just found out something awful about someone I knew many years ago

OP. You have actually had a bereavement and will feel mournful for the persona you have lost that has been replaced by this complete stranger. Give yourself time to come to terms with this.

It does knock you for six when you read/hear of cases like this.
Some years ago the last house on our street was a vicarage and a new vicar moved in with his young family. I took against him from the start, I couldn't put my finger on it but felt he showed too much interest in the young girls in the street. I did mention my doubts to DH but he said " he's a vicar for goodness sake". Vicar disappeared and I assumed he had relocated, he had relocated alright to HMP. Defrocked for sexual relationship with a thirteen year old.

It’s always stomach churning when you think you’ve had a brush with something like this even if it’s just someone you came across briefly. I have always known we must have an epidemic of paedophiles in the UK as I spent a lot of my childhood dodging them! Luckily I had a big mouth and they knew it!

My friend lives in Brighton, and when she had her second child her father came down to give her a hand. To let his daughter have a nap with the baby he took his 3 year old granddaughter to the play park. She became upset and was crying for mummy, and her grandad tried to pacify her, hoping to give mum a rest.Within minutes there were police there, as people had noticed the child was agitated and contacted them.

I agree with Iam that 'child porn' is not an acceptable term. I was taken to task for using it by a close relative who is a police officer dealing with such cases. The Police and Justice system refers to 'indecent images of children'.

What an excellent and fair post Grannyticktock

However, it would seem GillT57 has an old acquaintance who cannot make excuses for his sleazy and criminal behaviour.

I am sure most of us would feel repulsed and upset too by this finding Gill I imagine it was an awful shock.

He is not in your life now, so try if you can to firmly close the door on the memories you have of him. I know we cannot erase parts of our life like that but thinking that was then, and this is now might help you (mentally) distance yourself from him.

I have found out that my ex husband abused our daughter when she was a child until she was a teenager, when he lived at home and after we split up. I had absolutely no idea this was going on. He had been violent and abusive towards me, but I tried to keep this away from the children and allowed them to stay with him because I didn't want to be one of those women who stopped their children from seeing their father! Now my children are in their 30's and my son refuses to believe that his father would do this and won't speak to me or his sister. The father cannot be prosecuted as he is now too ill to stand trial and all his family are standing by him. I was abused as a child by a family member, then endured a miserable marriage, but had rebuilt my life with a loving partner. This latest situation has broken me. Outside I am coping ok, as I'm good at this, but inside I am crushed. I feel guilty, even though I had no idea. I feel like I've let my daughter down and lost my son and the man who hurt me and my daughter for so many years has got away with it. My daughter is ok, has had counselling and has a supportive partner. She is very strong and understands that I had no idea what was going on. My son, who lives abroad has constantly been let down by his father (an arrogant business type) in the past, but seems to have forgotten all of this. My current husband is lovely and supportive, but I don't want to keep banging on about how I'm feeling as it's not fair on him. I miss my relationship with my son, but I understand why he wouldn't want to think this of his father. I just can't see an end to it.

Florence

Don't underestimate how much you are "saving"/helping your daughter now simply by believing her

You do need to be careful and not jump to judgment unless you are sure.

About 20 years ago a friend's father was arrested and charged with buying and looking at child pornography. Nothing incriminating was found on his computer or in his house, car or anywhere else.

The charge was based on a charge to his credit card, which he had queried and he had had a charge back, which was on his card statement. Nevertheless the police persisted with the charge. At that time credit cards did not have the three figure number on the back and a popular scam was for fraudsters to make up card numbers and try them out until one registered as genuine and then to buy goods and order services on that card number. This is what had happened in his case.

When it came to court, it was thrown out because the judge rightly said there was no evidence he used pornography and he had queried and received a charge back on his card.

But by then his name had been in the papers, he lost all his friends, his marriage broke down, he was unable to see or communicate with his grandchildren for over a year and after he was completely exonerated his life could not get back to normal. There were always those who said 'There is no smoke without fire and suchlike, those who had said dreadful things about him and he could never renew the friendship.

I am very careful how I condemn people until the evidence is totally incontrovertible.

My friend had a breakdown after the acquittal.

p m”d you Florence

Florence, thanks for being courageous enough to post this. There is so much criticism of what are called 'non protective mothers' that most women in your position keep quiet. Of course, you feel devastated and whilst you know you aren't to blame, you'll heap criticism on yourself for not somehow knowing what your ex husband was capable of.
Its good to read your daughter understands, doesn't blame you, is in a supportive relationship and has had some counselling.
It isn't unusual for other adult children in a family to deny their sisters (brothers) allegations against their father. Look after yourself

We had a neighbor who touched me inappropriately on many occasions, and I doubt I was the only one. Eventually I told my parents, because my brother had taken to hanging around his house, and I got yelled at for making up disgusting lies!

Sara65 hope you managed to keep away from the man after that. It's more likely that children will be believed these days but, it remains highly likely that their allegations will be dismissed as fantasy/trouble making/untrue/how could anyone believe that of x and so on.
We only need to reflect on the response to the Me To movement and the girls in the child sexual exploitation cases to know that most people find it easier to believe allegations are false than to face the extent of sexual abuse we live amongst.

Well, despite my parents reaction, I just kept on about it, every time my brother went next door, I’d make a fuss about it!
I wasn’t believed though!

Years later , my mother admitted that my aunt had advised her not to leave us with him, because she thought he was a bit strange!

When I posted about my discovery about what had come of someone I knew many years ago, little did I realise just how many people had experienced similar, and in many brave cases, some have shared dreadful experiences. Hopefully these brave shared traumas will help others who have been through the same and perhaps not believed. My experience was nothing compared to many on here, just a loss of teenage fantasy and innocence I suppose, and I would like to thank you, my online friends, for helping me to come to terms with this and to move on.