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Worry is my middle name

(31 Posts)
7hgu Fri 04-Jun-21 12:26:54

Hi - I'm new to the site but hope there are others 'like me'. I'm a serial worrier and despite knowing it's a waste of energy and bad for you, I can't help myself. My DS (44) has just been diagnosed with heart disease and he and his partner are expecting their third child any minute. I get test results next week for a health problem that's come out of the blue. Then there are general worries (2 other DSs and a wonderful 95 yr old mother). I have a DH too but don't want to endlessly burden him! Any thoughts?

tanith Fri 04-Jun-21 12:37:48

It’s called being a Mother/partner I’m afraid we were born to worry about family. I have a very sick Grandson, and various other family members who struggle you just have to not let it damage your own health as you’d be no help if you got depressed or sick. Lots of helpful people will come along I’m sure.

Ro60 Fri 04-Jun-21 12:46:32

7 Hugs to you 7hgu yup, that's me too - sometimes I think I'd worry about anything!
My solution is to come on here - GN is a great way for me to think about something else. It's good to know you're not alone.

I've found being on HRT helps a little. Things I used to do with ease - run a home & career seem almost hard work these days - like walking through treacle some days.

I do what I call a 'mind re-set' - & consciously try to think about something else - sometimes it takes a while because I worry about that aswell!

EllanVannin Fri 04-Jun-21 12:52:47

These things are sent to try us but it's so hard not to worry yourself sick when it's your own who are suffering. It's what mum's do----worry, and it's normal and natural to do so. There'd be something radically wrong with you if you didn't worry.

Firstly and depending what heart condition your DS has been diagnosed with there is now so much that can be done for whatever it might be.
Secondly, the condition has been picked up so treatment / tests will begin pretty soon.

Your own health concerns too will be sorted once the tests come through and things mightn't be as bad as you expected. Leave that to the back of your mind for the time being and deal with the other things as they happen now.

Everything does have a habit of all coming at once but if you can deal with one thing at a time instead of a cluster all at once it'll help you to focus more, hard as it is, you have to separate these things in your mind. Try and get over one hurdle first and stop to take some deep breaths in between.

I know what it's like having to deal with a thousand and one things all at once, but you'll get through. It's surprising how the human mind can cope.

BlueSky Fri 04-Jun-21 13:12:30

Welcome to the ‘Worriers Club’ and join the queue! Same here, I thought it would get easier when the children grew up, but no you still worry about them whatever age they are, then there’ll be the grandchildren, not forgetting our partners and ourselves too!

Hithere Fri 04-Jun-21 13:55:48

There is a difference between being a worrier and actually impacting your quality of life.

Anxiety is no joke

Redhead56 Fri 04-Jun-21 14:50:52

First I would like to say welcome to Gransnet you will get plenty of support on here. I worry when I am around the GC I did help with them but stopped as it was becoming too much. I am not quick off the mark these days because of osteo arthritis and it does slow me down a lot.

We went to our DD last week and we took the GC to a park. I was positively stressed out in case she fell off the slide. I even told my DD I wouldn't go there again this not not my usual behaviour at all. I have never been like this before and it does get me down. I think it's age mind you this last year or so has knocked the wind from most people's sails.

People I have known for years who have always been confident are suffering depression. I think we will have to pamper ourselves this year to come out of the doldrums.

I hope you can find a way to relax and not worry so much. I have just been sitting watching the bees on my veg patch that relaxes me. Take care and let us know how everything goes 💐

vampirequeen Sat 05-Jun-21 13:34:18

Welcome to the club. I live most of my life with a knot in my stomach and when, on the odd occasion, it's not there I worry that I've forgotten what I should be worrying about.

Shandy57 Sat 05-Jun-21 13:38:49

It's hard being a worrier, since my husband died I've been using Bach's Rescue remedy and I do think it helps me. I have the pastilles and the spray.

Janiepops Sat 05-Jun-21 15:33:44

Welcome 7 hugs, I’m a “read every day member, but never post” ( 3 I think, in 2 years, here’s the 4th!) Welcome also to the Society of the Worried Well !! We worry about everything! It is exhausting! I have heart trouble, atrial fibrillation,(started at 39, I’m now 69 now) heart failure,just had my 4th pacemaker fitted) diverticulitis, kidney stones that cut my kidneys so I bled like a stuck pig, septicaemia with 24 hours to live, 6 pregnancies and raising them, so 6 more worrying things day in day out…
Just for measure, my latest panic…
I looked in the mirror and right there on my chin was a brownish lump/mole that had come up almost overnight. My stomach turned, I felt sick with fear, it was obviously rampant skin cancer I wouldn’t survive. I got near to the mirror for close inspection, to discover it was a small drip of soy sauce from earlier in the day!!!
I so desperately want to be around to see my 6 kids and so far, 12 grandchildren (3 still cooking!) that EVERYTHING is a threat to take me away from them😲😵‍💫
It’s ridiculous, when panics are over I berate myself, does it stop? Does it fig!😲
Worry sits on our shoulders sniping and snapping at everything that comes close. Now I worry, will my kids (aged 44 to 23) drive too fast? Will they watch the g/kids near the road? will they choke on a sweetie? ………….. worry about stuff that hasn’t happened!!!
I don’t know how to cure it, how to advise you to banish worry…..but welcome to a very large society, you are among the majority, just assume it’s normal!! And come on gransnet to unload, they are largely, a decent bunch! 😜👍🤣

BlueSky Sat 05-Jun-21 17:02:22

Love your post Janiepops! At least it made me laugh! Recognise myself in so many things, down to the panic for a spot of sauce! grin

nadateturbe Sat 05-Jun-21 17:28:09

I'm like Vampirequeen. If there's nothing to worry about I can invent something.

timetogo2016 Sat 05-Jun-21 17:34:15

I agree with tanith,mothers are born worriers.
If we had nothing to worry about wwe would find something to worry about.
Sad to hear about your gs tanith,my hope he gets well and love goes out to your gs,and of course prayers too.

