OH has fractured femur - not a good situation

Luckygirl. I am sorry to hear of your situation and hope things improve regarding your husband’s care. ?

When my H fell and I couldnt pick him up I did have to call the ambulance service
I had carecall but as my H was on Apixaban, he had to go to be checked over in case of a bleed ,so carecall would ring an ambulance anyway.
This did happen several times and we had at least 3 x2 hour waits mostly at night or the early morning.
It is just what happens.
The only time we got a swift response was when he had a stroke and the wait was less than 30 mins.

My friends sister was subjected to physical attacks more than once when she wouldn't let her H have the car keys, neighbours intervened and once the police were called.

He was only taken into care, respite, when she fell and was admitted to hospital with a broken shoulder and other injuries.
It was then realised how bad he was and he never came home.
He is still in care, she has since died.

This situation is happening all over the country everyday .
It takes a tragedy or near tragedy to bring attention to it..
There is no answer presently.

My heart goes out to luckygirl as she knows.

Thank you for the update lucky.

I was going to say the same as jane.

I worry for your health.

I'm being objective here but what happens in a crisis? Eg what if he attacks you while in the throes of a paranoid delusion? Or falls and neither of you can get him up! Something would have to be done but where does the buck stop? Would it be a matter of calling the police (if attacked) or an ambulance (if a fall)? What would happen then? Your situation is one of constant potential crisis- as you well know! Who would have to pick up the pieces?

A little update for all those who have been kind enough to help prop me up over the last months......

OH spent 2 weeks in the hospice where he settled happily and was very well looked-after by the kindest of people. He came home about 10 days ago and we have employed a live-in carer, who is excellent, but will only be with us for another week, before she leaves for the summer.

The agency is being a bit slow in finding a replacement for her. They sent us one profile yesterday - a lady with all the right experience, but who was so offhand on the phone that we rejected her.

Unfortunately OH has developed paranoid delusions (he thinks I am trying to kill him) and hallucinations (there are people in the room) - but we are treating this and trying to keep it under control. Physically he is no better at all.

It is a huge challenge for me to be making big financial decisions in order to get his care funded.....do I invest/gamble £6000 in solicitors' fees to challenge the health authority's refusal to grant continuing health care funding? (there are firms of solicitors who specialise in nothing but challenging these decisions - amazing - law firms set up to specifically stop health authorities cheating the public!) The gains could be huge - or it could become a huge loss. Do I let our savings run down (very quickly!) and go for equity release to cover care costs?

The person I would usually discuss these things with is my OH............

SSD are useless - their assessment of his care needs is laughable; and always that underlying assumption that I will be here and doing the bulk of it rather than concentrating on his needs. The amount of money that they might contribute to his care is based on their laughable assessment of need; and they expect him to contribute most of it - I worked out that going down that route would gain us £35 a week - a total drop in the ocean in this context.

Lots of difficult decisions. What an iniquitous system.

I've just caught up with this, lucky. I wish you well too.

Is dh home already?

Just caught up lucky. I know it’s early days but hope its so far so good for you all.

I hope it works out well Luckygirl and that the Carer is good and bonds with your OH (and you). Hopefully it will relieve you to get out and about and give you a lot of support. It is sad that it's so unaffordable for most, or that it drains life savings, as in your case, as many of us or/and our loved ones may lose independence and need care as we age. It's the luck of the draw I guess. Do you want to change your name Lucky

I hope it works out well for you all, Luckygirl.

Not quite the same situation but a friend with PD whose wife died suddenly now has a live-in carer. He tried a nursing home, a very posh one, but it drove him bananas and he took himself home and arranged for carers.

They come for about six months at a time, mostly from South Africa (I'm not sure why that is), and so far it's working ok. We, his friends, were a bit concerned that he'd be taken advantage of, being quite vulnerable, but they all seem conscientious and he is well looked after. He gets out and about a lot which is excellent.

Bon courage Luckygirl - you know where I am if I can be of any help. Xx

Just adding my best wishes

Hope it goes well lucky, it sounds like you feel you owe it to both of you to at least give it a go. Having had the respite break from the hospice you're going into it in a better place than you were previously which can only be good.

Hope the rest has helped your knee and your DH has had a good break too. Good luck tomorrow.

Hope this works for you Lucky

I hope that this all works out well for you both, Luckygirl.

Every good wish for this to work for you and your dear OH . As Annsixty says you need to have been there to understand xxx

All the best for tomorrow onwards Lucky. ???

I hope this works out well for you and your OH. A settled period of time, without having to chase around trying to organise care or worry about it, should do you the world of good. Caring for my FiL was not nearly so hard, fortunately, but it showed me a lot of the problems. Best wishes.

Hope all goes really well.

Thinking of you- onwards and forwards, big positive step forwards xxx

Thanks Ann - that is much appreciated. x

I send you every good wish that this is going to work well for you.
Only those of us who have been there know just what an horrendous time it is.
We want to care for our loved ones but the strain , physically and mentally , becomes too much.

Well - I have taken the plunge. The first live-in carer arrives tomorrow. It is a leap in the dark and I am very anxious about how it will work out in every way - financially too, which is a huge worry.

But he will have continuity of care rather than the succession of different carers trouping in and out; and I will have the freedom to leave the house without having to work at finding alternative care for him.

SSD will only contribute a small proportion of the cost of the level of care that they deem necessary; which will certainly not include live-in care. It is going to drain us dry; but we have to try this in the interests of us both remaining sane.

*Luckygirl*, thanks for taking the time to answer my questions.
Yes, there is much to think about. I do hope you are able to have the good care for your DH and time for yourself as well. ???

Different agencies have different ways of doing things PageTurner.

With the one I am looking at you interview various carers by phone and skype (as it is a national agency) and then choose one to come on a week's trial. If it works out, then they stay for 4 weeks and then have a week off while the agency send a sub for that week. Then the primary carer returns, and so on.

The carer is entitled to 2 hours free time during daylight hours each day.

The cost is on a par with nursing home or residential home care.

Lots to think about as it would be a huge life change. The loss of privacy would be the biggest factor; but there would be several gains: consistency of care (at the moment a team of about 8 are bobbing in and out, and they all do stuff differently), flexibility of care (currently he has to have the care at the times booked which means he has to get up/go to bed/go to loo according to the schedule rather than when he wants to), and it would also mean I could leave the house for social and other activities without having to book extra care in advance.

There is a lot to think about.