Being fat and out of control - fat shaming

I do understand this. And wish there was more understanding of the way food processing businesses DO deliberately formulate their 'quasi foods' using fats/salt/sugar in the exact combinations they have found make it addictive.
The other problem is that - as you know - its called comfort eating when in fact it is DIS comfort eating.
Please stop the beating up, You are Not the one to blame here. The only practical suggestion I have is to try to live as satisfying and happy a life as you can - you'll be happier and maybe less occupied with foods. (Always avoid any cookery related reading matter - its mainly to sell stuff anyway). Wishing you well.

Seacliff you say 'should have' - enough of that. It's a part of having a go at yourself. You're worth more than that. You can't re-write history but nothing in the future is set in stone and you can change things, with help. Food is an addiction. I too am struggling with weight problems, trying to exercise more, trying to eat less and eat better.

Maybe think about having some healthy snacks for easy pickings when you want to eat, if that works for you? It's about making tiny changes you can get used to, gradually. Remember every tiny change is still a change. That thought, that mindset has helped me make a start.

I am addicted to food in fact I love food. I'm neither obese or slim I'm just me.
But what I have learnt over the years is certain foods once you start eating them they are more addictive then others.
But the biggest way for a healthier change is your mind set.
Changing when you eat. When you comfort eat what emotions are you feeling? Ask yourself are you really hungry?
Exercise even if it's walking round the block before breakfast.
If you never change your routine nothing is ever going to change. It's easy to say this is me but when you are not fully happy it becomes a circle of eating too much feeling guilty, then thinking so be it and starting again.
It's breaking the circle with activities or hobbies evening class, sewing, crossword, walking etc that make you forget rather than being too comfy which is associated to food.
Good luck

You are me. You won't win the fight. My God I fought. I wish I could say otherwise. Three years of waffling and I am six days post op from a gastric bypass. The hell of food obsession has already lifted. Just do it. You deserve it.

I can look at this post from both angles.
It is unforgivable to fat shame people and this post has really touched me. I too have gained weight since being on lifelong chemo, and it does sap the confidence. However, there are many young people now that are obese, and I have heard people say that big is beautiful and it’s nothing to worry about. I recently watched the late Joan Rivers being interviewed by Pamela Stevenson/Connolly, and Joan mentioned that she has struggled with her weight all her life. She also mentioned that she turned to her mother for help, and her mother told her not to worry you have other superb qualities. And the psychologist replied, “so you were betrayed?” So maybe the answer is admitting the addiction as alcoholics have to and putting a plan in place.
I feel I must also add, I used to work with a young mother of five children, she was painfully thin, a smoker and lived on her nerves, but very healthy. She was constantly being told, jokingly, to get some meat on her bones, fatten up. My coworkers would say that they felt she was making herself sick after eating. Not correct.
It just shows us that people are judgmental, and quickly jump the gun.
My friend successfully accessed and implemented the advice given by her hypnotherapist, and I was also had hypnotherapy for my Facebook addiction, yes I am not kidding!
I wish you all the best.x

@ seacliff - I don't have any advice, words of wisdom or helpful suggestions but I didn't want to read your post and run, as such - you deserve more than that. I just wanted to add my support and hope that you can find a way to get any help you want/need and find some happiness somewhere.

People can be bloody cruel and very judgemental, whether it is about size, appearance, habits, wardrobe choices, careers or lack of them, life choices, partner choices, your behaviour or that of your kids/pets, condition of your home etc - and that's all before they move on to, for example, sexist, racist, ageist, homophobic views! Some people just don't seem to be able to help themselves from finding ways to put others down, to make themselves feel better by making somebody else feel worse. The only time you should ever be looking down on somebody is when you are reaching out to give them a hand up (can't recall exact quote). I hope you can also gain some benefit from support offered her on Gransnet - there are some lovely people here (and you can choose to ignore anyone who is rude or unhelpful). I wish you all the best

You’re not alone in this, I know how you feel. Since my husband died I’ve really dealt with my emotions and have also done it for most of my life. I’m now very heavy and have to get a new winter coat, nothing in my wardrobe from a couple of years ago fits now. The loneliness is awful, you feel so bad about yourself and how you look. You feel so worthless and I used to wonder whether it marketed if I was alive or dead. After my first husband died many years ago I had tiny children but I put on 3 stone and a friend wanted to go to Weightwatchers and asked me to go with her. I lost all the weight and more but still felt fat. I stayed slim till my 50s. I’ve tried WW again but my head was still in turmoil. I’ve managed to get back to it now simply by being honest and writing down exactly what I eat and trying to think ahead so that what I have in the fridge is “healthy”. I will go back. I

Could your doctor help and find a counsellor to help you sort through what’s underlying this? Does he/she do longer appointments so that you can tell them how you feel? To be honest I think they would be relieved that you want to lose the weight and have a healthier life. You need help and support and you deserve it.

