Black dog gang

Weird, I thought I'd like rural life but I hated it. I like having options close to home.

Not easy to sell up and move,.

joce. My therapist thinks it’s one of the causes for my problems .

And I can relate to you moving away and being alone, my first move from home I didn’t know a soul, newly married and my poor husband came home from the station to
‘ I want to go home’ , I want my father , I want a hug from my mother , I need my sisters ‘. First time I was without my large family, we were in a police flat, no neighbours, no garden . Horrible .

Of course it's not at all easy wot. But would you like to?

Mixed feelings and fear of "jumping out of the frying pan into the fire"!

lily65 and wot. I live rural at the moment but i have moved miles away from my family about 5 years ago. I finally said to my hubby that i want to go "home" sadly i cant. I cant afford a house near them as DH wouldnt have a job. he goes on about nobody would hire him as hes so poorly...poorly with lazyitis!!!

How has the day been for all?

Been mixed for me, thrilled younger granddaughter’s car has at last been repaired, she has been doing a 3 hour train journey to get to the university and then 3 hours to get home .

Not good, can’t have my garden at the front as I planned, someone from the mobility club told me I can’t take Fred to the back garden, the grass area at the side not safe for Fred .
So he has to stay at the front where my bench and garden pots were going, why can’t things be straight forward, I spent so much time planning a colour scheme of blooms .

Annie why is the grass area not safe for Fred.? So pleased your granddaughter has her car back on the road.. ?

Joce, the area which runs along the side of my house is council ground, they rarely cut the grass and Scooters can’t be driven on long grass it could ruin the batteries which are under the seat . The council ground isn’t used, no one walks there.

I think another rethink is needed , I admit I find defeat difficult ?

A thought, anyone use Bach Flower Remedies?

I have no idea what that is annie x

annie you had such a good idea please don’t give up on it there has to be a workaround. Silly idea but if Fred has to stay at the front, could you position him so that you could use Fred as your seat and still have some pots. Maybe if not pots on the ground what about hanging baskets or on some planter stands. I do so want you to be out the front to see the world go by. Is there enough space for another plan?

I have heard of Bach flower Annie but no nothing about it ... would be interesting to know if any one does... you could get a big plant pot and stand it on Fred haha until you are ready to use him Annie then work round him.. wonder if the council would slab the area for you, for Fred to stand on..

Good morning Annie.. hope today’s a good day for us all ..

Good morning Joce and all friends to come later x

The council wouldn’t pay for slabbing. Have been rethinking ! My life would be less complicated if I could learn to give in gracefully and to accept, but I can’t.

Bach Flower Remedies , a homeopathic remedy, as with all homeopathy they are dismissed as a placebo, yet they are one of the top sales in Holland and Barrett every year. I remember when my elder daughter had her babies in our local hospital a bottle of Rescue Remedy was placed on every locker. I gave them to my grandchildren before exams.

Thinking more on the Nadia programme. The CBT chap,

Again - change the thought and you change the feeling

Pooh bear and Piglet

What if the tree falls ?

What if it doesn’t?

Any views on this ?

Morning all. Oh Annie, it sounds so easy - change the thought and you change the feeling. I hardly slept last night because my anxiety just wouldn't quiet down. I kept trying to get myself into a calm place but failed miserably.

Re: Pooh bear, yes we need to try and think there won't necessarily be a negative outcome. This is a hard habit to change if that's how you've thought most of your life! I grew up with a mother who was over-protective and pessimistic about everything so I learnt how to be anxious at her knee. I do love her very much and I know she did her best and she's still there for me. But I do think my upbringing has affected me. Nothing compared to losing loved ones and awful disasters like Aberfan though....

maggie so sorry you had another bad night,

Yes, I do understand about learning at a parents knee , my parents were very protective, ‘ a mother who asks ‘are you wearing a vest’ when you are in your fifties. !

My father who the five of us raced to with problems even when we were married. Who told us ‘you have each other, always be there for each other’. I always have but not my sisters .

Seems much comes from childhood doesn’t it?

"Don't think like that" always makes me cross because I don't choose my thoughts! I have positive thoughts, I write positive lists but it doesn't change a thing. I admire those who can change how they think but I can't.

Yes Annie most definitely.

I think so Katy

I had such loving , protective parents, some children are neglected, some suffer abuse, must mould the adult we become .

nonnie sorry I made you cross, but we can change our thinking but how difficult it can be. Stopping the ‘what if’s and the ‘if only’ .

Isn't it strange. I have always thought that if I had had loving, protective parents like yours. Annie that I would be a happy person. Mine were quite neglectful, my father alcoholic, violent, abusive and self centred. My mother afraid constantly but did her best. We are all nervous wrecks and one of us didn't make it.

Katy how awful , yes it is strange , you suffered cruelty, I was protected, just remembered, the morning I was told my husband was dead , a sister took me and my daughters to her house, another sister shot off to get me parents, they walk through the door and I clearly remember my father’s voice, ‘ Daddy and Mammy are here for you Caridad , I was a married woman with children ! I squealed through tears
‘Daddy what am I going to do ?’ Over 20 years later in his will was instructions to my brother to look after me because I was on my own.

Little wonder I have become fearful , first time ever I have no family .

Your poor mother and you and your siblings exposed to all
that abusive behaviour. I want to give you a hug x

Thank you Annie You are very kind. I am fortunate that my siblings and myself are very close. How we have survived and all that came afterwards is a miracle. Maybe we should give ourselves a pat on the back - as should you for all you have been through.

Annie, my mum asks me to call her when I get home after I've visited her. I only live an hour away It's so interesting how childhood experiences affect people differently. My ex had an awful childhood with a neglectful alcoholic mum and a cold disciplinarian of a father but he's the most together, positive individual you could meet without a shred of self-doubt. I have never ever seen him worry about anything.

And I was looked after and protected but have ended up a nervous wreck. What lovely parents you had Annie. Katy, it's so good that you and your siblings are so close.