Black Dog 11

henetha sorry to hear about your grandson being depressed.
Annie’s advice is good. Has he seen the GP regarding the depression, there maybe something they can do to help. It’s good he can talk to you. Perhaps in some way he is seeking help by doing that.
Has he had help in the past with his HFA perhaps he could contact the National Autistic Society for advice.
Annie sounds like the census will keep you busy for a while. Do they release new data every year?
Nonnie I’ve put my decorations away today too. There’s always one left out somewhere isn’t there ?
Sorry to hear your friend has Covid. Hopefully being triple vaccinated means that she will not get too ill. Yes we all have to do our best to look after each other and keep safe.

Hi all x

My snow phobia has been diagnosed as PTSD, so strange my mind connects something white with something black, when I was choosing my wedding gown my poor mother thought I was being difficult , I wouldn’t wear white, wanted very deep cream, didn’t know why, all I could say is ‘I hate white’,
how our mind can twist things.

Nonnie so sorry about your friend x

Doodle the 1921 census should have been released last year, exactly 100 years after the original. The last census released was the 1911 in 2011. The next one will be released in 2031.

How is everyone?

Thankyou Doodle. I only found out about it recently and I was shocked. I need to see him on his own really, which I'm trying to arrange, so I can gently question him about it.

Hi everyone
Annie- you are so right about getting out in the light. We walk every day even the wet ones . As the saying goes no bad weather just bad clothes! The only time I won’t walk is in the ice . Hopefully the snow won’t come Annie - I do understand how you feel though , our minds play tricks with us.
I,m pleased you have some new research to do it must totally absorb you for a while.
Henetha- hope you are able to see your Grandson soon. You help him just by being there and listening. But it would be good if he could have some professional help too.
Nonnie- the house looks so bare now without the decorations. My step daughter in law gave me one of those scented four wick candles in a bowl as a gift and I have had that going every day once the light fades.It has nearly gone now but has been so bright and cheery.
So sorry your friend is poorly - hopefully as she is fully jabbed it won’t be too bad. Sorry you had to cancel your date but better to be safe.
Example of my catastrophising this morning!! My son who lives abroad phoned me on his car phone during the conversation it suddenly cut off. My immediate thought is he has had an accident- no he came back on a little later and said he had got to a very forested area and there was no signal!!! The fear never leaves me.
I hope you all are having this lovely sunshine and send love to all BDG

Scardycat oh so definitely yes, I am totally with you on that. Our son tried to contact us on the day we believe he died but his phone cut out and failed when we tried to call him. I always expect the worst when my family are not contactable.

Last night I started listing all the things which were worse years ago (ignoring the things which were better!) I no longer have to wake up to ice on the inside of the windows; every room in the house is warm; hot water bottles are soft; duvets are so much better than tight sheets and blankets, I could go on an on but it is a positive way to look on things.

Annie do you think it’s the colour that affects you or the nature of snow blanketing things? I have heard there was snow in North Wales today hope it keeps clear of you.
Ah yes of course the census is only every 10 years I forgot that.
What sort of things are you looking for if you don’t mind me asking?
henetha it is good your DGS will talk to you. Just talking it over may help him. Maybe lockdown contributed to his depression too. It’s a shame he doesn’t have things outside of work. Perhaps going to a gym or swimming might help him.
Scaredycat I have a solar light that sits on our balcony and when it gets dark in the evening it glows with different colour lights. I find that nice too.
Yes that sounds just like me too. Always thinking the worst.
Oh Nonnie that is so sad, at least you know you were in his thoughts.
Yes I remember being cold years ago and just having a fire in one room. I suppose many would say we were lucky to have that. As I’ve got older I feel the cold more. I like being cosy and have a lovely fleece blanket in the lounge which I tuck myself into in the evenings.
Have a good day all. Keep warm and safe x

Morning all I’m still hear plodding on in the background.. thinking of you all.. hopefully this year will bring us all some peace... stay save and strong..

Hi all x

Joyce we are here for you my love x

Was unsure about posting this but it may help explain how some phobias can come about, sorry it’s about me !

My fear of snow, see it and stomach churns, anxiety shoots up.
After some years I saw a phycologist, recommended by my gp.
We talked then I went under deep hypnosis, he recorded it.
I had to imagine snow, i yapped on about it coming down on me, men digging my house out, I couldn’t breath, I started crying, my father was digging, my uncle a police officer was there, the snow was coming through the window. People were watching. The physiologist brought me out of the nightmare.

I was looking at Aberfan school, my father did help with the digging, my uncle was the police officer who was photographed
carrying a child out of the ruins.

The words we associate with heavy snow falls, a heavy fall, digging out, clear the path to get out the door etc.

So words from a past event can cause a panic , memory plays
tricks.
Hope I haven’t bored you but this may help someone who can’t
explain why they are suddenly hit with a panic attack.

How is everyone?

