Hospital stay for MIL

I'm afraid I haven't any answers, but replying to bump this up a bit so others see and might have advice.

Thank you Farmor15 I'm sure there will be a solution

Does she live with you or on her own? Either way I think you need to be very firm and tell the hospital that she is not fit to be discharged. Has any sort of care plan been put in place? I'm sure other people on here will be able to help.

you dont have to take her home if she isn't ready for home ! The fact that she needs rehab means she needs to get sent to a suitable place, she won't get it at home e ,
hard as it seems , stand your ground and insist she is assessed and gets the proper treatment ,
the poor woman needs help and it sounds as if your partner won't be able to cope with her needs
"they" will try and force you to get her home but be firm and insist home isn't suitable

Thank you all for your advice. I will get partner to stand his ground. She lives alone and we are 45 minutes drive away. Reading up on internet if she gets the correct rehab eventually and it will probably take time she could come home. We have been trying to get info from hospital but has been hard work it took us weeks to find out what care she is getting. Some of the after effects of op are that she becomes confused. Thank you all again. My partner spoke to someone else later today who talked about sending her home he said "if you do I will just bring her back to the hospital" makes you wonder what our NHS has come to I know it must be very difficult when patients don't need nursing just rehab and physio.

I've experienced something similar-ish but different circumstances...that was mental health services who wanted me to take someone suffering extreme psychosis who wasn't even related to me and I barely knew home with me.

My involvement was on a first aid basis only, stopping him from harming himself and trying to get him admitted somewhere he'd be safe. You have to be really extremely firm and assertive. In the end I managed to get him admitted to a psychiatric ward after visiting two different hospitals. Getting him to both was a nightmare.
The bottom line is the NHS is in crisis and if they can get someone else to look after someone, they will, out of desperation.

I would ask for a meeting with her consultant and ask for the reports from physio and occupational health.

Ask about her medication and possible side effects and how she will recover without professional care.

Basically have to make a nuisance of yourselves.
It’s a case of those that shout the loudest.

She should never be allowed home until all assessments have been done and passed.

Good luck.

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The hospital are obliged to have a discharge plan for her. They cannot just put her in a taxi and send her home. So your OH needs to ask to see this.

Patients leaving hospital are entitled to up to 6 weeks of planned free care and rehab in their own homes. SSDs and health authorities often share the responsibility for this and it will have some jazzy name like Home First - look up under your local health trust and SSD websites.

You also need to ask the ward if they have done the Continuing Healthcare Funding checklist - this is stage one in the process of organising for the NHS to pay for her care, wherever she goes. Do not let them fob you off by saying she does not qualify.

Make it clear from the start that if she is sent home without a proper care plan you will be raising a complaint and contacting MP.

I know it sounds dreadful to have to be so stroppy, but I have just been through all this with my OH and believe me you have to stand your ground.

I am sorry your MIL has been so unwell and hope you and your OH can sort things out without too much stress.

Sadly it seems unless there is somebody to 'fight your corner' when you are ill and vulnerable, and not in a postion to speak up for yourself, this situation can arise. It doesn't sound at all reasonable to send this poor lady home in such a helpless state - she clearly needs rehabilitation care - so do speak to all the medical professionals that you can pin down. As with most other areas of life, persistence is the only answer.

We had a similar situation with my elderly mother last year, she had a collapsed lung and pneumonia and after a couple of weeks they wanted to send her home, as she had previously refused all help and relied on myself ( and to some extent, my sister) I refused point blank to care for my mother, so did my sister, she was simply not fit to be at home under any circumstances. She had gotten to the stage where she was confused, uncooperative, could barely move, wouldn't eat or drink and they wanted to send her home!

Social Services got involved and a care plan was put in place - she needed full time care in a care home. This was funded by the NHS and she moved into a suitable care home a couple of weeks later. Unfortunately she died 10 days after admittance into the care home, but we knew that this was coming.

Please stand your ground, I can understand that hospitals need the beds but they shouldn't be allowed to discharge patients willy nilly like that

Patient Advocacy and Liaison (PALS) service could be helpful, there is usually one at every hospital.

