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Surprised by Egomania

(26 Posts)
BradfordLass72 Sun 29-Dec-19 19:56:44

Of necessity I have had to do a bit of research on Narcissism over the past 2 years but what I learned today took me a bit by surprise.

It sounds pretty much the same as Egomania.

1. Egomaniacs have an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
2. Egomaniacs exploit others for their own benefit.
3. They have a huge sense of entitlement.
4. They are often addicted to social media.
5. They have no regard for others.
6. Egomaniacs are attracted to jobs in politics and entertainment.

Is there a difference then between the two conditions and are they treated or seen differently?

If anyone with more experience than myself (pretty much everyone I suspect smile has any insight into these psychological disorders, I would be very interested to know.

QuaintIrene Sun 29-Dec-19 20:01:12

What were Egomaniacs addicted to before social media was a thing I wonder.

notanan2 Sun 29-Dec-19 20:08:49

I do not think all narcisists are egomaniacs.

Many narcs like to quietly stir the pot in the background. Manipulating others into doing their dirty work. They DO want to be involved in others business but they dont necessarily want all eyes on them. They do like to control/manipulate who the attention is focused on, especially if its negative attention

notanan2 Sun 29-Dec-19 20:10:04

What were Egomaniacs addicted to before social media was a thing I wonder.
Central/local government, medicine, clergy, show biz, general big fish small pond roles..

notanan2 Sun 29-Dec-19 20:14:09

Egomaniacs may do consequential harm: they may step on you on their way to the top. But its not personal. They dont care who they hurt but they do not use up energy on who they hurt.

Narcs TARGET their victims. And destroying them / their reputation is the end goal.

notanan2 Sun 29-Dec-19 20:16:22

Narcs at times may chose less glamourous role but roles that give them an image of being upstanding and trustworthy. A job where they have some power over others, but not necessarily high fliers: police, teachers, nurses etc.

Most people (except their targets) just see them as nice and honest.

lemongrove Sun 29-Dec-19 20:23:34

BradfordL I really really wouldn’t ask for that kind of advice on here ( or any forum.)

notanan2 Sun 29-Dec-19 20:37:37

Its not advice though is it. Its a general discussion

And its interesting.

And what interests me is the benefits of personality disorders: the people who arent distracted by the feelings of friends/family/co workers like the rest of us, and are 100% focused on success in their fields, are often the ones who push through new technology, medical advances and research!

grannyactivist Sun 29-Dec-19 20:47:42

Check this out BradfordLass:

vinasol Sun 29-Dec-19 20:49:45

So different from who I am that I just don't "get them."

notanan2 Sun 29-Dec-19 20:58:20

You know when a "normal" person gets a new job or a promotion? "Imposter syndrome" is quite common: "oh my god I dont know what Im doing". They are keen to be liked but not instant BFFs with anyone

Egomaniacs dont feel that. They have full confidence from day 1. If they dont get it right they will lie without remorse. They will claim others work as their own. Often liked by bosses who dont understand why other staff hate working with them. Egomaniacs dont care if their coworkers dont lile them they are only out to impress seniors for the next promotion

Narcs may on some level feel it but it gets projected / redirected towards co workers who they percieve may criticise or show them up. They will then set their mind to discrediting them. Narcs at least initially become close to co workers. They try to become best friends with their "targets"

notanan2 Sun 29-Dec-19 21:04:36

Say in a meeting, person B corrects person A

If person A is normal/average: Feel embarrassed and worry about having gotten it wrong.

Person A is an ego maniac: Claim that is what they said/meant. Dont get embarrassed just rewrite it and claim person Bs work/knowledge as their own. Walk out feeling that the meeting was a sucess and they nailed it

Person A is a Narc: act gracefully in the meeting. But dont internalise their mistake or take the correction at face value, instead they take it personally, but dont let others see them react. Then they scheme to discredit person B, spread rumours about them etc

vinasol Sun 29-Dec-19 21:11:20

I do know people who others seem to feed off their attractiveness and it doesn't matter that they are crap at their jobs. Never understood that. But then, I can't understand a bad work ethic.

inkycog Sun 29-Dec-19 21:30:08

What were egomaniacs addicted to? Themselves.

This guy is great, very genuine

notanan2 Sun 29-Dec-19 21:36:08

Vinasol neither care about doing a good job

Egomaniacs dont really consider their own failings at all, they think they are worthy of every promotion that comes up, and often get them because their colleagues may not feel "ready" or confident enough to apply.

Narcs go on the defensive to cover up their failings, discreting anyone who might notice or point out their mistakes. Which I dont get because that takes more energy/effort than just getting better at your job
Narcs often take pride in being the last to leave. They slag off people who leave on time. But the reason narcs have to stay late is because they waste so much of their day muttering in peoples ears or befriending their target with faux friendship/concern etc.

notanan2 Sun 29-Dec-19 21:45:17

The narc will huddle up to their "competition" at work. Even offer to coach/mentor them. Befriend them. Seem interested in their life and particularly personal problems.