Annie thank you for explaining. I can see how you can associate snow with Aberfan. That tragedy had so much impact on your life, as well it might for someone so close to it.
I remember it well even though I lived no where near and was a child myself. My father had been a coal miner in Wales and he was very upset by it too. He gave up working in the mines because of a rock fall which killed a friend who was a miner. His friends body was sent to his home on a wooden cart. He never forgot that.
I have panic flare ups. Not really panic attacks (although I do get those too) but more of a feeling of heat and tension rising within me if something triggers a memory of something sad or bad that has happened in my life.
Our minds have a way of bringing these memories back and as you say they can be triggered by anything.
Joce hope you are ok. Yes, I agree. Peace, such a simple word but such a wonderful thing to have.
Take care all. Have a good day x

Annie that is interesting. The mind plays tricks on us but you understand how that particular one works. I doubt you could overcome that and simply (stupid word) have to accept it.

The mind can also block things out. About 10 years ago I watched a programme in black and white about polio which brought back so many things I had blocked out. It was only then that I realised why I can run upstairs but always come down very carefully. I had to learn how to walk again which I had completely blocked out. I don't want sympathy, I am a survivor, and most people don't see the scoliosis or the short leg, they just think I'm round shouldered. I do sometimes wonder if I have 'post polio syndrome' but then dismiss it as there is no cure but it could explain why I am in the BDG. Sorry for the ramble.

I'm hibernating today as I went into Waterstones yesterday and gave in to temptation. I shouldn't be allowed in there while I have so many shelves of unread books.

That is amazing, Anniebach, but is absolutely understandable. So did this help you then in reducing the phobia?
(I'm seeing my grandson tomorrow.)

Nonnie I remember the polio era well. Although i had to take time off school I didn’t have it but a school friend and one of my teachers did. . Sorry to hear you were obviously affected by it. All these things have a knock on effect on us.
Henetha I hope you get on well tomorrow and can perhaps find out what’s causing your DGS to feel the way he is.
Depression is quite common with those who are autistic as I know well. Try and persuade him to get some help.
Thinking of you, no doubt you are anxious to see him and find out whats wrong.

Doodle you've reminded me of another thing which was worse. I missed joined up writing and times tables. Tthese days provision would be made for a child who had missed out on education because of a long term illness. We hear so much about how bad life is at the moment that I am focussing on the things that are better now. So my positive today is that after living in an isolation room, with only gowned up people coming in to treat me, and not being allowed to see my family except through a window once, I was treated by a wonderful physiotherapist who treated me not the polio. At the end of each session she lay me under a warm lamp which explains why I still love to just lie in the sun. Yes, all these things affect us but we can choose how we deal with those effects in most cases.

Today I hope that the BDG can find just one positive element in their lives (more than that a bonus) and try to focus on that. I can on a good day and I am determined that today will be one.

Today I start to get my act together. Going to catch up on emails and respond to some of the Christmas cards with messages in and going to start losing the weight I put on in the last month.

Thank you Doodle. I'm seeing him at 2pm. I must be careful with him as he has a tendency to clam up when questioned too much. I am sure he needs help. It's all very complicated.

Hi all x

My post re snow was to try to explain how words can trigger
anxiety, I never connected snow with black sludge, ‘dig out’
‘Heavy fall’ when talk of snow didn’t bring Aberfan to mind but it jogged my subconscious and brought the same feelings .

So it’s possible when panic hits someone and there seems no reason it could be as it is for me something as simple as words.

I know what causes it but the panic still kicks in, sort of learned
behaviour . If anyone heard me saying ‘it’s not coal when it’s
snowing ‘. ! ! ! !

henetha hope your grandson opens up to you x

Nonnie yes quite possible the fears when you had polio are
stuck in your mind x

It is fact that babies are born with only two fears, fear of falling and loud noise.

How is everyone?

Just been out for a walk and have frozen nose and fingers. Starting to rain as we came in.
Nonnie must have been difficult to cope with being apart from your family. Perhaps the warm lamp triggers a happy memory for you of being looked after.
Positive for me today. Only got a little ironing to do then I can get back to sorting photos. I’m enjoying that. Can’t believe some of the hairstyles I’ve had over the years.
henetha it is difficult. Feelings and emotions are such personal things many people don’t like letting others into their thinking. I hope you can find a way to help him.
Annie i hate that panic feeling. I find it can wash over me like a wave of anxiety and in an instant change how I feel.
I didn’t know that about babies.
Hope everyone has a good day. x

Hi all x

Heavy rain, remote control for window blinds not controlling blinds, am sure my 14 year old terrier has doggie dementia, carer doesn’t come in Saturday and Sunday so no chats.

But I have a positive!

Hyacinth bulbs have bloomed and are so beautiful, so grey and
dreary outside but beautiful pink flowers in my indoor garden.

If you have the same weather as we have in Mid Wales, not a
good day for walking is it ?

How is everyone?

