Black Dog 10

Ellie Anne I suspect many of us do the good public face and the strain hits us when we get home. No idea if that is a good or a bad thing.

No Doodle don't listen to anything because I can't fall asleep with headphones in and wouldn't want to keep DH awake. I do read every night in bed until the words start to blur. I keep waking up and then I read my Kindle because that doesn't wake DH.

The lack of masks bothers me too. Mostly round here people do wear them in the shops but yesterday we went to a National Trust, just the gardens and cafe but didn't see anyone wearing a mask in the cafe at all. We sat outside!

Are we linked? I worried ay thr weekend because DS was away and had been stung by something which caused his leg to swell so badly he called 111. He emailed in the middle of the night rather than message, so we were not woken, but then I couldn't contact him and got into a panic. Of course I was being stupid because DiL would have called me but, having lost one son suddenly, I can't help but panic.

Tinnitus must be horrible.

Ellie Anne GSM is right, actively look for outside activity. On our walks the last 2 days we have spent ages chatting to people we met on the way. A lovely couple asked us to call in for coffee next time we are passing. At the moment we won't do that, nothing indoors in other's homes for us at the moment.

Annie mixed feelings about you not seeing MT, hard for you but it seems to be because she cares about you.

GSM is right they have a contractual agreement with you.

Wow Joce that must have taken ages, what a labour of love.

Hi everybody
I,ve been quiet this week because the AF has been every day and it makes me tired. Doc reassured me all was ok . Still done some stuff but certain things still stress me out so much.
Doodle- sorry you have been so worried. I am exactly the same but my DH always says worry about something if it happens- I wish!!! I too have tinnitus 24/7 and yes stress cranks up the volume doesn’t it. Glad it’s quietening down a bit.
Annie- your situation is enough to make anyone feel down I really feel for you. Doodles idea of a local electrician sound s worth exploring. To live in semi darkness as it sounds like you do is not good for you at all.
The enablement team need naming and shaming they are a disgrace.
Sad you couldn’t see MT but she’s always got your best interests at heart lovely girl.
Hope today is a better one for you.
Ellie Anne - glad you,re able to fill up your diary more now. It will help you to do things that you enjoy and see friends.

Tomorrow is my birthday . This is always a bitter sweet day as my youngest son was born on the same day - the best birthday present ever. So many birthdays without him.
So, we are going away for 2 nights to my home town for a bit of a nostalgia trip. I must take photos so my sister can see them as she hasn’t been back for so long. Will see you all when I get back.
Nonnie,Nanny,BlueSky,Joce ,GSM and all in BDG I hope you all have a good weekend - lovexx

Joce what a lovely cloth and what a good idea to use something that brings back happy memories when you see it.
So often treasured items lay in drawers or cupboards but using them to make something you can get pleasure out of is lovely.
I hope it has worked as a distraction for worries. Sometimes keeping out hands busy and our minds occupied does help to help us think of something else and give our minds a break even if it’s only for a short while. Hope you are ok.x

Evening all just wanted to show you how I’ve been keeping my mind busy over the last few days. My daughter sent me a photo of the table cloth I made for her using some of a dear family friends doilies, that’s no longer with us, we miss her so much.
Hope you like it has much has I do...
hope everyone has a peaceful night sleep. ?

Annie just a thought, would a normal electrician be able to fit the blind for you perhaps?

GSM thank you my tinnitus is better today. Still there but not as loud. I think it directly relates to tension. I know it always flares up if I get worried about something or ruminate over things too much. Interest in family history is a good thing to do. I think Annie gets involved in tracing family members too.
Annie oh I’m so cross for you. The situation with the blinds is ludicrous. Could you get your money back and try a different firm?
I give up with the enablement team. What a useless bunch they are. Not surprised your down and fed up with all you have to put up with. Missing a visit from your MT is sad. I know how you look forward to seeing her, but she won’t risk your health. Thoughtful young lady.
I agree with GSM really angry in your behalf. I too hope perhaps your brother can help.
Hope things look up for you.
Ellie Anne it doesn’t sound as though your DH has much of an interest in life. If you don’t share any interests then it’s difficult to find things to talk about. No wonder lockdown was such a bad time for you, not being able to go about your daily activities. Hope things are looking up with your other activities.
Hope all the gang are ok, Nonnie Nanny Bluesky Joce bravescaredycat and all. Take care x

I agree with everything gsm says Annie.
It’s awful that you are still in this situation. It’s certainly not good for your mental health and you can’t be sleeping well.
I think it’s very unlikely that we could share any interests.
He never goes into the garden even in good weather and would never do any work in it.
We’ve never had any shared interests except the family and in our younger days we did drink rather a lot!
I plan my week and write lists of where I can go every day because I know he will probably only go out once a week to golf and that often gets cancelled.

