BLACK DOG 9

Well have taken the new pills for a week or so but I don’t feel any different.
Annie am sorry that things are so difficult for you.
I met a friend in a cafe today for the first time since sometime last year.
Some days I feel quite hopeful but other days I can’t face anything.
But I’ve realised recently that I am very good at hiding it and pretending all is good.

Thanks for the wheelchair advice, fortunately it should only be for about 6 weeks.

Annie is there a mobile hairdresser who could come to you? Washed mine this morning and it even looks OK after I have done it. Does lift the spirits to be able to leave it and not keep trying to find ways to secure it away from my face.

Scardycat you got a lot done when you went into town, good for you. Sorry the AF has to be lived with and is progressive.

Doodle not sure about the new specs, seem to be difficult to get used to but early days. Think the cataracts may be the issue.

Can you get knee replacements? DH is having his first one in a couple of weeks so will be able to tell you if it was worth it.

On the subject of DH's operation, they called him yesterday to do the pre-op tests and it clearly included a dementia test! I have no idea why but the family WhatsApp has had fun with it.

A positive - Internet went down half way through an online order. When it came back I made a mistake and ordered 2 of the same thing. Sent the extra one back and explained it was entirely my fault and got a lovely email from them a couple of days later with the refund. I love this small company in Helston because their service is so good and they word their policies is such a lovely non-legal sounding way. I mailed and told them and had a lovely response. It makes such a lovely change from all the big companies .

Hi all x

Haven’t deserted Black Dog, had much going on. Was so hopeful last Saturday, got to bedroom again, thought I would be sleeping in my bed this week, no. Sunday wrists badly swollen, scooters are great but not for doing 10 point turns !

Enablers decided I should have carers , this means someone to
come in the morning push me in a wheelchair to get from bedroom to living room, evening to do reverse. This means bed about 7.00pm. I said no. So they then said you can have a hospital bed in the living room ?. I said no. The discussions went on and on. Ashamed to say I lost it and said ‘I will live like The Lady In The Van if I choose to.

I believe in acceptance but not until I have to accept, so ?
think I have found the answer. Sometime ago I bought an electric wheelchair, hated it because of not having something in front of me, as one does with a car or scooter. Telephoned
so many companies selling wheelchairs, nothing . Trawled every site I could find for disability aids, yesterday found one which sells clip on trays for wheelchairs.

Have ordered a small wheelchair which will arrive this week , waiting to hear if enablers will give support whilst I get use to it, if not I will face the fear on my own, with prayer.

How is everyone ?

Nonnie so pleased you like your new haircut. That will lift the spirits. New hair do and new specs. You’ll be showing us all up ?
polomint be careful of your own health with the wheelchair. Picking up and putting in a car can cause back injury. Not quite sure what a rotator is. Is it one of those things that you push along that has a seat to rest on if you get tired?
Annie pleased that you feel things have been sorted. Are you happy with the arrangements? How have you been otherwise?
Scaredycat thank you for asking. I can walk ok, my knees are just very weak. When I bend them, they make an awful crunching noise. I can climb stairs but slowly and holding on to the handrail. I sometimes have a problem going down steep steps as I can’t support my weight and bend my knee at the same time. Having said all that, it is a trifle compared with others problems. I get around fine.
Must be troubling having your AF be unpredictable as to what causes it. Has it been worse since lockdown do you think?
Wow, a trip to town. Well done you. Hope you enjoyed it. ?
Take care all and keep safe x

Doodle - sorry your knees are so painful- I hope the exercises help you. Stairs must be very difficult. Does it affect your walking?
Stress can kick off AF but so can something like bending down or just getting up after waking. . Sunday I was just sitting down and off it went.
Nonnie- glad you are pleased with your hair- next week can’t come quick enough. Today I took a huge step and we went into town- DH had a proper haircut to remedy a year of my clipper jobs!!! Then Bank,Building Society and a couple of Shops!!! You are right it is exhausting but I,m so pleased we did it.
I do have meds for AF and have had a procedure that helped but it is progressive and doesn’t go away. I have just learnt to live with it although it does scare me sometimes.
Annie - so good to hear from you. Well done on sorting things I hope that you have been able to work out a way to get about better. Take careXX

Hi all x

been hectic but think I have sorted things.

nonnie the Red Cross loan wheelchairs, perhaps you could speak to them, see what they have and try pushing one, so many different types.