Heavy rain here too, but a little less cold thank goodness.
I saw my DG yesterday and tried to chat about his depression. He seemed perfectly fine actually, but it was difficult to actually have a heart to heart because we were constantly interrupted, - but in a nice way. They have gorgeous new puppy who demanded a lot of attention, and then his sister appeared (My DG's sister, not the dog's!)
etc. Then my son came home from work because his van had broken down. Get the picture? It was impossible..
But I did manage to find out that DG is taking on a big new project.. He has 3 A levels and had decided against trying for university, but he has changed his mind and is now in touch with UCAS to find a place for September. I'm not sure this is the right path for him, but he seemed so enthusiastic that I don't want to spoil it for him. And he is taking his vitamin D.
I did manage to emphasise that if he gets depressed he must talk to someone. So that's it. Thank you for your kind interest, all of you.

henetha thank you for sharing, I was hoping we would hear from you today.

Your grandson seemed fine , there is a new puppy , no coincidence in my opinion, so many times I have seen changes in people with depression when a puppy comes into their lives.

When my husband died I bought a puppy for my darling daughter then age 7, the puppy brought laughter into our home. My younger daughter had 14 failed IVF treatments, she has always said her dogs helped her to accept she wouldn’t have
children .

You grandson knows he can talk to you which is good, as for his changed of mind about university, if he does go I hope it will be a university near to home, this may ease your concerns x

Thanks Anniebach. You are right, this puppy is the most amazing little bundle of fun and means a lot to my grandson.
How dreadfully unlucky your daughter was with 14 failed treatments. I'm so glad that dogs helped to ease the pain.
Dogs are truly the most amazing comfort in hard times, or at any time really.
I feel easier in my mind about DS now, and will hopefully see him again next week.
Miserable rain here too... but hopefully will stop soon.
Cheers, Annie.

Henetha he knows you are there for him which is what matters. Sounds like he has found his purpose which will help enormously.

Doodle that's my task for today, when ironing is finished I will have finally caught up from our wonderful Christmas chaos.

Good luck with the photos, I should do the same sometime. Hairstyles are probably the biggest difference because all the clothes we wore seem to have come back into fashion.

Annie rain and wind here too. Good to read your positive, do they have a strong scent too?

Got up to date with my emails yesterday and also my finances (Yes, I have a spreadsheet!). Always feel good about getting one of those back burner things done.

Have the best weekend you can all

Henetha glad you got to see your DGS and saw him in a better frame of mind. Hopefully he will cope with university and make some friends there and keep in touch with you.
Oh yes I agree with Annie the puppy will certainly help. My DGS couldn’t cope without his dogs.
Oh bother Annie not another trial for you. Hope you can get your blinds sorted soon. That’s a worry about your dog I know how much they mean to you.
Your hyacinths sound lovely. My orchid has just bloomed too.
It’s flowers last for ages and are so lovely.
Wet and dreary here today too . I’m doing more sorting of photos today.

Thank you Nonnie and Doodle. Your kind comments have really helped me and I appreciate them so much. I do feel better now but will keep an eye on DGS as much as I can and just hope things work out for him.

Good afternoon everyone.
Doodle- you reminded me of those one fire days .We had newspaper as underlay and when the wind blew hard under the door the carpet lifted up a bit and you could hear the paper rustle!!
My daughter bought me a heated blanket for Christmas to use downstairs if it got too cold as like you I have got colder as I,ve got older!! It must be fun sorting your photos - so many memories of beloved people and places.
Joce - glad to hear from you and wishing you peace toox
Annie- your room must be full of the lovely hyacinth scent and a lovely Touch of Spring too.
Today we have grey cold wet weather but had a long walk this morning under the brolly . Happy to stay in now though.
It must have been so hard for your daughter to go through so much and for you too to feel her sadness. One of my GD has had multiple miscarriages and it so sad every time.
I hope your little dog is able to still enjoy his doggie life but it must be yet another worry for you, Sending Hugsx
Henetha- So glad you were able to spend time with your GS . It sounds like he is doing well and has enthusiasm for his future.
He knows you are there for him and will support him whatever he finally chooses to do. A puppy sounds just the right thing to have around . It’s hard not to smile when they are around , better than any medicine.
Nonnie- I,m still trying to see something positive each day.
It’s not easy today as I have just heard that my oldest friend has lost her long time partner this week so sad to talk with her yesterday evening. BUT all our memories of him are of such a lovely,gentle ,kind person that we were so lucky to have known - that feels like a positive thought.
I hope you are enjoying your new books - they are a weakness of mine too. This week I treated myself to a photographic book about something I love and waiting for it to arrive. Normally love Waterstones though especially having a coffee and browse.
Hope all BDG have some good moments this weekendxxx

Hi all x

How is everyone?

I read this yesterday

KNOW THIS

There’s a fear lurking deep within ,

that you can loose your will to try,

That in time you will give in,

That one day that flame will die.

But with every time you fail, you fall, you crawl,

You fake your strength and hope is frail,

Know this : you will not break .