Black Dog 12

SweetPeaSue- please don’t lose hope - I,m sure it must be so hard for you to trust anyone after what has happened to you but it sounded like the consultant really listened to your story sympathically. It’s so hard too for your husband to have nobody to share his worries with. We are here for you both.
HVDY- glad the op went off ok- that is good for,your sister in law as hopefully he will recover well. You must be very tired after staying awake til so late- bet you can’t wait to get back in your own bed.
Joce- Health anxiety is soo tiring- some days it can almost take over. Constantly checking and being hyper aware all the time is exhausting. You have such a brave attitude.
It does you good to get out with Coco- as Annie says keep walking it is the best medicine!
Doodle- I go to bed with the same attitude as you but so often somewhere along the line, usually early hours, the gremlins pop into my head!!
Like you too I have always been anxious but life’s events have made it so much worse. I expect it’s the same with you. However I,m grateful to have also had many wonderful life experiences and hope to have a few more!
Annie- thinking of you
Love to all BDG

Hi all x

Just woken from my power nap ! A 2 hour one today, wish I didn’t need it, yes it passes time but I get that ‘anxious on waking’ twice a day.

Joyce I know how you struggle my love, remember-
‘You are braver than you believe,
Stronger than you seem,
Smarter than you think,
And loved more than you know’.
Hugs to Coco x

HVDY glad your brother is recovering ok, home you go,

A brave face is not needed on Black Dog x

Doodle anxiety since childhood? oh my love , I think this
happens for gentle, caring people. Doesn’t say much for me as a child though, no anxiety even for exams, new schools, dentists etc. Had my first panic attack 21st October 1966, then I
knew the world, well my world wasn’t a safe place, big shock.
You have much stress my love, tell yourself ‘this too shall pass’ x

Sweetpesue you said the consultant listened , you were anxious about seeing him but it was ok, do try to accept he
was not involved in the trauma you experienced, you need to
Put your distrust to aside and move forward, difficult but it
can be done x

Scaredycat the dark = night time, I don’t like the nights, then I realised how lonely I am and feel the world is asleep. Yes you
are amazing my love.

Winter evenings ? I have bought a standard daylight lamp

How is everyone?

Hello all, I’m plodding on like I do up a day down a day at the min.
Annie thank you I know you are there has always.x
dam this anxiety I will not let it get the better of me ..
Scaredy-cat thank you I think you know how I feel, health anxiety errr …
Doodle I’m just plodding like we do coco is keeping me sane I think we walk a lot she’s so good for a pup I love her..
Hope everyone’s have a nice day ?missis plodd that’s me ??

Morning all. My brother had his operation yesterday, was home by 5pm. I took his wife out for lunch and then in the evening did sandwiches for them. He slept in the bed downstairs, I shared a bedroom with her, twin beds. She kept talking until 11.30! He's been able to get his prosthetic leg on ok but I'll be here until tomorrow teatime.

Sweet Pea Sue so sorry about your ongoing pain etc.
Doodle Can anything be done for your husband's restless legs? Broken sleep must be tiring for you, too.
Anniebach It's what we do, isn't it, put on a "front". But we're all here for each other on here.
ScaredyCat , EllieAnne, VioletSky, all on BD, hope things are not too bad with you today.

I'm posting this via my mobile. I usually use a desktop computer, do apologies for any spelling mistakes x

Scaredycat and Anniebach I'm with you hating Winter. The dark and greyness. I know how you hate the snow Annie. You've very good reason too as well. Like Doodle I hope there won't be much of it this year. I think Autumn can be lovely with its golden colours.
EllieAnne DH had vertigo similar to what Doodle described and he had to have a movement done in hospital(can't remember it's name, but was painless). Had to lie down flat and I believe his head was turned to the side so the fluid in one ear was moved. I'm not explaining this too well as I've forgotten this particular manoeuvre but anyway it worked. Yours might be something different but I hope it goes away soon.
Doodle How awful for your husband that his restless body condition has come back again. Dear me he must get so weary with it. I'm so sorry for your constant worry Doodle. I wish we could all be well. I hope you will be able to share with a good friend. I know prayer can help. I think I'm better praying for others than myself, I don't know if you feel like that. I wonder if God thinks its selfish. Anyway I'll say a prayer for you but I hope he's listening.

I'm sorry but I have to say I've suffered all day with bowel. I can't explain it, it's not constipation but feels like intense pressure and needing to go but can't. Its not been as bad as this for a while. Its an unexplainable pain. I know I shouldn't be complaining here, there's nothing anyone can do. I 'm so scared of everything and terribly tired of it all. It's such a long time, I've no hope anymore and I can't feel God at all. My son will be at work away next week and husband is worried about my op and he has no one. Everything is so black. I'm so sorry. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by trusting consultant but I have to. I found out so much about what previous Dr's covered up its so bad. I'm sorry.

