OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Enjoy your day being out with your girls, you need this time with them. So lovely that someone has recognised how hard you've been working to provide care and is prepared to step in and help. A true friend. xx

Have a great day out Luckygirl. One to really enjoy today.

Have a super day lucky. Dh will be fine.

enjoy your trip - your DH will be cared for and will be fine

Lovely day - on trains for much of the time with 2 of my lovely DDs and looking out on rolling hills and fields and swathes of may blossom - and lambs and calves. Just beautiful.

And we all enjoyed DD1 in her show - she is a classical singer and this was her first venture into musical theatre and she threw herself into it with gusto - it was wonderful to watch. She is rather tired now though! Brief sojourn at their lovely home with the GC - then back on the train again. Tiring but very worthwhile day.

OH seems OK - much as usual and none the worse for being "abandoned."

Well done Lucky!

Glad you managed to do that, lucky.

So pleased to read you had your day out Lucky. I'm sure this will have recharged your batteries, so to speak. And you sorely needed that!

That sounds like a lovely day out. Your DH has been OK so now a precedent has been set. Where to next? It would be nice for you to have another outing to look forward to.

I am so pleased the day went well.

So pleased that you have had a day out

I echo jane's sentiments, lucky!

I hope your temporary respite has given you that “shot in the arm “ you needed luckygirl and shown you that it is possible to occasionally put yourself or others in the family, first. Well done!

Lucky, so glad to hear that you had a much needed day out. Hope it has re-charged your batteries a little, and hearing that you can get the benefit of a few hours care from the PD society is good news.

Bad day today - conveen has come off twice and he has also soiled himself - I am on the 5th batch of washing and he is down to having to wear pyjama trousers. I am in a great deal of pain with my knee and can barely walk. Girls and I are planning to have a talk about it all when DD3 is here next week. I have said that it is not working put well for me - and OH's life is lacking in quality too - and I want to discuss the idea of 1:3 relief care somewhere so that I at least have a week of rest ahead of me.

I am a bit pissed off about the knee business as it is 6 weeks since I first went to the doc about it - I waited 2 weeks for an x-ray appt, then 2 weeks for the results to get to GP, and then another 2 weeks waiting to see doc to discuss the results - I see her on Thurs. In the meantime it has just got lots worse. It is so painful and I am on crutches now. Five loads of washing and hanging stuff out while on crutches and in pain is a challenge.

Oh Luckygirl, what a shame. Do hope that things improve rapidly. I really think you need to think about full time care for your DH. You are of no use to him crippled or dead and to be honest that is what happens so many times. Quality of life for you both is the optimum!

I have just broached subject of relief care in a nursing home for a week and I am being given hell. I did not want to discuss it with the girls without first mentioning it to him - it seemed deceitful. Hmm.

Lucky all I can say is I am sorry but not surprised. He can only see it from his point of view- he cannot understand how you feel - unfortunately he is at the stage where he can only think of himself and his needs.

You have to do whatever is necessary to remain relatively sane. You cannot continue doing the housework and using crutches.

I second everything Charleygirl said!
He's not himself. When he was younger and fitter don't you think he'd be horrified at how he's behaving now? Don't let his current unreasonable personality get to you. It really is time those daughters of yours stepped up. Trying to do such heavy work while on crutches and in pain is completely unreasonable.

Have you told him how painful your knee is and how bad you feel? I bet you haven’t because you are a complete trooper and doing your level best for the man you love, but Charleygirl5 is right, he can only think of himself. Harden your heart and be brutally honest with him.

Do you have a local Hospice? They may well do relief care on a regular basis.

A Hospice sounds a good idea and one that may be worth exploring Luckygirl. They do respite care for some conditions, apart from cancer here. All I can say is what others have said. Your OH will have changed since he became more debilitated and is probably in self preservation mode and can only think of his own needs. For your own physical and mental health you have to prioritise and look after yourself. Otherwise you will end up knackered and bitter. I know how difficult it is to deal with the guilt but you have to be kind to yourself.

Ye gods Lucky. Charley has put it so well. Your husband is unable to see beyond his own needs and is being (though not his fault) entirely selfish. Please don’t feel you are being deceitful, just go along with the plan you have in mind. The girls will agree. Get a plan in place and DH will have to accept it. Otherwise he won’t have you to look after him at all !!

I can only agree with others lucky, hard though it is you have to think of yourself. You are both equally important as are your needs. Please be honest with the doctor. Accept all the help there is available and yes, respite care is essential, your health simply doesn’t permit you to continue as you are.

I second everything Charleygirl and others have said.
You cannot carry on like this, Luckygirl - quite honestly I don't think this is your DH talking - it is his illness and he is not being rational.