funeral

You can tell them what you want, but you can’t stop them doing what they want. You could donate your body to medical science, then there won’t be a funeral initially anyway. Tell them to have a party on you, but no ceremony, but at the end of the day a funeral is for the bereaved not the departed person.

TBH we are thinking along the same lines as you, however Funerals are for those left behind, not those who have died.

So if your ACs want a funeral then IMO you should let them have one, so that they can say goodbye to you in the way that they want to.

A lady I used to work with had the Direct Cremation and her family have never forgiven her, although to be fair it was never discussed and they only found out after she had died and they had organised the Undertakers.

A few months ago we attended the funeral of a relative by marriage of dh. There were only 5 of us able to attend. The chap had been an atheist and apparently hadn’t wanted any actual service or fuss.

We had taken some wine and nibbles, intending to have them in the crem car park right afterwards, but in the event it was pouring with rain, so we took them into the ‘chapel’, rearranged some chairs in a circle, and had a mini party there, with the chap nearby in his box, and raised a glass to him.

I’d wondered whether the staff might object, but there was not so much as a raised eyebrow and we got the impression that they thought it a great idea.

Let them do whatever they want. It won’t bother you?

I hate funerals. One of my children agrees with me, one likes a bit of a do and the third will just go along with anything as long as somebody else sorts it out?

Funerals are for those who loved you in life. Let them mourn and do what helps them....they will be the ones that matter then.

I think it would be a loving act to write down what you feel would be appropriate in a way that gives them scope to mourn.

I have written what I want - well, more clearly what I do not want.........no funeral directors (basically strangers) in black top hats is top of the list.

My OH died last year and I know how my DDs took comfort from organising his funeral and the wake - they threw themselves into the task of making the ceremony a fitting tribute to their Dad, and the wake was full of small touches that reflected his life - e.g. lots of Cadbury's cream eggs for everyone as they were his favourite. It brought them great comfort - do not deprive your family of this opportunity to focus their grief. It will make no difference to you, but will help them.

Pure cremation for me. When my children get my ashes back they know where I would like them scattered and they can do this the next day after they have the ashes back or the next year whenever they want to do it. Then I want them to go to a really nice restaurant have a lovely meal and raise a glass. Personally I think that is a much more personal way of saying goodbye to a loved one but that is just my opinion obviously ?

Oopsadaisy1

TBH we are thinking along the same lines as you, however Funerals are for those left behind, not those who have died.

So if your ACs want a funeral then IMO you should let them have one, so that they can say goodbye to you in the way that they want to.

A lady I used to work with had the Direct Cremation and her family have never forgiven her, although to be fair it was never discussed and they only found out after she had died and they had organised the Undertakers.

Never forgiven her for having the funeral she wanted? Really? ?

I suppose if we're dead it matters not if the family throw a massive funeral against the wishes of the deceased.

I've always hated funerals. I've told my children I don't want one.

But I also see your point, Luckygirl. It obviously was a great comfort to you and yours to arrange your husband's funeral.