Feeling helpless for son problems

I have reposted this to the BlackDog11 forum.

I’m so sorry to hear of your ongoing depression issues, and it makes sense you are in control of this, until something goes wrong.

We are going through something similar with one of our sons, and a solicitor has told him that realistically, his rights as a father are encumbered by the mother’s rights. That’s not to say all is lost.

I’ve not heard of ‘ The Minute of Agreement’. Are they actually divorced? If yes...wasn’t everything, including visitation rights, sorted then? Just learning about all of this.

We are in a situation where my ex DIL wants to take the children to the other end of the country. I thought all court rulings were about what is in the children’s best interests, but apparently not.

Our son will fight this, and he will make sure he sees the children as much as possible. We suggested every time he sends something to them...cards, presents etc, he takes photos, copies, to keep. One day, those children may question why their mum took them away, and your grandson could too, in the sense that access is being blocked.

I would say to your ex DIL, if I could, that children aren’t children for long. Once they get to ten years old, certainly senior school, they start to want friends, and not parents. Its a good idea to start investing now, in any future she may have with her son. This doesn’t include blocking his father from his life. Otherwise she could ultimately find herself estranged from him...and any future grandchildren.

I’d be interested to hear how you all get on, and all the best to you.

Is there a court order for custody and visitation?

What measures is your son taking to take his depression under control?
He must take care of his MH first so it doesn't adversely affect his son

Sorry but I hadn’t seen Pammiel’s reply.

Downotout, I think you’d maybe get a lot of help and support if you post this on the Black Dog forum.
There are lots of lovely, caring grans who post on there who have lots of experience regarding depression and I didn’t want your post to go unanswered.

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. If your son can’t access his GP I’ve provided a link below to the NHS website which can provide an urgent helpline if you would like to speak to someone. Just click on the link or copy and paste into your browser and follow the on screen instructions on the site.

www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

You can either ring yourself and explain the situation or your son can ring and get first hand advice with whatever mental health issue he needs help with.

Your son has already gone some way towards a resolution by applying for access for his son. This is really the best way to approach things if his ex is making contact difficult. The court’s decision on contact is purely based on what’s best for the child, so unless his ex can prove the child would be at risk in any way, there shouldn’t be a problem there, and your son will have some recourse if his ex tries to interfere with any contact order the court makes. If he has regular contact with his son, the child will know he’s loved and wanted and when he’s old enough to understand, your son can explain to him that mum and dad both love him even though they are not together. It must be difficult for your son to accept, but there will inevitably be some kind of relationship established with his ex’s partner, hopefully this will be a good one and won’t interfere with the father/son relationship. I wish you well.