Best way to help DD with a severe anxiety disorder which is threatening to wreck her life

Hello Carenzo, I very well could be mistaken but I got a teeny tiny hint from your post that you may be feeling responsible (not the right word but close) for your daughters distress. By that I mean it appears that you feel, now that your daughter has more or less given up treatment, that it is up to you to “save” your daughter and her husband/kids from herself. That is totally understandable given that you love everyone of them to bits and that this is your daughter.

However, this is in her hands, she must want to be better in order to get better. So keep in mind when you try to help her that you can’t do the work for her, she has got to want it enough herself. Basically what I’m saying is don’t run yourself ragged by trying to get your daughter help, because you cannot fix this

But there are little ways that you could make a difference. Maybe you could sort of compensate for where there is a negative impact on the children? For instance, if your daughter becomes more so depressed in the evening time, make the evenings the official fun time with the grands. Also encouragement and affirmation could help, like telling her that she is a wonderful mother and person, that you like her hairstyle, you think she is great, something of that sort.

Your daughter is lucky to have such supportive parents. I wish you all the best

One of my DDs has suffered with anxiety for most of her adult life - a hereditary gift from her father and most of his side of the family.

She takes a small dose of citalopram which keeps her well. Occasionally she has tried to go off it but the problems just return so she stays on it and leads a good life untroubled by these problems.

If she is willing, your DD needs to see her GP again.

I also suffered anxiety & panic which led to depression. I had it for years, eventually spoke to my GP when I went to see him about another physical issue. I asked him for anti-depressants, he would not prescribe them but suggested “talking therapy”. I agreed but wasn’t keen. I had a 1 hour phone consultation with a mental health professional to assess my needs. She suggested a stress management course. It was a 6 week course, 2 hours a session. There were about 12 people attending, we didn’t have to speak publicly about our issues, it explained about stress, depression, anxiety & panic and how they were linked and suggested techniques to overcome them. I found it really helpful. I am so much better now. All of this was pre-Covid. In this area you can self refer to these courses, but I think they may be on-line now. I would respectfully suggest that your DD speaks to her GP and if she is offered one of these courses to give it a go.

My DD has a similar issue though no loving partner. She has suffered depression since being a teenager. She is having counselling but the counsellor has identified PTSD and she starts that specialist counselling next week. Are you aware of anything at all that could be triggering the panic attacks and anxiety as specialist counselling may be more valuable. DD's was from an abusive and coercive and sometimes violent (to property) ex partner who has resurfaced for contact with his son. She has paid all his debts, works, is a wonderful mother but he "has rights"!

Has she ever had medication for this problem? It may work where therapy has failed. I hope she can get an early appointment with her GP to find a solution. I certainly don’t think that trying out hypnotherapy other than through a GP referral to a qualified person is advisable.

We have a similar situation that came out of the blue a few months ago. I cannot talk about it as it's early days and I am struggling with it. It's in the hands of professionals but the services are stretched. I am not close by so that makes it worse for me.
Your daughter needs referral to Mental Health. I am sure you already know this I hope your daughter gets the full support she needs. I know what you are going through I wish you and your family well.

Please don’t consider a hypnotherapist privately. Was the counselling advised by her G.P. ?

If your daughter hasn’t spoken to her G.P. about the anxiety and depression she must speak to him/her.

That is sad carenzo, what a worry for you all. Assuming your dd wants to get help a call to her GP would be a start, to see what is available and if she can be referred fir assessment. This sounds as if it’s ongoing and hasn’t been properly dealt with previously so hope she can get help that helps and hope there isn’t too much if a delay.
It’s good that you are close by fir support.
Wishing her and you all well.

I note you say your DD has had therapy and counselling in the past, but from what you say, it doesn't seem to have worked. I cannot advise as to whether hypnotherapy could help, but would suggest great care in choosing one as there is very little in the way of regulation. Hypnotherapy is not a protected term and I know of an ex work colleague who attended a 10 month course, weekends only, and at the end of it was able to advertise as a hypnotherapist and take on clients. I do hope you are able to find someone who can help your DD to manage her anxiety, it must be very distressing for you all.

She needs professional attention now.
Does she want help?

Anxiety also impacts her parental skills and she must address this asap