So sorry things aren’t moving Annie.
As regards the blinds, you entered into a contract with the firm to supply and fit the blinds. If they sub-contracted the fitting bit out and the original man isn’t available, it’s down to them, not you, to find someone else to perform that part of the contract. If you don’t feel up to getting heavy with them perhaps your brother or son in law could? They need a good talking to about trying to wriggle out of their contractual responsibilities. Dare I say preferably from a man? I hate to say it, but people do tend to pay attention if a man gets shouty with them. Ditto this useless enablement team, who seem in need of a bit of enablement themselves. Have you spoken to your local councillor and MP? Your GP? Getting people like that involved and threatening to talk to the press might get them off their lazy backsides. Your situation is intolerable. As you can tell, I’m very angry on your behalf. Seething. I so want you to be able to get a good night’s sleep and to be able to get out in your garden.

Hi all x

Wish it was raining in Wales ! Next time I say ‘it’s raining in Wales again’ please remind me .

Now starting 8th month sleeping on sofa.

Been waiting for the remote control window blind to be fitted,
paid the deposit some months ago, can only have one curtain
open in living room because I can’t reach the other , can only see about 18 inches through window. Monday was informed by
the firm the chap they employ to fit the blinds has left .

Cannot find anyone who fits remote control blinds.

Head of the re enablement team will not give support for me to use wheelchair to get to bed.

Mini tornado was here at weekend, her partner’s parents had a
celebration do, because there were quite a few there Mini Tornado didn’t come to see me, she feared someone at the party had the virus .

So Monday I was really down and fed up .

Morning all.

I was sorry to hear you had problems on your walk Doodle. It may well have been the missed tablet as it sounds similar to how I get. Especially combined with the hot weather. Also about the tinnitus, that must be very unpleasant. Are you better now? I hope so. Don’t mention the lockdown weight gain! I know it doesn’t help us. I certainly indulged in too much comfort eating when everything was so grim and frightening.

Ellie Anne I’m so glad you enjoyed your Church group and there was such a good turnout. But yes, when you get back home everything’s the same. Getting out with other people is good, can you find more ways to do that? Other groups that might lead to meeting people in a similar situation that you can talk to? And when you’re at home is there something absorbing you could do? I enjoy tracing my family history and I have also made a start on my husband’s which is something to talk about. Do you think you might be able to find an interest that your husband could share? Do you have a garden perhaps that can provide a shared interest?

Hope everyone has the best day they can. x

I’ve just been watching Chris Packham and his step daughter on BBC2. It’s a programme called Chris and Megs wild summer and the first part is in Wales.
I’ve always known Wales is beautiful but such stunning scenery.
I enjoyed it as a wind down relaxing thing to watch. Really nice to see all the birds and dolphins.
Might have our get together next week if no one else gets pinged.
DH and I have been to the hospital today. Amazed at the number of people walking in without masks.
Spent all weekend worrying about something ……..that didn’t happen. How many times do I do that.
I know I’ve been stressed because my tinnitus is playing up a lot. Really loud tonight.

Annie it’s been really hot here today. How has Wales been? I hope that you can get out in your garden soon and start planting.x

Bluesky so pleased to hear you are feeling a bit better. It’s been a nasty experience for you.
Not surprised it’s dented your confidence. It is still around obviously. It could be my missing tablet that caused me problems on the other hand it could also be that I’ve put on a lot of weight during lockdown. This can also affect my breathing.
Nonnie can’t stand worms or snakes. Really make me shudder.
My DH is awake a lot at night too. Sorry your sleep is being disturbed again. Do you listen to music or a play. That usually sends me to sleep but I have to pick something boring.
Ellie Anne so glad you have your group back again. Sounds as though there are quite a lot of you.
Really sorry you feel so sad on going home. Is there nothing you can think of to improve things?
Take care all x

We had the first meeting of our church group for 50+ today. Although people had been informed we thought numbers would be low but no nearly everyone came back. 50 ish I think. Had to change the format a bit for safety but it worked well.
I’m good when I’m out and an expert at putting a face on but as soon as I get home the l black cloud comes back. Annie sorry you are low but you’ve had so much to deal with and everything happens so slowly.

Doodle sorry your get together has been postponed but glad that someone was pinged and saved you all from being vulnerable.

Ooh, I did that with a slowworm too, I think it became a boa constrictor in my head!

Sorry you are feeling so tired, hope it turns out to be the asthma and you can deal with it.

Annie so sorry to hear you are down, your circumstances must make that inevitable.

BlueSky my neighbour, who is a bit ahead of you on Covid, is still very tired. I think this is the way it goes and that you should not fight it.

All you brave people, don't think I could meet up with a group of people. Yesterday stopped to talk to a neighbour who invited me in and I hope my reaction didn't upset her. I just couldn't accept.

Sleep is going backwards so feeling very tired. Feeling unreasonably cross with DH when he says he has been up in the night and is exhausted, He sleeps through all the times I am awake!

