Fear of losing what I have left of my looks

Completely identify with your mindset here! I think millions of us gals of a "certain age" have arrived at middle age (oh to live to 132?!?) To realise that yes , we are the next gen of "old ladies" recently I had a run in with a young scummy mummy in a local park who yelled at me "oi, old lady , get back to your old peoples home!" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry?! My DH (ex cop) was bemused and kept very low profile. It wasn't until days later that her yell started to creep into my thoughts.is that really how I'm perceived when out and about? Has old lady hood crept up on me unawares? Apparently so. Yet when I examine myself in mirrors I see a once hot young woman with a cracking figure gently sliding outwards , downwards and resembling....an old laydee! I've always morphed and reinvented my physical appearance through the decades, maintaining my seemingly male magnet attractiveness effortlessly despite being somewhat 'original' in appearance not identifying with any high fashion trends. You too sound a if you've kept your unique style gained in ( almost?)childhood.perceptions are nigh on impossible to change past 60 for us so we can do whatever we choose in the fashion/hair stakes, some will always recognise an original spirit, some will see.....old lady! We cannot alter this, just be happy that we have health and the means to mentally and physically have the choices. Many don't. It's a culture upheaval for us all, keep doing what you choose, what's best and suits you, not others, you have what in my case money cannot buy ,- family. They love you and that makes you young at ?. It's a glitch , it really is, you'll discover your style yet again soon.
By the way , the young gobby tart? I went right I to her personal space and whispered gently in my best patronising old lady tone:
" why don't you shut the f**k up? You're making a spectacle of yerself?" Slowly continuing my afternoon stroll............she did.

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Gosh I think this is one of the most interesting and useful threads I’ve ever seen on GN! I’m feeling a bit sensitive about my declining looks. I’m 59 and got a raft of things wrong with me and it shows. I’ve been thinking a lot about it recently. Anyone you speak to about it normally give you the same old replies- you look great for your age; beauty is only skin deep etc. I’ve found some solace and encouragement in reading this thread, so thank you Truthyruthy and everyone!

I think worrying about your looks will make you age quicker.
You can`t stop ageing,so embrace it,at least you are still here.

Yes! I feel like you ! I am always told I look younger than67 but I am 67!
I have potions and lotions and keep up to date with everything fashion as it was my job but we are overwhelmed with all the tweaks and procedures and products and I haven’t gone down that road
I consider myself still attractive - in my head I am the beautiful woman on her 30s and without appearing arrogant or vain I try and project that confidence in how I look and feel .
I was fit and healthy and now a tendon issue has messed up my Pilates and general activity so I feel very unfit .
I find the whole aging proccess depressing - and the agism that surrounds us .. I have gradually accepted my face and body and with that level of acceptance comes some form of an inner peace
All the talk about count your blessings enjoy life etc doesn’t take away from what we see in the mirror - our reflection reminds us as we mourn our youth and our passing years and as we head toward the inevitable - that’s the reality of it all ! You’re perfectly normal feeling as you do and you will gradually come to terms with the whole aging caboodle !

I wonder if a lot of your worries are tied up in your grief of losing your husband. I met an old friend who said she was amazed at how well I looked and how good my skin is (I’m over 60). I was at a wedding so had really dolled myself up. A few weeks beforehand I’d been really ill and looked ghastly! I see age as a blessing. When I started school there were 5 of us who were all born within a few weeks of each other. Only two of us are still alive. Please try to get some support for your worries.

Ps. Thousands of docs are being retrained on Menopause and HRT and how to apply. It was on Davi a McCalls programme. She’s helped millions if didn’t see any of it. No. Lol Iv not got shares in it but very close to heart as I was completely overlooked and just offered antidepressents for yrs which made me feel dreadful. I coukdnt understand why you treat hormone reduction and fluctuations the root cause, that affects bones skin metabolism etc. with mood drugs?.

