Black Dog Gang 7

How is everyone today? I hope you are well or are feeling better. Annie your attitude towards your own life is amazing.
I have my anxiety back at the moment, I have not been sleeping and my diverticulitus has flared up. Unlike Annie I tend to sometimes react angrily to my situation and I hurt the ones I love, then I am full of guilt and remorse. After this happens I get self loathing. I hate myself for it and I am trying to work out the triggers. This is the 1st time I have had the courage to write this down. I have not contacted my close family as much as I know how I am feeling and really do not want to hurt anyone.
I am going out later on my own for a drive while my partner watches sport.
I think sometimes being alone is helpful and sometimes it is not good as my thoughts just manifest. I wish everyone a peaceful day.

Hi all x

Maggie I have been alone for 3 years, I am part of a large
extended family, I have three sisters living in the same town , my life was very full, my darling daughter had been ill for some years, as it got worse it caused problems in my extended
family, this caused a break up with my three sisters , at the same time I moved house to be nearer to my daughter, she
died 11 months later, suicide causes people to react differently to death from a physical illness, the break up with my sisters,
caring for my three grandchildren I didn’t have time to get to
know my new neighbours.

My darling daughter dead, my grandchildren moved away because of the gossip, I developed agoraphobia, in less than a year I had moved to another part of town, my darling daughter dead, grandchildren moved, no contact with my
three sisters, three friends died too. First time ever I was
completely alone and my daughter and I had always been very
close.

To suddenly go from a full and busy life to all that emptiness was too much and also severe arthritis set in which meant I
could go for walks which I had always loved, couldn’t walk to
my much loved mountains, couldn’t go to Church or do things I had done for many years .

I had to start a new life.

Lovely she’s about 6 months old now..

Morning all, Morning Maggie, it’s very grey hear in South Yorkshire as well, still warm. I do a bit of meditation it can be very relaxing. I found some on YouTube, there is also plenty for heath anxiety which I find helps.. what is you dog Maggie,
I love dogs but I have to be honest I am scared of dogs I don’t know... my daughter has got a Tibetan Terrier just has we went into locked down she is beautiful..

Morning all, how did you sleep? It’s grey outside (I live down south in St Albans) but I’d rather this than the crushing heat. Annie, how many dogs do you have and what breed? Does someone walk them for you? Who is cooking Sunday dinner today? I’ll do a roast for me and my daughter but just chuck a chicken in with peppers, leeks and olives (a Nigella recipe) so no work at all. A long dog walk first and maybe try to find a coffee afterwards. I’d be interested to know if anyone has a meditation practice, I’m going to try and start this week.

Not a boring post at all Annie, I was so interested to hear how you fill your days and how you’ve coped with all that’s befallen you. I like what you say about doing something crafty and how it occupies hands and mind. The power of prayer is something else to be valued, I lost my faith a long time ago and wish I could get it back. We live in such a secular society now and that makes it harder. But maybe I’ll try a prayer now and give things over to a power higher than myself. Good night to you all, it feels like it’ll never stop raining but the grass is green again and our local river, the Ver, is full to the brim. Actually it’s a chalk stream rather than a river but very beautiful and clear. Nature is such a balm.

annie I think your book sounds a really good idea. I often wish I had persuaded my mum and dad to write about their lives in Wales. My father was a miner before he moved to London.
You certainly manage to keep yourself busy annie. It is a shame you have to have those liquid meals because mealtime is usually an enjoyable part of the day. Planning what you are going to eat and occasional treats. Not sure I could get very excited about your liquid feed. Does it come in different flavours?
Puzzler I love Shaun the sheep. I have one who sits on our filing cabinet.
scaredycat I’m glad you felt like eating a bit today. The walk obviously did you good.
maggie do you belong to any clubs or Social groups?
joce are you back on the CBD oil yet? Hope you are feeling a bit better.
Sleep well all x

Friends, I don’t keep myself in a frenzy all day trying to blank
out thoughts and feelings, I do believe doing something wich interests us helps , one thing which was always carried out
when I was in a mental hospital was craft work every afternoon , you are working with mind and hands and creating
something.

