Black Dog 14

....."*I know she would not have wanted it to become a
chat thread, sadly it has. I am supporting friends who can no longer post or read here, it causes distress.*" ????

I didn't realise we were only allowed to post about sad or difficult times. I somehow thought it was kind of friendly and pleasant to post about good times, when we experience some happiness.

It is not an overstatement that Ive found BD an actual lifeline to me throughout. My own mh problems have been directly to do with my treatment at the hands of some drs. They STILL are. I feel Im the one being referred to and see no need for anyone else to feel theyre the cause.
Depression and MH issues can be a reaction to whats happening in their lives as well as a chemical imbalance.
I find it hard to believe someone can be kicked when they're e down.
I was told that ALL are welcome at the beginning of the thread.
I feel v stupid in leaning heavily on a GN MH social media thread. I shouldnt have done it. I'm in a bad way and I feel now knocked sideways. Ive never actually been totally honest about how bad I feel daily as Ive thought it too self indulgent and have really tried to help others even when exhausted and in pain. I guess I just dont come over in the right way.
Ive apologised profusely and sincerely in the past for my v 'public' meltdown on here. I dont think that was understood.
Ive so many friends here now so not sure what to do.

Cross posted Doodle.
You say, "I think he’s quite pleased about it although somewhat ashamed to be considered old enough to need one if that makes sense."

Oh my, so it does!

That is so well put Doodle.

Hoping the rollator has arrived and gone down well.

I keep being surprised having an OK day, lots of love to others who aren't, how are you all, both posting and reading?

Candy don’t feel pressured to reply to all. You can just post about how you feel if you’re tired. It sounds as though you are not at all happy in your work environment. Does that contribute to your anxiety over all?
Give your meds a chance to work but if you don’t feel any better go back and talk to the GP. Hope you can relax a bit over the weekend.
HVDY glad the first day seems to have gone well. I’m sure the lady who just wanted companionship enjoyed your visit.
Scaredycat I imagine you are waiting for some news and are on tenterhooks. I know that feeling well. Not much you can do to relax just have to keep trying to cope. I often wonder if there are people who don’t havé whatiferies. Those who are always optimistic. I have always been a pessimist and I think we are the type to suffer most from the what if’s of life. Thinking of you. Little hug.
DH’s new Rollator arrived today. I think he’s quite pleased about it although somewhat ashamed to be considered old enough to need one if that makes sense. It’s very lightweight which was important because neither of us can lift things these days. It fits nicely in the car. It’s a Danish make Acre, lightweight carbon fibre. Not been out with it yet but hopefully soon.
Sweetpeasue hope you have a peaceful weekend.

I have known for a while that Annie hasn’t been happy with the way the thread has developed. Annie had a lot of experience and kindness to offer to so many over the years giving her support to all suffering from MH problems.
Like all threads they evolve over time and go in the direction of the posters. I don’t have Annies skill in helping others, all I can do is offer to listen .
Wyllow it isn’t just one thing it’s the direction the thread has gone by all those who contribute to it. Sometimes it swings one way sometimes another. We each find our own ways of supporting each other.
I know there are some who don’t find the thread helpful. I am glad Annie is still supporting those who are in touch with her and I hope they are getting the help they need.
All are still welcome to post here .

Scaredycat hoping for courage for you in the face of all the whatifferies, the weekend is often the worst time.

It doesn't "feel" like a chat thread to me, I am often truely desperate and so are others at times, just having a quick scan upthread. I feel this is the only place I can really say how it is (tho I moderate the levels)

I don't know what you want us to do, Annie truly. It makes me feel I've done something terribly wrong.

I recall you suggesting one day we "say our positives", is that it?

Hi all x

I would like to speak of ‘Black Dog’, this is the 15th thread , a lot of posts, many lovely people, many brave lovely people who have reached out to Black Dog and found support and understanding. Batty started Black Dog and asked me to support her, I know she would not have wanted it to become a
chat thread, sadly it has. I am supporting friends who can no longer post or read here, it causes distress.

What comfort here for someone about to have surgery, someone who is trying to support a loved one with mental illness, someone with mental illness who is afraid their mood swings will cause them to be branded a bully. Those with phobias of illness, hospital, doctors.
I am so very upset having to write this but I truly believe it has to be said .

It is the choice here of all who post, you are free to continue
chatting, I am not a moderator, just someone who is very concerned for friends who want to reach out to Black Dog but
can’t .

