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Farting old men

(66 Posts)
BradfordLass72 Thu 08-Aug-19 06:36:33

...and ladies who delicately break wind.

I’ve read many comments from suffering spouses, so here’s some help a little more constructive than ‘bung a cork in it’.

Nothing will stop farting completely and that’s good; the body has a safety valve, in this case, the fundament. Without it there would be pain.
Rumours of gaseous old men exploding are unproven.

As we get older, our guts need a little help, so the first line of defence is to try a course of digestive enzymes and/or probiotics capsules, such as acidophilus bifidus.
These alone may reduce the incidence of Cyclone Freta.

A healthy digestive system will produce less hydrogen and carbon dioxide gas, which cause farting.
An unhealthy system can lead to bloating, headaches, nausea, fatigue, bad breath, abdominal pain, runny nose, reflux and constipation.

Good bacteria help break down food efficiently but unfortunately stress, smoking, excess alcohol, some food additives and anti-biotics can kill good bacteria, which is why they need replacing regularly.

BTW, there is rarely enough acidophilus, even in good quality yoghurt to have significant effect on the uber-farter.

If you think you or Mr Stinky may have any sort of fart-producing food intolerance (different from allergies) try an elimination diet. Just one item at a time.

Wheat and dairy products are the main culprits.
Try substituting gluten-free bread for 10 days. This and regular acidophilus bifidus should make a big difference to the explosive nature of your relationship.

If that doesn’t change anything, try eliminating or reducing dairy products.
A2 milk is apparently easier on the digestion.

FODMAPs are a group of fermentable carbs that aggravate gut symptoms in sensitive people.

Read about them here:

The wayward wind is a restless wind
A restless wind that yearns to wander
And he was born the next of kin
The next of kin to the wayward wind grin

Marydoll Thu 08-Aug-19 06:49:48

Bradfordlass, good advice.
However you can take a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink and my horse (DH) is reluctant to "drink".
I guess we will just have to suffer it, but certainly not in silence. grin My wee granddaughter complains the loudest, she has no filters!

BradfordLass72 Thu 08-Aug-19 07:25:14

As I was writing this Marydoll I was thinking about old dogs being too lazy or reluctant to try new tricks.

But we women are a little more sneaky inventive, so adding, reducing or substituting foods, or even threatening to do a Lysistrata if they don't take their 'vitamins' is within our capabilities. Hope so anyway.

RosieLeah Thu 08-Aug-19 07:30:41

Who does the cooking? A lot depends on what you eat. It's up to the cook to keep gas-producing foods to a minimum.

I don't eat meat but eat a lot of mushrooms, which have the same effect as beans. However, I live alone so I can fart away to my hearts content without worrying about offending anyone.

Framilode Thu 08-Aug-19 07:32:02

I try to be ladylike about this bodily function but have noticed in the last few months that if I cough a loud one escapes at the same time. Very embarrassing, I am turning into one of those old ladies we used to laugh at when I was younger.

RosieLeah Thu 08-Aug-19 07:48:12

Framilode, I think muscle tone has something to do with it. I find I can't hold them in like I used to, and try to organise my life so that it is unlikely to happen in public.

travelsafar Thu 08-Aug-19 07:54:13

Apparently charcoal tablets help with this problem!!! lol

harrigran Thu 08-Aug-19 09:53:38

I can take this to another level, my stoma can sing, whistle and can be quite tuneful. At present he yes it is a he is working on his rendition of the 1812 overture.
DH does the cooking and his use of onions is legendary. He tells me he chops them fine so it won't be a problem hmm

RosieLeah Thu 08-Aug-19 09:56:32

It's good to be able to talk about it. It's something we all do but like to pretend we don't.

Daisymae Thu 08-Aug-19 11:10:42

It's embarrassing, having a high fibre diet does not help either.confused

Happiyogi Thu 08-Aug-19 11:43:36

Daisymae -

Beans, beans,
Good for your heart.
The more you eat,
The ... longer you live!

True. Legumes have been found to be "the most important predictor of survival in older people" around the globe. Researchers found an 8% reduction in risk of premature death for every 20 gram increase in daily legume intake - barely two tablespoons' worth.

stella1949 Thu 08-Aug-19 11:51:11

I've had two husbands and I've never heard either of them pass wind. Just lucky I guess ! My DH always drinks a little bottle of probiotic every day, which I think is a help.

Fennel Thu 08-Aug-19 11:59:35

We both have that problem. Husband is quite bold about it, I'm more sneaky.
But he was quite offended once when we had the grandchildren to stay and DGD said "Grandpa farted" and burst out in giggles.
We had to persuade her to apologise.

midgey Thu 08-Aug-19 12:05:20

I have found I just can’t control the wind! My daughter is of no help crying with laughter as I walk around blowing off.shock

Urmstongran Thu 08-Aug-19 12:42:56

My elderly father sometimes farts as he walks. He’s a bit deaf and I think because he can’t hear it he thinks nobody else can!

Framilode Thu 08-Aug-19 15:05:13

Urmstongran That's my next worry. I wonder if the Queen has these problems.

Tangerine Thu 08-Aug-19 15:11:24

Urmanstangran - perhaps he knows, feels embarrassed and doesn't know what to say.

I think, with elderly people, the muscles near the anal sphincter weaken. This has happened to a relative of mine.

He never says anything. I just pretend I haven't heard. It must be embarrassing.

Annaram1 Thu 08-Aug-19 15:14:49

Of course she does. Underneath her crown she is just an elderly lady like the rest of us.

SirChenjin Thu 08-Aug-19 16:15:50

Good advice! I'd be cautious of the FODMAP diet without support from a professional though. DD is on it for severe IBS and it's very restrictive. Reintroducing foods can take a while and should be done in a controlled way.

RosieLeah Thu 08-Aug-19 16:18:44

Stella, they very often save it until they are in bed. Perhaps he has control over it and waits until you're asleep before letting rip!

fizzers Thu 08-Aug-19 16:30:56

Farting, then laughing teenagers is the pits!

Luckygirl Thu 08-Aug-19 17:08:49

I am OK till I cough.........!

EllanVannin Thu 08-Aug-19 17:58:10

Uncontrollable if you sneeze ! You're in a worse mess if you wet yourself as well.

Luckygirl Thu 08-Aug-19 18:03:43

Ah yes! - the wee!

It's all such a joy.

1Gilles Wed 14-Aug-19 10:57:22

Your message made me smile, and I think that is what you should do.
Irrespective what anyone says, we all do it, even those “poo-pooing” such an idea, hope that made you smile.