Being fat and out of control - fat shaming

No, I have never smoked, and hardly ever drink at all.

This started when I was a child. My mother was very controlling about food. That has made me not want to deny myself. I know that was a lifetime ago, I should have got over it.

Patricia, I will look into that Broken Brain. Thankyou.

You're very welcome Seacliff ?

I have been slim, and a smoker, for all my adult life. Two years ago I stopped smoking which coincided with us moving back from Spain. I missed my friends and my life there and also missed my cigarettes. I started eating to compensate and have put on 2 stone. I hate myself, and the more I hate myself the more I eat. Of course, being retired and not so busy, the fridge is too handy. I know what the answer is and I know how to deal with it but just don't seem to have the willpower any more. The fatter I get the more hopeless it seems.

I feel for you seacliff.

Bless you. No one has the right to judge someone for their size and shape. It angers me as much as it saddens me. We live in such a photo-shoppy world these days and it seems that anyone who doesn't have the shape, the look and the pout is not acceptable. What bollocks. We all know it is.
That said, I feel your misery keenly - your post depicts terrible pain and self-loathing. If changes are to be made, with help, you have to learn to be gentle with yourself and be your own best and most loving friend. Kicks up the arse never work, believe me. Been there. Self hatred gets nowhere except further stuck in the mire.
If you were talking to a dear friend now who was suffering as you are, what might you say to her? What might you do. and suggest? You are clearly a sensitive person with great self-awareness. Please give those questions some gentle thought. You also need to back that up with some physical self-love - and before anyone raises any eyebrows, this means gently hugging yourself, stroking your own arms, telling yourself that you are suffering, that you are going to need support and help and that you will support and love yourself through it all.
If this sounds crazy, well - never mind, that doesn't matter. It's a start. You need to do this regularly, if not several times a day. You'll find your own form of gentle loving words, your own loving touches. You deserve no less.

At the same time you need to see your GP urgently and tell her/him exactly what you've told us. How this is impacting your life, how desolate you feel, how desperate. They need to know this. You also need to tell them you simply cannot cope any more without specialised help and you want to discuss a suitable referral. Don't leave unless and until the GP has agreed a plan of action/care plan.

As others have said...please do keep posting. You have been courageous posting your feelings and thoughts; don't stop.

XXXX

Seacliff My heart goes out to you. Food is your anaesthetic and the more horrible you are to yourself, the more you will want to anaesthetise your feelings to cope with the pain. That deep wound inside you from childhood is still hurting.

It's impossible to avoid food so it's not a case of willpower.

You have been very very brave indeed to share this on here. I wish I could give you a better answer but I just wanted to say how much I admire you for opening up and sharing your vulnerability. for you and for everyone who can relate to your story. xx

I’m trying to lose weight but haven’t told anyone im doing ok but feel better not telling anyone so as I’ don’t feel as if I have to produce a weekly update. I feel for you and know what it’s like. Sending love and hugs.

Seacliff - it's very brave of you to state your worries so publicly.
Notanan I've thought that too about ex-smokers , but it seems that it's more than that. It's that addictive gene. I have it too - not telling yet!
I'm a big believer in the 12 step programmes. The first step being admitting that you've lost control of a certain need.
I think it started with AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) but has extended to apply to many other addictions.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head seacliff you eat as comfort food. Unless you resolve the issues that make you unhappy then you will probably continue to do so. No one can criticise. I probably drink a bit too much. We all have troubles in our lives and deal with them in different ways. I hope you can get the help you need. Only worry about what those you love feel. No one else matters.

Seacliff. Thanks for voicing and describing the misery so many of us feel due to addictive, emotional overeating and binge eating. We know we do it. We dont even have to look in the mirror. We know our size and shape. We have enough self shame and guilt . No one else needs to tell us. I think we walk in each others shoes on this. Thank you for the care you have shown others by sharing.

Snap!