My love to all x

Hi all.
Thank you for all the kind words.
This weekend and a couple of days after are huge for me - trying to keep calm and stem the Whatifferies.
Wyllow- glad your financial situation is more secure . Love that dress - press Buy!!
Doodle- your DH is such a wonderful example of perseverance and acceptance. Glad he feels a bit better. Hope he likes his new Rollator- what is it?
HVDY- great first days work - a glass of something to celebrate this evening?
SweetPeaSue- that hug was just what I needed.
Candy- hope tomorrow is a good dayx
Annie- I hope you are all rightxxxx
Sending love to all.
Will be back sometime next weekxxxx

How has everyone's day been going? nice dress/kaftan, Wyllow. I love red.

I met the boss at 10, and met 1st client. We cleaned his bathroom and kitchen between us. The 2nd client just wanted companionship, so I sat and chatted with her about different things. She was widowed about a year ago. Nice lady. The last job was cleaning at a very large (posh) house, and the boss and I did it between us. Got home and realise my house isn't as clean as the one I've just been cleaning but then I'm not posh . Hope everyone has been ok today x

So true Candy plod on and "achieve" something so you can say, "at least I got x done".

I woke OK but totally poleaxed and knew it was a dressing gown day and so far my mind is giving me bits of time out. Thats an achievement. I even spent time on Amazon looking for "the dress" that reminds me of a fave embroidered red dress in my hippy 70's youf. Found one but haven't pressed "buy"...

Morning all. I was so frustrated last night as I typed a long message on here and then lost it before I posted so I’m a little late catching up. I was so frustrated and tired at that point that I couldn’t face doing it all again 😡. So here goes (again!).
Wyllow I’m glad your appointment went well and you got to see a good consultant. It makes such a difference I know. Like others have said, an early appointment as a precaution is a good thing. Your sister must be a big help to you. I hope you find someone to accompany you. I’m glad you feel relief after your divorce was finalised too. Hope you are ok.
HVDY it sounds like your new job is going well and your manager is nice. So nice to meet in a relaxed environment. It’s the new way of working these days I think. Nothing like the toxic environment I work in but that’s another story. Your day at the day centre sounded fab. Hope your DH is feeling better too. Hope you are having a good day.
Scaredycat I’m glad your sister is getting better. Must be such a relief for you. I’m sorry about your friend and also your other friends very sad loss. So sad. I hope you are ok.
Ellie Anne I hope you got over your migraine ok. I know how you feel about being used. Not a nice feeling. I sometimes feel like that with my daughter. I don’t think she means to, it just feels like that sometimes.
Doodle I’m sorry you had such a worrying night with DH. I hope things have settled now. Hope you are having a good day.
Sweetpeasue I too have resisted meds for years but I’ve had enough now and it really feels like a last resort for me. I’ve tried all sorts so I’ve got a lot riding on them 🤞. I’m sorry you had a difficult time at the dentist and it caused subsequent panic. I understand why that thing that covers your mouth would make you feel like that. I’ve felt the same. Sometimes I get claustrophobic and it’s horrible. I hope you feel better now. I would definitely enquire about the diazepam. Sometimes just the knowledge that you’ve taken them can help. Mine are only 2 mg so if things are bad, I’ve taken 2 to help me sleep. I would check on what dosage you can take though.

I had a good day the other day but have gone down a bit since. That’s the thingwith MH though isn’t it, no 2 days are the same today feels like a bit of a battle but I’ll plod on. Need to control the thoughts today so will try and keep busy. Hope everyone else is ok and you all have a good day.

Await Rollator news with interest, Doodle.

ScaredyCat I somehow missed your post. So sorry to hear about your Art friend, and the daughter of your other friend. Such sad events. Take care of yourself

Wyllow missed your post somehow. That’s good news about the finances,. That was one of the things you were concerned about. It’s a good idea watching something or listening to something as you go to sleep. Tends to stop the mind wandering too much.
Hope everyone has a good night.