Hope HVDY and Violetsky are OK.
Wishing you all well and really hope for some peace for us all. X

Ellie Ann my dear SIL used to suffer with that a lot. I have only had a couple of occasions with the crystals in the ear thing and it really worried me for a while. I got up one night to go to the loo and completely lost my balance. Everything was whirling around. When I went to bed the lamp shades on the ceiling were moving across the room. It happened about 4 or 5 times in a week and then stopped. It’s a very strange experience.
Annie I keep things to myself. Don’t want to worry others.
I have suffered from anxiety all my life. I love autumn, the leaves, the trees and the colour. Not so much winter. The dark mornings, grey skies. I know you hate snow Annie hopefully there won’t be too much this year,
Scaredycat I am usually glad to go to bed and I try and make my mind go to sleep. It’s the mornings when I wake up I’m most anxious. DH has to take a lot of medication which causes him to be very tired. The restless leg syndrome is a real problem. Trouble is, come morning he can sleep for hours.
Hard to find what a good balance is.
My mother had Raynauds and I used to get it in my fingers when I was younger. Doesn’t happen so much now but DH suffers from it too. So painful.
HVDY and Sweetpeasue what have you been up to today?
Joce are you ok ? Is your puppy growing?

HVDY- hope your brothers op went well and your sister in law is coping ok. She will have appreciated your kindness in taking her out. I expect he won’t be a very cooperative patient !,
I don’t like the dark evenings either- in fact I don’t like the dark at all.
Hope you had a good sleep after your busy day. Mr Cooper will miss you when you are away.
SweetPeaSue- hope you enjoyed your visit with your sister - beautiful wild scenery on the way too. It must be lovely to have her close enough that you can have A day trip to see her. Lovely for you to have a day when you could put your worries to one side for a while
Doodle- I,m so sorry you have such a lot on your mind at the moment. It’s impossible to put them aside at bed time too isn’t it.
Autumn is a beautiful but melancholy time- so beautiful to look at but the end of Summer and the light.
I,ve been ok today thanks just very tired as not sleeping so good and waking up early. I would imagine thats a bit like you are at the moment.
Your DH must feel tired often having to deal with the restlessness in the evening after a busy day.
Hope you have a good night tonight.
EllieAnne- glad your bloods were good and that you now have a reason for your vertigo. Hope the exercises prove beneficial. Knowing you have a follow up test in November must set your mind at rest a bit.
Annie- hope you are ok and that the weekend carer made life a bit more comfortable for you. Also hope she was pleasant company.
My daughter and I hate Winter too. She has Raynauds so really dreads the cold. I feel the cold badly but it’s the greyness of it that I,dislike so much. I understand how you feel about snow,it must be distressing every year to be reminded of that terrible time. Let’s hope we don’t have a bad Winter as it will cause much hardship for many.
Love to allxx

Hi all , thank you for your kind words x

Ellie Anne we all put on a happy face , no need to here.
You did much having your lightheadedness diagnosed and asking for your blood test results , definitely a ? x

Doodle you have much stress, you need to share with someone you trust x

Right, change of seasons, I have spoken of my problems with
Autumn , every winter I quote Shelley ‘if winter comes can spring be far behind’, a poem of optimism. For me I think
‘If Autumn comes can winter be far behind’ this my friends
is an example of pessimism for me , really don’t like winter.

When I could walk , come winter I could have won an Oscar
for putting on a happy face, meeting people and hearing
‘ isn’t it lovely day, snow on the mountains’ , how I wanted to
say ‘no it isn’t, it’s cold and I hate snow’ but I smiled and said
‘Yes, a lovely day’ ?

How is everyone?

Hvdy it’s apparently something to do with crystals moving in the inner ear.

Ellie Ann that’s good news. Hope the exercises help. So pleased you know what’s causing the problem.
HVDY have a good sleep. You’ve been up a long time.

