Can I just share a secret with you all please?

Well done EllaKeat that's a great achievement. Keep going!

Thank you all so much for the kindness and support - it really has been lovely.
I must admit, I had half expected some negative responses, and was braced for them, but to have received nothing but support, understanding and encouragement has been wonderful - thank you

I an busy today and tomorrow, but on Thursday I will do one thing - either join U3A (looks very interesting), or volunteer at a local wildlife site.

Thank you all.

Well done - it's no mean feat giving up something you've become addicted to so keep it up. Good luck with your plans. I too keep threatening to do something about doing something but never quite getting round to it

Well done from me too.
I hope you can keep it up.
I am a bit more like your DH in that I hoped to spend more time with mine when he retired but a leopard doesn't change his spots and he threw himself into voluntary work to the extent that I have to book time with him.

Well done from me too.
I wish you luck in finding interesting things to do.
I am still working. For one thing I enjoy it, secondly I too have a husband who likes to be and do things with me. I like it too but not all time. We all need a bit of variety in life.

I find most (not all) men are not keen on doing something they aren’t interested in.
Going to see a play for example or a sewing exhibition.
Ask him to go with you, when he says no then go on your own or with a friend. You will have given him the opportunity.
If he wants to stay at home give him a book, the remote control or a garden implement.

Ellakeat I have just been reading on the BBC news page an article about the difficulties of adjusting to retirement, so your difficulties will be understood by many.

When working, my DH did a lot of overseas travel and, as I am a bit of a loner, I enjoyed days and weeks with the house to myself. It has taken a lot of adjusting to having him around nearly all the time, even though he is still working intermittently and has the occasional trip abroad.

But congratulations on stopping drinking. Could you find an outside activity both of you could do together and then find one or two you could do on your own? I can understand you going for the easy life when you were both working, but retirement brings a day to day forever togetherness, which I think many people, especially women find claustrophobic.

Congratulations and well done EllaKeat.
Keep up the good work and we look forward to hearing about your next step.

Well done, Ella Keat. That is brilliant. Volunteering: do your local libraries need people? Or Meals on Wheels? Both are gently sociable activities that might suit your husband as well. Is there a walking group you could join? Fresh air and exercise are good for low mood. But you also need your own thing, as does your husband, for all the reasons other posters have given. You can be proud of yourself!

Well done Ella You are clearly a strong woman to turn your life around this way,
Best wishes for a more fulfilled retirement, you have taken the first steps. I can recommend it, so good to be able to do things you enjoy when you want to. Keep us posted on how things go for you.

Well done. I used to drunk too much wine when I was working. The pressure was too much and I used to pour my first glass as soon as I got through the door. I was unhappy. I am now retired and only have the occasional glass of wine, away from the pressure and life is moving in a different direction. I feel as though I am taking back control of my life. Good luck.

Well done, grannylyn65 and EllaKeat - you must feel so much better just for getting alcohol out of your daily life.

Well done you

Very well done Ellakeat, we are all proud of you

I work in a National Trust property and we have some lovely volunteers working with us. Plus after a certain amount of volunteering completed they receive a membership for themselves and a partner so you’d be able to enjoy days out with your OH too!

See if U3A operates in your area. They have lots of outings and classes that you can do together or apart.

Good for you. You must make a stand and enjoy your retirement no matter if it causes resentment from your husband. Life is precious and you deserve to enjoy it.
I've seen loved ones turn to drink, but it made them all the more lonely.
Please be proactive in joining groups and enjoying a social life. Good luck x

Try meetup. There should be a group local to you.

Well done Ellakeat. Try to keep on being busy with something you enjoy. For me it was cooking, knitting, I did card making for a while and I also enjoy baking. My daughter and children enjoy the Baking and I am always up for baking for fairs and school Bake sales. Most of my knitting is done for Charity now
I did also volunteer and worked with RVS for a few years. Best wishes for the future

I think it’s very brave of you to come out and say this, I applaude you, you have done very well keep up the good work, I have a chocolate addiction had put on quite a bit of weight then decided one day it was pathetic so I stopped just like that, but for only 3 months lost 16 pounds as well as watching what I ate, along cane Easter I thought oh just one Easter egg but noooo it wasn’t I’m back on chocolate lol so back I go to trying to stop lol

Well done. To give up two addictions - cigarettes and alcohol - takes a lot of strength and willpower and even more so when you have no one to talk to or support you.
You can only now go on gaining strength to deal with other issues in your life. Huge congratulations and good luck for the future whatever it holds for you x

That’s brilliant!

Ellakeat well done and go for it, life is out there waiting you and you now have the time to make full use of it.

As for the husband, well he must stop you, he has chosen his way of life and it doesn't mean you have to join it jut because you are married.

Very well done - I do hope you are giving yourself a massive pat on the back, both for having a week clear but also feeling able to share your experience. In response to DH ‘what am I going to do’ when you go off how about ‘the world is your oyster - you have so much choice’!

Thanks for sharing. Small achievable targets set every day. It may be a stroll for 20 minutes. Sweeping garden paths. Engage in a conversation with someone while out and about.I think maybe others have noticed your drinking but never challenged you. So now you are are out with your secret to us share your pride with them. Maybe your hubby is struggling with his lack of confidence too. Don't make an issue out of his grizzles. He can deal with his issues himself in his own way. Just learn to enjoy your new found freedom and use your new healthier lifestyle to move forward.

EllaKeat - I lost my husband five years ago, and seriously hit the bottle - still do, but slightly less so. Working in a creative profession, as I do, helped a lot, but now that source of comfort/distraction is drying up, too. We always drank, especially wine with meals, but I'm currently hitting gin and vermouth on ice during the day, too.
There's lots of info online about addiction. Basically, the stuff you're doing hits the reward centre in your brain very quickly. If you're on Facebook, you might take a look at 'Club Soda' - upbeat and helpful, unlike AA which I did try once and never again! Depression and booze are best mates, too - you never get the one without the other. Lots of self-help books, too - one called: Kick the Drink Easily. Good luck, and thanks for sharing - you are not alone.