So sorry to hear of your situation. Another thing to bear in mind is that once she is out of the system it could be very difficult to get her back into it, should a rehab place become available - out of sight, out of mind..

First of all your DP needs to arrange a meeting with your MiL consultant so he can find out exactly what is happening.
I very mush doubt if they will send her home on her own if she is so incapacitated.
If it is impossible for any family member to be with her , if that is the case, I think you need to have social services involved so at least they can help find a nursing home for her to continue her treatment. My local hospital has a "halfway house "unit just for situations like this and there may even be a similar place where the MiL is.

Lots of good advice on here. Can I say that best practice involves team meetings with everyone involved in your MIL's care. I suggest your DP rings her consultant and asks for a team meeting to take place. He should attend and if his mother is capable she should be there too. Meeting should include- a doctor from her medical team, a nurse, someone from physio, someone from social services and anyone else who might have had input. They should set out what they are doing, what they think outcomes might be and what they will provide to enable this. You should be allowed to question them and give your own views.

They'll be wanting to send her home because they've given her all the care they can, and need the bed for another poorly patient. Hopitals are hospitals, not rehab centres, so yes, they can send her home. Rehab and physio come under after care. The NHS hasn't the capacity to keep people in beds indefinitely. It's called progress and efficiency.

Unfortunately in my mother's case it was the consultant who insisted that my mother went home - something to bear in mind

oh, so, .. wondering where abouts you live? I live in Swindon, my dh, (84 years old) had a benign brain tumour removed about 2 months ago... (I have lost track of time) he came through it wonderfully, despite other medical issues.

came home, but not before someone checked out that I was there, and the home was suitable!!!

then other problems have arisen, and now.. back in hospital, but sent to a different hospital a good drive away from me, so I am dependent on others to take me...

keep asking when they will send him back to our local hospital, cos I could drive there they tell me when he is fit to be transported (it would be by ambulance)

as for coming home, I am really sure that they won`t let him home till he is able to walk a little bit,,

just saying this.. and yes, this is NHS..... wonderful care he has had and is having, save I do think the GP and sometimes other docs can overdose with medication
example, gp has continuallygiven him anti depressants, they don`t agree with him, he tells, them.. so now being in hospital they have looked at his repeat medication and put him on anti depressants.. I have told them they don`t agree with them, he doesn`t want them. and surely wouldn`t anyone show a little bit of depression with lots of illness!!

hoping they will take him of them, and hopefully he will start to improve.

just sharing this, (i don`t share easily) to show that the NHS should NOT send anyone home until and unless they are able to look after themselves or someone at home to care.

Praying for you and yours

My aunt was over 90 and frail when she visited her neighbour in hospital. Her neighbour was even older and more frail than she was.
The hospital staff asked my aunt to be her neighbour's carer ¡ Fortunately my Aunt said no, but how dare they ask ?

Why did they close all the little cottage hospitals down? Like the one my granny spent her last months in, bed bound but with excellent nursing care. Different world. Sigh.

Surely they can't send her home without a 'care package' in place? Late MIL went to an assessment centre and then into residential care after a hospital stay. The latter had to be arranged by BIL.

Well good luck with that, we are currently in a similar situation, Say No and whatever happens don't let them discuss this with her. The issue is, if it's nursing care the hospital pays, social care Social Services pay and there is a lot of disagreement between the two agencies regarding this. CAPACITY is the key word they will use, does she have the capacity to make her own decisions. NO is your key word and whatever happens watch out for the discharge nurse, the tactics she used in our situation was disgraceful.

I can't help thanking all the staff at our local hospital who worked with my mother in the last 4 months of her life. She died in hospital which was a shock to everyone. She was 94 but everyone worked to try and rehabilitate her. They talked to us, consulted us and kept us informed. They sent a physio team out to measure her flat, let me look at care homes, then agreed to try and set up a care package when I didn't like them. At no time did I feel they wanted rid of her. It is such a pity that this good practice isn't available to everyone.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.