Anxiety and stress

I wouldn't dismiss the advice of a GP who has prescribed medication.

I don’t do waiting very well . If I have to wait my stress levels go right up.I can wait in a queue but if I arrange to meet someone I am always on time and I hate tardiness .I have just written down events in my childhood that made me what I am today a very anxious person although I try to hide it well . We should learn to watch out for ourselves luckylegs and let everyone else do the same . We are too good for our own good . Next time you are meeting them be late and let them do the wondering .

Luckylegs.
Have you not considered the alternative none addictive treatment route concerning your anxiety?Before self medicating, and there is much available, obtain help from the proffesionals.As for your friends, who I believe show little if any thing for your feelings, how long would it have taken them, hip replacement or no hip replacement and given the fifteen mile distance, to phone and say 'Just leaving, should be with you in x time but if held up we will phone you . To easy ! well that's their problem so think about it and should there be a next time ? let them find their own space.

Firstly, never speak ill of yourself, your brain believes what you say. Repeat after me " I can do this". It works honestly.
I have had anxiety issues and sometimes feel that it is rearing it's ugly head again, but you need to develop coping strategies and sometimes that means putting yourself first.
Take care xx

WOW - have you got a hobby - knitting etc. Something you could occupy your hands with thereby taking away the anxious thoughts from your mind. Breathing as well. There is also Yoga Nidra (this is not body exercise but mind exercise) You can find examples on UTube - beginners - it will change you life!

I know how you feel, and how difficult it is to put ourselves first. It's sometimes a case of we're 'happy' if everyone else is, and that becomes a habit. I have had life changing events in the last three years, and my stress has been so great, that there is little joy in life, though I go through the motions. I can't even plan my day without doubts and anxiety. I'm supposed to be going away for a few days soon, for the first time in four years, and I don't know how I'm going to cope with leaving the house for more than a day! I have dependants, so I get anxious about the need to stay well for them, knowing that stress is bad for our physical health. It's a vicious circle. I wish you well, and encourage you to do as others say - think of yourself.

Luckylegs, just reading your comment above. Speaking from (painful) personal experience, not doing what you want sometimes and paying scant attention to its personal cost (obviously not all the time) can lead to such anxiety and stress. I’ve been there and done that....trying to please other people over a long period of time...which led for me, eventually, to severe anxiety, panic attacks, and a lot else physically. There comes a time, I’ve had to learn, when we have to consider our own health...its a journey...and one that we can start gently and build on as time goes on. I’m a holistic therapist so I really should know better but none of us is immune! Your husband, if he cares about you-and no doubt he does-will appreciate where you’re coming from if you explain a little to him, I’m sure. I know its not easy-but it is possible.

Yes I have the answer you know it yourself..... sod everybody and look after you! At the mo ent you are the most important person to look after. Make that appointment with your doctor.

Try this binaural beats you tube - lie down, headphones in, 15 - 20 minutes - if your mind wanders repeat something in positive in your head (like 'I am so calm'). I find in brings back some control. www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFGsZ6ythQQ

I agree with all you say. Just to explain a couple of things - there wasn’t any disabled parking, it was horrendous, people were double parked, walking from miles away etc and I was offered this perfect space as the lovely people were just going. I was thinking ahead (my problem) and trying to help. It’s hard to explain but it really worked me up totally.

When we went for this procedure, again, stressful parking, other end of miles of hospital corridors, wait over an hour because someone had collapsed, got in there very nervous about what they were going to do and - he says I can see you’re a very anxious person! I’d only been in there two minutes, anyone would have been anxious in those circumstances surely?

I’m going to try and think about myself but I’ve got a husband who listens to my phone calls tutting if I express any kind of wish to do what I want and not run about after any and everybody! He only does what he wants in any circumstances but I’m not allowed the same privilege.

I love your replies, you express yourselves so well and seem to understand, thank you.

You are not silly - stress and anxiety is crippling and none of us ask to have it arrive in our lives. I feel for you very much; getting anxious spoils a lot of events in life and builds if there is something coming up that you feel you can't cope with, and I'm sure many on here know that feeling well.
Yes, do be kind to yourelf as has been suggested, and I think your friend was not the most considerate of people as she must know how things are with you at times. They should have shown some sense in getting to the show unless there was a dire emergency that held them up. Good luck with whatever you try - there is a lot out there to help. xx

Well, anxiety is just a label. It covers so much and if you want a quick fix, then take the pills. It doesn’t sound as if you do though and as you used to do lots of yoga, maybe you can look at things a bit more holistically. The long and short of ‘anxiety’ is that the nervous system needs to rebalance. You can encourage that by being kind to yourself, having enough rest and relaxation, (and doing all those ‘little’ things that you like),do some body work like tai chi, or gentle walking, take up regular meditation, get lots of sleep, spend time in nature, consciously be aware of what stresses you, and change events, or your life accordingly. Gradually, if you really take all of this on board and make some changes, you can alter the way you respond to stress and the anxiety will lessen.. CBT and pills are ok in the shorter term but to get a lasting result, you will need to look elsewhere. It sound daunting but actually it amounts to being gentle on yourself really. Have a look online as there are lots of helpful resources. Good luck!

