Am I going mad?

I feel your sorrow and can understand why you feel this way.
There is only so much anyone can take and it seems you have so much to deal with.
You seem understandably depressed and I wonder if a chat with your doctor might help.
I find if things are difficult writing it all down helps somehow. I wonder if it might help you
My dh has found medication prescribed by his doctor has really helped him. My best wishes

I'm so sorry, my daughter is autistic and has expressed thoughts about hurting herself. The world is overwhelming for her sometimes. Things have improved so much with support.

Please ask for help, you have carried this for so long that you are now suffering too.

You need help with your mental health, with your sons mental health and you need time and space to rest and do the things that make you happy. Please please please go and ask for it.

Oh AuntyEleanor I am so sorry to read your post.
You are not going mad, you are just literally worn out with everything.
To deal with mental illness of a child, day in day out, for years, is so wearing. You need help with this.
Could you speak with your Doctor, you need someone to help, a listening ear, and also some help with your son.
Ring your Doctor and the Mental Health Team in your area, explain how you feel, as you have done here, to see what they can do to help.
I feel for you and I hope you can get the help you so badly need.
Sending and love to you.

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I would advise contacting Samaritans as soon as possible and also your doctor. Tell them what you have written here. I wish you well.

I am so sorry you are where you are right now.

I live with a potentially suicidal child and it is exhausting emotionally and physically. It is normal to feel the way you feel sometimes, so please do not be to hard on yourself.

Good news on getting him to the GP. That is a great first step for you both.

Please do not forget to take care of yourself. You can not fill another persons bucket if yours is empty. It is not selfish to replenish yourself.

AuntieEleanorsCat- here are some for you x

Perhaps if you can come on here and chat (plenty of good ears on here) it may help you just to chat and talk, it can help a little just talking to complete strangers but who are understanding.

It might just help you get through the weekend until you can see your doctor. There are other gnetters with similar problems and good listeners.

No your not going mad, you are exhausted.

Just coming back to this AuntyEleanor - is there a possibility respite care could be arranged for your son? I don't know how the Mental Health Team in your area work but I do know that just a little break from this would help you. It did for my situation.
I see you have a GP appointment arranged and I am wishing you well with this and for a good outcome for you.
Take care.

I'm sorry, this is going to be a long post, but Oh, AuntieEleanorsCat I am so sorry to hear how absolutely awful things are being for you just now.

You're actually doing good in making all the arrangements for the future, it's just very sad that you're having to do it from a place of deep sorrow and depression.

I've been bi-polar since I was a young child, and have constantly battled suicidal urges. So I can totally understand and sympathise with how bleak and pointless the idea of carrying on can be.

However, during a long talk with one of the psychiatrists whom I've had over the years he told me of the many, and it was many, tragic results that he'd seen when people had tried to kill themselves but failed while at the same time damaging their bodies so badly that they had no hope of recovery and had in fact compounded their problems.

I also realise that the last paragraph won't stop you if you're determined, but I would love to believe that maybe you might take my unasked for advice, and explore the idea of taking all your pain and stress and worry to God and ask Him to help you find a way through.

I'm not an organised religion person, I have my own personal relationship with God, so I'm not suggesting you become an overnight convert to some religious order, just - please - give God a chance to help?

If you do, I think you'll find that somehow people come forward to offer help and you'll start noticing signs pointing you towards help - e.g., your Social Work department to assist with your son's needs; the Samaritans who'll listen when you need to ugly cry on someone, and your doctor who can relieve a good deal of your hopelessness with the correct cocktail of drugs and referrals to support organisations.

I lost my very much beloved husband to Covid in May 2020, and I wouldn't be here now if I hadn't taken the advice I've just given you. I'll never stop missing him until we're reunited in due course, but I have been amazed and so touched by the amount of kindness, and both practical and emotional support given to me from then until the present by people whom I hardly knew before.

Please, if you feel you're on the edge, and don't want to call any organisation or your GP, then send me a private message and just know that you can let it all out, and I won't try to direct or judge, just sending you love and strength.

My heart goes out to you as it must be physically and mentally draining. I suggest you have a chat with the doctor yourself too as you are fragile and need help.
I have been distressed a few months now about a family problem. I was finding it difficult to deal with my few friends have supported me.
I hope you get some help and support soon. You will get plenty of support here you won't be judged either. The more you discuss it the better you will feel.

So sorry and so sad for you AuntieEleanor. I think you've been given some good advice already. You're not going mad, just have too too much to cope with.

Thank you for all of the kind replies.

I will re read them and reply but right now I’m sitting outside the bathroom trying to coax my son out. He’s gone into OCD overdrive and the water’s seeping under, soaking the landing carpet (we have new landing carpet frequently).

