End of Life Care a decision of Home Care or Hospice

My DH died last year in lockdown when his well-managed lymphoma suddenly entered his CNS and brain. I’d always promised that I’d look after him at home, to the end, and I did. Both DD’s employers were aware of the situation and were very supportive and they often dropped things at a moment’s notice if I needed urgent help.

I’ve got to say that after his first few days in bed when he was quite lucid, he went downhill quickly and the GP had to step in to get services into place as both Macmillan and Marie Curie nurses had visited, but offered no help, thinking he’d be better in a few days. After a few false starts - carers came in 4 times a day to keep him clean and comfortable and he waved away offers of a catheter, so we relied on bed pads and incontinence products. Although he was in a double bed, single duvets were enough to cover him and were much easier to launder. I also paid for a monitor service, which I felt unnecessary, until he fell out of bed and I couldn’t help him. They were here in 20minutes.

That’s just my experience, but I know other GN’s have very different stories - some had no help at all, some nursed their DH’s at home and other’s DHs went into Hospices.
I hope others come into the thread with their experiences for you.

Hi Isummer, I. could not pass by your post without. leaving some sort of. response. Firstly, I am deeply sorry for your husbands declining health and for the situation. you are now both facing.
I have little personal experience of hospices so I cannot really offer. much on that. topic.
Whilst you might want to care for your husband at home. it is becoming obvious that this is becoming difficult for you. Ask yourself, how long will it be before your husband alls again and does some serious damage to hiself? You should also also consider the risk to anyone attempting to lift him after he has fallen.
I. am sure any hospice would allow you and your family to be with. your husband. for as long as you wish, I. am sure there aren't set visiting times as in a hospital setting.
My advice to you is to do some local research. and perhaps visit. some hospices to see if they would suit your husbands needs and. your wishes to care for him as long as possible.
Please do not feel guilty about having to. make this decision, you have clearly been trying your best to care for your husband.
Sending you strength and keeping you in my thoughts.

This is not from my personal experience but my friend was in a similar position as you. She carried on caring for her husband at home but it became much more than she could cope with near his end. He spent the last few days in a Hospice and it seems it was the best decision for both of them.
I also had another friend who ended her days in an Hospice and it did seem the best solution for her and her family.
I'm so sorry that this is something you are having to experience.