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Do you worry about your grandchildren?

(29 Posts)
BlueSky Thu 06-Feb-20 12:43:20

Do you worry about your DGC when they are babies and toddlers? When they are of school age? What about when they are young adults? I've always worried, first it's illnesses, then maybe walking to school on their own or being bullied, and when they are finally grown up do you worry about them being out late, driving, going to Uni or perhaps on a gap year? I thought it would get better as they got older in fact the cause of worry changes but the worry is still there. Just wonder whether this happens to all grandparents or it's just my anxiety and catastrophising again.

tanith Thu 06-Feb-20 13:12:56

I worry about all my DC the DGC and DGGC everyone of them. I’ve been through all the stages you mention but I don’t dwell on it, it’s just always there in the back of my mind. I’m sure most Grandparents worry about their family members.
You can’t change things and you can’t help worrying of course but do try to not let it affect you so.

Grammaretto Thu 06-Feb-20 13:34:12

I'm with tanith. Ofcourse I worry and get anxious but then I remember to be a Stoic. Change what you can change and let go of what you can't.

Chewbacca Thu 06-Feb-20 13:43:00

Indeed I do. Like tanith I worry about my DS, DIL and GC. I spend a lot of my time and money doing all I can to make things a little bit easier for them because I know how difficult things are for them no matter how hard they work.

BlueSky Thu 06-Feb-20 13:52:35

Oh Tanith now you mention DGGC too! So it'll start all over again! But yes you are right. I like your quote Grammaretto and must put that in prectice! And like Chewbacca we try to help in any way we can. What more can we do?

Baggs Thu 06-Feb-20 13:55:20

No, I don't. My grandsons have great parents and are healthy, clever, active boys.

I don't worry about my daughters either.

Which is not to say I was never worried about any of them but I think I can say that I only worry appropriately, i.e. if there's something to worry about. I don't count minor illness or possibilities about what might go wrong somewhere sometime in their lives as worrisome.

MissAdventure Thu 06-Feb-20 13:56:01

No, I'm not really the worrying type, as a rule.
I worry about my grandson out on his bike, but not to the extent that its a problem.

MerylStreep Thu 06-Feb-20 14:12:12

No. Why would you worry about what might happen?
I can be concerned with different issues in the family and do my best to help them sort it out.
I think I've only ever worried about one of the family ( my daughter) and that was when she was pregnant but that got sorted.

Chestnut Thu 06-Feb-20 14:12:33

I think we all have the major worries, accidents, stranger danger, bullying, traffic but I try to push them out of my mind. It's good to teach them age-appropriate measures for self-protection and safety but you can't watch them every minute.

I am probably more concerned about the effects of social media and the internet when they are older. They are 4,6 and 8 at the moment so no smartphones yet. But those things can bring the whole world into their bedrooms which is very worrying. I believe that one of the worst things that ever happened was for mobile phones to be connected to the internet. Great for adults, but smartphones should have been illegal for anyone under the age of 16 or 18 right from the start! Would have saved a lot of heartache and loss for some people. Not possible unfortunately.

endlessstrife Thu 06-Feb-20 14:19:59

No, I don’t think about them at all when I’m not with them. I was a stay at home mum to four children, and spent lots of time worrying about them, in all sorts of situations. Mainly the going out at night. I couldn’t sleep until they were in, sometimes 4am!! They have all turned into wonderful adults and parents, and the grandchildren are their concern. I treasure my sleep and relaxation. I help if needed, I love all my grandchildren, and if there was an emergency, we’d be there. Otherwise, it’s me and my husband.....and our time now.

MissAdventure Thu 06-Feb-20 14:31:03

Social media is a concern, along with screen time, I agree.
Limit screen time and he goes out on his bike doing wheelies so I can worry about that instead.

Eglantine21 Thu 06-Feb-20 14:39:58

The thing about catastrophising and letting your mind go down the what if route (and believe me I could have won Olympic Gold if it was an event) is that when the really terrible thing happens it is nothing like you imagined it could be, the way you feel, the way you deal with it, the way your life is from then on.

