Black Dog 10

Hello all.
BlueSky - you can have some of our rain if you like!! Hope you enjoyed the game. So good to see England win convincingly.
Nonnie - hope your boys enjoyed it too.

I have felt better lately and then last night a worry crept into my head and wouldn’t let go. This lead to me catastrophising and then I couldn’t sleep . This morning I learnt the worry (not HA) was completely unfounded and once again I had made such difficulty for myself when none existed. Every time I tell myself don’t worry until it happens I then completely ignore my own advice. This all brought on a bout of AF which thankfully has now stopped - hope to have a walk and coffee with DD in a little while .
Hope you all have a good Sunday.
Love to all

Morning all x Scaredy you have my sympathy I’m exactly the same, at the moment it’s HA and I’m trying hard not to google. But it’s difficult as the worry tries to get through. I’ve had this all my adult life.
Wishing you all a pleasant Sunday x

Scardycat yes the chaps had a great time and DS was very grateful for being taken home afterwards. Roads were quite busy after the match. Think I will be taxi driver again on Wednesday.

Doodle same here, not really a sporty person except for tennis and cricket and those are only to watch. Childhood illness meant I never really did sport at school.

What a wonderful surprise, wish I had photos of my childhood. You will enjoy them so much in the days to come.

Wedding anniversary time for DS which makes me remember how fortunate I am to have such wonderful Dils.

I thought the pigeons had eaten all the grass seed but just been out and can see that some of it has grown. Need to have another go soon

Evening all.
Been a busy day here. Packing for our cruise. So much to organise. Normally we would know we were going weeks in advance.
Bluesky DH and I aren’t football fans so don’t watch any of the matches. I could hear others out enjoying themselves though. I’ve been feeling hot too. I get like that several times a day, I have a small fan in standby next to me and usually have that on.
Scaredycat I am just like you. I get a worry in my head and nothing can shift it. Glad yours turned out not to be a problem. I also tell myself not to do it again. What a pair ?
Hope your AF has calmed down now.
Bluesky no point is saying try not to worry but so many health things have a positive outcome these days. If you think something is wrong, the sooner you talk to someone about it the better. Hope you have nothing to worry about.
Hello Nonnie how are you?
Yes I was pleased to find my photos. I have a dreadful memory so need to rely on pictures of things. It was such a lovely surprise to see a picture of me and my mum laughing together over 60 years ago.
Annie I hope you are ok and not having Internet problems again. Do you know when your MT will be coming to visit again?
Sleep well all x

My walk today wasn’t a great success, got caught in torrential rain and was in open fields so there was nowhere to shelter. No option but to carry on. I was soaked right through and squelched all the way home.
But I walked for over 2 hours so it must have done me good.
Seem to be feeling sick a lot . Sure it’s due to stress. Also feel afraid all the time and full of dread.
I hate living like this but can’t see a way out.

Wow Ellie that was a long walk. Feeling sick could be upset stomach due to worry. That feeling of dread is awful. Have you tried talking to the Gp and getting some medication. Perhaps something for the sickness too.
Have you been able to get back to any of your pre lockdown activities yet?

Hi all x

Sorry not been with you for few days, a few problems ! much stress.

Chap came last week to check heating, all to be replaced, pipes, radiators, boiler etc, will take two days and will work
around me ! They will move sofa with me on it, My anxiety hit the ceiling .

Added to this, you kindly asked what my Mini Tornado had been studying, Criminal Psychology, her dissertation was on
terrorism! she gave thought to working in this field.

She came up yesterday and we discussed this, and she will now
consider other options. ?. She sorted out my IPads and Mac book , so no more posts disappearing.

I have always loved tennis, haven’t been able to watch it since my darling daughter died, younger daughter got upset because
she hasn’t been able to talk about Wimbledon etc with me for
three years, I felt so guilty so decided to watch, distressing, but
will continue to watch.

Long winded post but wanted to explain my absence and share.

