So, I pulled my pants down........

Erm, just answered that one, Nanjust60 !

Thank you

phoenix, thanks for sharing and putting a smile on my face. My husband, MacSporran bravely took a photo of a red/purple lump protruding from my backside (size of a golf ball) and, in spite of two sessions of surgery, it continues to accompany me wherever I go. It's a rectal prolapse. I think to myself...providing the flatulence holds on until I retire to some place private, I'll be thankful for small mercies.

Can you let me know the name of the lotion please

Phoenix when I was heavily pregnant with my second child I developed a vaginal boil ( now know they are pretty common but as a 20 year old pretty naive) . Thought I would mention it to midwife at my anti natal appointment and she would just have a look and give me some cream or whatever, next thing I knew was in a cubicle with my knickers round my ankles in comes a consultant and about 8 male students having a good poke round. Yes those were the days but thanks for a good laugh.Hope you and your husband both recover ?

Oh soop you poor love!

Nanjust60 it's called Cryotag.

hahahahahahaha, best post I've ever seen on here! you are a great story teller phoenix! Good luck!!!!

Phoenix, I do hope it is something completely harmless and that either goes away on its own, or just needs a application of ointment.

Re. embarrassment, any woman who has been to a gynaecologist has been through that hoop. I imagine we all still remember our first visit to a gynaecologist.

sodapop
You cheeky monkey ??

Thank you

Humph!

Not happy.

Was called by the receptionist (who sounds about 12) to say Dr. S. doesn't think it's anything to worry about, but get back in touch in a month's time with better photos, in focus, if it hasn't gone away!

Better photos! In focus! What the back do they want me to do, call in a professional photographer?

Yes, we do have a couple of those in the village, but even without social distancing I'm hardly likely to give them a call for this, "Oh, hello Jane, how are you? Now, I know you usually specialise in wildlife and landscape photography, but I was wondering if you might be able to get a few shots of my bottom. Hello, hello?"

" Lee, how's it going? I expect with weddings being cancelled, you've got a bit of time on your hands! Well, I now it's outside your usual remit, but I need a couple of close ups. No, not soft focus, yes, I know many brides prefer that............ "

Heck, not back! Grr.

Damn, noticed a typo in the OP.

(Note to self, preview posts!)

Update?

Oh phoenix please do. ? if you have a professional you can have lots of photos and turn them into an all bum! ?

Doodle that pun is soooo bad!

I thought it was quite good myself ?

The worst "pain in the arse" is human!

I had a sore patch on my bottom cheek which healed with an application or two of Argon oil. I suspect I had put too much detergent in the wash and caused dermatitis.

Very apt name for this thread, Jaxie!

Thank you Phoenix. Thank you all. Despite the sun, I was feeling quite down today. Shieldinglockdownitis.

Hello all, just to be clear:

A) It is not a boil, spot or pimple.
B) Neither is it a pile (so much easier to spell than the "proper" word) as it is in completely the wrong place for that!
C) It is not in anyway sore or painful.

Thank you!

A polyp? I like the word polyp. Nearly as much as exponential - which is very popular at the moment.

I used to be a photographer for the last 10 years of my career - I could do it! I have been wanting to keep my hand in.......ah.....maybe I could have phrased that better.