Black DOG 13

Wyllow and SweetPeaSue I so wish there was something I could say to help you both to take away your suffering. Just know that you are both in my thoughts tonight.
Wishing you both a peaceful sleep .xxxx

SweetpeaSue I'm so sorry you're having all this again. I hope the GP arranges the appointment with the other hospital as soon as possible. I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

ScaredyCat I hope your shopping trip goes well. I haven't got a clue about what to buy anyone.

Wyllow3 Perhaps you're a bit run-down? I hope the eye infection clears up soon. Your ex is very unreasonable, asking for your sympathy after all that happened. Stay strong.

Doodle I've been cleaning the house he's leaving (Friday). The new place won't have completed until about February. I must start doing some Christmas shopping later this week. I hope you enjoy the market. My husband doesn't like anything like that, but I might have a look at the local Christmas market next week.

I spent 5 hours cleaning at Son2's house (he hasn't been back there tonight but will tomorrow evening). I hoovered every room, swept down the stairs, wiped windowsills, skirtings, doors, cupboards and kitchen. Scrubbed the bath, toilet, tiles, also the oven. My back aches now but it's a job well done. .

Hope everyone on BD has a restful night x

We certainly do miss you Annie No BD without you.

Doodle It just helps to know you are there. Thankyou for your words of support. It helps to know I'm not alone but I know you all have your own things to deal with. I shouldn't air my stuff on here. I had a call back yesterday from GP so told her of the new bleeding. It was only a 2 min call, I didn't intend to keep her, I know she has lots of other patients. I just thought she should know. I'll be OK.
Yes Christmas comes round and it does heighten emotions, I agree. I really hate the enforced jollity stuff. I think we can feel quietly at peace at unexpected times. I have to force myself to be more optimistic. It can be so hard. I hate injustice, not just about myself, I mean, but for others. Truth is so important. Thanks for listening, all.

Sweetpeasue I’m so sorry you feel so bad tonight. Don’t feel you have to keep it in on here. You can tell us whatever you like. I can well understand you not wanting to go back to that clinic. I’m pleased Gp has referred you elsewhere. I do hope you get an appointment sooner rather than later. Have you spoken to the Gp about your latest bleed. If not I would contact the surgery again. I fear that only by pestering will you get more action. The sad thing is only those who shout the loudest get action.
I can’t help, I wish I could but we are here for you whenever you want to talk. We can’t help but you are not alone. I hope tonight you manage some sleep. x
HVDY you seem to get on ok with your SIL. I got on well with mine too. I spend most of my time with DH as not really having sisters or daughters to go shopping with.
Your air fryer sounds like a good buy. Glad you are enjoying it.
Is this your sons new house you are going to? I did the same when mine moved too. 😊
Scaredycat good luck with the shopping trip. I was going again on Thursday but I have persuaded DH to go to a Christmas market next week so will see if I get anything there first. We were going to stay overnight but firstly the cost was exorbitant and secondly they were fully booked so we’ve booked a return train fare instead. Suits me fine as I’d prefer to come back to my own bed.
Wyllow you too seem to be feeling bad at the moment. Your Ex is pulling the strings trying to get you to meet up again.
You need to be strong to look after yourself.
So much going on for you with the CFS etc. I’m glad you got to speak to your GP. You are lucky to have one you feel you can relate to. Hope she was able to help.
Sending a big hug to you and Sweetpeasue . Sometimes emotions and feelings get heightened around Christmas. Hope you both have a better night.
We miss you Annie hope you are ok.

Sorry, but I'm so scared and feel so alone. The bleeding continues and the pain has been awful. I had to leave assistant as I started to order drinks yesterday as went faint. I can't understand why consultant discharged me when he knew I'd had a bleed 10 dys earlier. I can't go back to post menopausal bleeding clinic as I can't face that other Gynae dept at that hospital where THEY are. Good thing is that GP said last she's referring me to a hospital about 60 mls away but it will take quite a bit of time. Also referring to Pain Management but at least 7 month wait. I don't like to keep going on. I just feel so desperate. I don't understand why, when something goes wrong, there is not only any apology but you're treated so badly. I know no one understands me. I feel completely isolated from everyone. It's 26 dys from my last bleed up to the start of this on Sat. It can't be right. So sorry for saying all this. I just can't keep it in, it feels like I'm like a pressure cooker.

haven't been in here as got overwhelmed feelings wise pretty grim mostly, in fact I had that worthless pointless "don't know who I am anymore".sort of depressiveness tho got on with some things.
My "punishing myself for good things" came in as regards having done the nice walk and more two awful nights in and after the night:

My goodness its a shame we didn'.t ALL come in at 5.30am this morning to say hello and offer comfort! When its like that in future I'll give it a try.

