Black Dog 14

ScaredyCat Sorry to hear you keep having the AF. Is there any kind of help group for others with AF?

Wyllow3 I agree, I won't be messed about. When I got there, a cleaner was there, vacuuming - the man is a hoarder (although he denies it), with boxes of stuff piled up almost to the ceiling (he's in a 1 bedroomed flat) and she'd done his washing, in the communal laundry room. He does his own shopping and cooking (he'd previously said he'd like help with chopping/preparing food, but declined when I offered today). I don't think I'll be going there for long (if again). Glad you had a day out. Going this evening?

Hope everyone's day has been ok. x

Mainly had a day out, debating whether to go to a meeting or not as its a topic I feel strongly about but would be first time out in evening for months!

Scaredycat you are NOT moaning just sharing!. The unpredictability of your AF is something that. must be particularly difficult. And yes you miss "the doctor who has been through a lot with me" as there is genuine understanding or you as a whole person not a symptom.

HVDY just my personal POV but its not on, to be "on call" at anytime. You can't run your life like that. No helper could.

Ellie Anne yes it is interesting to see where people are from. I usually pop into the "good morning" thread and people generally say "Morning from S Yorks" or similar otherwise you are right we could be anywhere!.

Doodle- hope you,ve been ok and the ear problems gone away or at least lessened. Dizziness is horrible and affects everything to a certain extent.
These last 2 weeks have been horrible for AF I,ve only had about 3 days without it bothering me at least once a day. Luckily Xmas Day was a good day. I try not to let it get me down but it is very tiring and anxiety inducing. I have the right meds and treatment but miss my old GP so much just to chat and offload a bit. Sorry didn’t mean to moan - thank you for asking.
It was so mild walking this morning and felt almost Spring like. Fresh air did us good as we,ve had that cold virus since Xmas and it’s not quite gone yet. Apart from that we,re ok - haha.
Glad you,ve got your cruise to look forward too. We have one booked too - maybe we,ll be on the same one!! I wish.
Wyllow- every time you post you sound a bit stronger and able to think more clearly re your ex. Your counsellor sounds very good - so pleased you have her to help you.
Lovely to have had your home spruced up a bit - makes you feel brighter I,m sure.
EllieAnne- glad you,re safe. I,m sure just you being there helps your daughter and you deal with her so well. She sounds very overworked and stressed - I expect that why she’s a bit touchy with you sometimes. How we love our children don’t we.
SweetPeaSue- hope you are having a comfortable day today and can get out - maybe to the beach?
HVDY- wow you have done a lot of work today. It must hav3 been very uncomfortable to have to work in the heat especially as it’s not so cold out today. I expect you and him will work out a plan when you know him better. Hope so anyway. Have a rest this evening you,ve earned it.
Annie- hope you,re ok todayxx
Love to all .

Well - I went to the man's, he set me to work on cleaning his oven and hob, which he confessed he'd never cleaned since he's lived there (almost 4 years). I also cleaned his walk-in shower, W.C., washbasin and floor. The heating was on, full-blast, so I got on with ita nd make a decent job, considering. He inspected what I'd done, and he said he didn't need anything else today. I asked when he wanted me to go again (we'd previously agreed on Wednesdays and Fridays) and he said he's "need to sort myself out and let you know".

Hope it goes well Hvdy.
Willow I think we are w Yorkshire. I’m not being nosey it’s just nice to know where people are from.
Annie still thinking of you and hoping you can get all your problems sorted out and start to enjoy your new home.

I do Ellie Anne but very S Yorks if thats any use..

HVDY all the best with today's start.

Doodle I hope you slept well and that you feel better today. Son's Eczema never goes but settles down a bit eventually. Thanks for asking.

EllieAnne Well done on the journey. I wouldn't be able to do it. Would your daughter be able to work part-time at all?

Wyllow I suppose after such a long time of being manipulated and abused, it's not easing to stop being frightened of a person. I'm glad you feel able to discuss things with your counsellor.

SweetpeaSue I hope the pain you've had/got is somehow easing a bit and that you'll be able to get out.

ScaredyCat I hope you're ok and that the AF is not giving you any trouble at the moment.

I went to bed at 9.15 last night! Woke 2 hours later, stayed downstairs for a while, then slept 1 - 7am. Going to the man's this morning, so I'll see how that goes. Hope everyone manages to have a good day x

Wondering if any of you live in Yorkshire.

Doodle I had crystals in the ear a few months back and exercises sorted it out.
Dd can’t really do anything because of lack of staff. People leave and aren’t replaced. Patients would suffer if she reduced hours. Don’t know how helpful gp is . She hates me asking questions. It’s not an easy relationship. I just give her space and try not to annoy her !

Good to hear from you *Ellie Anne and best wishes for your time with DD.

