Black dog gang

Nonnie

(Annie too)

If anyone is still up, goodnight to you and wishing you peaceful sleep. I've been struggling today, was with my 88 year old mum and brothers and have come back to my empty house and feel desperately alone. It would be so much harder without my beloved animals (cat and dog). Tomorrow will come and life goes on. Just finding it so hard to find any point to it right now but knowing you are all out there helps. Nite nite x

Maggie.....no doubt you're tucked up in bed now, at least I hope you are.
I'm so glad you have your pets, they're so precious arnt they?
I'm sorry you're struggling and I hope tomorrow will be better for you.

Namsnanny thank you so much, my doggie is tucked up beside me. Sleep well.

Good night to all sleep well. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you Maggie.. and for every one else..

Night night everyone too ... sweet dreams xx

Good morning all

dragonfly bank holiday today and then not another until
August x

Maggie coming home to an empty house is something which I dislike too.

Every morning I look on line at a local site, read what’s going on in the town and think ‘ when I beat this agoraphobia I can join that or I can go back there again. Yesterday I just thought ‘ I will never do that or go there again’, this is what depression can do to us.

Hi Maggie
I hope you did get a good sleep. I like going to bed at night because I am generally proud of myself that l got through the day with different emotions pulling at me and for someone who suffers from anxiety there are often hard things to be faced.
I do find the early morning time very lonely because I have to face the day and all it brings. Great to be able to say that albeit in Cyberspace but to real people. Loneliness is a part of anxiety. You did ask what age my son is Maggie. He is in his early 20's and will leave home as is natural when finished studying .We all have so many parts to our lives and it is not easy to get all the parts right.
I hope you find some joy in today Maggie. Nature l find is a great consolation. Very best from Dawn

Morning all.. Annie I am I reading right you sound like you are giving in. You can and will get back out there things are not too good for you at the mo, it can only get bettter, I think about yesterday and then I know it can only get better... I went to see my dear friend, she is home and getting stronger, we talked we laughed we cried it was good, it helped us both so much, hopefully today she will be a little bit better then yesterday. We are all friends on let’s keep talking.. Annie stay strong.. sending you a big big hug ??

MaggieTulliver, you are marvellous to be carrying all that emotional burden. Thank God for your animals!

Morning all. Annie 'my inspiration' you WILL get back there - or to somewhere just as good! Keep thinking of that lovely Welsh coast but baby steps! How long ago is it that you couldn't get into your garden? and to all of us struggling things can only get better!

Joce so happy for you that you enjoyed your visit to your friend , it’s good that you can both look to fighting back and share it with each other x

I haven’t given up but need to change my thinking ( change the thought and you change the feeling) . Looking at the local site yesterday I saw ‘the peace garden ‘, I was involved with the birth of it, a piece of ground in town , it now has shrubs, flowers, seats, for people just to go to and sit and enjoyed the peace . Then the local Family History group’s meetings, I use to be a member , all those things which I
miss , but between me and all that is - the bridge . And I haven’t walked to the end of the front path yet. So I need to
concentrate on the area around my bungalow and not the other side of the bridge. ?

eilyann having a lightbulb moment , be back soon x

Morning all. Annie you mention your experience with 'Mother's little helpers' (as per Mick Jagger) well I wanted my GP to prescribe them, instead he recommended counselling which I refused. Instead I turned to alcohol which eventually was getting out of hand. I managed to stop immediately thanks to an unrelated health scare. So maybe I should have/should accept the doctor's suggestion. My grown up children live abroad ( don't say a lot for my mothering skills!) at the time it broke my heart but as I knew then, there are a lot of people worse off than myself. Great to come on here and say it as it is. Hope you will have a decent kind of day.

Dawn, thank you so much. I did sleep well and have just done a long dog walk and spoke to a nice stranger. Being in nature is uplifting, you're right. Hopefully, even though our children leave home, there will always be a bond. Annie you're spot on about how our thoughts affect our feelings. I've done loads of CBT but sadly it hasn't clicked yet....Alexa, thank you for your encouraging words, means a lot.