Felt a bit better after GP chat as she is good at moving things on (v experienced and knows me well - it was her that got me through last major depression when they discharged me wrongly AND got me back in)

as combo if Ex Stuff (not only things delayed, BUT he asked me with added "Breaking voice" to see him so he can go through next years life plan, "only you understand" I was even tempted for one minute as still sometimes grieve - he really has NO IDEA of how dare he ask after the things he's said and done - and he REALLY NEEDS to find someone else to share with.

...??tum stuff ?? CFS length??future MH support?? and added extra today, eye infection.

Oh my lovely to have "girl time" (big smile) Scardycat....Glad DH has picked up, Doodle and another well done you HVDY for being a lovely mum.

EllieAnne Sounds like you have such a lovely area around you to take your walks. Do you always go alone? I think I'd be a bit nervous, but perhaps they're not too remote. Hope you can sometimes go with a friend. I would quite like a walk alone sometimes. I wish we could help your situation.
Doodle Really pleased your husband is feeling better. Yes I wish I didn't dream too. Husband never remembers dreaming and sleeps very well. I've not started with Christmas shopping yet. I haven't a clue what to get my grandchildren. The grandson seems to spend a lot of time with his computer games and I'm not sure I'll see my granddaughter so may send a gift card. I can't seem to get into Christmas at present.
HVDY Lovely that you went out for dinner instead of cooking. It's so different when we cook ourselves (cook ourselves?) I often enjoy a meal so much better when someone else has done it. Your son will have a lovely surprise when he comes home from work. Does he know your 'bottoming' his house? He will be so pleased.
Scaredycat It must be so good to go out with your daughters and granddaughters. Know what you mean about Christmas shopping. I can do a LOT of faffing before I get started. I think the problem is that I never know what to get as everyone seems to have so much now. I overthink things as I don't want to disappoint. So glad your AF kept away. Hope it stays away for a while and gives you some peace.
Annie I think of how you are getting on every day. I hope things have quietened down a little around you and get your home to yourself sometimes. It's what my aunt missed when she had carers in 4 times a day but they do try to help.
Wyllow Hope you are OK today and things are going as well as they can.

Wishing everyone a good night.

EllieAnne- it sounds so nice where you live. I would love to be able to walk to the beach - like Doodle I love the sea. I ,m so sorry your home life is difficult for you and hope you manage to see friends and GC as much as possible.
Doodle- Good to hear your DH is much improved and was able to go on a shopping trip,with you. Xmas shopping is ok once you actually start - I faff about and can’t make my mind up at first. Then I dive in!! Going tomorrow with DH to a big shopping centre .We have 5 children between us so there is a lot to buy for we need to get cracking. Thank goodness for the Internet as we have done a lot on there this year.
Yes it is nice to have girlie days with my DD. She has 3 daughters so we,re never short of female company. I do remember though when my boys were little how they loathed shopping - lots of eye rolling and can we go homes!!!
HVDY- sounds like your fryer is going to be such a good buy. Very versatile. I try to use the little top oven as it’s so much smaller.
The girls are all grown up with their own families now but it’s lovely when we can have a girlie trip together. I,m lucky though that my DH likes to go shopping and he,s a great bag carrier!!!
I too wake up very early with a mind that never shuts up so no more sleep🙁
Your sons house must be sparkling by now - what a lovely Mum you are. You,ll be glad to put your feet up this evening maybe with a little glass of something eh.
Annie- hope you are getting used to the new bed and getting some benefit from it. Think of you every dayxx
SweetPeaSue,Wyllow,Whiff and all BDG hope you,ve had a good dayxxx

ScaredyCat I did a cottage pie (not very exciting) and garlic bread in the air fryer. It turned out well. Obviously, it's better than using the oven for just the 2 of us now. It must be nice to have females for company. Like Doodle, I've had sons (and I didn't have sisters)

Doodle I get to sleep ok in the night - for as long as the antidepressant drowsiness works, but when I wake at 5.30 or onwards (like this morning), I can't get back to sleep at all and my mind won't settle down. I need to start some Christmas shopping too, but I do it all online, and DH never knows what I've bought.

Wyllow3 Hope your ex signs those papers soon. I bet you'll feel happier once everything has been finalised.