SweetPeaSue Nice that you managed to get out and see your sister. I hope your anxiety lessens a bit and that you sleep well tonight.
Doodle This time of year is strange. I hate the dark evenings. I hope that whatever is on your mind is sorted out and that you sleep better without having any bad dreams (I dreamt about my mum recently and she's been gone since 1995).
EllieAnne I'm glad that your tests were ok. Hopefully, the exercise will help you. Is the vertigo caused by Arthritis in the neck?
ScaredyCat I've never seen The King and I. Perhaps I'll watch it some time. I cry at sad films though. I blub like a baby at some.
Joce Nanny, all on BD, hope you all have arestful night. I'll be going to bed shortly, been up since 6 x

Thank you for your kind thoughts. Annie I’m so glad you are back.
My appointment was ok. I managed to get the results of blood test. Unfortunately I have forgotten the figures but they were good. I will have a blood test in November to see if they are still ok.
My lightheadedness is a type of vertigo. I have exercises to do.
I shouldn’t have got so worked up

Good evening all.
Annie so nice to have you back with us. I know you’ve had a terrible shock. I hope you are ok. We’ve missed you so much.
Joce how are you? You don’t have to be good with words just come her if you need a hug. I hope you are ok. Is your puppy providing comfort?
Scaredycat I wonder if we are going into autumn gloom. I love the autumn in terms of trees but as soon as the weather changes I feel it. It’s an anxious time for me at the moment. Things on my mind. I had a nightmare last night which I know is linked to worries. I don’t ever seem to have nice dreams.
Those of us who are private people tend to keep our troubles to ourselves. Put on a smile and pretend all is ok whilst in the background our minds are whirling away with worries and anxiety. I have such sadness from things past too. It hurts to think about them.
Hope you’ve been ok today.
HVdY I saw lightening and heard the thunder last night. It doesn’t frighten me but it used to upset my dogs. I love to watch the rain pouring down but didn’t bother getting up to see it. I hope your brothers op goes ok and you manage with your SIL. Family sounds as though it will be well fed.
Sweetpeasue my DH still is suffering from restlessness. Thank you for thinking of him. He has to get up and walk around a lot (he’s doing that as I write). The drugs help but from about 8pm onwards he feels irritable and has to get up and walk or go and work on his computer to distract himself.
I hate sad endings with films. I won’t watch a sad film if I can help it, far too emotional. Nice you were able to meet up with your sister. Over the moors sounds so romantic a bit like Wuthering Heights.
Hope everyone has a good night. Nanny how are you and your DH coping?

Glad you're back Annie. I was very sorry to hear you had bad news. I hope you're feeling a little better now. Yes, a good councillor can be helpful when one feels alone.
Doodle So pleased you were able to enjoy your night out. Hope the back /hip pain has stayed away. Been very warm here and we went over the moors to see my sister today. It helped my anxieties about the op by distracting me as my mind is working overtime continuously. Hope that restless legs condition of your husbands is OK now. I thought someone had mentioned that recently but could be wrong.
Scaredycat Love the King and I. Wish the ending had been different though. So sad. Thank you for thinking of me. We all think of each other don't we?
EllieAnne GP surgeries can be so busy but you are entitled, like everyone else, to treatment and care. Hope your appt today was useful. You will need to be reassured about these'light-headed turns' and the nurses shouldn't make you feel as if you're a nuisance.
Joce* It can be so hard to keep going. You are being strong to face each day even if you don't feel as if you're getting anywhere.
HVDY Your brother and his wife are so lucky to have you there. Hope it won't be too long before you're back home again and that your brother's op goes well.

Hope I've not forgotten anyone. Nanny hope you're OK.
Wishing you all a peaceful night.

Anniebach Welcome back, we missed you (you're our leader). Hope whatever it was that upset you have now been resolved.

It's been gorgeous weather here - 23 degrees and sunny. I didn't hear the rain, thunder and lightning, last night. I've been making lasagne for tonight, shepherd's pie for tomorrow, and a chicken curry for Wednesday, for DH and Son1, as I'll be at my brother's from tomorrow morning until Thursday teatime (I think). He's having a hernia operation tomorrow. I'll cook whatever my brother's got, for them, when I'm there (plan to take his wife out for a pub lunch tomorrow)

Hope everyone has had a decent day x

Annie- so wonderful to have you back with us- we have missed you.
It’s raining for you- what a welcome sound that must have been on your windows. Lovely smell too after the heat.
I don’t feel amazing but thank you for those encouraging words.xx
EllieAnne- I know what you mean about the happy face - so difficult at times but sometimes it can work for you. Like the song in King and I - whistle a happy tune!
I do hope the nurse treated you kindly today- your feelings and worries are as important as the next person .You are not wasting their time they are there to help you.
Doodle- glad your back is feeling easier .
Like you I don’t like to talk about my troubles or worries but sometimes the fear,worry and sadness in my head can be hard to deal with. Being here with you all really helps.
Joce- nice to hear from you and hope your struggles get easier with time. Take care.
SweetPeaSue- hope you are pain free today - thinking of you
Love to all

Welcome home Annie good to see you back.
Hope you are feeling better after your distressing news
Annie ??
Yes I do struggle but know there are friends like you on BDG that understand and are there to support me and one another with what ever we struggle with, thank you..
I do stay in the background hear thinking of everyone that suffer I’m just not very good with words but I do care, hopefully help if I can i think of you all. I’m plodding on ok hope everyone else is.. ?