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Evening all. Well today, three weeks since the very first symptoms, seem to have made some progress, feeling a bit more like my old self, my appetite is back too. I now feel I have to be even more careful and it’s a shame as I was starting to relax a little. Can’t wait for the booster jab, if they are indeed going to give it to all the ‘elderly’ (not us surely)!
Annie sorry you are feeling low, not surprising really, can’t blame you. Any news/progress on those matters?
Doodle that’s weird hopefully it was the missed tablet to cause those symptoms. Just keep an eye on it.
Wishing you all a peaceful evening x

Annie sorry you are feeling tired and frustrated. Everything to do with your needs and wants seems to take such a long time. I wish the council would get a move on.
DH and I went for a walk today. Our usual saunter. I was surprised as to how exhausted I was. We had to sit and rest twice and by the time we got home I could hardly put one foot in front of the other. I then found out that I had forgotten to take my asthma tablet last night. I am hoping this is the reason for my fatigue and nothing else.
GSM I’m with you, not keen on slow worms or anything that in anyway resembles snakes. I can’t bear them. Even a picture of one makes me shudder. I’m on with squirrels though. ?
Take care all x

Hi all.

Sorry you’re tired and frustrated Annie. It will all happen but it’s so annoying when everything takes so long. Any news re the glasses or blinds?

Doodle thank you so much for that. I have made a note of the name of the tablet and will ask when I have my next review. Sometime in the winter I think.

BraveCat you are brave to go to the party and to enjoy the slow worms, I’m afraid I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy them! We’re getting the occasional visit from a squirrel, hope he/she keeps coming.

Just a short post today. KBO all!x

Hi all x

I am having a down time, not depression, tired and frustation,

How is everyone?

Busy day today. Lots of phone calls. Plans for family get together have to be put on hold due to someone being pinged.
scaredycat good for you going to the party. Being outside was probably quite safe but I know what you mean, so many people act as though the virus isn’t still around.
I think you are indeed a very brave scaredycat. I saw a slow worm in our garden once. It gave me nightmares for weeks. I wouldn’t go out in the garden again for ages.
I’m a bit like you. I don’t necessarily think things will go wrong but my mind goes over all the possibilities of the things that could go wrong. I am definitely a pessimist. Wish I wasn’t.
Annie how have you been today?
Take care all x

Afternoon all
Ellie Anne- hope you get to see your boys and your little grandchild soon . I always feel better after seeing my children and grandchildren.
You are right to consider the financial aspect of a split.You certainly don’t want to swap one set of difficulties for another. Try and fill your days with things that you enjoy maybe find some new interests and meet some new friends. Above all be kind to yourself you deserve happiness too.
Doodle - yes I have been out and I feel very tired now. We went to an Anniversary party in our friends garden it was lovely but so many people I felt very stressedI try hard not to show it though. It freaks me out to see people hugging and dancing etc as if nothing has happened. It’s hard getting used to it again . I don’t want to sound moany but it really wears me out - still go though!
Rafichagran- good to hear from you. Try and take a rest when you can.
GSM- we also get lots of pleasure from garden visitors. Last year we had sloworms - so lovely like little snakes. Today a neighbourly cat - the birds weren’t too happy to see her.
Nonnie- glad you had a better sleep.
I,m not very good at looking forward to things as I always expect something to go wrong . Gosh that sounds such an old misery.
Annie- I,m sad you can’t share your lovely memories.I,m sure you must have many. Is MT coming to see you soon?
Any news on the doors? Today is a lovely sunny one where I live and I have been to see my daughter this morning and had a walk on the way home. Had a rest in the garden then as I feel very tired. Hope the sun is shining on you tooxx
Love to allx

Hi all x

How is everyone ?

Rafichagran nice to hear from you. Hope things are ok with you.
GSM when you have your next asthma review I would mention missing a special day due to asthma. I have been on asthma tablets since I was 25 in conjunction with two inhalers. My tablets are Montelukast which I take at night. I think many people take the same thing.
You are right about having something to look forward to and it can be as simple as a TV program, meeting up with friends or sewing or knitting. Anything that brings us a bit of pleasure. You are wise to say that all is not always what it seems with people on the surface. I have known several with deep seated worries who on the outside seem perfectly happy. We shouldn’t envy others as we really don’t know what anyone else’s life is like.
Shame about the church really. They should be places of comfort and support but many have a clique of people who aren’t quite as friendly as they should be. Despite that you will find there are genuinely good people in church who will listen. I have met some in my time that have been so kind and gone out of their way to help.
Nonnie you have obviously been of comfort to someone else and that is a good thing to do. No matter what our troubles are there are often many worse off. Sometimes all people need is a listening ear.
Annie how are you today? Hope you are thinking of things to plant in your garden when you can get out.
Take care all of you. x

Hi all x

nonnie I so understand, but you can share good memories, I
can’t and that hurts so much , sending you a cwtch x

I ache for Ellie Annie, I am lonely but to feel lonely when you
live with someone must be so painful . Ellie Anne do keep
joining your Church group, as with any group there are those
we are not comfortable with x

rafichagran thank you, and you take care of you , hugs x