EllieAnne It sounds very scenic where you are. Where I'm sitting, I can see fields in the distance, and there are lots of lovely parks, but being near to a beach much be great in warm weather.

SweetpeaSue, Whiff, hope you're ok.
Anniebach Hope you're finding the bed comfortable now.

I'm going to Son2's later, taking my vacuum and lots of cleaning products, and I'm going to give his house a proper "bottoming", whilst he's out at work. It's pouring with rain here, so it's a good day for being indoors anyway. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Ellie Anne I would love to be close by a beach. I’m lucky to live by a river but the sea is just so special. I could sit for hours and watch the waves. With river and wood walks not too far away it sounds as though you live in a lovely area. Do you take your DGC to the beach in the summer or are they too young yet? Nothing I can say will make life better for you but I do pray that somehow life is easier for you.
Sweetpeasue thank you. DH is much better today. I think it may have been how he was laying when his cateract was done that caused the pain in his back. I too rely on the old fashioned remedies and put a hot water bottle in the bed too. He went to bed early last night and slept well. I dragged him out Christmas shopping today. Didn’t get much but bought my Christmas cards and a couple of things for my granddaughters.
Funny what you said about dreams. I don’t think I ever have good dreams. They are always about things past that upset me or sad things. I would much prefer not to dream at all.
HVDY does your mind wander when you wake up at night or are you able to go back to sleep quickly? Good your son watches your DGD play rugby. She must be pleased to have her dad cheering her on. Ooh nice to go out for a meal…..wouldn’t do to overwork the air fryer 😊. Hope you had a good time. I love going out for a meal although it’s the puddings I like best. 😊
Wyllow I think we all do a lot more walking round the house than we realise. Still keeping my fingers crossed your Ex signs those papers and brings you some relief. Have you had a good day today?
Scaredycat how lovely to meet with your DD and DGD. Only having boys myself I’ve never had a female friend to go shopping with. DH comes with me but doesn’t enjoy it 😊
DH is better thanks. I’m relieved as his back was so painful yesterday. It must have been muscular I think.
Glad the AF has given you a break.
Sleep well all. No bad dreams. Annie hope the new bed is cosy.

Scaredy-cat I do both. I can walk to the beach, nature reserve and reservoir from home but if I want to go to the woods or a river walk I take the car.

HVDY- looking forward to seeing what else you can make.our kitchen tops are too small to have one otherwise I think we,d be tempted.
I played Golf for many years and loved it- both the game and the companionship. My best friend is from my Golf days but we,re both a bit too old now .I stopped when my neck became a problem.
SweetPeaSue- hope you slept better last night . It must be so difficult for you as your mind is continually busy with so many unanswered questions and worries.
No AF yesterday😀 I went into town with my DD and DGD and we did a bit of Xmas shopping with coffee and lunch thrown in. It was such a treat to be with them and do something that we used to do before Covid.
Wyllow- I would have enjoyed walking in the woods with you especially as coffee and scones were involved too. As Annie always says walking is so good for you and beneficial in so many ways. I think it does help with sleeping too sometimes. I,m glad you have nice places to walk in.
DH and I both have a watch and phone that count steps and also monitor heart rate and various other things. I think they’re really good to have. The watch has a fall alert function too
especially reassuring as I walk quite a bit on my own.
Doodle- your poor DH I do hope he feels better today and is able to get out again. Would a microwave heat bag help do you think. Some times when I start out on a walk my back and shoulders are uncomfortable as I have arthritis in my neck- maybe that might be the problem.Hope he was able to sleep ok.
EllieAnne- wouldn’t it be nice if we all lived close we could have some lovely walks together. Do you walk from home or go in the car and then walk?
Have you heard how your GD is getting on with her riding? I expect she wants horsey bits for Xmas!!
Annie- thinking of you and hoping you are getting benefit now from the new bed.xxxxx
Love to all

Just about to go to bed but lovely to catch up...EllieAnne that has inspired me to get a fit bit cos you never know what you do round the house either? Best wishes for your difficult situation

Doodle I hope DH feels better in the morning!

Sweetpeasue koko, lovely.

and best wishes for Whiff Annie* Scaredycat and HVDY you must be tired after all the DS support but well done.

I think unfortunately some of us in life have to "self monitor" moods a lot in order to be the best we can, and it IS tiring and takes time up other people dont always "get", they just sort of more just "live" but well its better than alternatives and sometimes nice things happen. Like - tell myself - what matters today was the walk not the dreams (work in progress!)