Sweetpeasue I have PM'd you as its a load of detail about TMI stuff and long but might be helpful and you are welcome to start chatting on it/ask questions.

Sorry, crossed posts. Glad you've arrived EllieAnne Sounds like your DD has her hands so full. So many employers have unfair and tremendous expectations. I hope, as Doodle suggests, a GP can help her.

Doodle Oh dear, thats all you need. I do hope it clears up. Dh was told there were crystals in ear when he had dizziness when moving head on morning. Hoping its a little better tomorrow. The cruise will give you something for you both to look forward to so crossing fingers.
Wyllow Be nice downstairs looking tidy after decoraters. You'll be glad it's finished though. Good counselling was helpful again. Much depends on getting a good one, I agree, and feeling a trust in that person. Its awful that you should still fear ex but not surprising the way you've been manipulated, I'm so sorry. Have had MRI after Hysteroscopy /Laparoscopy and it did show nodule above bladder though said 'most likely' benign.Bowel pain and searing pain along lowest abdomen with right pain. How much is due to adhesion, dont know. Havnt been anywhere for few dys. Sorry, but was it previous surgery that caused your adhesions? Please dont answer if too intrusive. I know much depends on where adhesions are as to their affects but I know I never had problems before the bad op. Hope you have a good rest tonight.
EllieAnne Hope you have a good visit with DD. Youve done this drive many times but I understand your nervouseness.

Ellie Anne glad you arrived safely. Well done for the long drive. I couldn’t even attempt it.
Hope your DD feels better tomorrow. Is there anything she could do to lighten her workload, could the Gp help?
Wyllow glad you are coping better. You seem to have a good grasp of your problems and are doing all you can to cope.
I feel a bit better now for some reason and the clicking in my ear has stopped for now. I hope you sleep well tonight.

I thought I’d posted but it seems to have disappeared. Mostly journey was ok though weather conditions not great. Dd is very stressed and has gone to bed. Maybe she will be better tomorrow. Her work load is dreadful especially for someone with mh problems. Thank you for kind thoughts.

Sweetpeasue thank goodness at last it sounds like its being taken seriously, just hoping for you so much you can get more of an overall picture of "what is causing what" from the scan, and at the very least better symptom control - and an understanding of the "why" of the bleeding.

Annie I'm glad to hear about the TV getting sorted soon. Ear wax removed not at mealtime... (tho glad to hear about food). Can you get a wheelchair that supports your neck when they have done assessments? You need to feel secure.

HVDY hoping son has managed to better communicate with g/f, but its early days, sadly. The Eczema sounds bad thank goodness something helps.

A bit early for snowdrops Scardeycat I await first report! Hoping the AF isn't too bad atm.

Doodle just lots of warm thoughts as you have got poorly too. That's some time still to wait for DH's results, I do hope they can adjust the medication even slightly to reduce symptoms.

Nanny I don't know you from before but it sounds like you have a hard road to tread.

Hoping to hear from you soon Ellie Anne.

Counselling threw up I am still afraid of Ex in some ways .....how some of my fears about standing up to him relate to what happened in my family and why I am easily manipulated and we discussed coping with combination of MH state, bowels and CFS and of uncertainly re future support from MH services since they are not in good state.
Gave me chance to share my worst moods but that I'm coping better than I used to with very negative bouts. (ie those bouts of wanting to go to sleep/die are not the same as active planning, I used to panic they were the same but been thee done that long enough) I am very very glad she is around and that makes me want to give other BD's same chance I have with a really good counsellor!

The decorators have thankfully finished and things are spick and span downstairs.

Hi all. Just a fleeting visit from me tonight. I’m feeling strange. Well stranger than normal 🤣
Went to bed with fuzzy head and slight headache and woke up with the same plus crackling sounds in my right ear. It’s happened before. I think it’s something to do with crystals in the ear so I’m taking a couple of pain killers then another early night I think.
Ellie Anne hope you’ve arrived safely and all is well with your DD.
Nanny not heard from you for a while, not surprised as you have so much to cope with. Must be so hard with your DH being so ill. Tears are natural. You are upset and worried about the future, I hope your DH is comfortable and not in pain.
Sending a gentle hug to you.x
Wyllow when we used to have a spare bed I would go in there to sleep sometimes if I was restless and couldn’t settle. These days DH or I go in the lounge and sit for a bit if either of us has a problem going to sleep.
I think you are right about men and counselling/MH though More younger men are coming round to it I think. It’s becoming more acceptable and less of a stigma (it should never be a stigma but that’s how it used to be viewed) several members of my / DHs family have had counselling for various reasons.
Not sure when DHs assessment is but the last of the tests they ordered for him is next week so I assume they’ll have us back to discuss the findings,
Hope the counselling session helped you.
Joce pop in whenever you feel like a chat. I hope you’re keeping well.
HVDY sounds as though your son is sorting out his move so even though it could be a few months you know that he will be moving. Nice he won’t be far away from you.
Oh what a disappointment about the chap you are caring for. All that effort for nothing. Hope things are better from now on.
Your poor son. The eczema must be so painful and difficult to live with. Does it calm down when he isn’t so stressed?

