hopeless), and I am quite beyond it all today. I am seriously considering live-in carers, which would wipe out our finances.

I just posted a message to you lucky but it’s not here - I wonder where I put it ?.
I am so sorry you have so much to cope with and that you have been badly let down in the NHS/SS department. Trying to look after someone when you are fit and well is one thing but when you are in such pain yourself and on crutches, it must be really hard. Hope you are provided with some form of help at home soon. Sounds as though you could do with some TLC yourself. Take care lucky ((hugs))

Oh Lucky it is a horrible situation to be in. I know what you mean about the anxiety and obsession with bodily functions as my dad used to be the same. Of course the more they stress about it the worse it gets. I really hope you can find a solution next week as you need to look after yourself. ((Hugs))

I can empathise about the on and on and on obsession , but that doesn't help , so hard to turn off or try to deflect his obsession I am afraid I used to take myself off to another room , or turn the tv up . I hope the carers are sympathetic .
I really can't understand why you have to hire them yourself , you need to get the SW to get you funding

Been travelling last couple of days and no internet.

How hard that is for all of you - and again, perhaps you should accept (and I don't say that lightly- I am sure this would be so hard) - that you are not able to take this full time caring rôle - without adequate support- either at home or in a specialised home.

I am so sorry this is being so hard for you- what do your DDs say- surely they must be aware this is impossible for you. xxxxx

Morning lucky. Just hoping you had a reasonable night. I wish we could be more help.

Thinking of you lucky. Does your DH's medication for anxiety need reviewing?

Luckygirl it sounds like both you and your husband are in a bad way. The GP has a duty of care. Call him/her out and let them see how bad things are for you and that you are now in such a state that it's hard for you to see how to continue. I don't know what they might do but any GP worth their salt would do something!

Looking back over the posts on this subject it has been going on for a month now. Surely someone in the health care sector can see the stress and exhaustion that poor Luckygirl is having to deal with apart from all the sheer hard work it takes to look after someone physcially let alone mentally.
Shame on our current welfare system for allowing this to happen in the 21st centuary!!!!

Luckygirl I'm sorry things are so difficult at present. It's hard to switch off when you are living with someone isn't it. Are you able to get out of the house for short periods even if its only to visit family or friends.
I think you need to get help sooner rather than later, you need to be honest with everyone and say its too much for you to do given your own health limitations.
momb had a good point about medication levels.
I too wish I could help but can only send thoughts and love,

I absolutely hated having to put my H into a care home but frankly it was the best thing I could have done.
Even after a few days people remarked how much better I looked and one said all the weight of my problems seemrd to have been lifted off my shoulders.
I had the huge advantage that my H didnt understand but he did know that I couldn't cope anymore, that message did get through.
You may have to think the unthinkable.
Please, please think hard and long.

That's a very kind post ann. A few of us have suggested that but without your experience to back it up. I hope lucky reads that and takes it to heart. Even a bit of respite would help, I think.

Respite would be a very good idea.
You will be able to recharge your batteries and have some decent nights sleep.
Even getting out and about.
If you arrange this yourself you will have to pay the full fees but I got SS involved after my H's stroke and they gave me 6weeks a year, heavily subsidised by them.

The others are right Lucky, you need respite because if you don't get support soon, you will need care too. Keep chipping away at the authorities however exhausting. It's inhuman to expect you to bear the burden of this situation alone. Live-in carers would be very expensive, but maybe you could have them for a little while just until you feel stronger again.

Hello Lucky, just checking that you're OK and managed to get some sleep. Hope your aches and pains are under control too.

Oh lucky I do feel for you both having such a frustrating and painful time. Not nearly as difficult as your situation but when caring for my MIL I learnt to use the carers’ visits as my “time off”. There were eventually four visits a day, the longest being the shower and morning dressing so I used to go out for a walk, pick up items from the corner shop. That half hour set me up for the day, having had half an ear open at night. The other visits were shorter, but I could have a quick shower, a quiet coffee and 10 minute crossword and/make a phone call. After MIL was in bed I would watch a recorded tv programme of my own choice and phone my DH ..... so the carers helped MIL but as long as they turned up I got my four little breaks, so they helped us both. Because she ate well, so did I. This is more difficult for you I know but do try to make quick easy meals eggs, or a piece of fish to keep you going. I wish you strength for the difficulties you are facing.

Thank you for your kind posts.

My DD is coming over later tomorrow so I can go to the garden centre and buy some plants for the containers on the decking - I am really looking forward to this!

I have to get to town for an x-ray to my knee and hip first thing tomorrow. The carers will be here for most of the time, and I will just have to try and get back as speedily as I can. They will leave him in the chair, well padded-up and with his lifeline on - it is far from ideal, but there is nothing else I can do. There is no-one else to be here at that time of day, as girls are all taking children to school. Fingers crossed. He does not try and get up as he cannot. I will tell the reception at x-ray the situation and try and get through quickly. I cannot postpone the x-ray as I am in a lot of pain and need to get tings sorted asap.

We looked at a local home and the room was pretty dingy - I knew he would not settle there. I would have felt so guilty. It was not tenable. I do not know what the future holds - his prognosis is so vague and, to put it crudely, I do not know how long this situation might go on; and the decision as to what can be coped with does to some degree depend on how long it is likely to continue.

Someone is coming tomorrow to look at the possibility of a conveen - I sent off for some night pads and had to laugh when I opened them - they look about right for an elephant rather than my 6 stone OH! But we will give them a go and see what happens.

Oh lucky. it’s not getting any easier is it? I hope this isn’t intrusive but was it the home that was dingy or that particular room? Just wondering if there may be a better room available soon. Your own physical health limits what’s possible and is so important. Of course you must go for the x-ray, it’s essential. You’ve made good provision for your husband. Hope you get a quiet night, the garden centre visit tomorrow sounds just right. Take care.

The room offered to my dad was needing painted. We took the room on condition it would be done ASAP - he moved in, settled for a week and slept in a different room for a night while they painted and replaced the carpet. It only needed one coat but they did two coats and it made all the difference. The smell of paint didn’t bother him, in fact it freshened the whole place. Main thing was the kindness of the staff.

Maintenance did the work so no need to wait for contractors.