Wyllow3 Nightmares are upsetting, aren't they? I often have them, and I suppose it depends on what my thoughts have been about that day. I hope you sleep ok tonight and have pleasant dreams.

Doodle I wake a lot in the night, always have done. Not seen any of the family this weekend, but exchanged texts with Son1. He'd taken his eldest girl to her rugby match, said it was cold standing about watching her. I hope your husband feels better tomorrow.

SweetpeaSue Yes, I'm fine, thanks. Hope you've been ok today.

ScaredyCat, Anniebach, Whiff, and others on BD - hope you've all been ok.

Didn't use the air fryer today. DH and I went out for dinner (and pudding plus a couple of drinks). Hope all BDers have a restful night x

HVDY Good to know the air-fryer washes easily. I'm quite lazy about stuff like that and it would put me off it. Hope you've been OK today.
Doodle Really hope your poor husband feels better tomorrow. He doesn't sound great at all. He's only just had the cataract surgery too. It's awful when we feel so helpless. I know it's old-fashioned but would a hot-water bottle give any comfort?I'm sure you've tried everything though. Maybe a rest will help,I hope so. Thankyou, have taken painkillers.
EllieAnne You are doing great. It sounds as if you get plenty of exercise. I'm unfamiliar with fitbits.
Hope you've been OK today.
Wyllow Glad you enjoyed your walk. Isn't it weird we don't have anywhere near good dreams as bad. Dreams of loss, past and present, are so distressing and I'm sure that's very understandable when you are currently going through this. Hope you are OK now. The spotting was why I was investigated 2 yrs ago. The bleeding I have had since the op that went wrong is continuous, like a period.
Scaredycat I hope you've been OK and the AF is giving you a break today. I wish it would leave you be, its so unfair. You're such a kind person and not sure if that magic wand works on their owners. If I could borrow it I'd use it for you.
Annie Hope you're getting more used to your bed and the pain you have is a little better.

Wishing everyone on BD a peaceful night.

Ellie Anne crossed posts. 10,000 steps a day is good. Have you been anywhere nice over the weekend?

HVDY I slept well last night how about you?
Glad the air fryer is working out well. Lots of people on GN recommend them.
Have you seen any of your DGC this weekend? Hope your son is well settled in his new home now.
Yes it was wonderful when GPS used to do home visits. The care has never been the same since they stopped doing that.
Sweetpeasue sorry you didn’t have a good night. I hope you weren’t in pain. Sounds like you and Wyllow have similar problems but for different reasons. DH uses Movicol every day. He swears by it and couldn’t cope without it.
It’s kind of you to think of others and not post anything that could put them off getting help. Its just so unfortunate that someone did something wrong in your case. I agree with Wyllow keep reporting the issues you have.
Wyllow that is interesting about the breathing I didn’t know that. I should do that more often. My mum had emphysema from a young age under 20 and I can still remember her doing breathing exercises every day into her 80s.
DH has a step counter in his watch and a thing on his phone which tells him how far he’s walked when we go out,
Not been for a walk today. DH isn’t feeling too good. He’s got pain across his back and shoulders for some reason. Painkillers don’t seem to be having any effect so he’s taken himself off to bed early in the Hope that he’ll feel better tomorrow.
I have come across some very kind and caring people on GN too. I hate when I have a dream that upsets me and then it lingers on. You seem to have a very good grasp of your problems and I admire your determination to tackle things and try and make the best of things for yourself.
Scaredycat hope you have had a good day. We missed our walk but DH really wasn’t up to it. Have to go out earlier these days now it gets dark so early.
Annie hope you are feeling more comfortable in your bed now and that your hands are getting better.
I wish you all a peaceful and dreamless sleep (or nice dreams only)

Willow I have a Fitbit and try to do 10000 steps a day. Doesn’t always work and sometimes I do more.

hello BD's. I've been posting around GN on various threads and feel so very grateful its around. It can get me out of loneliness or lowness sometimes, there is so much kindness and things of interest.

My walk was fab, as I didnt push myself to a target I probably walled further and got to the "Scones and coffee" cafe. and..the sun shone.

Then I came home and had a sleep and a most awful nightmare that I was having a complete mental and physical breakdown. Sods law, eh?

I want to find a way of them sort of setting me back less. If I dissect them the common factor is loss and can only guess that I need to find better ways of living with loss in everyday life so it doesn't pop up so much in dreams. there are always limits how far "understanding"can go but if there is room for manoeuvre...