Night night Joce and everyone. Sleep well.

You have the brave heart of a lion Annie.
?

Puzzler love Shaun.. made me smile.
Annie would like to read your book my self .
Hope everyone has a peaceful nights sleep..
night all ?

Hello Puzzler Saun the Sheep is so cute, thank you.

Yes I was born and brought up in the South Wales Valleys, a mining village Aberfan. I want my grandchildren and great
grandchildren to learn about the pits, my great grandfather was a baptist minister who was with other rescuers at the
Senghenydd pit disaster where 440 died, I have his diaries,
he also took part in the burials, there were 7 coffins from one house. I want them to know why education was so important,
sons wouldn’t have to go down there and the reasons why.

When one has children to care for one can’t give up, but the
morning I had the telephone call to tell me my beloved
daughter was dead I did come very near to taking an overdose.

It was members of Gransnet who got me through that.

Good evening Annie and everyone.
You really do make squeeze the most out of your day, you sound very productive, not to mention stoic, in the face of extreme blows that have been dealt to you during your life.

What also comes through is the love that you are surrounded by, from your daughter and grandchildren. It is a two way street and I’m certain you give love back in equal measures.

Writing is a good “therapy” we didn’t mention -
and your book on the Welsh Mining Valleys must have you really digging into your memory - were you born there?

An ex-colleague of my DH produced a folder of his family tree after his mother died. He had 3 copies, 2 for our daughters.
He is the last male in his family’s line on his mother’s side .
It was so interesting. You must find it very absorbing when you are researching?

I’ll share a picture of a new friend I made today.
We just came across him on a pavement in a town in the Cotswolds. You’ll recognise him as Shaun the Sheep (figures of the TV character were used to decorate the city of Bristol about 3 years ago, and then sold off at a charity auction).
The proceeds went to the Bristol Children’s Hospital.

I hope he brings a smile to your face.

Maggie I don’t mind, stand by for the most boring post ever.

On waking I listen to the radio and have a cuppa and talk to my dogs. Get up at 9.00, breakfast, then morning prayer.
Go on line to find out what’s going on in the town, I can’t go
out to see or hear what’s going on. If my younger daughter’s
husband is working abroad she telephones me. I come on
GransNet. Check emails.
I have been working on family trees for 17 years, have done trees for several for other people. So do some work on that.

I don’t have to prepare meals because I am on liquid meal
replacements. I use to love gardening but the arthritis stopped
that, so I have an indoor garden, filled a corner of the living
room with indoor plants. Do crosswords,

Afternoon cross stitching, I use to love jigsaw puzzles but hands too twisted to do them know, listen to music or watch a
documentary I have recorded.

Evenings, cross stitching, making gifts for my granddaughters.
Watch programmes on BritBox, am watching the Inspector
Lynley series this week. Come on this thread several times a day.Reply to messages from Granddaughters. Bed after review of the papers, listen to an Audio book. Then prayers and settle
down to sleep after I have told my dogs what I have done during the day.
Very boring Maggie but I learned a long time ago not to dwell on the past. At times the past creeps up on me, when that young police officer was killed it brought back the memories when my husband was killed and brings thoughts of how if he had lived my grandchildren would have a grandfather and I would still have the man I loved with me, but I do not allow myself to dwell on this, I tell myself ‘stop,
that’s another country’.

And I am writing a sort of book for my grandchildren and any
great grandchildren to come about life in the Welsh mining valleys,gone before they were born.

When my husband died our daughters were 5 and 7, they filled
my life, they were part of him. When my beloved daughter died two and half years ago I didn’t want to go on, but she had
three children, I adore them and they are part of her.

Living in the past brings misery and much sadness, I thank God i had a husband who loved me and a daughter who loved
me. We cannot change the past but we mustn’t live there.
Since lockdown I do miss the weekly chat with the delivery chaps ?, Miss the ‘good morning gorgeous.

Annie, would you mind telling me how you fill your day? You are a real inspiration to me and it helps so much knowing how you cope with things.

