Black dog gang 2..

Morning all
Annie I am like you this morning struggling.
Yesterday was a nice day some how managed to to escape a little from my anxiety.

Today it is back with a vengeance and I am feeling on edge, upset and completely out of sorts.

I hope the other lovely GNers on this thread are coping and have pleasent day.

Annie I hope as the day goes on you will feel a bit better.

I also tense my shoulders and my jaws.

Cherry so sorry you have a struggling day , I wish I could have some sort of ‘thing’ to keep my shoulders down , this causes neck and jaw tension doesn’t it ? If I was x rayed I imagine the result . Shoulders close to ears, jaw clenched,
fists clenched, legs rigid , as much flexibility as a lamp post

Reading the last couple of days it seemed to be a bit more positive but not so good today. Hope it improves.

Aww Annie sorry you Cherry are struggling today.
Are you in pain much pain Annie?
I am not so bad at the moment. It’s like others on hear the getting up in a morning it horrible, it really is takes most of the day to going and clear my hear of the upsetting thought that are there from waking up, errrrrrr

Yes a lot of pain Joce and trying not to think about leaving the bungalow on Wednesday for the x ray

aww annie I hope your pain goes soon. I wish i could take away your fears for Wednesday xx

I too am not having a good day. I am struggling to see the point of me. I am trying to think...why do i wake up each morning? Never mind tomorrow is another day onwards and upwards

Perhaps the 'point' nanny is that you do wake each morning, you come on here and you have support? In the past I felt I was a burden on my family and couldn't see the point of me but I got over it and I believe you will. Look around and think what you can do for someone or something, it always makes me feel better if I can make myself useful to someone.

Aww Annie I wish I could go for you.
Nanny I struggle many day with the same feeling, WHY am I hear. But for now my daughters need me so I have to say strong for them.
Annie try not to think about Wednesday too much ( says me) the worlds worse you will do it Annie I have every faith in you and we will all be there in thought with you, waiting for you to get back home and tell us about your outing x

nanny Joce, why are you here ? Why not ? because depression tells you ‘don’t enjoy sunshine, don’t think you are worthy to walk this beautiful earth, don’t think you have
a right to happiness that’s for everyone else but not you.

My agoraphobia tells me ‘stay in the bungalow, there is nothing to enjoy out there , there is only fear

Not true .

I just feel I have nothing to offer. I am an idiot...literally an idiot. I cant do anything without doing it wrong...today for example. I thought I'll help hubs tidy the garden. I dragged the harden bin to the back and managed to turn the external gas handle to off....no gas....no hot water.

Now...as a one off that could be seen as funny but for me this is a daily occurrence 2 3 4 times a day. Why do I try I just ruin everything every time I am a joke to everyone

nanny, you turned the handle to off , no matter you dragged the bin , if I may ask ? What was your husband’s reaction ?

Was dragging the bin the only thing today ? Did you cook a meal, chat to anyone in the village ?

You give support and understanding here. You are capable of giving much love to pets.

this is what depression does, think of depression as an imp whispering in your ear , telling you ‘you are an idiot ‘, you can’t do anything right, this is what depression does my love.

Let us all post one thing every day which caused us to be pleased, not ‘I cooked lunch for ten’, please ?

You are valued our dear friend x

Nanny I know the feeling.. but Annie is so right, on our worse day nothing is right that the depression, but even on them day we do something right if it’s only getting out of bed and talking on hear to other sufferers that are hear to support us on our worst possible days
Good idea Annie we should all do that. X

Ok, on a positive note, I managed the end of month accounts reconciliation at work at the second attempt. That one means I don't have to have another run at it tomorrow.

Other than that, my hanging baskets are looking reasonable, but I still feel low.

Getting very tempted to start the tablets again, still have a packet in the cupboard, but am put off by the fact that the side affects are quite unpleasant for the first month.

Oh and I'm avoiding mirrors again. Getting dressed in the bathroom.

Do you have a reason for the low feeling phoenix (not asking what it is just wondering if you have a cause for your drop in spirits). I think I should avoid mirrors too at the moment. A small mole like lump which has been on my chin for ages has suddenly decided it thinks it’s a volcano and has grown huge and is now like a small red pea on my face. Don’t think it’s serious but am getting it checked but it looks so unsightly .
I have some tablets sitting in a cupboard too. I had one last week when quite low but picked up a bit so I stopped again.

Doodle, something happened a couple of weeks ago that really put me out of kilter, since then I just seem to be aware of all that is not good in my life, struggling to find the good stuff.

My positive today is...I asked my doggies "who loves mummy" and all 3 jumped on me and gave me kisses

Hi all x

I wrote a post last night, it isn’t here.

Doodle, best to get the small red pea checked x

Phoenix, medication can have unpleasant side effects when first taking them. Perhaps a talk with your GP who may suggest something different? x I don’t have mirrors in my home ?

nanny what a lovely positive , I was concerned last night
about your feelings over the bin, I did post a reply but it isn’t
here. A mistake doesn’t make one a failure, if it was so I would win a gold medal.

Sorry all having a really bad day,

nanny we all have days like that, whether depressed or not but you really will have done something well, you just have to look for it. Give yourself a tick every time you clean the loo, go outside, pick a weed whatever. Remind yourself that you are capable and we are all 'idiots' every day.

Phoenix oh the times when it wouldn't reconcile no matter how hard I tried. Come back a day later and it would be blindingly obvious and you wondered why you missed it before. That's just human! Perhaps write us a poem about how you are feeling, might help you but will certainly help us.

joce anything particular or just 'one of those days'.

Annie in my thoughts today and I know you will go tomorrow with all that lovely support. Thinking again of the little train that said "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can and did! I do hope some of you know what I'm talking about and that I haven't completely lost the plot.

I am somewhat overwhelmed. Last Thursday 3 paramedics,
Friday GP. Saturday x ray dept telephoned re appointment for x ray.

This morning two nurses walked into my living room, they
had come to take bloods, I knew nothing of this . They were so friendly, chatted, asked a couple of questions then said
‘You could benefit from Community Connect’, never heard of it. Now I will be contacted by someone from this Community Connect .

phoenix. It will get better. Sometimes if something knocks me back it can take a while to work it through in my mind. Some days I think positive thoughts and feel better then another negative thought invades and off I go again.
I am sorry you are feeling like this at the moment. I hope that you can find some good things to think about.

joce hope you are ok x

annie i did see a reply from you last night..isnt that odd. I hope tomorrow is bearable and quick for you.

nonnie thanks for your words xx

nonnie the little train gave me the giggles. With my husband I climbed snowdon several times. When we had our daughters we took them up Snowdon on the mountain train. I didn’t like it and kept whispering to my husband
‘I’d rather walk it ‘. This came back to me when I read your post. If I can climb snowdon I can do the car ride tomorrow x