All that fantasy worrying has not helped in any way to cope with the reality.

Myself I found it was like an inoculation. After the really bad thing happened I haven’t worried about about imaginary “what ifs”.

NanaRayna Thu 06-Feb-20 14:42:07

I don't fret exactly, but I do have them in mind a lot and hope/wonder if all is well with them. Also I keep kind of ready-in-my-head to help if called on at a moment's notice. Which has sometimes been necessary...
So, not so much a worrier, but always half expecting to be asked to step in and help.

BlueSky Thu 06-Feb-20 14:49:37

Great replies from those of you who don't worry unnecessarily as well as those who have indeed come across the unthinkable. Thanks. thanks

M0nica Thu 06-Feb-20 15:28:11

I am one of life's non-worriers. I wait until things happen.

As far as DGC are concerned, I know and trust my son and wife as parents. So far they have dealt very well with everything that was needed and both DGC seem to be turning out sensible and well-balanced, so why worry?

Yes, I worry a bit about DGS's health, but he is and has always been painfully thin and underweight and has had various minor ills that have had him in and out of hospital, so reason for slight worry there.

As Eglantine said After the really bad thing happened I haven’t worried about about imaginary “what ifs”.

For me the 'really bad thing' was completely unforseeable. After it I developed a scale of 1 - 10. I have already scored a 9. All other worries and catastrophes hardly seem worth spending time on.

MissAdventure Thu 06-Feb-20 15:41:00

If a catastrophe happened, all of us; worrywarts and non worriers alike, would react in the same way.
We would pull ourselves together, step up, and do whatever was needed.
We probably wouldn't even have time to worry.

BlueSky Thu 06-Feb-20 15:59:16

Wise words everybody, I can see the possible value of talking therapies which so far I've refused. Time for a rethink!

MissAdventure Thu 06-Feb-20 16:04:27

The thing is, as a worrier, your family may not be able to confide in you for fear of upsetting you, and nobody would want that to happen.

M0nica Thu 06-Feb-20 16:12:29

MissAdventure, that is true. DH is a worrier and at times, we do not mention things until they happen or are resolved to save stressing him. Nothing major, just the minor problems in life, like car problems or house malfunctions.

MissAdventure Thu 06-Feb-20 16:21:33

My daughter had a lovely, lovely friend, but she couldn't deal with the friends worrying.
My daughter, often avoided her when she had bad news, healthwise.

Davida1968 Thu 06-Feb-20 16:28:20

When DGC were little, I was always on pins when we had the care of them! Now they are older, I find that it's different, and easier. But I'm still very conscious of the fact that they aren't "my" children, so somehow I still feel doubly responsible as a grandparent, compared with being a parent. They live far away and I try not to worry about them, but sometimes this is hard!

Callistemon Thu 06-Feb-20 16:49:36

Yes, I do and it is always worse in the middle of the night.

I think it is because we are not, generally speaking, the one in charge of them.

I try to remember DM's mantra (one of many) which was "Don't meet trouble halfway".

Norah Thu 06-Feb-20 16:53:43

Not really. What will be will be.

Grammaretto Thu 06-Feb-20 17:06:34

I know that feeling too Davida1968 the feeling of being twice as responsible. If they are in my car. When I'm babysitting or crossing roads.
I worry more than I did with our own.
There's no getting away from it is there.
Once when I was babysitting my DGC#1. She started vomiting . I told myself I had brought up 4 DC with all that that entails, I wasn't going to drag her parents home because of a bout of sickness.

Anyway, needless to say, the baby became really ill and was taken to hospital. DS reproaching me/us and saying why didn't you fetch us home sooner...... She made a full recovery.

Elrel Thu 06-Feb-20 17:14:55

Grammaretto - glad the baby was all right.
I have regrets of when I didn’t act.
Overall in one sense I’m sure I worry about the whole family yet we just have to accept that each one has their own life to lead I guess.

MissAdventure - yes, it’s disconcerting when you find out that you’re considered too frail or panicky to be told what’s going on!