Annie so good to hear from you again. Do so hope the TV is fixed soon. I hope they can sort out the hoist and suitable wheelchair. Like to see you getting out of your room a bit.
Wonderful news to hear you are eating again and enjoying it.
Sweetpeasue thank you. Not sure what they can do for DH but we’ll see. We booked a cruise yesterday for later in the year. Not sure if we’ll be allowed /able to go but something to look forward to.
So pleased you managed to see a sympathetic Gp with your symptoms and have a scan booked. Hope it proves helpful.
Good luck on the legal side. It’s a battle to get anywhere isn’t it.
Scaredycat yes I did cut DHs hair during lockdown. Needless to say he’s mightily relieved he can now go to the hairdresser 🤣
We will probably put the treadmill somewhere where we can look out of the window. No it’s not coming till next week sometime. Not sure where it’s coming from but it’s a fold flat one that we can hide away if we have visitors, not a heavy duty one but then I doubt we’ll be jogging. 😊
Good you went for a walk. Hope the AF is giving you a bit of peace. Keep looking for those snowdrops.

EllieAnne- Wishing you a safe journey today. I do hope you and your daughter enjoy your time together. It must be very difficult for you to see her so troubled sometimes . She must be so glad to have you with her though and a hug from her Mum will be just what she needs.
Doodle- what a good job you went to the hairdresser with DH.
In Lockdown did you cut his hair at home like I did? I,was so glad when the barbers reopened - my hairdressing skills left a lot to be desired!!!
Will you put your treadmill so you can look out while walking or so you can watch tv? It’s coming today isn’t it?Have fun.
Nanny-+I,m so sorry to hear of the difficult times you are going through at the moment. All the emotions you describe are so understandable - it’s good to be able to let them out though.
Try to make time to be kind to yourself too-thinking of you.
Joce - I,m ok thank you- so nice to hear from youx
Wyllow- hope your counselling went well today. Good job you had somewhere quiet to be. Your sister sounds a very kind person too- so glad you have her support and love.
HVDY- Hope your Sons move goes off smoothly and he was able to speak with his GF as amicably as possible. He,ll probably need to have a good chat with you later.
What a pain getting all,ready for your first day in the new job then not being able to go. Think your man needs to sort out his diary dates . Still at least you were all dressed and ready to go out. Lovely for your brother and you to,have a good chat together he must feel very lonely sometimes. Bless your SiL for forgetting Xmas - what a beast of an illness Alzheimer’s is.
Annie- things are moving at last! Perhaps there is some kind of neck support you could have fixed to your wheelchair .
So glad the food is good and that you are making up for,lost time. Would love to see your little face and the enjoyment the food is bringing.
Oh earwax and lunch don’t really go-together do they!!
Nice walking today but no snowdrops yet.
SweetPeaSue- so glad that at last you have been able to,talk to someone who listened- not only listened but took what you told her seriously - about time. Hope the CT scan is soon.
Thank you for your kind words.
Love to all

Annie Just seen your post. So good that at last your TV is being sorted at last. My aunt's husband needed a hoist and although it may take getting used to it will be great to get in your wheelchair and have that freedom to move around. I wonder if some padded neck support that goes around to the front will give you some added reassurance and stability, at least for the first couple of times until you feel secure. Nothing should ever be said to put you off your food, after so long on meal replacements!
HVDY Yes V windy here too. I'm glad the antihistamines help your son. Oooh it does sound so bad. Dont know when the CT scan is, I should have asked.

Wyllow Hope was the counselling today? Despite everything, you still care about your ex's welfare. You're a very good and caring person.

Anniebach I'm so happy you're enjoying all the different foods you can. Best of luck with the slings etc., I'm sure they'll sort things out asap. Hope your tv is going to be fixed soon.

SweetpeaSue Son's Eczema looks like very bad scalding, it's so red and inflamed. The worst is his neck and face (they itch, he rubs it, so the cycle continues). I bought a laundry egg and am doing his washing separately from ours. He takes antihistamines daily. I'm so pleased you managed to actually see a GP, and that she listened and cared. When will the CT scan be?