Hi all.
Joce the egg story made me smile- always a good thing as smiles aren,t always easy to come by.?
Carnation so sorry you feel so horrible - the weather has been so oppressive and too hot to get out walking and Jelly legs don,t help do they. Now it’s cooler you may feel more able to be out in the fresh air - it always helps me. Today for the first

time in weeks I felt hungry whenI got back and had a round of toast and honey- and enjoyed it!!!
There are books written by Dr Claire Weekes on coping with anxiety which may help.
Yes Doodle slept better thank you- didn,t wake up at 4 for a change!! Arm is healing ok thank you - can take the dressing off tomorrow hopefully.
Enjoy you this cooler day

Morning all.

annie I think mindfulness is a good thing for many people.
It can be quite calming.

Hope everyone is ok. Have a pleasant day. x

Hi all x

How is everyone today ?

Maggie your daughter’s tribute to you ? Nothing could be
better than that x

I have been reading up on Mindfulness and spoke to someone
who teaches it, don’t think teaches is the right word but you will all know what I mean.

I can see how some of it can help .

Ah thank you Doodle. Annie have been single for 10 years now. It is what it is (as they say all the time now). Must try and count my blessings. Glad you’re up and running again.

DD has come home somewhat tiddly and told me I’m the best mum in the world. It doesn’t really get much better than that does it? Good night dear ladies, I hope all our brains give us some peace and that we wake up refreshed.

I slept well. How about everyone else?
joce that hot tub sounds relaxing and your DH a treasure. That story about your brother made me laugh. Poor chap, it’s so easily done.
lavender are you feeling any better today?
nonnie we had the most amazing storm last night. Never seen so much lightening in my life. 45 minutes of non stop
flashes and bangs.
scaredycat sorry about your arm. Hope it heals well soon, DH is on blood thinners too. Can make healing difficult.
carnation welcome. Sorry you are going through a rough patch. Medication takes a while to work but at least you are on it so hold tight, things will get better soon.
maggie sorry you feel so alone. I know we are only virtual friends but we are here for you.
annie sorry you have had internet problems again. It must be the weather I think. Glad you’re back online.
Sleep well tonight all x

Been off line again, and no TV because SKY was off, played a
programme I had recorded about celebrity acts which had split, slam in the middle of the programme ? Simon and
Garfunkel singing ‘Bridge over Troubled Waters and The Sound of Silence, just what I need to cheer me up - not.

Positive - I am back on line

carnation so sorry you are struggling with depression, your
tiredness , loss of appetite etc can be caused by depression and
the weather we are all struggling with could have those effects.
You have started medication, they do take a little while to work
as you know, do post here when ever you want to, we all
understand x

Joyce love the eggs story x

Maggie if I may ask ? How long have you been on your own ?
being lonely and saying so is not silly , you are not completely
alone when you have us but I know the feeling when you go
off line and there is just the tv or radio, sending you hugs x

Maggie I feel alone a lot of the time, my hubby is very good and does put up with a lot from me when I’m at my worst, I think it’s something that goes with the horrible anxiety.
I really enjoy the hot tub find it relaxing, even more so in the cold weather.. ?

I feel instantly uplifted reading through all your posts. Annie I feel so alone and have never really got used to being single which is silly and not helpful and I wish I could accept it. Joyce I didn’t know you had a hot tub. Jealous ? Thank goodness it’s cooler. Have put the duvet back on my bed.

Scaredycat I have a funny story about eggs. My brother first job was at our local butchers. He was told to go to a van out said the shop to bring in the eggs 12 trays in all, the van man put one on top of the trays, brother turned to go back in shop the lone egg rolled he dropped all the 12 trays to catch it, needless to say he drop the lone egg as well ????
Carnation sorry to hear your not doing so good. I always lose my appetite as soon as anxiety/depression hit.. sure some one will be along soon to talk, their is always some one hear to talk to, hopefully some advice.

Hi there, anyone tips on coping with, what I think, is a recurrence of depression. Feel so yucky, weakness in legs, no appetite, and generally feel dreadful. I am back on Citalopram but will take a while to be effective. Lost interest in everything.