Annie good to have you back. I always worry when you are missing for a bit.
I can understand your concern for your DGD but even if she does pursue terrorism, I am sure there are many people working in this field who aren’t in any danger. Or perhaps you were thinking more of the effects it might have on your MT. Either way she had done very well at uni so Hope a good and interesting career opens up for her.

My word no wonder you’re stressed. The thought of people in your home working round you. Will you manage? Be nice to have heating working well in the winter.

Annie no one doubts your love for your DD or hers for you. I can’t imagine that such a lovely person would want you to be so sad all the time. Try and enjoy the tennis and think of your daughter being happy and in peace now. I’m sure she would be happy to see you enjoying things more.

Take care x

Thank you Doodle. in honesty my distress watching the tennis was for myself, I felt so lost, I longed for her laughter and her naughty language when her favourite players were losing.

When are you going on the cruise ?

Hello
Doodle- you must be so looking forward to your cruise . I can imagine the packing etc feels a bit overwhelming . Since the pandemic life has been much simpler and now things that we would have taken in our stride before seem much more complicated, Even chosing what to wear if you go out! I hope you will have a wonderful time - looking forward to hearing all about it.
AF calmed down then came back later !! Today I feel fine so we did some gardening - it’s actually dry and sunny?
Ellie Anne - poor you getting soaked. That’s only happened to me once but I remember how it felt when the wet got through to my pants!! I,m sorry you have that awful sick feeling and the dread - it can make it difficult to eat too can’t it. I do hope it passes soon.
Annie - what a load of stress . It’s always difficult when there is upheaval in your house but at least you,ll have efficient heating come the cold weather.
I think the degree your MT has will give her many options career wise- I,m sure she will pick wisely and I wish her every success in whatever she chooses.And she,s a computer whizz!!
I do hope you will be able to enjoy the tennis again. Your younger daughter will be so pleased to share it with you again. As Doodle says your lovely daughter would be happy that you were enjoying something that you like very much.
Take care allXX

Annie cruise on Sunday. I have PMd you.
I will try and stay in touch but it depends on WiFi coverage.
Scaredycat I find quite a lot of things daunting these days. I think I got so used to the quiet world of lockdown that anything out of the ordinary seems to take away a lot of my energy. Having said that I am looking forward to it. Just hope we pass all the checks and are allowed in board.
Went for a walk this afternoon. For some reason I was very tired. Had to stop and rest a couple of times even though we weren’t walking fast or going far. I think it was very muggy outside. Hope you enjoyed the gardening. Nice to be outside.
Hope everyone is ok. Take care all x

Annie that sounds a very interesting degree and will open up a lot of career choices.
I watch bits of Wimbledon if it’s someone I’ve heard of playing. Fewer and fewer now I’m afraid.
I’m getting mixed up with who is who here but whoever is going on the cruise is it Doodle? Have a lovely time.
Think we are back to winter in Scotland.
I’ve been on medication before and it hasn’t helped much. Had a bad time coming off them .
Since lockdown rules here eased my sons partner has asked me up on Mondays to look after 11 month old grandson while she gets on with housework and cooking. He is gradually getting used to me. They live a 45 min drive away.
I’m so relieved to get away for a bit.

Yes it’s me Ellie Anne. Thank you.
Oh that’s nice you can go and be with your grandson. Im sure he will get used to being with you and playing. It’s a lovely age of new things around. Something nice to look forward to.

May I just ask Ellie Anne -are you and Ellianne one and the same person?

No we are not. Just a coincidence.

Hi all x

A thought to share on anxiety. I spoke of my anxiety about my Mini Tornado and the line of work she was considered. She has
now spoken of domestic abuse, my stomach churned.

Giving thought to this I realised my anxiety was connected to
the police ! My husband was in C.I.D, 1976 he was working undercover on drugs dealing, late in the night his car was rammed causing his death .

What from our pasts can trigger anxiety but we can’t connect them ?