Hi sorry had no time to read through. I think most of us go through this at some stage for me there is fearbwith it when I know I should accept accept
Gracefully etc. These days are different we are faced with beauty things everywhere so it’s understandable
Our belief systems instilled in us when young are not all our fault afterall and hard to challenge. Cognitive therapy may help. Sorry if repeating
Have you considered Hrt
Could read ‘
Balance’. Il send link if I can
It’s all about older ladies starting hrt and tge benefits for bones especially it all goes downhill when the ostregen gets so low. I started lowest dose patch at 66. Energy much better and spring in step
Links. Louise Newson ?? Marvellous.
Davina McCsll we have to thank for highlighting such a natural thing and bringing it out of dark ages
The Nice Guidelines changed in 2016 and through skin isn’t considered risk now. It was oral that promoted all the worry. ( it had to go through liver)
Good luck whichever way you go. Inner beauty shines out till 120

@ Truthyruthy please rethink the anti depressants, just a maintenance dose of 10mg Citalopram would give you the ‘chill out factor’ and get a dog! Wish you well, btw I’ve just had a face lift, I’m 66 and work full time in the NHS

doesn't beauty come from within? we are bombarded nowadays with perfection from the media, the rise in body image issues across the ages especially the young.
I remembered being told to love my quirks ,imperfections,and to aim to be content with myself as i am.Not easy, but something to aim for i'd say.

Yoga,,meditation ,walking in countryside/seaside, good sleep and good quality fish oils... all help with anxiety and the ageing process.... wishing you well...

Thanks for explaining how your family was ‘different’, Truthyruthy. I can see how this would have affected you to the extent that you feel you can only be valued for your good looks. But you’re a clever and articulate lady holding down an important job in difficult times. It’s true that most medications have some side effects. I suppose because I have taken medication for asthma since early childhood, and for epilepsy since my teens, and am used to taking a daily cocktail of drugs, I don’t worry about find my anti-depressants and for me the benefits far outweigh the side effects. I tried to stop them but the black dog soon returned. I was lucky to be prescribed a drug which works for me - as you know there are so many. In your position I wouldn’t hesitate to go back to my GP and discuss which medication would help with your anxieties, whilst having the least side effects. Keep looking after yourself as you already do, and I promise you that you have nothing to fear from ageing.

Thanks for your replies everyone. You've given me loads of good advice and It helps to know how other people feel about this subject.
When I say my upbringing was 'different' what I mean is It was something that I was massively aware of at the time, and back in the 60's as I'm sure you all know 'political correctness' was non existent
My Father was a Greek Cypriot who was highly intelligent but was very serious and had absolutely no idea how to enjoy life. He treated me with a rod of iron, I have 2 younger brothers who he doted on because they toed the line and were also intellectually clever like him.
My mum was pretty downtrodden really. As a child she'd contracted measles and scarlet fever at the same time and In hindsight she had learning difficulties which were undiagnosed
I was painfully shy as a child and I got teased for the colour of my skin which really was only very slightly tanned,
I'm pretty happy with my skin now!
Also my mum never did any housework and the house was a mess. Not like the massive hoarding we're aware of these days. but all the same I was teased incessantly about it from my peers
The only time I got approval from anyone was when anyone said to my mum or my gran how pretty I was.
So I am aware I think of where this originates from!
I have been to the GP many times over the years when I've suffered with crippling anxiety and been on many anti-depressants.. Eventually they stop working and there were other side effects I didn't like!
I work for the NHS and I've had quite a lot to do with medical professionals in my life. It's a massively thankless and sometimes impossible job especially after the last 2 years. However, like any other profession there are some doctors, consultants, and HCP's who I really despair of and my family and myself have sometimes ended up in a worse position than before we started. Of course that's just my opinion
I know some people need their medication and would be much, much worse without It, however for myself I only ever go to the GP if absolutely necessary.
I do feel that most medication comes with side effects and I prefer at this time in my life and whilst I'm physically fit, to keep off prescription medication as long as possible
This may change over the years of course, but that's the main reason I don't currently want to go on another course of anti-depressants.

I'm in my 70's. I'm a little vain so I always wear some make up, it goes on in the morning. It has a double purpose, it makes me look better and it keeps the sun and wind from damaging my skin. I do wish I'd never sunbathed! However, the most important thing for me is regular exercise, decent food, enough sleep (I sometimes struggle with that) and trying to maintain an upright posture. Honestly, nothing is more ageing than round shoulders and that shuffly walk that seems to come on with age. I've lost my three best friends to cancer, two of them in their 50's so to be in my 70's feels like a bonus. Dealing with the ageing process is just something we have to get on but I suspect your anxiety is your root problem exacerbated by losing your husband. A visit to your GP might help.

I feel personally, that things seem to happen suddenly, one day you’re quite confident and happy with how you look, then you look in the mirror, and everything seems to have changed.

I absolutely hate having my photo taken, my grandchildren are always talking photos of everything, and I’m always mortified
Who the hell is that fat old woman? It can’t be me!

