Gransnet forums


Depressed and very lonely

(24 Posts)
Basten Mon 12-Aug-19 22:00:31

Im female 70 and suffer depression and am on a lot of meds. But I suffer some agrophobic and don't have any friends most days I just sit watching TV walk my dog do housework have 2 grown children who I see occasionally but when they go I feel so lonely. Weekends are bad as there's nothing on TV. I would like to make friends on here for chats who feel as I do.

Gonegirl Mon 12-Aug-19 22:08:23

Hello Basten. If you click on this link it will take to Annie's black dog thread.

Click here Basten

Gonegirl Mon 12-Aug-19 22:10:20

Ah, you've found it already. smile

There are other chatty threads you can join too.

Luckygirl Mon 12-Aug-19 22:16:33

Welcome - I am sorry that you suffer in this way and hope that you will find solace in the jolly threads, and advice and support on eh "Black dog" thread where fellow-sufferers will be able to share your worries and provide ideas for overcoming these.

Anniebach Mon 12-Aug-19 22:24:02

And games threads 😀

stephensam Tue 27-Aug-19 11:13:57

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whywhywhy Tue 27-Aug-19 11:30:16

I battle with depression on a daily basis so I can sympathise with you. I don't have any friends in the area now, only 200 miles in the North East where I grew up. Thankfully they are great and I can phone them at any time and they will listen, but I worry that I am getting on their wick! Hubby doesn't understand and he is wrapped up in himself. He says that it just drags him down (my depression) so he keeps himself to himself now. I feel for you. I have been to the drs but have refused medication in the past but right now I am considering it. Also I have had counselling three times and it helped at the time, but not long term. At this moment in time I also have achilies tendontis in both of my ankles and that isn't helping either.
I wish you well and you can always PM me if you want. Take care.x

Gonegirl Tue 27-Aug-19 13:01:38

No. It doesn't help when you get physical difficulties on top of depression. Wishing you well whywhywhy. flowers

whywhywhy Tue 27-Aug-19 14:45:02

Thank you Gonegirl.

Skier Thu 29-Aug-19 04:00:34

Hi, I'm new on here. I am struggling with anxiety, insomnia and tiredness. I haven't been diagnosed with depression but feel this may well be my problem. I'm not good at seeking help and I'm very reluctant to see GP about this.
I tend to give people the impression I can cope with anything life throws at me, but in reality, I'm not coping well at all just now. Im thinking about getting counselling, thing is, sometimes I feel okay so think, well, I'm fine now so it's okay, but the bad days are more frequent and I feel im withdrawing more and more from people I know and avoiding many of the hobbies and things I use to do regularly. My husband is supportive although he gets in the firing line at times and struggles to dodge the bullets and how to help.
We have grown up daughters living at home. Their energy keeps me distracted and although they ask if I'm okay, I find it difficult to express how I really feel.
It is a dark place to be at times. For me I feel isolated even though I have family around. Sometimes I feel like I'm disappearing. I'm not comfortable talking to my family about this.
If you don't mind me asking, for those that have had counselling, has any one found it easy and helpful to talk through things to your counsellor? It will be new for me if I go along although the thought of sharing what's going around in my head with a stranger is scary, but I suppose confidential and private which is so important. I'm told its called Talking therapy.

wildswan16 Thu 29-Aug-19 09:48:48

skier - some talking therapy (counselling) can be really helpful. Just getting all those words and thoughts out of your head and into the air can take some of the pressure away.

I hope you can take the plunge as after the first two minutes you will wonder why you were apprehensive. I would encourage you to be careful when finding a counsellor. Make sure they are properly qualified and supervised by a body such as BACP.

It is a shame you can't confide in your daughters - they may well understand you better than you think. flowers.

beautybumble Thu 29-Aug-19 21:19:54

Skier. It sounds like you would benefit from seeing a good counseller, but I think you're understandably hesitant.
I know how hard it is but I really hope you do try. To find one that you feel comfortable with, you usually get to talk on the phone with a counseller initially, for free. Then that may help you decide. I really wish you luck.

Skier Thu 29-Aug-19 23:56:04

Thank you for your replys. I don't feel so isolated since posting on here. Can anyone tell me how I will know if a counsellor is right for me?

Skier Thu 29-Aug-19 23:57:49

I have talked briefly to a counsellor on the phone but not sure if they would be right for me.

MissAdventure Fri 30-Aug-19 00:04:55

Hello skier.
I had counselling (for bereavement so maybe that's a bit different?)

My counsellor asked me after our introductory session if I thought we were a good 'fit' and stressed that it would be fine if I thought not.

Actually, I would have liked to have put my head on her lap and asked her for a cuddle, so I was sure we did 'fit'.

quizqueen Fri 30-Aug-19 00:24:08

How lovely you have a dog and your agoraphobia doesn't stop you walking it. Talk to other dog walkers while you are out. How lovely you have family to see. Plenty to watch at the weekend. Strictly starting soon although, sadly, Poldark has finished now. Volunteer for stuff or go to church- you don't have to be a believer- and join their groups. I've heard the Baptists are very welcoming.

MissAdventure Fri 30-Aug-19 00:56:45

Well, that's really helpful.
Hardly worth the effort you made in posting it. angry

Anniebach Fri 30-Aug-19 09:05:09

quizqueen why the need for your post,

skier see your GP, ask if you can be referred for counselling,
if you choose to find a counsellor yourself do check they are

Nellie098 Fri 30-Aug-19 10:14:01

I know it is difficult but have you thought about someone befriending you. Lots of voluntary organisations, and I know Age UK, offer this service. Someone from the organisation visits your home with a chosen befriender and you decide if you would like that person to visit once a week for an hour or so. If you don't like the person they have picked say so and they will look for someone else. I understand that many people do not want a stranger in their home but befrienders are not there to judge you in any way. Also you could set up a weekly phone call from Esther Rantzen's Silverline.
Another idea is if you knit there is probably a local knitters and stitchers group who may be happy to supply you with wool and needles at home if you want to make things for charity then call by and collect them. I go to such a group and we pay £1.00 a week which is nothing but I am sure others charge different fees.
There is probably a local agoraphobic group online, as well as Gransnet, that you could join.
I trust you find something, alongside this great site, to help.

wildswan16 Fri 30-Aug-19 18:00:51

All good counsellors will give you an initial appointment where you can meet her/him and just outline what you hope to gain from your appointments. It gives you an opportunity to meet and decide whether this is somebody you feel comfortable with, before going into any details about your emotions and feelings.

You asked how you would know if they were right for you. I think you just know whether you feel comfortable, and by asking how they work - what will they expect from you and what you can expect from them. They will want to be sure they are the right person for you just as much as you do.

From what you have said I think you may be best served by a person-centred counsellor, rather than one who only works via CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy). You need to talk it all out in a non-judgemental, anonymous environment. If you can find someone to advise you on a good counselling agency in your area that would be a good start.

Tim25N Fri 06-Sep-19 19:02:59

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Chewbacca Fri 06-Sep-19 19:06:09

Oh, if only it was that simple Tim25. sad

MawB Fri 06-Sep-19 19:07:59

Why do people assume that on line dating is the solution to loneliness?

Alexa Fri 06-Sep-19 20:16:14

Basten, do join up with others on Gransnet who like chatting. You will surely find a lot of chums who get a lot of our social life online.