Scaredycat so sorry you AF , does it have to be expected ?

Doodle as one who knows, do keep exercising and walking x

All these hair appointments, I am a teeny bit envious

It's a national health wheelchair we were given but it is bulky and heavy to get it in car. We will consider buying an aluminium lightweight one. We have ordered a 4 wheel rotator with a seat which I hope will help us

Scardycat I was such a stroppy old bat yesterday I told the hairdresser to do what she liked! I like the result and also liked that she commented on how good the condition is.

Sorry you had such a long AF, is there nothing that can be done about it?

Doodle thanks for the tip about the wheelchair. I think it will have to be a lightweight one if I am going to have to lift it in and out the car. You made me think about that.

Off to pick up my news specs shortly, might even venture into a shop!

Nonnie thank you for asking, DH is much better. No pain killers now but he does get a bit of backache now and again.
My knees are really bad. I find stairs so difficult. My new exercise routing incorporates some knee exercises so I’m hoping if I do them every day they might loosen up a bit.
Oooh lucky you haircut, mine is next week. Can’t wait.
I had a wheelchair for DH when he broke his ankle. Found it very heavy to push so a lighter weight one might be more easy to use.
Joce I can imagine the fun your little DGS brings. Such innocence at that age and every week something new to enjoy.
Scaredycat haircut next week for you too. Great isn’t it.
So sorry to hear your AF been playing up again. Do you think stress brings it on?
Nice to have a visit from your DD. Hope you have a better night tonight.
Annie what have you been up to today? x

Afternoon all
Nonnie - Yay haircut day - your head will feel all lovely and light afterwards such a nice feeling.I,m going next week and can’t wait . So cold here today but very sunny - can’t see my little vest coming off any day soon!!!
Joce - so glad the hypnosis has helped you. A few years ago I considered it for fear of flying but used pills instead!! Now I no longer need the pills thank goodness. I agree with Nonnie spending time with your dear little grandson has done you the world of good too.
Doodle- good idea to start a few exercises you,ll soon build up a bit of stamina. Yes I,ve had a bit of a wobble - mainly due to H A . Since being very ill 3 years ago the slightest thing throws me. Had a lovely garden visit from our daughter yesterday despite being in AF all the time. It was still going when I went to bed but this morning it’s gone thank goodness. So only had a little walk today.
Annie - how are you today? Have you had any help?
Love to all BDG

Joce oh yes, DH doesn't know the difference between weeds and flowers but he is the opposite, he says 'it's pretty' and leaves the weeds to spread

Good that the hypnosis is helping but wonder if the major help might just be a very small person in your life?

Doodle stair are apparently very good for knees so could you go up and down once a day and build up to more? How are DH's ribs? I remember that pain so well but, once they had healed, I was back to normal with no after effects.

Finally getting my hair cut today!!!!

I'm thinking of hiring a wheelchair for DH after he has his operation, does anyone have any advice? Had a quick look on Google and it seems quite cheap but is that because they are no good? I don't mind pushing him around for a few weeks but know nothing about wheelchairs. Thanks if you can help

Doodle it’s good to be able to plod on a bit easier, really hoping it last... little man is such a pleasure to be round he’s a lovely happy baby, always a smile for his Gran..
good night all sleep well ?

Nonnie I have started some exercises at home. My knees are not too good so just doing gentle ones for old people ?
We used to walk up and down the stairs here but since DH fell and broke his ribs we’ve been using the lift which hasn’t helped.
Joce nice to hear from you. How is your little grandson doing?
Glad your wobbles are under control. Must be lovely taking the baby out. I used to enjoy that a lot with ours. Easy to forget your worries when you have a baby to keep you occupied ?
Hope your headache goes soon. At least you have the security of your second jab.
Annie hope you are doing ok. Any chance MT will be able to visit you soon?
Sleep well all x

Hello all I have been so busy not had time to pick my iPad up..
Annie I know the feeling of your safe place I have one....
Hope you get back in your bed soon... at last the are listening to you...

Doodle I agree never cast a clout and all that, it’s very nippy out of the sunshine but I mustn’t grumble we are getting out I’m loving my walks with our little man.