They will use all of this against them at a future date!

The egomaniac isnt quite so scheming. They might pinch your work and submit it as their own. They might blame you for things they were supposed to do but didnt. But they dont really go after you in such a manipulative way.

BradfordLass72 Mon 30-Dec-19 04:29:59

Thanks for all that great information and the links. Very interesting indeed.

QuaintIrene Mon 30-Dec-19 08:46:19

Of course...I was thinking about life before social media, closed my eyes and promptly fell asleep 😕
I have only met one person who I believe to be a true narc.
One of the most frightening people you could ever encounter. Astonishing when seen in action. Indefatigable, endlessly patient in playing the long game. Watched her destroy lives at work, a local government department for years.
No way of sacking her. You actually had to stab someone to warrant as much as a suspension in those days. But she was moved, just once to a place she had leaner pickings. That was only because she started on an, unknown to her, close friend of the chief execs wife.
It beggars belief but like psychopaths they are just so good at it.
An interesting thread and links, indeed.

notanan2 Mon 30-Dec-19 12:44:27

I think neither ever think they've done anything wrong but

The Egomaniac just dont focus/care about their mistakes. It doesnt dent/bruise their ego at all. They focus on false/inflated positives (about themselves) Narcs focus on negatives (that they invent about others)

The Narc does care DEEPLY about their mistakes but doesnt see them as "their" mistakes. They zone in on it and rewrite history and truely believe their version of events, which get switched from them doing something wrong to someone else setting them up or lying about them. They'll hold this grudge based on a false re-written memory for years.

E.g. The Narc argued that their workload was too great (theyre alwaus hard done by), however X who had the same workload but in another department so Narc is told they need to get their work done (they werent getting it done in time)
Narc doesnt see this as a reason they should change their ways (and work more gossip less)
Instead they interpret the situation as X has set them up somehow, and X is their enemy and they put work into seeking revenge (rather than putting work into their WORK so it gets done).
They befriend X. Find out whats happening in their private life. Use that to spread rumours that X has been cutting corners in their work so they can leave work on time to go do whatever is going on in their private life. They phrase this as faux concern so they look like the nice guy.
Then when their department gets compared to Xs department they can cast doubt as to whether or not the work thats getting done is done properly.

But thats not enough for them. Once they see X as their target it wont be enough to just discredit them at work. They will befriend their friends and family outside work. And stir trouble there too.

notanan2 Mon 30-Dec-19 12:47:54

Sorry that meant to say

"however X who had the same workload but in another department is not only getting their work done on time but also asking for extra responsibilities "

This humiliates the narc. When a narc feels humiliation it turns to rage. A rage where they feel wronged.

The egomaniac just doesnt feel humiliation at all. They will lie to get out of it but then forget about it and plough on with their confidence still charged to 100%

notanan2 Mon 30-Dec-19 12:55:59

Narcs rage is a slow boil. A simmer. They can keep it going for a lifetime. Even after death

e.g. Sagas mother in The Bridge
A perfect example. Saga tried to whistleblow on her sisters abuse
Sagas mother doesnt think "oh no Ive been caught out" instead she schemes to discredit and destroy Saga so that no one ever listens to her. She even stages her own death so it causes trouble for Saga.

Narcs often leave stings in tails that stir trouble after their death ("to DD1 I leave the charm bracelet she gave me" when they knee full well it was DD2 who gave her that. But it keeps the pot stirred, even after theyre gone)

Egomaniacs are much less dangerous than Narcs. Ive seen 2 egomaniacs climb the ranks at work. Yes they step on you on the way up, but then they forget about you.

A narc will never ever let you go if theyve set their sights on destroying you.

Egomaniacs are easy to recognise
Narcs are not. They try to not show their hands. They can seem like your friend. You may even confide in them that you dont understand why everyone else is "off" with you, not knowing that its them stirring trouble between you and your other friends

blondenana Mon 30-Dec-19 13:56:48

Not good at links,but if you can get this,it explains a lot,

notanan2 Mon 30-Dec-19 14:17:47

Egomaniacs on the other hand dont hold grudges.

You may have had problems with them in the past but if you later on find yourself on an interview panel for a job they want they will have no shame in trying to charm you.

You don't matter. All that matters is whether or not you can be useful in their climb to the top!

Namsnanny Mon 30-Dec-19 14:42:18

Bradfordlass ... know one well,what ever label is put on them.
PM me if you'd like more info!
Although I can only give my own personal experiences obviously.

NanTheWiser Mon 30-Dec-19 18:04:15

Having been married for 20 years to a classic Narc (he died 8 years ago), I know allll about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. By nature they are ALWAYS egocentric.