Same scenario, same diets and battles all my life which started when I was bullied at school for having red hair and glasses. I turned to food for comfort - I am now disabled (Not because I was overweight!!) I used to play badminton and ride a lot, so was overweight but fairly fit, but I have had 21 lots of surgery in the last 21 years and now my mobility is very poor because of it all, now also diabetic, sugars are too high as I eat badly or not at all as I feel so nauseous all the time, can't work, so am poor and all this fresh food is expensive, (can't chop or stand to cook it anyway) can't afford to go to clubs any more (wouldn't anyway now as too embarrassed because I look so bloody dreadful) Anxiety and depression due to my circumstances - if I had bariatric surgery (and you need to do all of the above first anyway, and I probably have too many co-morbidities now to actually have any more surgery unless it is life threatening) I reckon I would just eat ice cream through a straw (as my mouth is so sore it is virtually the only thing I want to eat anyway!) ........ so the cycle is never ending and horrid - if you do intend to leave message me first and we can chat on other 'platforms'! Take care Ladies xxx

Seacliff I think you have taken the first step to feeling better about yourself by admitting that you have a real problem around food.Why didn't you like the group you went to, perhaps now try another one? There is strength and resolve when you attend a group with the same problems as yourself,
A bit like GN, but real life and even better.
I would give hypnosis a go, it does work for most people.
Good luck.?

Ask for the statistics about long term weight loss before you put yourself through the mindless indignity of a so called weight loss group.

Gosh that's so very interesting that hypnosis works for most people.

Hypnosis doesn’t work for everyone, but going to a reputable practitioner and following their advice after hypnosis helps
A great deal of people.
Several friends over the years have benefitted from it for various reasons, weight loss, giving up smoking, and becoming more confident, they also say that it’s pleasant and relaxing.It’s certainly worth thinking about.

Have you discussed this with your GP seacliff?

People with a tobacco, or alcohol or drug addiction can get help. How beneficial it is I don’t know, but perhaps it’s worth a try?

seacliff you have said what I wanted to scream out after seeing that post. (GNHQ this is the perfect example of why we need to be able to change name quickly) I could write so much more but cannot risk outing myself. seacliff you are not alone is all I can say. Thank you for starting this post.

Seacliff

Whereabouts in the UK are you? I know of a hypnotherapist who may be able to help?

How difficult this must be for you seacliff and how brave for opening up here and expressing what many who are overweight may be feeling. It is simplistic to be judgemental and say eat less, exercise more, when the problem is complex and often, as you have said, starts way back in childhood. Dieting doesn't work in the long term and as others have said you do need help and support with this. It is much too difficult to address alone. You have tried different support and may know how you feel about different therapies. My first port of call would be to a sympathetic GP who is able to advise and refer you.

seacliff
Your self-esteem seems low and you must start to like yourself.

Slim people aren't always lucky - in fact some could be quite miserable too!

I agree that hypnotherapy could help you.
Food can be an addiction.

Have you considered a gastric band, or is that something you wouldn’t want to do.

Your gp could advise you about this.

Well done to James Cordon. Do you know what really gets me? For all this fat shaming, treatment/therapy for help to overcome this problem is virtually unobtainable. As a diabetic who struggles enormously with food and blood sugars, I have repeatedly explained to the Diabetic Nurse that my biggest problem is the cycle of bingeing and starving because I can't get a handle on my eating. Everything I put in my mouth worries me because of the damage I will be doing my body but seem unable to stop. They suggested I went to Time to Talk but they won't deal with eating problems. I told the Diabetic Nurse who offered me an appointment with the dietician; all they did was tell me how to eat which I already knew. I need help for the addiction which it undoubtedly is.

I go to a Pilates class and I'm the only overweight person there. I'm constantly worrying about my weight. In the past I've done very well at slimming clubs. Can I suggest joining one? Everyone is supportive and there is a chance of making new friends.

Thanks for sharing the James Corden link, he made a lot of sense. I'm not overweight but I'm also not the size 10 I used to be and it's a lot harder to lose weight as you get older. My problem is not with food but with exercise. I know I should do more. Others have made some good suggestions on here for tackling weight, I hope they help and I wish you well.

Yep! And those of us who are fat have already tried every diet going. Each diet has led to gaining more weight later. That’s the way in which the body responds to being deprived of the calories it needs to sustain itself. James Cordon is absolutely correct. Fat shaming is actually just bullying. People’s size is the last ‘legitimate’ predudice!

Griciangirl “Have you considered a gastric band”! Seriously? You are completely missing the point of this discussion. Do you no how life threatening that surgery is?

I’m just the same as you, you are not alone! When I worry I ear even though I know I’m being stupid. My husband has advanced cancer and we spend a lot of time in front of the TV because that is what he can do. He wants my company and I wouldn’t feel right going out and about with him staying indoors. Just taking one day at a time is best and I find that writing a daily diary really helps. Sending a hug