The hypnosis has help me still having a wobble hear and there but all in all I’m doing ok, fingers crossed it last...

Nonnie I been doing a bit in the garden along side my hubby he just likes to pull the flowers up instead of the weeds if I not telling him what’s what ??

Had my second jab yesterday had a bad headache since..
Hope everyone’s doing ok.
Take care.. ?

BlueSky yes, it is hard but, on the whole, I am glad I have started venturing out. However, I am just taking the 'baby steps' as I am finding it tiring. I have always felt in danger of becoming a couch potato if I stay in too much. No idea why that matter so much to me though.

Polomint do you manage to get in the garden too?

Scardycat good for you being positive, take it one step at a time though. It is a big change getting back to whatever is your normal.

Doodle yes, the exhaustion. That surprised me too. It shouldn't though should it? If we think about how athletes train to keep fit, and scale that down to us, it makes sense that, having had far less exercise in the last year, we need to 'train' to get back to where we were.

'Cast a clout'? I still have my thermal vest on

Another beautiful day but I think I have done everything I can in the garden at the moment. Its not a difficult garden and DH has been doing more this year so there isn't a lot for me to do. Maybe I'll do the watering today.

Annie I don’t mean to pry but is there a reason you aren’t sleeping in your bed?
I think you have hit the mark about the thought of leaving lockdown. That seems to resonate with all of us.
Your 10 point turn made me laugh. I’m like that when I drive too ?
Nonnie I think all of us will have to spent time adjusting to the world again. Going out and shopping, all those things we’ve not done for such a long time. No wonder we all need that safe place Annie was talking about.
I’m trying to get a bit fitter too but I get so exhausted walking up any kind of slope. I never used to be like this.
Bluesky the thought of giving up masks is a strange one. The thing I least like about them is not being able to see people’s faces. I always smile and say hello when out walking. With a mask on, no one can see you smiling.
polomint so pleased your DH is getting out a bit more.
It does us good to sit in the sun a bit. With the weather warming up, hopefully he will be able to go out more often.
Scaredycat that wind is so deceptive isn’t it? Trouble is in full sun it’s so warm I get hot but then in the shade the wind makes it very chilly. I’d love to go out in lighter clothes but I don’t think it’s warm enough yet. I still go with the old maxim Never cast a clout till May is out.
You sound as though you are having a bit of a wobble at the moment. Hope things are ok. Keep plodding on x
Sleep well all

Hi everyone.
Doodle- just got back from a lovely sunny walk but it’s still such a cold wind. I think that many people ,myself included, feel very tired after all the weeks of lockdown and the stress involved. Hopefully the warmer weather and a bit more freedom will help us recover.
Bluesky- I am so looking forward to seeing the sea again- I,m glad it was a lovely day for you.
Annie- I do understand about a ‘safe place’ I feel like that about my home but I have to admit that now I am more enthusiastic about getting out. I think the more we do the more comfortable it will feel - hope so anyway.
I,m sure your driving skills will improve with practice - it’s early days yet. Can you try just having a little nap on your bed to get used to being there again. Being able to stretch out a bit will help you Iam sure. Before long it could become another safe place. You are so brave to persevere as you doX
Nonnie- I understand what you are saying about being ‘normal’ again will be tiring - mustn,t try to do too much all at once I guess.
Polomint- great your husband can go in the garden again it’s certainly lovely and sunny here hope it is were you are too.
Trying hard to be positive at the moment - so glad to have the company of all of youxx

Beautiful sunny day today and my husband has managed to get into the garden a few times in the last few days so there is light at end of a dark tunnel.
I wouldn't be surprised if there is more anxiety starting to go outdoors again and mixing with people. As annie says, we develop our own little safe place and it takes courage to move out of it. Slowly does it i say, there's no rush . And so what does it matter anyway. If we are reasonably happy indoors, why not stay indoors. It may be that we feel pressure that somehow we HAVE to get outside again, but we don't. It's up to us when we feel comfortable in doing it
I hope all the lovely black dogs have as good a day as possible

Afternoon all x Annie and Nonnie I know what you mean about coming out of lockdown. The thought of a near future ditching of masks and social distancing makes me apprehensive. I guess most people will welcome it but not me. If it wasn’t for my DH I wouldn’t venture far either. Still it was to be expected after we were told to go home and stay there as our only hope of survival! Well another sunny day so will try to make the most of it. Have a pleasant day x

Annie I put it in quotation as I meant the expression rather than the actual walk.

