Anxiety and COPD

I find it very hurtful that after years of marriage, I am supposed to just carry on regardless and be so caring in every way, yet who cares about me? Luckily I have reasonable health but if my health fails, then we DO have problems. My family are supportive but my husband - no.

My husband is so stubborn too. I’ve given up trying to make him excercise, stop smoking (although tbh he has cut down a lot). His walking is worsening, hasn’t played golf for over two years and that was his passion. Has lost interest in all his hobbies but will sit watching tv for hours. He’s only 72!
They will only change if they want to. It’s hopeless if they don’t.

Thank you Farmor. My husband could have had a replacement knee operation 2 years ago - on the condition he lost lots of weight. I knew he would not lose any weight, so his other better knee now has pain and arthritis. He has no willpower to make changes to improve his life. He readily wants aids for walking etc. I think he would not mind going into a home as he would be looked after - he thinks. Our grown children are a great support to me but even their advice is lost on my husband.

My OH had a very unhealthy lifestyle - overweight, smoked, drank too much and had problems with knees but refused to go to doctor. He basically said he didn’t care if he dropped dead! His parents had both lived till late 90s but their quality of life in last years wasn’t great. I told OH that his risk wasn’t dropping dead but getting a stroke and living for years very disabled. I told him, seriously, that if that happened I wasn’t prepared to look after him but would put him in a care home.

It seemed to be a bit of a wake up call. Also, he went on a holiday with one of our sons who got frustrated at slow progress walking due to knees and persuaded him to get them sorted. OH finally accepted that he needed to start taking better care of his health as I made it clear that I wouldn’t look after him if he didn’t take some responsibility.

Thank you everyone for your replies. He has every help imaginable, medication, pulmonary rehabilitation, anxiety counselling, patches, vaping. As has been said, he needs to WANT to stop smoking and that is the crux of the matter, he doesn’t. He uses his scooter more than he should to my mind, whereas he needs to exercise to help his COPD. I find it hard to continue to give support if he is still smoking.

Think we were all smokers years ago. I gave up when pregnant and never took it up after that. No help in those days, but I didn’t find it hard. I wanted to stop, and I did.

Regardless of what is medically wrong with your DH he has to actually want to stop smoking, otherwise he will never succeed. I am an ex smoker and I know that it can be difficult to stop. I worked out my own regime to stop with no medical support, no patches, no alternatives and I am happy to share details if your PM me.

I too suffer with anxiety and I also have COPD. I stopped smoking 16 years ago but the damage was already done. I struggle with mobility but walking is important to maintain fitness. My Dr. Advised against mobility scooter/wheelchair as it is so important to exercise. I take medication for my anxiety, which I’ve suffered from since childhood. Does your DH have a blue badge? I can’t walk long distances but plan my outings to make them manageable. I do need assistance when travelling (airports) and hospital appointments when I have to request wheelchair assistance. COPD is horrible, not being able to breathe is terrifying but by taking things at my own pace I can still enjoy life. Has your DH been offered pulmonary rehabilitation? It really can help by teaching breathing techniques, exercises etc. I was a heavy smoker but actually found stopping was easier than I thought it would be, with help from my local pharmacist, patches & nicotine inhaler. I wish you and your DH well. ?

Has he tried vaping as an alternative to smoking? My OH smoked for years, had a cough but not COPD. Finally, when going for knee replacement when he realised he wouldn't be able to smoke in hospital, he decided to try vape. He's been vaping ever since, quite a lot, but cough has gone.
Problem is that the person has to want to help themselves- your husband sounds like he doesn't, Carenza. You have my sympathy.

It’s surely up to him, he really needs to stop smoking given he already has copd. If he wants to feel better he can get help with giving up from the surgery. Does he take medication for the anxiety?
Only he can make changes if he wants to.
You are doing your best and have my sympathy as it can’t be easy.