I certainly can empathise! I'm nearly 61 and certainly over the past couple of years feel I have aged a lot. Since my 40s I have looked after my skin etc and felt reasonably happy with how I looked. I have always been overweight but over past decade have lost weight and kept it off. It was only in my late 50s when I lost a stone I realised for the first time my skin didn't "spring back". The turkey neck appeared as did bags under the eyes! Interestingly during lock down I put on a stone and during a video call a friend commented how fantastic I looked! It really is face or figure I think if you need to lose weight in later years.
I think hitting 60 has had quite an affect on me. Initially I had quite an existential crisis. Physically I have found wrinkles appear overnight,skin on upper arms looks flabby and crepey etc. At times my body feels like its been replaced almost overnight!
I think taking HRT would have been beneficial?
So what can you do in 60s?
I have had my hair professionally coloured for a decade. During lock down and for the following months as my hair is short I was soon left with my natural colour. A sort of light mousy brown. I was surprised at how little grey there was but found my hair colour dull. Eventually the grey increased but not in a nice way. I envy those who have a lovely all over white colour or steely grey. Mine just looked at mismatch of dull colours. Earlier this year I went back to having hair colored and it feels as though dropped a decade,I feel and look brighter.
Skin wise I realise there are no miracle creams. The only way to alleviate wrinkles / bags is surgery or expensive procedures. I have neither the courage or money!
I think finding a moisturiser ,serum etc that suits your skin can really help you look your best. I don't think they have to be wildly expensive either. I have tried many but always return to Avon Anew. Eye gels can reduce bags. My favourite tip is if having photo taken sun glasses really boosted my confidence as my initial reaction wasn't to focus on how baggy eyes looked!
Changing your approach to make up also important. My skin tone changed. I know use a base followed by a tinted BB cream. Powder shadows/ blush emphasise lines. Less is definitely more.!
These little changes have definitely made me feel more comfortable with what I see in the mirror. I will never be able to turn back clock but making the most of what I've got physically and focusing on relaxation and wellbeing is the only way forward.

I have a forensic programme on TV here, and I've realised the skeleton they're looking at has more teeth than me!

Yesterday I woke up and as usual , looked into the mirror, as you do and to my horror, saw 2 deep lines on the right side of my face. How could this happen I thought ??? It cours to smoothe out - it must have been the way I was lying down ??

Warn, dammit!
My spelling has gone, too.

Oh yes, me too.
I have gone from a decidedly average, to looking like something the cat sicked up!
I have to worn people before they see me, these days.

Bereavement, a horrible illness that seems to strike anywhere it can do the most damage have taken a terrible toll on me.

I don't think I've ever based my self confidence on my looks (although I was very pretty too) but on my achievements and skills. I do get annoyed when I find it more difficult, these days, to do things I used to find really easy. When I forget things or make mistakes, I'm furious with myself. We all have to accept change - and the changes we go through - though, and it's pointless to worry about the inevitable. I had to have a long nap after lunch today, feeling exhausted after walking the dog and mowing the grass. When I woke, I was sure it was morning until I noticed I was still dressed! Annoyingly, old age brings me a lack of focus and energy. I'm just so grateful for good health, a lovely family and fulfilling life - I have so much of real value that my turkey neck, jowls and laughter lines are trivial, just par for the course!

I really understand how you feel. After an awkward teen stage, I went on to always feel reasonably attractive. However after a couple of years of stress and bereavement I feel I have aged dramatically and now at 62 I look very different to the me in my 50s. I have a turkey neck, age spots etc all of which really get me down. Losing weight to get healthier only seems to have made things worse. Im not sure what the answer is other than putting up with this new phase of life, but I do sympathise.

Oh thank you so much all of you for your replies
I will have a good read up of them all tomorrow
I love this site!
thank you so much!

Have you thought of trying more therapy, ruthy?

Perhaps CBT or EMDR could help you, as they deal with your mind constantly going over the same pattern of thought.

I know how you feel, I’m a performer and part of the job is looking good.
We live in good times for staying young looking for longer and I have regular Botox and filler treatments. They make an enormous difference if done by the right person and not overdone. Hair extensions, not too long, for me too.
I have also had cosmetic surgery on my eyes and neck.
Now this all sounds vain and shallow, but it’s only like looking after a vintage car. We are here only once as far as I know, so why not make the most of it?
However, your problems lie deeper than just exterior looks and it sounds as if you need a real passion in your life, something which stops you dwelling on your looks and which you become so absorbed in that you forget everything else.
Have a think what that might be.