OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Lucky you can't go on like this !
In spite of his protests he will be better cared for 24hours if in a Nursing home and you can spend time visiting , sounds as if he is miserable any way ..... sorry to be blunt xxxxxxx

I think it's a good idea lucky. And jane's suggestion not to say too much in advance about plans is good.

It is advice given regularly by the Alzheimer's Society and might well be relevant to your dh.

It is different with dementia than when they are still "with it" mentally.
I never told my H until I started packing his bag a couple of hours before.
I would say he was going for a little break as we both needed one.
I could also tell him it was for a couple of days as time meant nothing to him.

OH is not demented - just a bit muddled and lacking in empathy - things are so grim for him that he only has enough brain space to survive from minute to minute. He does get mixed up about some things, but this is partly a feature of his anxiety - he will ask the same things over and over again.

I think you are right aggie - but hard to achieve as his wish to be at home is so strong - I understand it of course.

But lucky's husband gets stressed in a similar way to some Alzheimer's patients.

A slightly different subject. Are you aware that you can receive a 25% discount for DH on council tax because of the severity of his Parkinsons and he is I hope receiving an Attendance Allowance. It can also be backdated.

I have sent an email to the council and awaiting a reply about council tax. I saw something about this in the Radio Times money section. Apparently it can be back-dated to when AA was first granted - that is quite a while ago. So - fingers crossed. Every little helps, as they say.

Lucky. I read your postings with admiration for the way in which you continue to cope. Sometimes it sounds as though you will be overwhelmed with it all. Please don’t think we are hard in suggesting that you very dear husband, goes into residential care, before you beat him to it. Sorry, not meaning to be trite, but you are doing so much, and becoming worn out in the process. Take care of yourself.

I agree with every word Auntieflo says. At the present rate, you will be sharing a double room because it is getting too much for you.

Any money is better off in your pocket than with the council.

Lucky, a big hug for you. Yesterday a close friend confided in me that her GP is pretty sure her DH has Parkinson's and having followed your thread I now know what she's possibly facing. Fortunately she is a strong woman too, but it's a challenge even to the very strong to just keep keeping on. You are so brave. xx

Yes, it seem to me auntiflo is sadly right *lucky, it won’t help your husband if you break so please do seriously consider at least respite. Love to you both.

I have just got back from being away Lucky and sad to read that things are not getting better.

The most sensible advice I have read on here is from Ann. I am afraid you are going to be brutal with your DH and at least get him in for respite care. He may find he feels more secure there as there is always help on hand. I was lucky with my parents because after cleaning up both of them several times in the night my dad realised that they weren't managing and asked me to find somewhere for them to go.

You will enjoy your DH so much more if you can just visit without providing the care. He will also be so much safer and you can rest. It is a hard decision I know but you need to look after yourself.

Sending you love and best wishes.

So difficult - he wants to be at home more than anything - in fact it is really the only thing he wants. Everything else just drifts by him.

Lucky being totally brutal, there is no point DH being at home and you have been hospitalised having succumbed from sheer exhaustion and tiredness. He is not thinking straight and if he were, he would not wish this life for you.

I echo charley's post, lucky. What would happen if you go under? DH would have to go into respite in a panic.

It's a hard decision but it seems the best thing for you.

What do your girls think?

What a dilemma Lucky. I really feel for you.

I can imagine it is quite easy for any person caring long term for a loved one to become both exhausted, physically and mentally - and then resentful. It's no life, is it, even though you continue to do your best for your OH.

And there must be an awful lot of guilt too, because you know your dear OH wants to be at home.

I really feel for you. I cared for my old Mum for many years and I know it took its toll, even though I loved her dearly. Please do try to escape the home front if and when you can. You have received so much good advice here and I cannot really add to it other than to say look after yourself and rest when time allows.

Very difficult for you Lucky, better your DH gets care in a home that is chosen by you than being plonked wherever there is room when you have compromised your own health and can no longer manage. I think it is very selfish to insist on being at home.

Lucky charleygirl and others make a good point. There’s no point in your feeling guilty and then ending up ill yourself. Professional care 24/7 is the only way to go. I can’t speak from experience but it does seem logical.

Can we say he's being selfish? He's frightened and wants to be with familiar things around him where he feels safe. That's not to say that Lucky has to be with him 100% of the time. She's entitled to have a life. She needs to carry on with her interests and get meaningful respite to allow her relaxation for body and mind and doing things she enjoys so much.

The lack of good sustained support for both patient and carer is what makes this situation unbearable for Lucky and her OH. Without it, I fear she will be ill too and that would be travesty after all the caring she has done and the diligence with which she has fought for quality care for him. Take good care of yourself Luckygirl. Warm wishes. xx

I reached the end of my tether a bit yesterday with all the non-stop demands; but today I am travelling by train with two DDs to Cheshire to watch another DD perform in a show!!! I have made extensive arrangements with SIL's and care agency to make sure OH has the care he needs. He is not happy, but it has to be done. Today will cost me a lot of money in carers, fares and tickets, but I will try and suppress the £ signs whizzing past my eyes and just enjoy!!

I was very touched yesterday when someone I relate to in a semi-professional capacity offered out of the blue to come and stay with OH if ever I needed to get away - I was gobsmacked that it was her who came up with this rather than people I consider to be close friends. She has "been there" herself so knows the score.

The PD society are offering me 9 hours free care a month and this will be a true blessing as I will be able to go to my choir each week in September.

Have a great day out, Lucky girl!

That is very hard Luckygirl. Look after yourself.
Have a virtual hug.

It's amazing how you find out who your true friend are when the chips are down. Sounds like you're finding a new way of living and coping. If you can afford to, spend what it takes to buy you some life quality. I'm sure you have saved for a 'rainy day', well this is it! Have a lovely day away and try to really enjoy it. You deserve to.

Have a lovely day out with your DDs xxxxx

Today will be so good for you lucky, you need this break and most certainly deserve it. The 9 hours from the PD society will be a constant for you, accept all the help that’s offered, no matter where it’s from. Sending love.