I’m ok. He’s ok in that it’s ONLY water.

Thank you and night night all.

Why not ask your doctor for help in your situation. If your health fails, you will not be able to continue to care for your loved ones. Also your son may benefit from respite care, just to help your mental and physical state, until you feel stronger. I wish you all the best and am sure you have gained food for thought.

Sending you virtual flowers ? and hugs. It’s so sad hearing about how you are feeling. Just going back to your husband have they tested him for coeliac disease. That would also cause his weight loss and weakness. If they haven’t I’d be pushing for tests. I have an autistic grandson and he doesn’t really speak he’s 7 and myself and DH worry so much about his future. Your DS is so lucky to have you fighting his corner constantly but I can understand how draining it must be. Really wish I can give you proper hugs.
My little grandson used to bang his head so severely I used to wish I wasn’t here to see it anymore. It was so distressing. Thank god it’s stopped. But we are all here to chat. Wish it could be over a cuppa.

I wish I had the words to express my sympathy. I am so sorry that you have this dreadful worry all the time.
I hope and pray that something can be done to help you.

Here is the website for the The Samaritans www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/talk-us-phone/

The phone number is: 116 123.

If you cannot cope with making an appointment to see your GP. Pick up the phone and ring them, they will listen with compassion and help you deal with the problems both you and your family have.

Im so sorry you are in this situation. People here have given very good advice. I don't have anything to add, but hope things may improve in the future if you can get the support you need. Take care.

Please call the Samaritans and then see your GP as a matter of urgency, you need support

I am so sorry to read of your situation, you are not mad, you are mentally and physically exhausted. Please speak to your GP, please tell him/her the truth, don't do what we all do and just say that we are fine, this is not the time for stoicism. There has been good advice on here about calling The Samaritans, and remember, there is always someone awake on GN, always someone who will 'listen', many members have found this site a great help during their darkest hours.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. You sound completely exhausted, both emotionally and physically.

I wish I could offer an answer but I see you've been given some suggestions in previous posts. I think it's good advice to ring the Samaritans. Meanwhile for you, and a big hug. x

I am so sorry you are in such a difficult place, please see GP and speak to Samaritan as soon as possible

Thank God for Monica with precise and practical help. No messing. Impressive indeed.

Hello everyone. So sorry for not coming back sooner. It’s been a long day. Some suggestions are noted but I’m not able to see my GP. It’s impossible at the moment. DS is seeing her next Wednesday as is DH. Have to,d DH he must get the point across that he is not right. I can do no more. Of course, it doesn’t help that much as I appreciate GP services “they” don’t know you as they used to. It seems always to be someone different and so with DH, they wouldn’t “see” the huge change in him as they don’t know what he usually looks like. His customers are saying “whatever’s going on with you?” DH went out today in a coat belonging to our son because everything else is falling off him. Had a read of caeliac disease. Much of it fits.

Have spent the day with my son but did end up being very firm with him. I had to go out for half an our and he followed me to the door (wouldn’t come with me because of his OCD) and said “I’m scared I’ll drink the bleach before you get back”. I just said “I can’t keep you alive, love. I don’t want you to do that but I cannot stop you and I do have to go shopping and you won’t come with me”. Being firm (ish) meant that when I returned he said he’d try to be more upbeat til he sees our GP next week. We talked about being in hospital and we both felt this was a very very last resort.

I have no idea what The Samaritans can actually “do”. I know talking is good for you but this has been going on for years and the bottom line sadly, is that I have to do this. Every day. Just… keep going.

We don’t qualify for respite. I’ve been assessed several times. We used to have a social worker but have now had our file closed. To be fair, it’s wasn’t great. We had four different ones in 18 months and never really felt they got to know us. He does have a PA via Direct Payments but he’s been too unwell to see him very much. The PA has been with us 4 yrs so, he is a constant and worth his weight in gold, literally.

I feel like I’m belittling all of the advice. I’m not, it’s just that it’s gone on for so long and at the end of the day, it’s MY situation to deal with.

DH in tears today. He barely had the physical strength to get out of the chair after coming home from a delivery and got upset and frustrated that he now needs my help to dress etc. he’s 62. Last year, he did the Three Peaks Challenge with his older brother this year, he’s skeletal.

Thank you all again. Nice to know you’re there! x

Are you able to accompany your husband to the GP? I appreciate that it might not be possible because of Covid etc, but it would be very helpful to the doctor to have your input and hear from you how he has lost so much weight etc etc.

If I were you I would just turn up with him and say he can't manage without you - that will get you in the door if necessary.

If you can't go with him, then write a note - a brief list of all your husband's symptoms/ailments, plus the added worry of your son's suicidal thoughts. Make your husband promise to hand it over. Doctor's like lists - it keeps the patient and the doctor on track.