Would you willingly go into a care home .

MissAdventure

I was thinking because of continence issues, and so on, but then if other stuff is washed often, it must work quite well, I suppose.

She doesnt have incontinence issues, so maybe if there were it would be different. She has less than a full load weekly.

M0nica, (no experience??) - having tried three different 'luxury' care homes for my mother (in her last year), having visited at odd hours, very late or early, having a sound device hidden in her radio, having witnessed many 'accidents' and mistakes - I beg to differ. There's plenty of deluded folk around who have no idea what goes on - as they really don't want to know!

My uncle seemed happy enough in his Abbeyfield home, but, back then, we did afternoon 'happy hour' visits - and we were very innocent and trusting, asking few questions. He was easy going too, so I'm sure that helped!

I am comforted to know that, in reality, I'll never have to suffer that sad fate. I have far too many allergies for it to be a possibility.

I was thinking because of continence issues, and so on, but then if other stuff is washed often, it must work quite well, I suppose.

MissAdventure

Blimey!
A weeks worth of washing?

I am confused by your response. Why would a weeks worth of washing be offensive?

It's a conversation to have, I reckon, but then sometimes life throws up unexpected twists and turns, and things have to change.

Whilst reading through this thread at breakfast, I asked DH the OP question, “Would you willingly go into a care home?”

His response was a resounding no. When asked how he thinks we will manage, in (hopefully) many years time, he just buries his head in the proverbial sand.

But I often worry about it. He just seems to think we shall never get so old and infirm we can’t manage.

As have many others, no doubt.

I gave an example further up.

MissAdventure, I don’t know how else care home staff are supposed to ensure ‘respect’ for residents’ things, except by returning them to the correct room - which is easy enough when they’re labelled.

Are staff supposed to know, in a home of maybe 36 residents, exactly which item belongs to whom?

Hetty58 Given what people with experience of care homes have said about those they have experience of. Your post reads like a case of old dogs not being able to learn new tricks

Farzanah, that's what the inspectors ask residents - 'Do you feel safe?' - not 'Are you content', or happy etc.

Floradora9, willingly - no, I'd have to be dragged in kicking and screaming. I'd rather throw myself off a cliff (if I'm still capable of doing so). My plan B is to commit a crime and go to prison - as the meals and conditions are so much better!

I think what we perceive as desirable in a care home, may well not be for the person we are trying to accommodate in one. It would have been immeasurably better for me if my mother had agreed to go into a home five years ago, but she was adamant that was not her wish.
I think also you need to differentiate between Care and Nursing Homes. It is easier to have a homely natural
environment in the former, where less care is required.
I think we are too hung up on safety concerns. Perhaps as we age we don’t mind an element of risk if it means we can stay in our own surroundings. It’s our loved ones who stress about it, but it is in effect taking away control.

Next week, if someone else was paying. Food cooked for me washing done and plenty of time to read and be on GN.

But what if your home is no longer safe or suitable for you, daisymae?

Never would I voluntarily go into a home. I would prefer carers coming in preference to a home any day of the week.

It is just seen as very institutional, when it doesn't have to be (although in reality it's the easiest way to keep a track of things)

The fact that someone won't know isnt really acceptable as a reason not to respect the fact that the item belongs to them.

I don’t see what on earth is wrong or abusive about labelling people’s clothes. My mother’s CH had 36 residents, all with dementia - TBH I sometimes called it Kleptomania Central, the amount of ‘squirrelling’ that went on. Naming was the only way.

As a visitor, you left anything lying about at your peril! The visiting hairdresser once left her jacket with her car keys inside - it took a major search and well over 2 hours to find it.

It wasn’t just clothes, either - staff once found a dismantled photo and frame of my mother’s in someone’s room - luckily we had known to put her name on both. By a certain stage of dementia she wouldn’t even have recognised it herself.

Blimey!
A weeks worth of washing?

