Black Dog 11

Annie I’m so excited about your doors. Are they finished yet?
I hope you can bring yourself to go outside. I realise it will be difficult but the thought of you being in your garden and seeing the sky after so many years fills me with hope that you can make it.
Sweetpeasue no one should be pressured to say more than they want on this thread. We ask questions out of concern but all of us have things we would like to keep private and we understand that. Sometimes it’s helpful for others to say things to us here that they wouldn’t want to tell family or friends. Purely because we don’t know each other. However, we do care. You’d be surprised how much you can care for people on GN that you have never met but who’s stories or problems strike a chord in your heart.
Don’t say anything you are not comfortable with and no one will take offence. It was kind of you to be supportive to HVDY and kindly meant.
Scaredycat oh I haven’t seen snowdrops yet. Lucky you. I love them too. Yes we had a good walk. Not as warm as it looked but very bright. Met a neighbour who had a stroke recently and stopped for a chat with him and waved to some others we know in passing.
Violetsky it must have been warmer where you are. I wouldn’t brave the outside without a coat at the moment. Glad to hear you enjoyed the sunshine though.
HVDyou no I don’t really walk that far. DH and I do more of a stroll than anything. We do a couple of miles most days weather permitting. We have a couple of local routes we follow but they are quite muddy at the moment.
I’m sorry your friend didn’t stick by you when you had your stroke. Illness affects people in different ways. The aqua aerobics sounds fun ……especially the bit after in the cafe ?
Nonnie you are not the only one who has put on weight. Mine not just over Christmas but started during lockdown when we couldn’t go out at all and has continued much the same since. I am trying to cut down.
Hope everyone has a good day.

Hello everyone.

I’ve been watching how you’re all doing but just haven’t felt up to posting here for a while, have been posting elsewhere, but just not been feeling up to it here. I can’t really explain. Probably the winter weather, short days getting me down.

I just wanted to say I hope Annie gets her doors today and will soon feel able to use them. And sleep in her own bed.

Love to all. X

Doors fitted, chap coming back tomorrow morning to finish the trimmings. I haven’t seen them yet .

Younger daughter bought me a warm cape, we use to call ponchos and I have ordered a Welsh shawl to keep my legs warm. Haven’t been wrapped in one since I was a tot.

Am so tired, didn’t sleep well last night , going to have a power nap ! now.

Wonderful news Annie. Sleep well and dream of your Welsh shawl.

Thankyou everyone for making me welcome.
Doodle Thankyou.
All so nice (not 'beige' nice if you know what I mean)
I think I'll just pop in and out if that's OK.
Wonderful news about the doors Annie. Hope you feel refreshed after your nap and sleep properly tonight.
HVDY I'm sure you'll be stronger with time. Unfortunately, when things are tough certain people who we thought were friends can disappoint. Perhaps they can't or don't want the angst. No matter. You'll make new ones. Take care of yourself.
Words said earlier about being a mum. We can only do our best at the time in those difficult circumstances can't we? I know I don't measure up to my own personal expectations of myself. Hate that song 'I did it my way'
Words in it 'regrets I've had a few but too few to mention' Well lucky old you, I say.
Best wishes to all.

I posted this on another forum but Ive been advised that this Forum "Black Dog" is the place for this. So reposting:
I have had clinical depression for over 30 years and take antidepressants which thankfully keep it mostly under control. However a change in routine or a family crisis trips me up and I'm back down the black hole again.
I am down that hole now.
I dont think there is to anything to be done but I desperately need to get this off my chest and have a rant and hopefully get some support on this forum. Here is where I am at present:
My son also suffers from depression. He and his ex have a 3 year old son. His ex is making his life miserable and has done since my grandson was born. She blocks and unblocks him on all social media platforms. She tells him he is a bad father which he is not. He desperately pleads to see his son. Sometimes he says ok (when it suits her), sometimes she says no. She is a very controlling and manipulative person and has no empathy. She now has a new partner which my son suspects has been going on for a very long time. He is ok with this but at the moment he is in bits and feels suicidal. He feels that this new partner is going to step into his shoes and that he will be cut out and that his son will see this new man as his dad.
I know this is an age-old predicament and is something that has to be worked through. My son has applied for a legal Minute of Agreement so that he has regular contact with his son and hopefully she will sign it and he can have some relief that he has some legal recourse.
But when my son is down he speaks to me and at times is so distraught and unhappy that I feel totally helpless. He has spoken to counsellors and tries anti-depressants etc and trying to get an appointment with his GP is nearly impossible at the moment.
Is anyone else on here in, or been, in this situation? How has it been resolved and what can I do?

I understand. Any change to my routine tips me upside down. And we are only as happy as our unhappiest child as they say. Sorry that isn't much help but you're not alone. My life is only bearable with antidepressants.

