Eating Disorder

bb I'm so sorry to hear this. Not sure what you can do unless you are exceptionally close to him.

Can you try to get your sister to contact the person in charge of welfare at the University?

Has he siblings who could intervene?

Oh god I couldn’t put my head on the pillow at night if I were your sister.

Extremely saddened to read this BigBertha. You cannot fail to be worried and it is very concerning.
I hope you can get some advice from other grans who read this and have experience to offer. ?

Whether he wishes or not I couldn't leave a sick person , as he is sick. There must be a deep-seated problem causing this. Is it expected of him to do well at university ? Because it sounds to me as though he's under some sort of pressure.

It's up to his parents to have a heart to heart and to ask him what he wishes to do, even to leave if he so wishes to at least get treatment for his eating problem before it completely takes over. A person's health is far more important than struggling through exams that you mightn't be particularly interested in or have no intention of following them through.

I'd have him home if that was me and blow any further input in university education, he needs to be happy and relaxed.

Could he do his degree at another university nearer home and live with mum and dad?

I don't have any direct experience apart from secondhand information from friends but I would think he needs urgent help. Presumably he is bulimic and is therefore in danger.
Is there anyone else there with him? Surely most students will not have returned yet; I couldn't have left him there alone.

He might be an adult and his parents feel they shouldn't intervene but he is a vulnerable adult who needs help.

Did he have problems before he went to university?

So many students struggle at first; I've known several who have given up in the first year and returned a year or two later or as mature students. I do hope his parents don't pressurise him to stay; he won't be a failure if he gives up the struggle as it may not be the right time for him.

"I have tried to impress upon my sister and her husband the seriousness of his condition but they insist they cannot intervene if he doesn't wish them too."

I think your sister and bil know how serious this is and in a sense, if your nephew is an adult, they are right about intervening.

Sadly, eating disorders are ME illnesses and I hope your nephew is under medical care

There is nothing else you can do.

Could they contact his personal tutor, to say that they realise that he is an adult and that they cannot exercise any authority, but are conerned about his health and why. It does mean that the Personal Tutor will know what to do if he is really ill.

DS is staying at the moment and when the complicated game (Talisman?) that is occupying all the men, and boys in the family is over. I will put the problem to him has he is a university lecturer and Personal tutor to some of his students.

I am so sorry to hear this. If I were his mother I would not be able to leave him alone at university. I think I would try and persuade him to have at least a year out and get some counselling. Possibly having a year out would solve the problem.
When my son was desperately I’ll at the age of 30 I never left his side. In the US he would not be classed as adult.
I understand your worry.

He might be an adult but he is, as we understand, a vulnerable adult who is having problems and is at risk at the moment.
We don't know if he has had or is receiving help currently but it's uncertain if there is anyone there to help just now.

Is he in Halls or living off campus for instance?
I'd be very worried.

If his parents won't help then you must contact the University as an emergency. This young man could be at extreme risk of self-harm or even suicide if he is becoming weak from lack of food. The University needs to know this, and must intervene and take responsibility for him while he is there. Someone there needs to talk with him and persuade him to get help, then he can have counselling or medical help through them.

Was he sick after every meal because he has a stomach bug? Usually bulimics don’t appear to be unwell, they vomit (usually in secret) , and then appear to be normal.

Having ADHD doesn’t mean he has an eating disorder.

Has he lost weight due to stress? which is understandable in his first months of University, plus the food is usually pretty dire.

Whatever the reason is, in the short term he should be at home to make sure that he is safe and able to recover.

I agree with Chestnut. You can offer information about a student - and show concern - that should be noted, then conveyed to his tutor. Obviously, they can't discuss it with you but it could help put your mind at rest.

I had a student with bulimia. She eventually became very poorly and had to be sectioned. She needed intervention so I think it was for the best. You can find information here:

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

Some intervention is needed. Better safe than sorry.
I hope all goes well.

My 15 year old grandson has ASD and ADHD. He is prescribed medication but tends not to take it "Because I don't need it"! He is very thin (always has been) but just doesn't take much interest in food. He doesn't have an eating disorder, just no enthusiasm for eating.

I don't know when you reach a point where an eating disorder is an actual threat to health, or life but there must come a point when someone has to intervene.

If a person looks thin and ill and is vomiting after meals even when staying with relatives there is a serious problem which cannot be ignored.

Deedaa
Yes, there does come point. That’s how people die with this awful condition.

There must be someone in charge of pastoral care at the University, they need to be informed of your nephew's condition BigBertha Hopefully MOnica will be able to provide more information.
It's a worrying time for you, your sister does need to monitor what is happening with her son.

Bigbertha1, are you able to talk to your nephew? That seems the first step. If he has been recently diagnosed with ADHD maybe his meds need checking, usually it's a psychiatrist who diagnoses and this person would be responsible for making sure the medication is suiting him at the right dose etc. I'd visit the nephew, try to talk with him and suggest he has an appointment with the medic who diagnosed him, if not this person then his GP.
People with eating disorders would normally hide any ED behaviour so if he hasn't hidden it then he needs a medical check up. He's fortunate that he has such a caring auntie.

I agree with Lily. Some ADHD medications cause problems with appetite, nausea and weight loss. He may need his medication reviewing and tweaking.

Thank you for your thoughts on this. I have spoken with my sister and she is going to try to get him back home and there see her GP. I am only 20 miles from him so I'm going to see if he will let me go and see him tomorrow. No one is pressuring him to stay at university or to get good exams or anything other than himself...he wants to be like his friends. He is a lovely person and I am close to him I actually helped to deliver him into the world. I won't let any of this go ill be onto the university myself if my sister doesn't. The medical centre doesn't 're open until next week but ill find someone to see him. Thank you for helping me think.

I think that's the right thing to do, good luck and I hope he will be ok, BigBertha.

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