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Farting old men

(67 Posts)
BradfordLass72 Thu 08-Aug-19 06:36:33

...and ladies who delicately break wind.

I’ve read many comments from suffering spouses, so here’s some help a little more constructive than ‘bung a cork in it’.

Nothing will stop farting completely and that’s good; the body has a safety valve, in this case, the fundament. Without it there would be pain.
Rumours of gaseous old men exploding are unproven.

As we get older, our guts need a little help, so the first line of defence is to try a course of digestive enzymes and/or probiotics capsules, such as acidophilus bifidus.
These alone may reduce the incidence of Cyclone Freta.

A healthy digestive system will produce less hydrogen and carbon dioxide gas, which cause farting.
An unhealthy system can lead to bloating, headaches, nausea, fatigue, bad breath, abdominal pain, runny nose, reflux and constipation.

Good bacteria help break down food efficiently but unfortunately stress, smoking, excess alcohol, some food additives and anti-biotics can kill good bacteria, which is why they need replacing regularly.

BTW, there is rarely enough acidophilus, even in good quality yoghurt to have significant effect on the uber-farter.

If you think you or Mr Stinky may have any sort of fart-producing food intolerance (different from allergies) try an elimination diet. Just one item at a time.

Wheat and dairy products are the main culprits.
Try substituting gluten-free bread for 10 days. This and regular acidophilus bifidus should make a big difference to the explosive nature of your relationship.

If that doesn’t change anything, try eliminating or reducing dairy products.
A2 milk is apparently easier on the digestion.

FODMAPs are a group of fermentable carbs that aggravate gut symptoms in sensitive people.

Read about them here:
www.healthline.com/nutrition/fodmaps-101

The wayward wind is a restless wind
A restless wind that yearns to wander
And he was born the next of kin
The next of kin to the wayward wind grin

Gransooz Sun 18-Aug-19 15:20:42

My daughter used to recite:
“Beans beans the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot the better you feel
So eat your beans with every meal”
??

GabriellaG54 Sun 18-Aug-19 15:12:02

MissAdventure
I hope you open all your windows...???

GabriellaG54 Sun 18-Aug-19 15:09:52

SirChenjin
How do I know about that gas guy?
I'm a big fan of all sorts of stuff on YouTube and I also recalled seeing it on iPlayer (BGT 2009)
He's a hugely tall guy, goes by the name 'Mr Methane' and reminds me of 'Rodders' in the Batman episode of Fools and Horses.

MissAdventure Sun 18-Aug-19 11:13:51

Gabriella

One of my grandsons repossess that dubious 'talent'.

It can pass time on a rainy afternoon, i'll say!

Barmeyoldbat Sun 18-Aug-19 10:54:12

Yes I suffer from wind more than my husband, my excuse is I have IBS. The wind just appears, my gc children call it fluffing. Sounds quite nice, but I feel as long as I am passing wind I am alive.

Witzend Sun 18-Aug-19 10:52:09

In our house we just used to blame it on the dog.
A 'Pooh, was it you?' would have her sheepishly slinking off to hide behind the sofa, poor innocent animal. Though I have to say you could usually tell, since hers had a different 'bouquet'.
Alas we have no dog to blame it on any more.

SirChenjin Sun 18-Aug-19 10:45:37

How on earth did you come to know about that Gabriella?!

BradfordLass72 Sun 18-Aug-19 04:53:13

GabriellaG54 You'll forgive me I'm sure if I don't go to YouTube. It's lunchtime. grin

GabriellaG54 Sun 18-Aug-19 00:11:10

There was a guy on BGT who farted to music??
It's on YouTube. ??
He wore Batman trunks over tights, lay on his back with legs in the sir and sprinkled talcum powder over the orifice.
When the music played he held a mic over the area so that everyone could hear the sound then the powder would puff into the air. ?

Alexa Sat 17-Aug-19 16:39:29

Those were the words of the surgeon when I asked about my sore anus. He had no bedside manner but his work probably saved my life.

Glammy57 Sat 17-Aug-19 15:45:17

Bottoms up! ?

Rufus2 Sat 17-Aug-19 15:12:40

Mine did after a large stapler was put up it during rectal surgery
Alexa; That sounds terrible! A real pain in the backside. The things they do to you in hospital! shock
What are you now? Soprano or basso profundo? wink

Jane10 Sat 17-Aug-19 13:53:57

Alexa gulp. ?

Alexa Sat 17-Aug-19 13:10:44

The anus sometimes loses its shape, and its muscle tone. Mine did after a large stapler was put up it during rectal surgery.

Rufus2 Sat 17-Aug-19 13:03:01

A dose of Spain right now would sort me right out, too!
Me too! grin You lost me for a while with your ref. to Spain, wondering what Spain had to do with farting, apart from bulls, bulldust, onions , Spanish fly and cheap sherry, but on reading your post again I realise you're a Senora! wink
Bienvenido a casa!
Cheers, wine wine wine

BradfordLass72 Sat 17-Aug-19 11:29:42

Love the story of Hassan - so like the one about Elizabeth the First and Edward de Vere.

Le Pétomane made a career of farting although he was able to take air in and expel it at will. It didn't smell.

If your nose runs and your feet smell, you're built upside down.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane

GagaJo Fri 16-Aug-19 13:46:15

Rufus2 LOL A dose of Spain right now would sort me right out, too!

Rufus2 Fri 16-Aug-19 13:28:55

I wonder if the same thing would work in old men
I'll report back when I get there! grin
OoRoo

GagaJo Fri 16-Aug-19 12:57:45

Not sure if it's helpful or not...

My grandson had horrific colic as a baby. A year on, he's taken to waking up at night with horrific tummy ache from gas. Screaming and writhing in pain.

He was born in Spain, while we were living there, and a paediatrician friend of a friend suggested probiotic drops. Within an hour of giving the drops as a newborn, the colic stopped.

I had the brainwave to try the probiotic drops again. No more night time tummy gas.

I wonder if the same thing would work in old men?

Jane10 Fri 16-Aug-19 12:13:23

I've always been aware of my issue with flatulence. I once made a deal with my DS when he was a little boy that if I ever accidentally let fly in public he'd take the blame. I promised a treat if this ever happened. One day the worst happened. Leaning into a freezer I farted loudly the glared at the wee boy. My son instantly sprung into action, 'Sorry Mummy farted' he explained to the appalled onlookers.
We had a long chat afterwards about what I'd meant him to do! ?

GabriellaG54 Fri 16-Aug-19 11:10:17

Invaluable advice BradfordLass72
I eat lots of Activia yogurt but had no idea that despite millions of gut busting good bacteria in every pot, it doesn't fulfil the promise.

Not that I suffer from fart fumes you understand but to eat 3 pots a day without accruing any benefit seems a bit of a swizz to me. sad

Lessismore Fri 16-Aug-19 09:17:56

Was it the full works Ohmother?

Ohmother Thu 15-Aug-19 21:36:46

I was once in an important meeting around a large table full of decision makers. I bent to get something from my bag under the table and exploded!!! ☺️ I stayed under that table for quite some time!

Lessismore Thu 15-Aug-19 20:29:20

Felt so sorry for a man at my class. It was his first attempt and I could see through my zen like trance that he was doing fine. Unfortunately, he let out quite a large one and has never been back.

GillT57 Thu 15-Aug-19 18:56:14

Yoga is a no no for me. After one slipped out a few years ago, I spent the rest of the classes all clenched and tense. I don't know what was the worst, anticipating my own wind or worrying that I would laugh at someone else and be asked to leave. It must be fun in those Yoga retreats, all that stretching after mung beans and lentils.......