Brilliant that they are now listening to what you need and that you finally got into bed. Keep up the 'baby steps'

I get what you say about leaving lockdown. I have started and am experiencing mild similar effects. Won't surprise me if we hear a lot about this affect in a couple of months.

I smiled at your 10 point turn because I am far from a competent car driver and have been known to behave like that when parking

Scardycat a word of caution, I found being 'normal' very tiring mentally, be prepared for it to happen to you too.

Doodle glad you didn't have too much reaction to the vaccinations. It took me a couple of weeks to make my first 'baby steps' to normality and I still have a long way to go. Just a bit at a time seems to work for me. I've been the same about my fitness levels since I started going out again, just have to force myself to do a bit more each time.

BlueSky how lovely that you can go to the sea must be very refreshing

Hi all x

I am not sleeping in my bed, I had to show I could get in and out without help, using a scooter indoors is so difficult, a 3point
turn became a 10 point turn ?

About coming out of lockdown, before the wretched virus we had anxiety, then came a year of more anxiety . Much less mixing with people, no visits to shops, energy levels drop.

I realised this when I was in the bedroom yesterday, after the second time I wanted to get back to the sofa, it’s uncomfortable, is affecting my joints yet it has become
‘My safe place’ . Quite possibly others may feel the same, ‘not about their sofa ‘ !

was reading a book recently about the French Revolution, when the Bastille was stormed the prisoners who had been locked in dark rat infected cells were too afraid to go out into daylight and freedom.

Hope I am making sense x

Bluesky yes the second jab didn’t seem to cause much of a reaction. I felt a bit achy at night so I took 2 paracetamol but was fine in the morning.
I have always been claustrophobic but have coped well over the last 10 years or so. I am fine with the dentist normally but the root canal had me tipped with my head back and feet in the air. I had a sort of rubber hammock in my mouth to catch the bits so they didn’t go down my throat. It was awful. I had a couple of panic attacks but managed to get through it.
Hope you are ok and your second jab goes well. x

Doodle your post appeared after I posted. I meant to ask about your second jab, see you had some reactions but nothing too drastic, I’ll have mine next week. Also you mentioning the dentist and claustrophobia , I feel exactly the same, didn’t used to be like that so don’t why. I was even thinking about some cosmetic work before the pandemic but I don’t think I can cope with it now. Have a nice evening x

Evening all x Annie at last you managed to get into bed, I can’t believe you haven’t been helped to achieve this before, must be so important for health and well being, we all know how uncomfortable the odd night on the sofa can be, let alone your 12 weeks.
Nonnie well done on motivating yourself to do the walk. You must feel good about it.
Scaredy good you have friends you can chat with. I do all my chatting on social media otherwise I’m a very quiet person and can come across as ‘unfriendly ‘.
Another glorious day today so we drove to the sea side and it was lovely to see it livelier at last. Wishing you all a pleasant evening x

Nonnie you sound as though you have made some positive steps. (Sorry that is not a pun on you getting your shoes repaired ?) You sound as though you are making an effort. Well done you. It is so easy to give up.
Had a couple of shivers last night after jabs and felt a bit not right today but much better now.
rafichagran nice to hear from you. How are you doing. I am feeling better thanks.
Hurrah for you Annie . About time someone listened. You know yourself better than anyone. So glad you managed to get to the bedroom in Alfie and get into bed. Hope the days of sleeping on the sofa are over.
Hope the enablers help you to do what you want to do.
Scaredycat I’m not afraid of the dentist just don’t think about it most of the time. The worst thing for me was having root canal treatment. Nothing to do with pain but just felt so claustrophobic with my mouth open and tipped virtually upside down and people closing in on me. Wouldn’t like to go through that again.
Hope you had a good walk today.
We have been to the hospital to collect DHs meds then for a walk. I am so tired. Since lockdown, my energy levels have dropped considerably. I have started doing some online exercises but it doesn’t take long for me to become exhausted.
Sleep well all x