Aww Annie I wish I could express my thoughts and feelings the way you do.. I really wish I could give you words of comfort like you do for all us. I do need to change my thoughts and feelings, like you say Annie.. I think I have that much going round in my crazy head there don’t seem much hope for me. One min I am ok then booom some thought pops up and it’s there again the big C. Why ! I just don’t no like many on hear, if I did I would be living not feeling like I do ...you are so strong for us all Annie. Keep going in your garden and you will get across the bridge I hope... x

Another Bank Holiday! I'm sending friendly thoughts to all of you who find holidays as difficult as I do.
I decided to keep busy and have spent the whole weekend in the garden, cutting grass, weeding, painting the fence etc.
It has helped a little. I'm going outside in a minute to paint the garden bench.

Joce, could have written your post. I think just knowing that we're not alone in the way you think/feel helps so much and makes one feel less isolated. So you've really helped me

BlueSky my love, do I understand, my darling daughter ‘self medicated’! She was stressed went to her GP and his advice was ‘you are doing too much, in the evening relax with a glass of wine’ , he handed her a death sentence. If only he had referred her then the bi polar would have been recognised. Mother skills ? My elder daughter is dead and my younger daughter moved a five hour drive away , they were my greatest joy,

Try anything ,not ‘mothers little helpers’, thank God they are not handed out now as they use to be, I am so against Valium . Some benefit from anti depressants, some from counselling, I am having DMDR therapy, Wednesday a Reiki
Appointment. The most important thing is don’t give up, if one treatment doesn’t work try another .

Joce I am Welsh, why use one word when you can use ten ?, you give much to us here, please don’t think you don’t x

Thoughts and fears kept in are damaging, we have no problem in sharing happy thoughts , why not share unhappy thoughts. X

Maggie I was once asked ‘which came first , the thought or the feeling ‘ I ask myself this and find it’s the thought .

Example - pain in the abdomen, thought ‘I have appendicitis , hospital, operation ‘ panic. Or ‘I have wind, where are the rennies’ . If there were two words I would like to erase from the world ‘- ‘what if’ . My son in law use to call me ‘what if’ ?,

Thanks Annie bless you! You always have time for others! Good advice again from you...xx

Thanks Maggie . I don’t know about you but every thing every pain is the worst case for me .. Annie I don’t think I would be so bad if I thought that. With me it’s is pain in leg it the big C. Not that I hit it on the chair yesterday. Spot on my arm it that. My mind just goes into overdrive then I can’t stop it no matter how I try.. I don’t think it will ever go, but if I can just learn to live with it .. yes I have had cancer but I was like this before that. I don’t understand why I feel like this so maybe that’s my problem.. I have had some hard things to deal with in my life but so do other people. Am I afraid of death I don’t think so, I am afraid of leaving my family yes, do others think like me? Wish I could get some answers but then I suppose we all want that..

Oh Joce, I wish I could get to the bottom of it too but please don't be hard on yourself. I take it your cancer was cured or you're in remission? I don't know what the answer is, other than looking at the people around you, the vast majority of whom don't have these fears. I keep telling myself that feeling like this isn't allowing me to live and I might as well have the illness I fear so much. I think with me it's that I've started to feel so low and isolated and feel I have no-one to turn to. Then I imagine being ill and alone. One unhelpful thought leads to another!

How kind you are to each other.
When I told a friend that I had depression,she replied,tartly. I would never allow that to happen.gggrrrr.another friend gently said,it will pass. Who would you think helped the most.
Given Valium 40 years ago. Probably left me with agoraphobia and social phobia and anxiety about what would happen.
Moved to a new address ,new gp persuaded me to take an antidepressant. From then on, I was mostly free to travel, livelife normally even go on planes. Occasionally a bit anxious ,but not unbearable.
I had an operation for a parathyroid 6 weeks ago because of another reason.i,m loath to be too happy too soon,but I,m back completely to normal. If only that had happened 40/50 years ago. Tho I have learned a lot about myself.
Sorry this is all about me,but never lose hope,when in deep despair,keep that little light flickering. Faith often helps.xxhugs all around.

Joce you have a phobia shared with millions , doesn’t help.

I think what makes it even more difficult for you is the fact you feared it and it happened, this is increasing your fear , you need help with this , saying to you ‘ many cancers are curable ‘ doesn’t help. If I may ask? was your cancer cured ?