He's so damn stubborn!

P.S. just told my DH who had one years ago and also says he’s an idiot if he doesn’t go as it’s the easiest thing in the world to do.

I've heard this story so many times before and as others have speculated, it's fear and ignorance of what these tests involve.

I have a dear friend whose husband is wasting away. She, his sons and beloved dauughter have all begged him to go be checked out.
It seems he prefers to just drop dead and leave them all in the lurch. It is so utterly selfish.

It's not about HIM, it's about ALL the family. How will they feel if Dad could have had more years with them but chose not to?
Karen even told him angrily that he was deliberately committing suicide and they all had to watch. He still won't budge.

So it has to be abject, paralysing fear hasn't it, because he's a loving father in every other way.

Also want to add that a close family member had the chance for a bowel screening test at 55. He wasn't going to bother (he's extremely fit), but his wife persuaded him to attend. They found a malignant tumour. Had the surgery (not great and knocked him back a bit), but it was caught before it had spread and 9 months on he's once again as fit as a fiddle.

Years ago, before screening was offered, an uncle of dh died of an aortic aneurism while in the hospital shortly before emergency urgery. He had collapsed at home, just as he and the aunt were about to go on holiday.
It was all over within a few hours.

A lot of wives have this sort of problem with their men, the ones I know try to gently cajole him to go, if it’s important that they go, throw their toys out of the pram and get really angry.
So if you think anger will work do that, otherwise drop it.

harris my sons mother in law similar age to me kept ignoring the poo tests as she ‘had no symptoms’ her husband also ‘wasn’t bothered’ one day they decided they may as well send them off, only to find she had stage 2 bowel cancer she survived that op but nearly died after the op from bacterial pneumonia Much better now but my goodness where would she have been if she’d had kept on ignoring
Your husband is doing the routine of hiding the bill you can’t pay behind the clock so if you don’t see it it will go away He’s running scared but not a lot you can do if he won’t listen Tell him to make sure his life insurance is up to date if he wants to continue being so stubborn

Whoops just seen no life insurance

phoenix - my husband had exactly the same letter yesterday. About an endoscopy. But he'd never received notice of the date of the test. He refuses to tell this to his GP. Why?
I know the GP's wife personally and thought I could ask her to pass this on to her husband, but OH would have a fit if he knew.

Can you intercept hubby's letters and at least let the surgery know he won't be attending? His lookout if he doesn't want to go but that's just selfish.

Now he says he thought an endoscopy was the same as a colonoscopy (which he had not long ago).
I give up.

It seems some men have a medical phobia and would sooner die than visit a hospital (literally). If you have tried everything and he won't budge then start talking about life assurance, wills and funerals. Discuss this daily as though you're expecting him to pop his clogs any time. Keep asking him whether he wants to be cremated or buried, what kind of coffin, what music for the service, who should attend etc. Keep pestering him daily with these conversations and if he gets cross then tell him it won't be long before you need this information, unless he attends his hospital appointments! It may be the only way to get through to him.

Chestnut Not only is that bad advice it's cruel.

Whoever would want to live in that kind of atmosphere.

I said only if you've tried everything. If he's refusing essential treatment then you need him to wake up to the danger he's putting himself in. If he faces the fact that he is hastening his own demise then maybe he will see things differently. And death is not a subject we should shy away from anyway. We all have to go and I'm quite happy to think about my own funeral arrangements. There is nothing cruel about facing reality.

Keep asking him whether he wants to be cremated or buried, what kind of coffin, what music for the service, who should attend etc. Keep pestering him daily with these conversations

That's enough to make any man retreat to his shed!

Taunting gets you nowhere.

I think he has every right to refuse screening tests - but a duty to cancel the appointments. Somebody else then has the chance of an earlier visit. The tests can be useful but they are optional, after all. I've never bothered with them.

We can only advise our nearest and dearest then it's up to them. Same if I refused to see the doctor or have some screening, I would hate to be treated like a toddler. As much as we do it because we love them nagging and threatening will get you nowhere, if anything he'll become even more stabborn. Reading about it it says even the repair has some risks and that's why women are not encouraged to be screened as they statistically have a much lower incidence and also 10 years later than men, so the risk would outweigh the benefit. Just leave it at that.

Our area in Scotland was one of the first to introduce screening tests when DH had just retired at 64. He went quite willingly to be screened having previously been diagnosed with Angina. He was pretty fit at the time and a keen golfer but continued with the screening which began to show a developing aortic aneurism aortic. Screening continued for over four years showing an increased risk each time until he was operated on as aneurism had reached danger levels. The thing was that he, at no time, felt any symptoms but was told it burst at any time. He had Triple A operation carried out very quickly and we had no doubt it saved his life and enabled him to enjoy twenty two years of retirement. The NHS looked after him very well and I do get a bit annoyed to think that someone would ignore an appointment (or two) which might result in someone else not been screened. Phoenix Please do discuss this post with him again as he is not only risking his life but possibly someone else's as well.

Its his right to refuse, but not to cancel the appointment is wrong and selfish. Suggest you filter his post and open any that you think might be from the NHS. Then say are you going, if not I will cancel. I can't see him changing his mind.

Your DH is being very foolish.
I know of two men who have had this condition this year; both were within minutes of dying after being rushed to hospital and were lucky to survive the surgery.

Ha ha mine is the opposite. He has become a real hypochondriac since he had Legionnaires 4 years ago. He goes for every test going! In fact when I was with the oncologist for my cancer he was telling her all about his sciatica