OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

It's lovely to hear (see?) you so relaxed, Lucky.

Enjoy yourself Lucky!

Guilt serves no purpose here Lucky- glad you have had a good sleep and rest. Perhaps you can miss a day every 3- and then every other day. xxx

I have just returned from the hospice and he is very settled there - I think he feels secure that his needs will be met as soon as they arise and by kind people who really care. I was talking to him about what care we need to organise for when he comes home; and he said that he would like to stay where he is - that is reassuring in the sense that I know he is content, but of course he cannot stay there and I need to be starting to sort out what happens when he comes home - probably in about 2 weeks. He is veering towards the idea of live-in care, as he has had an opportunity to see how much better it is when his needs can be met when needed rather than when a carer is due to get here.

Lots of thinking to be done, but it is a great relief that he is happy there.

That's great Luckygirl. What a relief for you. I hope there really isn't any pressure for him to return home too soon. The staff will be able to carry out a good assessment of his care needs from having to meet them rather that a private company trying to assess by form filling or according to what staff they have available.

Great news - could he really not stay there?

Yes - it is good; but there was also a sense of sadness that in a way he is now ready to detach himself from normal home life and to become a "patient", a "cared-for- person." Such a huge move away from the man I married; and the man who has been fighting his corner to be normal again.

Some of the changes that come our way with time seem so harsh sometimes.

But he is happy and we can all rest easy knowing that he is not unhappy for the first time in a very long time. He is a different man - but he is a content man.

Hospices really don’t have the bed space for protracted stays and I am delighted Luckygirl was indeed fortunate enough get respite care for her DH.
Our local hospice is excellent but even with terminally ill patients, cannot usually admit them -except sometimes for pain management - for longer than two weeks, which can sometimes mean that a patient is only just able to be admitted for the very end of life care.

Was just wondering, if he is content and settled- thanks for clarifying MB.

Indeed he cannot stay over about 2 weeks - there are so many others in need of this care; and I was quite surprised that he was offered this bed. They will not discharge him till care is organised; but I will obviously do my very best to sort this as speedily as possible as I want to play fair with them as they have been so kind.

If only we could replicate that level of care in a residential or nursing home, but I doubt this would be possible.

How does that work if you opt for live in care? How many carerers are needed to provide 24/7 care? Does each carerer work a 24 hour shift or several days and another works nights?
Just curious as I've never had to think about this. LuckyGirl's situation has been a real eye-opener for me.
And of course there have been many other GNers in the same situation. I have a lot of admiration for all of you. I can only hope when or if I have to deal with this I will be as strong as all of you are and not fall apart.

Different agencies have different ways of doing things PageTurner.

With the one I am looking at you interview various carers by phone and skype (as it is a national agency) and then choose one to come on a week's trial. If it works out, then they stay for 4 weeks and then have a week off while the agency send a sub for that week. Then the primary carer returns, and so on.

The carer is entitled to 2 hours free time during daylight hours each day.

The cost is on a par with nursing home or residential home care.

Lots to think about as it would be a huge life change. The loss of privacy would be the biggest factor; but there would be several gains: consistency of care (at the moment a team of about 8 are bobbing in and out, and they all do stuff differently), flexibility of care (currently he has to have the care at the times booked which means he has to get up/go to bed/go to loo according to the schedule rather than when he wants to), and it would also mean I could leave the house for social and other activities without having to book extra care in advance.

There is a lot to think about.

*Luckygirl*, thanks for taking the time to answer my questions.
Yes, there is much to think about. I do hope you are able to have the good care for your DH and time for yourself as well. ???

Well - I have taken the plunge. The first live-in carer arrives tomorrow. It is a leap in the dark and I am very anxious about how it will work out in every way - financially too, which is a huge worry.

But he will have continuity of care rather than the succession of different carers trouping in and out; and I will have the freedom to leave the house without having to work at finding alternative care for him.

SSD will only contribute a small proportion of the cost of the level of care that they deem necessary; which will certainly not include live-in care. It is going to drain us dry; but we have to try this in the interests of us both remaining sane.

I send you every good wish that this is going to work well for you.
Only those of us who have been there know just what an horrendous time it is.
We want to care for our loved ones but the strain , physically and mentally , becomes too much.

Thanks Ann - that is much appreciated. x

Thinking of you- onwards and forwards, big positive step forwards xxx

Hope all goes really well.

I hope this works out well for you and your OH. A settled period of time, without having to chase around trying to organise care or worry about it, should do you the world of good. Caring for my FiL was not nearly so hard, fortunately, but it showed me a lot of the problems. Best wishes.

All the best for tomorrow onwards Lucky. ???

Every good wish for this to work for you and your dear OH . As Annsixty says you need to have been there to understand xxx

I hope that this all works out well for you both, Luckygirl.

Hope this works for you Lucky

Hope the rest has helped your knee and your DH has had a good break too. Good luck tomorrow.

Hope it goes well lucky, it sounds like you feel you owe it to both of you to at least give it a go. Having had the respite break from the hospice you're going into it in a better place than you were previously which can only be good.