Please keep in touch.

Seacliff, you could be describing me! I am fully aware of what I should and should not eat but I just can't seem to help eating the wrong things and then feel awful afterwards. I can stop for a few weeks, lose some weight but then I seem to give up and start buying high calorie sweet and savoury snacks again. It's such a viscous circle that I just don't seem able to break.

I have dreamed of becoming ill or involved in an accident so that I am in hospital for months and be forced to lose weight! How awful is that when there are so many very sick people?

My ex husband hated me being overweight and it eventually led to our divorce with him blaming my weight for driving him to seek comfort elsewhere. That is very upsetting to me but still did not stop me over eating, in fact I ate even more to comfort myself when I was lonely.

I am now suffering from severe arthritis in my knees and struggle to walk - so exercise is impossible. I need replacement knees but am too embarrassed to go to see a consultant again having been told a few years ago that I was too fat for him to agree to the operation. I'm not morbidly obese ( or I don't think so after watching tv programmes about such issues) but maybe I'm just kidding myself.

I guess food for me is like an addiction but I really think I can break the cycle, I just need to work out how.

I am sorry seacliff that you are so unhappy. Food is lovely, isn't it? It nourishes us and represents love which is why we can't always think straight where it is concerned.

I'm almost back to normal after being a bit overweight for years but it wouldn't take much for me to slip back into old ways. It's boredom, sadness etc which makes us turn to food as a comfort. Unless that underlying problem is sorted the over-eating won't get better either. I hope you manage to get through this. We all have our unhappinesses and I send you my best wishes.

Try and read the Gabriel Method. It really is interesting.
His story is amazing.
Good luck.

seacliffe you have my sympathy. Shaming anyone for how they look is disgraceful and doesn't help anyone.I agree its not easy. I have steadily put weight on since the menopause and find it impossible to shift. I too comfort eat. It really is not as simple as eating less.
Good luck and the 'fat shamers' are the ones who should be ashamed not you.

Seacliff, thank you for opening up on here, hopefully by talking together you will find some help, comfort from others who understand.

I feel for you, it must be terrible to be overweight and unhappy with it. You can never escape from your body so it’s a constant reminder.
Rather than trying another fruitless diet. Maybe have some hypnosis and therapy to help you control your cravings
Take one meal at a time if necessary and really think ‘is eating his going to make me feel good or bad afterwards’
Before you eat something, maybe drink some water or clean your teeth and out some lipstick on. Food always tastes weird after you’ve cleaned your teeth
Go for a walk and have a chat to yourself about why you want to eat that particular food.
Hope some of this helps

Seacliff it's so sad to read this and I sympathise as I've been hating my weight and my body all my life.
Have you thought of joining the online scheme WLR (Weight Loss Resources)? It's completely free of gimmicks and has a really lively community, including lovely non-judgemental mentors who you can talk to regularly. The website is www.weightlossresources.co.uk

We all know what to do eat less move more. Easier said than done. Harder to resist the foods you enjoy when you are living alone. I don't know what the answer is. The NHS should be doing alot more to help. Like any addiction we shouldn't have to go private. If you don't have the money what are you supposed to do then. In the long run if the NHS helped more it would save them money

Try Dr Zoe Harcombe. Her latest book is The Diet Fix. An earlier one was 'Why do you overeat when all you want is to be slim'. Her work combines science and personal understanding; she has done a lot of research because of her own problems. Google her at any rate. There are a lot of people on this site cheering you on, and your level of self-awareness shows you are nearer change than you realise.

The NHS should do more, the NHS is not your nanny, we all have to take responsibility for our health and eating habits.

Weight gain in later years is often a problem because we can't all do the exercise that we used to.
I am no skinny Minnie but do not overeat, I am physically sick if I eat more than an average portion.

I feel for you - I was a size 10 for many years but as age crept up, so did my weight. Also, when I stopped smoking 60 a day to none at all, I put on 3 stone, so I'm now a 20/22 depending on the clothes, and like you I beat myself up because food has become like a drug to me. The only things I can tell you are (a) there are eating disorder clinics throughout the UK, so you could ask your GP for a referral, and (b) a kind heart is a darn sight more important than your weight. Try to forgive the fat shamers - they are ignorant of the true facts, and sad little people.

I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I was size 10 then went through the change and bang!!! I've tried everything and I'm now a size 16.it gets me down. I'm currently laid up with Achilles tendinitis. I've comfort ate these last 3 weeks and I feel and look fat. Fedup. Sorry I don't have any answers. Sending you love and hugs xx

MInd and body, we have lost sight of the connection.