Nannagarra Sat 05-Jun-21 18:09:52

Having been very noticeably blasé during my teens and early 20s, I’m now another member of the worriers club. I can identify with all remarks made here. Thankfully Janiepops story about the soy sauce stopped me in my tracks and made me giggle.

Applegran Sat 05-Jun-21 18:14:28

I am so sorry you are suffering from worry - its tough to be a constant worrier, and doesn't help with the actual situations in your life if the worry becomes a problem in itself. There is a TED talk which I hope you will find helpful - some people have posted that it has changed their lives - but even if it doesn't do that, it might help.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1T5uMeYv9Q

With lots of good wishes to everyone.

MissChateline Sat 05-Jun-21 18:53:50

Worrying is a total waste of energy. It doesn’t change anything or solve the perceived problem.

7hgu Sat 05-Jun-21 19:00:09

I'm so grateful to all of you who wrote! It's a joy to know there is a sisterhood out there with wise words of comfort. I'll probably always be a worrier but knowing I'm not alone is a wonderful thing. Many thanks!!

Grandmajean Sat 05-Jun-21 19:03:53

7hgu I'm a big worrier too ! I worry mainly about the health of my children and grandchildren. I don't know how to stop it and it can be overwhelming. The wise saying - and I can't remember who first said it "Most of the things I worried about didn't happen" helps a little bit but I don't know if there is an answer. There is a CBT "tapping" exercise that I do think helps me a bit. You can easily find it on Google.
Janiepops' post made me laught too as I once diagnosed a huge bruise on my hand as leukaemia ! I remembered later that I had knocked it with the hoover !

BlueSky Sat 05-Jun-21 19:44:22

I can laugh about this now but when I was having my first baby, 50 years ago, I became convinced I was bleeding internally as my poo had turned black. It was of course the iron tablets, only nobody had warned me and I searched frantically the medical encyclopaedia. The relief when I mentioned it to the midwife!

theworriedwell Sat 05-Jun-21 20:27:54

My husband always says I have a list of worries that I will get round to when the current worries are resolved, I never get to the end of the list. I wake up some mornings and can't remember what the current main worry is and I feel panic stricken until I remember what to worry about.

I would give anything to feel carefree.

nadateturbe Sun 06-Jun-21 05:37:48

MissChateline

Worrying is a total waste of energy. It doesn’t change anything or solve the perceived problem.

I've told myself that hundreds of times but it doesn't stop me worrying.
* Janiepops* hello. Good post. I can relate to much of that. My gc is starting senior school in September and I am worrying already about him getting there and home safely!

FannyCornforth Sun 06-Jun-21 06:04:10

theworriedwell
I think of my worries as being like those racks that you get in supermarkets or Boots.
The ones where you take one nail varnish (or whatever) and another automatically takes its place.

I'm a lifelong worrier (I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder when I was a teenager, before it was a 'thing').
I see it as an evolutionary malfunction. We see danger everywhere, all of the time.
I think that it's also because we are more intelligent than your average non-worrier, our imagination knows no bounds
smile
Welcome to Gransnet 7hgu, it's a brilliant place! smile

Janiepops I remember your tattoo post! You should definitely post more often, you sound lovely!

FannyCornforth Sun 06-Jun-21 06:06:55

nadateturbe

I'm like Vampirequeen. If there's nothing to worry about I can invent something.

Oh yes. See also: 'regrets'!

You're either worrying about the future, or worrying about the past...

Puzzled Sun 06-Jun-21 08:10:36

FWIW, someone said
"Worry about the things that you can change. For the things that you cannot change, there is no point in worrying"

Hard to put into action, but basically good advice.

Easy to say to someone, "Try to relax", but harder do!
Do try to stand back and ask, "What can I do to fix this problem?"
Soaking the dish, for longer, may help to scrape off the burnt food.
Stopping the boy racers tearing up and down the road , may be impossible. Just be careful crossing the road!

honeyrose Sun 06-Jun-21 08:52:43

7hgu welcome to Gransnet. It’s a great forum and the advice and support I’ve received has helped me many times. I too am a massive worrier. Always have been. Someone once said that worry is like a rocking chair - it gets you nowhere but it gives you something to do. Very true - although I still worry! I sometimes view worry as an “insurance policy” - if I worry enough, it won’t happen! Ridiculous, I know. I just try to keep busy and make sure I do something I enjoy everyday and try not to waste my time worrying and keep things in perspective as most of the stuff I worry about doesn’t happen. I don’t think I’ll ever stop worrying completely - it seems to be my default mechanism. This is probably not very helpful to you. I hope someone has some more positive advice for you. Sending very best wishes.