Yay Annie x

GSM no need to explain yourself here. Just pop in anytime you feel you are able. Spring is on the way. According to Scaredycat the snowdrops are out. Nice to hear from you. Take care.
Annie your new cape sound snug and warm. Hope you have a better night tonight. At least the doors are in now.
Sweetpeasue dropping in and out when you feel like it is fine.
No rules here. Lots of posters pop in and out and that’s fine. Always nice to hear how people are doing.
downandout sorry not got personal experience like this although many on this thread suffer from depression and anxiety. It must be very hard for you suffering yourself and seeing your son suffer too.
We all worry about our children no matter how old they are and want them to be happy.
I would think your son needs to sort things out legally with his ex as she doesn’t sound open to being reasonable about access to your grandson. Perhaps as you say if the legal issue was sorted your son would be more relaxed about the situation.
If your son’s antidepressants didn’t help him then perhaps he needs a different medication. Another try at getting to see the GP might be worth while.
Sorry you’re going through such a tough time. I hope your son gets his access rights sorted out soon.

Down and out my daughter has suffered with mental illness since university days . We’ve been through the self harming and danger of suicide so although the circumstances are different I feel for you and your son. My daughter lives alone 200 miles away and had no close friends. She doesn’t confide in me much but it’s a constant worry. Medication keeps her going. Without it she wouldn’t be here.
Annie glad the doors have finally arrived. I hope they make your life better.
I’ve had a drink tonight. Know I should stop but can’t but usually keep it to one occasionally two.
I feel it’s wrong at my age and should be able to stop !

Nonnie I didn't know about your husband, and I'm sorry you lost him like that. It must have been an awful shock x
downnotout I feel for you. I've been on antidepressants for about 15 years. My eldest son is on them (although he's been fine now for about a year). He, too, had all the same grief at one time, some years ago, with the mother of his 2 girls. She used to text or ring him, ranting and raving, calling him names, threatening to stop access, etc. She's a nasty piece of work. Luckily, she's been ok with him (they only speak or text about pick-up times/illness, etc) for a couple of years. I hope things improve for your son. All we can do as mums is keep supporting them x
Anniebach Your cape sounds lovely. I bought a full-length red velvet one, a few years ago, and used to wear it occasionally. I ought to look for it (it's in the loft, I think) x
ScaredyCat , Violetsky and everyone else, hope you're all having a peaceful evening. x

Ellie Anne

Down and out my daughter has suffered with mental illness since university days . We’ve been through the self harming and danger of suicide so although the circumstances are different I feel for you and your son. My daughter lives alone 200 miles away and had no close friends. She doesn’t confide in me much but it’s a constant worry. Medication keeps her going. Without it she wouldn’t be here.
Annie glad the doors have finally arrived. I hope they make your life better.
I’ve had a drink tonight. Know I should stop but can’t but usually keep it to one occasionally two.
I feel it’s wrong at my age and should be able to stop !

If it is only one or two drinks and makes you feel better enjoy them. Stop feeling guilty.
I am sorry you and your daughter feel like this. Take care.

Oh my gosh I take nap every chance I get, I don't know if they are helping or not

I am also very routine driven and not doing the things I normally do because I'm too tired really doesn't help.

I'm sorry for everything you are going through with your son downandout and glad he has your support.

Happy hump day all

Hi all x

rafichagran Yah x

Sweetpeasue please don’t set yourself expectations, I certainly have regrets. Now when I think back to things I could
have done differently I tell myself ‘that’s another country’.

Welcome downnotout , several of us here have/had children
with mental health problems, my darling daughter battled with
bipolar, we want to take the depression away from them but we
can’t, we can listen and support.

VioletSky routine, when my daughters and grandchildren were youngsters I had no routine, now I live alone and can do what ever I choose to do at any time I am a clock watcher, breakfast 8.20, morning cuppa 10.30 and so on. So much so
that with the doors being fitted yesterday and the men arriving at 8.30 I still had to have breakfast at 8.20.

Ellie Anne fact my love, alcohol is a depressant , it is referred to as self medication for those who have a drink to block out
unhappiness, it does the opposite.

Friends, doors being finished today .why do things come along to squash up. I woke this morning , started planning my way out of the agoraphobia, watching the news they put on film of the Aberfan disaster, I was back there and the panic flared.

How is everyone?

Germanshepherdsmum- life will be brighter soon when the days are longer. So hard for people who go to work and come home both in the dark.
SweetpeaSue- look forward to seeing you on your “popping in” days. Agree with you about that song - bit smug eh!!
Downnotout- so sorry that your son is so unhappy. His ex is doing their son no favours by keeping him from his Dad. It must be so difficult for you to watch him suffer and feel so helpless .
EllieAnne- please don’t beat yourself up about having a drink occasionally - now and again it’s what you need but better with friends than alone. I think as Annie says though it is a depressant and doesn’t help your sleep either.
VioletSky- enjoy those naps. Nothing wrong with routine it’s uncertainty that is hard to cope with.
Annie- At last you will have your doors finished by tonight and I hope you are pleased with them . This can be the start of new beginnings for you .
How awful for you that the newsreel came on just as you had your positive hat on - so sorry it upset you but very understandable. When the Accident happened several of our annual big sporting events were happening so every year when they come I go straight back to that time.
Your shawl sounds lovely - do Welsh shawls have a special pattern or colour? You can wear your poncho when you go out into your garden ?
Doodle,Nonnie, Nanny , Rafichagran,Bluesky and all the gang have a peaceful nightxxx