Scaredycat I’m so sorry to hear of the death of your art friend and your other friends daughter. That is sad news and what a shock for all concerned. . You have so many troubles of your own this must just add to it. I hope things are better for your sister and GGS. Thinking of you.
Yes thank you. DH is better tonight but so exhausted. His RLS is playing up in the evenings making him walk round but he’s really too tired to do so.
Ellie Anne I know someone who used to have awful migraines. They are so debilitating. Hope you are feeling better today.
HVDY yes poor DH is really going through it. I often wonder if people think I am making it up. Apart from pregnancy, if anyone mentions an illness I can often say oh DH has had that.
He really has a list of complaints as long as your arm.
I hope your DH feels better soon. Not surprised he’s tired if he’s coughing. It takes it out of you.
Sweetpeasue please don’t think my experience with the dentist was due to what was happening. It was all due to my claustrophobia. It was having the dentist leaning over me that started the panic and because it was quite warm in the room. I tend not to panic when I’m cold.
Hope you are feeling ok now and not fretting about it. It maybe a good idea to take something before hand to calm you down.
Wyllow hope you’ve been ok today. DH’s Rollator should be coming tomorrow. I think he’s quite excited. 😊
Annie we miss you. Hope you’re ok. x

Scaredycat Just seen your post. I'm truly sorry about your v sad day. You must be feeling terrible about the loss of your dear Art friend and what awful news about the daughter of another friend; she must be devastated. I'm sure you will be feeling so tender yet you take time to suggest things for me. Please look after yourself and I hope you will find some comfort in knowing we all care. I'm sad for you and your troubles right now. Thankyou for your suggestion about the medication. Have a gentle hug from myself - 🌺

A very sad day, Scaredycat.

Not concerned about the physical bit of the colonoscopy, got to find someone who will take me home and stay a bit, hoping it isn't the £15 taxi one. (there is a good local one, could be there, and there is one Quaker lady I think would be prepared to come to that one to collect).

Yes, sister has told graphic details about the prep and the meds they give you etc. (sedative plus painkillers could be a bit complicated as on some of the meds they usually use, I'll be in touch beforehand)

I got the absolute final part of the divorce through, the financial stuff approved. That felt good atm, know finally my assets protected.

Hope HVDY your DH's cough clears up, he does sound at low ebb.

Sweetpeasue sounds like a "plan"....and glad to hear it.

Feel generally OK still except getting off to sleep but last night put lightweight TV on my computer and it worked. Funny really, on films especially from the USA you often see people waking up and the TV has never been off.

Wyllow Glad you had a good Gym session. Yes, can understand checking on GP surgery keeping up to date on stuff. Being so busy these days their details often lag behind. I took Zopiclone about 20 yrs ago and was taken off them as GP said they were only meant for short term use. More recently I suggested them but was told sleeping tablets are not a good idea and weren't usually prescribed now. Hope you are ok later.
Doodle Your poor husband. Glad to hear he's been better this afternoon. I have a bil that has difficulty with swallowing. I hope he(and you) have a better night tonight. What with the RBS his chances of a good night's sleep are narrowed considerably. Hope you're right about the top molar. Your experience sounded awful.
HVDY You meal sounded lovely with yummy treats. Your husband's cough sounds nasty - I hope it wont be long before it clears up. It's worrying when these things dont go.
Think nearer the time I could give Dentist a call and ask if it would be ok to take a diazapam as I still have a few left from last small prescription. Tbh they weren't v effective but think its because dosage was so low. I know you understand about the trust issue. Thanks.

Wyllow Glad you enjoyed the gym. Hope it won't be long until you get the appointment.

Doodle Your poor husband has a lot of problems, doesn't he? It often is the way that one condition then starts other things. My husband has had this cough and breathlessness for about 4 months (no cold or anything). The GP wasn't much use. Chest x-ray showed no infection (we knew that). He's seeing a different GP next Friday. Years of working with Aluminium and doing welding (for many years without masks, before Health & Safety) probably hasn't helped. He's currently asleep on the settee! He sleeps all night, has done nothing all day, but is tired.

Son isn't in for dinner tonight, I've had mine at the centre, so DH and I are going to go to a pub for his dinner (I'll have an omelette) soon.

Hi all. Just popping in.
SweetPeaSue- I have had horrendous dental treatment and I used to take Lorazepam beforehand to help and it really did help. I agree with not lying too flat as well.
Doodle- hope Mr D is ok today.
It’s been a sad day today. My dear Art friend died this morning and also one of my WI friends lost her beautiful daughter.
Wyllow,Whiff,EllieAnne,HVDY, Joce,Annie and all BDG hope you all have a restful eveningxx

Hvdy. I think they are quite common. The first time I had one I was a bit worried . I could see these bright coloured zigzags jumping about in front of my eyes. It’s never been so bad since but if I am driving I have to stop.

DH has had a few colonoscopies. I expect you have too. He always found the prep was the worst bit drinking the stuff they send you.

Wyllow glad you enjoyed the gym. Hope you get to hear about the colonoscopy soon. Get it over and done with then you can relax a bit.