OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

I am so sorry Luckygirl that things have reached this point, but however difficult you need to prioritise yourself now when decision making. There is very little choice, and am sure this is what you would be saying to a close friend if it were them? SueDonim I am sorry about your sister and this should never have happened as she was obviously a clear case for Continuing Health Care. Trouble is, many are, similar to Lucky's OH, and obstacles are put in place in obtaining it because the government wont adequately fund it. Very unfair.

It is indeed all so unfair - and the fact that whole law firms have been set up to try and stop the health authority cheating the public speaks volumes.

I have taken on board all the advice I have been given to keep my head above water in the midst of this sadness - this is why I have gone for the live-in care, in spite of the cost and the financial difficulties it will cause. I am able to be out there and playing a part in the local community and this feels very important to me. Without it, and with life totally dedicated to all the unhappiness that is my OH's illness, I would undoubtedly sink.

I am off to school this afternoon to represent the governors in a meeting of new parents for September. I will come back refreshed know.

I know!

The Government can’t fund it ,it would be an impossible financial burden, UNTIL, we are prepared to pay more tax all of our working lives to fund care for those who really need it in later life.
If everyone in care had all their funding paid ,the country would be bankrupt.
I have been in this situation myself with my H so I do know just how hard it is.
Hospices are still charities relying on funding from donations.
Patients in hospitals are treated differently, but they almost use bullying tactics to get relatives to move loved ones to nursing homes where they will be paying for the care.
It is an impossible situation and unfixable in the short term.
Only unpopular moves by a caring government will change things for the future.

It is such a lottery. My poor Dad died quite suddenly after a few days of illness. He had saved so carefully for his old age in case he had to pay for long term care. On the other hand my poor MiL lingered cruelly for three years. It's so hard to know how best to prepare for old age financially. Increased national insurance? It is an actuarial gamble after all.
Good luck at your school board meeting luckgirl. Hope your knee feels better.

IT is indeed a lottery Jane10 and depends whether you become incapacitated in old age or not. As we live longer with more disabilities it will become worse. I have so much respect for you annsixty and others with first hand experiences of the hardship entailed. I do not believe it it impossible for a government, with the will, to reorganise the health care system, and have a joined up social and NHS care, where there can be a maximum limit for care costs. In an affluent country such as ours this can be paid for by a fair system of taxation, and for example a social care levy. It depends on our priorities. It shouldn't be a lottery. Sorry doesn't help Lucky's situation right now.

Just thought I would feed back on the live-in care situation, in case anyone else ever feels the need.

We had the first carer for just over 2 weeks - an interesting lady, tri-lingual and very Mediterranean in her fieriness. We now have carer 2 and she is a strange person altogether; early 40s, and appears to have no home and literally lives out of one suitcase, going from live-in to live-in and from one hotel to another; and in her long breaks she volunteers in an orphanage in Haiti. Certainly rather unexpected, but she is very efficient indeed in meeting OH's care needs. She just sits in her room in between bursts of activity. I suspect she is on the autistic spectrum, but seems to have made a satisfying life for herself. I am trying to make her feel at home as she is doing a good job with OH and will do anything at all you ask of her. She has just changed my bed for me, which is a godsend.

It does feel odd having these strangers in and around the house, but it is all part of life's rich pattern, and an unexpected turn of events in our lives, which we have to accept in order that OH should get proper care. He is a bit better than he was last week when he thought I was trying to poison him and threatened me with his grabber. We have been jiggling the meds about to try and improve this.

Tomorrow I am going to look into the possibility that I might be able to get legal representation over health funding via my house insurance policy.

annsixty you are of course right that the health services cannot afford to fund all those to whom it has a legal obligation. The whole system is a mess, but no political party is willing to get a grip on it.

Looks like it is working for you Lucky, I hope you get help with the expense , it is not as if you and OH has a chance of paying forever .
When , not if , you are broke surely SS will have to fund your and OHs care , there fore more expensive I would have thought

Thanks for the update Luckygirl. I was wondering how things were with you.
It does sound like an odd sort of life for your live in carer but it sounds like it suits her and she's good at it.
Good idea to check the house insurance for potential legal funding. Fingers crossed ?

I'm glad your dh's condition is settling down, Luckygirl. A friend of ours with PD had live-in carers this year, after being widowed suddenly last year. They've been an interesting bunch! They have all been very efficient and organised, I've been impressed.

Sadly, our friend died this weekend after a very recent diagnosis of a brain tumour .

I'm sorry about your friend, SueDonim

Lucky thank you for the update. I'm so pleased that it is working out well for you both. That must be a huge relief. I hope you find financial help quickly.

Luckygirl. I am glad you have found a workable compromise. I have an acquaintance who is a live in carer and speaks sincerely and warmly about those she looks after. It sounds as if you are both being looked after and that makes it better than residential care for your DH. I truly hope that the knowledge that you have been and continue to do your utmost helps you.

Thank you for taking the time to update us lucky. Interesting carers indeed but such a relief. Look after yourself. I’ll be interested to hear if your house insurer legal cover will be able to support you.

Thank you for your update Lucky I think this topic is of interest to many people who need to be cared for but don't like the option of residential care. Hope things continue to improve for you and your husband.

I'm so pleased that live in care is working for you Lucky. What an interesting thought about your house insurance cover, I hope that comes up trumps. Oh dear, the T word has unpleasant connotations now .

Thank you, Kittylester

SueDonim - an interesting bunch indeed! I am sorry that your friend died this weekend; but glad to hear that the care was good.

Yesterday threw up another financial difficulty in that the decking which surrounds our bungalow (vital as the ground drops away steeply) is in need of repair and I got a quote - very scary, but it will have to be done.

Social worker coming to do assessment this morning. OH very anxious about this. If they assess his care needs as sufficiently high - and how can they not? - we might get a small contribution towards the cost.....but I doubt it.

Luckygirl how is your knee? Make sure it’s really bad when the social worker comes! Seriously I do hope it is a bit easier.

Hope that the SW visit is positive for you.
I continue to send kind thoughts to you and your DH

Everything crossed for the SW visit Lucky. I agree with Midgey!

If you have a pair of crutches or eg use a walking stick outdoors, meet the SW at the door using whatever you use outdoors.

Good luck.

I have been thinking of you, wishing you all the best for the SW visit and a positive outcome.

All the very best for todays SW visit

Hope the visit is successful.