Annie I’m sure that could be a valid link to your worry about your DGD. You’ve suffered so much tragedy in your life, such things are bound to have a big impact on you.
I knew your husband was in the Police and died in a car crash I had no idea that his car was rammed. So sorry for all you have been through. No wonder you’d like MT to have a safe job.
I’m sure your MT has a good head on her shoulders. She has done so well at uni despite the trauma. You must be so proud of her. She obviously is devoted to you too. x

Good afternoon
Annie- I ,m sure that the tragedies you have suffered have been responsible for the anxieties you experience now. MT will make a careful and sensible choice I,m sure. She is lucky to have such a caring and compassionate GM to help her in her decisions.
You are right I think about our pasts triggering anxieties we can’t connect but I know that losing my son and his father in the accident and then my Mum taking her life has resulted in me being fearful and anxious about so many things.
Ellie Anne - glad you have these special days with your GS - it will bring joy into your life spending time with him and watching him learn and grow.
Love to allxx

Scaredycat I knew about your son and his father but not sure I heard before that your mum took her own life too.
No wonder you are anxious about things. Both you and Annie have suffered such loss. I am so sorry. x

Being quite new to this site I didn’t know about Annie or scaredy-cat s stories. How sad for you both.
I’ve realised that my constant fear is linked to my fear of my father and also my mothers fear of him. Then I was afraid of my son in his teenage years as he was very aggressive.
My husband is not violent but has been verbally aggressive on occasion which reduces me to a jelly.
Any confrontation scares me.

I found this helpful.
Am still taking Prozac, may have to do so ufn. I have Asperger's, and the associated over-thinking does make things hard to handle. I'm a long-term depressed person, out and proud.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1849010668/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_C5XKQJ2RGS6P1V65WG2V?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=gransnetforum-21

Doodle I am scared of cruising!! I suffer with motion sickness and crowds and friends tell me its not an issue. Think I need to book the shortest possible one to give it a try.

annie Good that you challenged that memory, another 'baby step'

So good that you have the comfort of MT and seem to be able to discuss everything. Very reassuring.

Annie and Scardycat Even small things that happened in our childhood can affect how we feel many years later, we cope somehow but it never goes away. My brother was killed when I was 14 and I still haven't got over it, still have flashbacks.

EllieAnne that sounds like generalised anxiety to me. Keep up the walking, they say there is no such things as bad weather, just wrong clothing .

Did you give the meds long enough to work? I think it can take a couple of months and if one doesn't help another may. Coming off them should be done very, very slowly but I think is always hard. You probably knew all this already but maybe others didn't.

11 months is such a lovely age, enjoy.

Pretty much the same reasons why I can't cope with confrontation. My father was very violent. I retreat and do everything possible to avoid.

Scardycat good that you managed to feel well enough to do some gardening.

Good for you JillEH

Nothing much to report here except, at the moment, I am keeping myself very busy as that seems to help. Don't know how long it will last.

Hi all x

Hello JILLEH sorry you have long term depression, you are
a new member of this forum ? I read all your threads this morning.

Ellie Anne you fear confrontation ? This must cause you much stress, if I may ask ? Is your self confidence low ? if so
there are things you can do to raise it x

Scaredycat yes things from the past always remain with us and can cause flare ups of anxiety/ depression, you have suffered so much trauma. I try to support my grandchildren
with the pain of their mother’s suicide, so difficult though, x

Morning all x I haven’t been feeling too good, stomach issues again and feeling flushed BP up. Finally managed to get a GP appointment, also I have a MRI booked for the gall bladder area as I was told I have gallstones.
Lots of you with such tragic stories no wonder you feel as you do.
Wishing you all a pleasant afternoon x

BlueSky if gallstones please don’t worry , well you will worry,
but don’t be fearful, I had them in the 80’s, treatment was so
different then , hope you are not having severe pain , I did because I was treated for nerves of the stomach for ages ! How
long before the scan ?