I was going to say the same BusterTank -
Try to be realistic - I have suffered mental health issues for years which has left me with severe anxiety. But I take every thing in my stride and as this is an illness I have had to learn to look after myself.
Yes therapies help but you need to put some work in yourself.
Know your own boundaries - as much as it's nice and thoughtful - don't take on looking for a parking space because that only stressed you out and sets you up to pick up on every thing negative about the event.

There maybe something in your past that is causing this anxiety - so talking therapy may be good. Look at your diet, so you have too much caffeine? Too much wine/drink? Sweet stuff?

Try to take time out ten minutes a day to do some meditation and repeat some positive affirmatives.
Most of all you will be ok. Take care

just to say, yes you do need to see gp before 22nd October. I always find, rather than phoning my gp I take myself along early in the day, soon after they open, and ask the receptionist for an appointment. may not be that day, but certainly I usually get one within the week. good luck.

My gd suffers with anxiety it’s can be quite hard for me to watch at times she puts herself down too. Recently she met a nice guy and she has been slightly better they have got a dog and I think because of the responsibility of looking after her
She is not overthinking too much.
Not saying you should get a dog but maybe a bit of gentle yoga will help. Or deep breathing exercise, does help I
Think a lot of us suffer with some anxiety and I find that helps.
Think about yourself and not so much of others that was a lesson I learned. Overthinking things is another thing that brings on anxiety too.

Luckylegs like yourself I feel I would benefit from some medication and yet I would be worried about taking it. I know if I don't want to help myself then I can't be helped! It's a vicious circle.

I think you need to focus on you , rather than other people . Go with the flow and don't try to over think things .

I would try the breathing exercises recommended for anxiety. Look it up, it's briefly 4 seconds in, 8 out, 4 in.
Go back through what you were taught in CBT. Life is too short to waste it worrying about small issues like parking. Having a terminal illness makes you realise that, dont waste what you have. Worrying is a wasted emotion because it achieves nothing.

I hate it when doctors say it's because you're anxious when you present with real physical symptoms they can't explain.
I paid to see a private counsellor and it helped move me on from my desperate state of mind but I don't think it completely cures you.

I would of felt the same too. I think it’s also because we’ve come across the no parking space scenario so many times that we anticipate it and wait for it to happen. It sounds like you were trying so hard to please people, I had a consultant say the same to me I put him in his place as it was prior to three biopsies on my private’s so I said anyone would be like this two hours past their appointment time I was furious so to make a judgement at an appointment is silly. I self referred for cbt with the NHS she was a lovely lady and it did help me. I now try to think of myself more as sometimes we people please too much x

Thanks for your suggestions. I really don’t do what I want a lot of the time, a people pleaser I suppose. Well, not much at the moment as I haven’t been getting out at all because of the dizziness.

The annoying thing is this friend has suffered from mental health issues herself and yet they laughed at me for attempting to help them. We’ve only just got back to normal after falling out in January and probably due to the stress I was under yesterday (daft as it was I realise) I don’t feel very friendly towards her again!

I am going to get that app and that book as soon as I can.

Poor you Luckylegs your anxiety is affecting your quality of life.

2 things.

Someone I know uses a free app called ‘Headspace’ and thinks it’s wonderful for anxiety. After 3 months it’s £60 a year but she happily pays it as it’s so good. (You do not have to sign up to it though if you choose not to).

A friend went to see her doc and got referred for CBT. The list was about 3 months but she got asked by that service if she would be happy to attend a group therapy as the wait was only 4 weeks. She said she’d give it a try (she was apprehensive) but she said it was great! Very supportive and kind and actually felt more ‘normal’ knowing she wasn’t suffering on her own.

I wish you WELL. x

Just remembered - one of the things the therapist said was that there are patches of blue sky in amongst the grey clouds. She found that comment soothing.

Luckylegs, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time.

I'm currently reading The 4 Pillar Plan by Dr Rangan Chatterjee which I got from the library. I think you might find it helpful. It's very readable and practical, and he talks a lot about the very real effects stress has on the body when we're not prioritising our own well being. He also does a podcast which is called Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee.

We are all responsible for our own happiness. It's taken me a long time to learn this. You didn't have to save a space for them. If they needed a space there would have been a disabled parking area, in all probability. I suggest you start being more self aware, and maybe more self focussed, doing things for yourself that you like doing. Through the day, ask yourself how you are feeling as you do various things. How long do you spend doing stuff just for you, "me" time?

Been to the doctors, he thinks I’ve got moderate to severe anxiety. Thinks I would benefit from CBT but it’s about six months to access but as he says I’ve been like this for 70 years, it won’t go away in six months so worth getting on waiting list. He’s also prescribed Sertraline which I’m terrified about. He says I’ll be on it for at least six months, any side effects are worst in the first week so will I persist please. He thinks the whole dizziness, virus etc might all be due to the anxiety! I went to try and find a book on mindfulness in the library but couldn’t find anything today so I’ll google it. When I can get back to my usual classes I think I’ll feel a lot better. Thank you for your helpful replies, so comforting when you’re panicking.