Evening all. So cold outside today. I went out early this morning and haven’t really warmed up since.
EllieAnne does your Dd attend any therapy groups or does she just like her own company. Must be so hard for you being so far away from her. Sorry my memory is bad but I have a feeling your daughter has a cat is that right. Pets are wonderful friends.
HVDY so many on antidepressants these days. Now mental health issues are being more openly talked about more and more are saying they are on medication. I’m sorry for the situation your son found himself in but glad he still has regular contact with his children. Do you get to see them often?
rafichagran how are you doing?
violetsky if you are tired then rest. Do you try going out for a walk sometimes? Do you have a park locally or somewhere you can have a wander and enjoy some peace and quiet?
Annie hope those doors are done by now.
Sorry the news brought back bad memories for you. It’s never far from the surface. Hope you can concentrate on looking for plants or seedlings to put in your garden.
Have a good day all x

Doodle Yes, thanks, we see the children often. I go with my son (he doesn't drive, is waiting to do his test) after school every Wednesday( his day off work) and we go to a play centre then a pub for dinner. In warm weather it's the park and a picnic. My son has them every other weekend, so we see them on the Sunday and either go out for lunch or my husband cooks. I've been cold all day! We've had sunshine all day though. x

All the gang - I hope you've all had a decent day. I've had a headache for about 7 hours now, so I'm going to have a little doze. x

Doodle you are right . She has two cats. One was very Ill last year but is doing better now though attends vet regularly and will be on medication for life..
She doesnot go to therapy. As she works in mental health the issue of confidentiality.
Annie I know about alcohol being a depressive but I think when he’s finally gone to bed and I get a bit of space I need something. I watch my programmes which I can’t do when he’s around. He thinks I watch rubbish.
Going to the hygienist tomorrow. My teeth aren’t good so really worried

Elle Anne hope the dentist goes ok
Doodle I have an electric blanket for when I can't warm up, you can get heated throws too!

I need to start doing yoga again, maybe I can try that before a nap as it might just be that my brain needs a break

Hi all x

Ellie Ann I find living in almost isolation difficult and am very lonely but things are more difficult for you. I think how lucky people are to be able to say ‘shall we watch this programme ‘ or even ‘ it’s raining again’, but to share a home as
you have to ? no. We can’t change things for you but we can listen and talk to you here x

Scaredycat yes films of the disaster take me back to that day,I
see people I knew sobbing, I hear the cries from both men and
women.
I am buying my Welsh shawl from a local shawl weaver, and it’s
grey and PURPLE , to match my purple hat my younger daughter bought me , remember my favourite poem ? ‘When I
am an old woman I shall wear purple’.

How’s the bollard dancing going ? Keep walking x

Carer arrived, be back later

How is everyone?

HVDyou it’s good you see so much of your grandchildren. Lovely they get to spend time with you too. They must enjoy the visits. We don’t see so much of ours now as they are a lot more grown up but we did used to meet up more when they were younger. I don’t often have headaches but when I do I find mine lift with a couple of paracetamol. Hope yours goes soon.
Violetsky I have never tried yoga but have heard it is very good for you. That desire to have a quiet brain for a while is something I think all those who suffer from depression and anxiety feel. It’s difficult to fall asleep at night when your mind is ruminating over things and going round and round.
Annie that’s a nice post to Ellie Ann . As you say, we can listen.
When you mention Welsh shawl I suddenly had a vision of a Welsh lady with a crossover shawl wrapped across her body and tied round the back. Going back some years I imagine.
I hope your shawl keeps you cosy.

Doodle I was carried in those shawls and carried my babies in them, not tied at the back but wrapped around the mother
and the baby against her hip, it’s a lovely way to carry babies, I
have ordered a smaller size , doubt I will need to carry a baby again x

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Reported

Oh my. As a newbie I want to thank everyone who has replied to my outcry! It is a bit perverse but it is always comforting to know other people have been, and are in, the same position and come through it.
Germanshepherdsmum thank you for understanding
Doodle I'm keeping at him to try to see his GP. He thinks if one lot of anti-depressants don't work then none will but I try to explain it may take time to find the right medication
Ellie Anne I feel for you and your daughter. It is a constant worry and I can understand that completely. I feel a flutter of panic whenever I see his name come up on the phone but then so relieved to know he is at least ok
HowVeryDareYou You're son's ex could be my son's ex. A very nasty piece of work indeed
Anniebach Thank you for the welcome and empathy
Scaredycat Thank you for the support. Although my son is a grown up his ex hurts him with her words and actions and I feel like he's back at school and being bullied. It's horrible.
And to everyone else who has replied or messaged me my sincere thanks - it helps
Just for information, someone asked what a Minute of Agreement is. In Scotland it is a legal document drawn up by a Solicitor which both parties sign in binding legal agreement with regards access etc. It is similar to a court order I think in that if either parties breaks the Agreement it goes to court.
I will let you know how it goes.