Yes Wyllow It is a bowel adhesion, he told us this at my last appt. Its also on notes but not exactly where on bowel.
The deep breathing and keeping active makes a lot of sense in that it oxygenates our blood and organs. You must miss the teaching Wyllow.

So sorry about your bad night and anxiety about losing your support. These are bad times for us all needing our health services for sure.
I hope you will feel better after your walk. Its will power that is needed sometimes when we feel like not bothering and finding that will can be exhausting in itself. Thankyou for your help. Hope your day goes as well as it can. X

It may not be a bowel adhesion Sweetpeasue but as its that area same factors apply don't they re keeping moving (yes, fed up of prunes and fibre products) really matters.

It's worth keeping on reporting the spotting until you find out more, clearly. Long process, these days. Ask GP for re-referral on the basis of spotting.

(I learnt what I'm about to say I did my yoga training to teach yoga: we didn't just learn the postures, but the reasons for them, and deep breathing techniques. I'm not well enough to teach atm but when I did I explained this at every single session...

... when everything tightens up, with the freezing of anxiety or the sometimes holding on of anger, we don't breathe deeply.

Breathing deeply isn't just for the lungs - its an all around the body thing. Breathing deeply oxygenates the blood carrying oxygen into the muscles and organs of the body and maximises healing.

I dint sleep well as dreams of discharged losing worker very literally, woke up early, came onto GN went back to bed, now I've missed Quakers - oh well, its actually sunny out which is a treat. Should get "fresh air"therefore.....pull myself out of the 'dont want to go out' and go through the woods just across the road.

Anyone else have one of those 'step counters' we are all supposed to have and do every day?

HVDY The chicken and roasties sound delicious. You'll be thinking about what to do next in it. I didn't sleep well last night but that's not unusual for me. Hope your day goes well.
Wyllow I don't even know where the adhesion was, just know it was on bowel. I haven't any surface scar adhesions as I've not had previous abdominal surgery so not sure about massaging.
Its interesting that you mention keeping everything moving as I do this and have Movicol for that reason. I'm careful about what I eat because of the problem. It all started with the botched operation and I believe the peritoneal cavity could have become inflamed because of the stuff from fallopian tubes filling and leaking contents during op. Could that be why I've ended up with a bowel adhesion I don't know.

I know everyone will be sick of me saying this but all I had was a bit of spotting and the hysteroscopy was JUST to take a biopsy. I've seen lots of threads started about Investigative Hysteroscopys and I would never relate my story on there as what happened to me is very rare and would never deter anyone from being investigated.

I had pain all day yesterday and thought I might start bleeding. Last night I did. Why would the Gynaecologist discharge me when Id told him I'd bled a couple of weeks before seeing him again?
I'm now at a loss and how do I trust?
There are people worse off, I know. This was caused and people lied.

How did everyone sleep?

Wyllow3 You're right, we do expect definite answers about our health, don't we? But that isn't always possible, particularly regarding MH. I hope you're more comfortable today.

Doodle We had a couple of excellent GPs over the years. One used to come out to Son2 who had terrible Asthma as a child and frequently had to be hospitalised. Another GP came out at midnight, from 15 miles away, when Son1 had a DVT at the age of 20. Doctors don't seem to do that now. The air fryer is simple to clean - the tray and basket thing both come out and can be wiped or washed.

ScaredyCat I cooked the 2 chicken breasts and the potatoes together in the air fryer, but steamed the veg in a pan. Glad you went out. Wouldn't you fancy learning/playing golf? My DH used to play but I never fancied it.

Hope all on BD has a decent day x

Best nights possible all always good to catch up.

Sweetpeasue current strategy is to keep (TMI warning) bowels as cleared out as possible all the time less discomfort pain, but everyones down there stuff is very different (mine started in a botched up peritonitis operation in 1994)

and my other tactic is to try and relax and gently stretch the area as any adhesion or scar when it gets tight feels worse, if that makes sense (or is any use to you). I also use soothing oil to very gently use my fingertips to massage the area and painkillers if necessary -this has happened before xx

Whiff It was a cruel thing for your so much loved husband to die so very early. In all of your posts the pain comes through and cannot fail to touch anyone who reads them.
The pain of grief is indeed a physical one. Especially, I found, in the early days of losing my mam. I hope your pain flare up has eased. Your friend's loss will be so fresh and you are so much affected too. I'm sure you will be a great strength to your friend and anyone would be so glad to have a friend like yourself at such a time. Take care of yourself Whiff.