My Grandmother wears her own clothes. Each resident has their own laundry basket. Once a week someone comes and gets it, washes the clothes, puts it directly back into the basket and takes it back. There is no mixing of residents clothing at any time.

Sing-a-longs are not compulsory, but for people with dementia, they may be enjoyable as they can often remember the words of songs when they can remember little else.

It doesn't have to be war-time songs; I think care homes will know the age of their residents.

Calendargirl

M0nica

Residents wearing other resident's clothes is very poor practice. All the time my family members were care; 6 years, 6 years and 2 years respectively. To my knowledge this never happened, even once.

I’m talking about 40 years ago, as my aunt has been dead for that time. That is good to hear MOnica, but with respect, I cannot think that things have improved in recent years, with staff shortages etc.

Can anyone with family in care homes tell us if the wearing of their own clothes is what happens nowadays?

My mum lived in a care home until she died two months ago. As she went to live there in April 2020 we struggled to visit due to Covid restrictions so our experience of mums life there was limited although for her last three months visits were not limited.

Although the home was not registered as a Dementia facility, all the residents had dementia to some degree and the wonderful staff were very experienced. We were asked to label all mums clothes before she went there so that her own things could be returned to her room after washing. With over 40 residents, many incontinent, there was a lot of washing to do and it was not reasonable to expect the laundry workers to identify everyone’s clothes in not named. Mum was not aware anyway that her clothes were labelled!

We started out with iron on labels but they soon came off so we used snap on labels provided by the home. These were small and attached very discreetly to labels inside clothes and were almost impossible to get off.

However, Mum often had clothes go missing and sometimes wore things that were not hers. This was because many people with dementia wander into various rooms as they no longer recognise their own room and will just pick up anything they see and want! Mum also used to leave her things around the home and forget where they were so cardigans, bags, shoes etc got lost. If the majority of clothes were not labelled, the poor staff would have struggled to return items to the right rooms!

The staff did their best, if we mentioned it they would remove items that were not hers and go to the laundry room to look for her missing things. They tended to know which residents “ collected” things and would search their rooms regularly, my mums next door neighbour used to take shoes! She also enjoyed a nap on any bed she could find empty!

While visits were restricted, there wasn’t much we could do and just accepted things, it wasn’t safe for mum to live alone at her house anymore and we didn’t really have much choice. The care she received was exemplary, Mum was genuinely loved by the carers even though she resisted their help and would bite, scratch, kick or spit at them during personal care, it took four carers to help her have a shower!

Once unrestricted visits inside the home were allowed again in February, it was much easier to keep an eye on mums possessions, one of the first things I did was go through her wardrobe to return things that were not hers and go down to the laundry room to look through the boxes of lost property to look for missing things. I never found everything as obviously I did not go into other residents rooms but I wasn’t overly bothered as long as Mum was well looked after, what she wore became less important.

Mum was self funded and paid around £1000 a week but the home was part of a group run on a not for profit basis, all profits were ploughed back into the 12 homes in the group. Staffing levels were higher than on some other homes and the staff were paid the living wage which helped with staff retention.

It was more important to me that mum was safe and well looked after than what clothes she wore.

Nobody but nobody knows what’s round the corner.
Very true and perhaps it's just as well.

Grandmabatty you do not have to take part in enforced jollity. None of my relatives did. The couple with dementia, sat apart, by choice, in one of the lounge areas or stayed in their room. My uncle stayed in his room but sat and talked to people at mealtimes, and made several friends that he would meet up with, of an afternoon, in their room or his.

Most homes put laundry marks on residents clothing. I can remember, as a child, any clothes sent to the laundry had laundry marks. I cannot see why it should cause problems. I also went to boarding school and had name tags on everything

It’s irrelevant as to whether you want it, though - if things get to the point when it’s necessary, it won’t be your choice to make. If it’s not longer safe or possible to be in your own home, this is what needs to happen.

And cheap!
It does look much better than black marker pen in people's belongings.