Mother, female child, food ,is another issue.

Oh Seacliff, your mail made me sad but I hope you can see the love that shines out from these pages. We are not all horrible 'fat shamers'. Perhaps you can see that there is a way out, given time.

First, do give yourself some love.

Secondly, there is no rush, take your time - if you do want to lose weight, forget the silly 'diets' in the press. They rarely work and those beautiful women featured must either have wills of steel or very good photo-shopping opportunities. Things most of us do not possess!

Perhaps try, as has been mentioned here, setting a clock for ten minutes and then consider if you want the food you were going to eat. You may well want to do so but on occasions, not. Every little helps. Tiny steps can lead to weight loss.

I lost a considerable amount of weight some years ago but... have put half of it back on. I consider that I may know and understand exactly how you feel and think and reading the posts here, many people are in a similar boat - you are not alone.

One trick I used was to go shopping after I had eaten and told myself that chocolate manufacturers just want to make profit out of my greed! Why should I let them (thinking of the various promotions 'too good to miss')?! I thus bought fewer 'treats' and could pace myself instead of gobbling several (and they are even smaller nowadays!) at one moment.

I am sure that some of the links here would be worthwhile, too, so why not have a look and see if any of them are for you.

The only thing - advice to me by a medic - is that bariatric surgery is not the perfect solution it at first appears for apparently you will be restricted on portion size forever. This means that family meals/convivial restaurant outings, etc., are extremely difficult. However, if that is what it takes then so be it.

Am sending you a virtual hug - take a deep breath and remember how wonderful you are.

Seacliff
I too have battled my weight most of my life. Believe me, I do understand what you say about how such a continued struggle makes you feel and why you ask people not to judge. I have just come back from the doctors' surgery after a regular health check and am signed up for help there to control my weight. The nurse I saw gave me a leaflet for something called One Life which offers regular sessions for help with overeating for all sorts of reasons and benefits. I can do both if I want to.
I, too, have tried hypnotherapy and found it useful... and expensive. I have Paul McKenna's I can Make you Thin - a book and hypnotherapy CD which is full of good advice. Listening to the CD every day used to help me a lot so I have dug it out again. It's still on Amazon and is a lot cheaper than paying for private sessions with someone.
I hope you can find appropriate help and a happy place. I will be trying to get to my own happy place alongside you. All best wishes.

I had just posted a thread about losing two stone to no visible effect when I read yours.

One little trick could be very useful for you: I noticed that if I did not drink two litres of water a day - and I mean two litres, not a drop less -the weight just did not go down.

Try doing this for a while. I know it's a bore but can do you no harm and only good.

Get yourself four 1/2 l glasses, fill them in the morning and dot them round the house. It's easier to count four glasses than lots of piddling-sized ones.

Try to finish drinking by four p.m. (to avoid constant night-time runs to the loo).

Good luck. My thoughts are with you.

Like many posters here I have struggled with my weight all my life and Ilove to eat all the things that put weight on. I was podgy at the age of 10, my mother took me to a specialist for weight loss at age 17 and I have also tried hyonosis and counselling. I was around size 16/18/20 most of my adult life, seesawing, gaining, having children, eating for at least 4 etc I then moved next to fast food outlets in around 2000 and went up to size 28, 19 stones, over a few years. I could hardly walk.

Around 2004 I got good advice from a frined and joined Slimming world. I lost 3 stones, decided I could do it alone but began to gain and went to Weightwatchers. I went down over the next couple of years to size 12/14, I got to gold in 2007 and have managed to keep there, apart from a short lapse.

I had a health scare in 2010, breast cancer, and am very arthritic so keeping the weight down is necessary. The best exercise friend was 2 dogs we got. The need to walk, whether you want to or not. I also do tai chi and swim and use a treadmill. I need to to keep mobile. I want to see my grandchildren grow up. They are 3,4 and 13 so I need to work on the health

I still want to overeat, especially the evening after weigh in, which I have to do weekly then I sometimes eat anything until I feel sick, but next day I go back on the healthy eating plan. Which is really all WW and SW are. Lots of vegetables, wholemeal bread etc. I also have an underactive thyroid and when the meds change it makes it harder to keep the weight off.

I suppose a good scare like cancer can make you really focus on it. I hope those who are struggling can find a way of eating that means you have some nice things and are not hungry but are losing weight. The photos are from around 2004 and 2007.

Sea cliff, I could have written your post word for word. I can’t emphasise enough what you are feeling is the same as I do too. Hate buying clothes, going out, looking at my face in mirror.
Other people have commented freely on my appearance and it hurts so much.

I have tried to lose weight but since menopause three years ago and hysterectomy, the redoubling of my effort to lose weight seems to be futile.