Hi all x

Took a break last week, received distressing news,missed everyone.

Joyce , you are not alone, we know how you struggle yet keep
plodding, we are here for you my love x

Doodle I so hope the pain has eased x

Sweetpeasue it’s good you are now having counselling , you can tell your counsellor all your fears , I have received counselling twice,it certainly helped x

HVDY you are certainly doing well, so active, if I shared my
days it would be ‘not going anywhere, not doing anything,’?

Scaredycat go girl, you are amazing x

Ellie Anne my love your self confidence is so low, do not call
yourself ‘a time waster’, you are not, you have the same rights
as everyone who needs the NHS, if you are concerned about
your test results do telephone, take back some control . Your
daughter is concerned for you, my younger daughter has
certainly given me a ticking off when I have avoided things I
shouldn’t avoid, it love causes them to do such things, they
can’t take our hand and march us as we did to them x

Great excitement yesterday, rain on my window, yes it
rained in Mid Wales.

To those who read Black Dog but hesitate to post, anxiety ,
depression, phobias, OCD, etc,we understand because we have and do experience these troubles, you will be welcomed x

How is everyone?

Evening all. My back is much better today for some reason. Such a relief.
Had a lovely time with family last night and sat with my jacket rolled up in the small of my back so quite comfortable. It seemed to help my back and I was fine.
HVDY it’s good when you enjoy a meal out and then. Ome home and relax.
HVDY I always thing toast and potatoes are good for tummy upset. Bland but filling. Hope you feel better soon.
How are things back at school are you enjoying it now?
Eliie Ann I know what you mean about putting a face on. I used to do that at work. I’m a very private person and don’t like talking about my troubles or worries. What is your Vicar like? Do they have anyone you can talk to in confidence for support. If not, could you try another church that is more sympathetic. If the nurse treats you as a time waster the. She is no good at her job. It is not you it is her problem. You should have an answer to your worries. Your daughter is obviously concerned about you.
Scaredycat I do enjoy a glas of wine and relaxing. Sorry your AF has put a stop to that. Good you had a nice time with your daughter. We have had a quiet day today. Just managed to catch the local shop before it closed to get some yogurt for breakfast. A little walk and catching up with the papers.
Annie Joce and all thinking of you x

Doodle- so glad you enjoyed your evening and a few vinos!! Great that your pain didn’t turn up- I think you must have felt lovely and relaxed. I really miss having a glass of wine but AF and alcohol don’t mix well.
I walked with my daughter this morning while DH was golfing- so lovely to be with her . Had a Costas after so a good weekend thank you.
HVDY- cheers for last night !! It does you good doesn,t it.
Sunday lunch out is such a treat - yours sounds just the job.
That would be my DH too afterwards?
VioletSky- I can’t imagine sleeping 12 hours !! You must have needed it. I,m glad you felt relaxed enough to just let go. Hope your tummy is more settled now .
EllieAnne-SweetPeaSue- Joce - Nanny and all hope you are having the best Sunday you are able.
I just thought of Nonnie - I do hope she is ok.
Sending a big hug to Annie too.

Well I went to church this morning with my happy face on. Oh yes I m fine how are you. Why do we do this? I suppose it’s because that’s the answer people want. I have in the past been honest and it embarrasses people. I’ve got appointment tomorrow with the nurse about lightheaded turns . Am dreading it but if I’d cancelled daughter would have been annoyed. She wants me to push to find out what caused the anaemia. I’m assuming the iron sorted it because I’ve not heard from the surgery. Worried they will treat me like a time waster again

HDVY, hope you had a good time with the children. Back to school is stressful, we have already done it and as much as I love being back in a routine, I'm exhausted and so are the children

Doodle, love Thai food, glad you enjoyed it

My whole digestive system is a big sore bruise... I slept 12 hours last night and still sore. It had been a stressful few days and I guess my body waited until I was relaxed. I ate weetabix too, and I wouldn't normally eat them.. I wonder if that tipped me over the edge. I've eaten a slice of toast today and that's it, going to have jacket potatoes as I think that potatoes are gentle on the tummy

Happy sunday

Doodle Glad you enjoyed your evening out and that your back/hip wasn't too bad. I had a few to drink last night, too .

How has everyone been today, so far? I went out with my husband for lunch. We'd been to this particular place before, and the food has always been excellent (all home-cooked), and massive portions. He's now asleep on the settee and snoring!

Thank you sweetpeasue I wish the same for you. Sleep well x

Oh I'm so pleased you had a lovely night Doodle. Hope your pain stays away for the rest of the night. God bless. X