I went to see my brother and his wife. She hadn't realised we'd had Christmas . He enjoyed a lot of chatting with me (she doesn't talk a lot, and especially not with him). It's very windy and cold out. Just got home, son is on the 'phone with his GF, so no doubt he'd tell me later about that. Hope everyone has been ok today x

Doodle Your poor DH's rbs sounds so severe. I'm really hoping the treadmill will help, it sounds such a good idea. I understand Pregabalin does cause dizziness but since your poor husband has such severe rbs there's little choice and I know you are well informed. Medication so often has side effects, it's so difficult for you both, especially as he has so many other health problems. Its v sad that its interfered with your walking and I so hope the treadmill will help him. Hope the scan will be helpful to his ongoing care and he can soon get some peace from all this - he must be so sick of this torment, poor man, I'm so sorry.
Scaredycat Youve said some lovely things about me up-thread, and of so many others. You are always so kind and I know youve so much to deal with in your AF and awful anxiety. As Doodle once said we are all equal in our problems here, and you have so much to contend with. Thankyou for all your support and kindness.
Wyllow I hope your counselling went ok today. So pleased you got that v meaningful call with your son. I was touched because I understood exactly what that means. Its so hard to maintain a close relationship with our AC if we're trying to keep bad stuff from them in order not to worry them. I know it's difficult when we're challenged with long term difficulties to keep open with them but if Ive occasionally had a more genuine open conversation with my sons it has felt beneficial to both of us. Regarding yohr ex I think youve been so supportive to him considering the abuse. I know he has MH problems and its wonderful of your sister to offer help with that though do try to keep on protecting your vulnerable self. It must be so difficult for you as you're such a caring person.
HVDY What a shame about the start to your job. I can understand you feeling put out. It must have been so disappointing when you were all set up and looking forward to it today. Lets hope your next appt with him will make up for the bad start. Your poor son with his eczema. One of my son's had childhood eczema and it can be so horrid with the soreness and itching. Your own son's condition sounds severe and its not surprising that his relationship ending has caused this flare-up. You are there for him in all ways and he must appreciate that so much.
Nanny You are in my thoughts and I do hope the health care you're DH is receiving is meeting up to his ongoing condition. I looked after my mum and it's v hard to keep going and stay strong. I do feel for you. Please look after yourself. You must be so torn. I hope you can sleep. Sending love.
Annie *Nadateturbe Whiff*Joce and so many others hope you are coping daily.

I had my call and paralegal says definite medical diagnosis needed in order to move further, to get back in touch when known. Not boding well as consultants, in nearly all cases, would never say any particular health problem would relate to a colleague's procedure, I know this. Also wait for an appt with consultant at hospital 60 odd miles away could take a long time. Not well enough today to proceed contacting another but will be doing so.
Rang GP surgery yesterday-a long, long time.Still usual GP (my other retired ) not there till next week, only 2 GPs on that Id never heard of. Chose 1 and was given F2F appt from receptionist! Not heard of!. Apparently she was registrar and only does F2F. She was a star. This pain that Ive had 4 dys a new pain with sickness and she's took me seriously and is efficient astute and kind. Sending me for CT and is informing my usual Dr next week. My counselling not till next week. This new pain is still here. I cant get on with life and its affected poor husband's too. but I thankyou all and I know we've all got our troubles. I think of you all even when I can't post. Hope everyone has managed a decent day today. x

Hi all x

Ellie Anne holding you in my thoughts x

Doodle so much stress for you my love, big cwtch x

HVDY what a stinker re starting work today,good luck tomorrow x

Scaredycat you have moved forward so much 🌻 x

Think my tv problems will be sorted soon. This afternoon I am
being tested for hoists and slings , most suitable to get on wheelchair, rather anxious,my wheelchair may not give enough
support to my neck, problems caused by the fall in November.

HVDY food ? Eating everything on the menu and each mouthful is a joy.

Doctor came this morning, I had applied for NHS hearing aid,
rather unpleasant chat about hardened wax, I was eating my lunch. 🙄.

Love to all, keep walking x

Thanks for putting in the picture HVDY re son, glad he has a plan to get a house. You might have to be firm with your new employer as to sticking to days except in emergency!!

Well - I showered, did my hair, got my face on (a job in itself), all ready to go to this job, and the man rang me an hour before I was due to be there, said he'd forgotten I was going today (I spoke to him last on Saturday), thought it was tomorrow and could I go then (I said yes but felt annoyed). Going to visit my brother and his wife today, instead

Doodle I hope your husband's assessment will be helpful and that he'll get the aids/help he needs. Son feels very sorry about his GF and the whole situation. He's going to ring her later but won't go back.

Wyllow Son is now buying a house 1/2 a mile from us, but these things take a few months, so we'll all have to adapt as best we can. Your ex is probably like a lot of men, think counselling is not for them. My eldest son had a lot of counselling when he had a breakdown a few years ago. Son2 and husband think it's somehow weak to ask for help.

How is everyone this morning? At 4am, I couldn't stand any more of the snoring, so went downstairs - I could still hear him! I was awake unil he got up for work at 6.45, and went to bed then. Starting my job at 11 today. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Most annoyed as I woke and worried about Ex's well being for an hour before made myself get up. Counselling today!

if its not too late Ellie Anne courage mon ami x