Black Dog 14

Ziggy no need for sorry. I've been there many times and the despair is frightening, feels never ending, glad you reached out to your friend..... and keep reaching out xxxx

Ziggy, if this persists the Samaritans will give you details of your local Mental Health help. Or, google your town and "mental health crisis help". this immediately brings up the relevant help numbers and they are 24/7. You may, on these lines, have to leave your number for a ring back: don't give up, everyone counts.

Thank you so much for your support.
I've been getting help from my GP and the mental health team since July, some days it just gets a bit overwhelming.
Feeling alot brighter this morning

Glad you’ve joined us then Ziggy x

Ziggy62 Hope things are looking a bit better today. We on BD have all had, or have, depression, anxiety, or some other type of mental illness. You're not alone.

How is everyone on this very frosty but bright morning? Son1 and his girls are on their way here, for a quick visit - I've had to clear the table of a huge pile of presents that I've wrapped. (the 8 year old still believes in Santa). Hope everyone on BD has a decent day x

Dear Ziggy I’m glad you feel a bit brighter this morning. So pleased you talked to a friend and others here saw your post and sent you messages.
You are welcome to post here anytime you want a chat. We all know what that dark feeling that envelops you is like.
Wyllow events have worn you out. You do need time to rebuild. Bowel problems wear you down too.
Sweetpeasue DH was feeling a bit down last night which was unusual for him. His appointment with consultant in London has been put back 4 months. It has already been postponed once before and instead of seeing him (well talking to him in the phone) in 9 months it will be 18 months. Got another heart test to go to today too.
Whiff you have had so much to deal with yourself. What an inspiring post from you. Lifts my spirits just reading it.
Hope you are doing well.

Whiff I have so much admiration for you. You have experienced such a lot of sadness and trouble, and you've got though it all with such positivity.

Doodle It's very bad that people are being kept waiting to see, or speak to a medical professional. The waiting list for treatment is now, apparently, 7 million. I hope the test today goes well for your husband.

Ziggy Glad you're feeling brighter this morning. Nights are always the worst time for worrys, anxieties and depressive thoughts. So pleased Sarah was there in the early hrs to respond. Thankyou Sarah
Wyllow You've been through such a lot and mentally it's a lot to deal with without all the physical health problems. The thought that your bowel problems returning will be very upsetting - I hope it's a transitory problem that could be more to do with all the upset you've had. The way you help yourself with yoga and exercise is inspiring.
Whiff Thankyou for the kind words you have for us all. You too are an inspiration. So much to cope with and your health has been a lifelong thing to bear. Hope you are OK today and the appeal is moving forward for you.
Doodle Oh no, I'm so sorry about your husband's appointment delayed again. 18mths, double the time you were given, it's terrible. I can't think of anything you can do, unless you can think of another condition you can alert them to which may make them reassess. It's so cold today, I hope you manage your appointment OK and have good tread on your footwear for the frosty surfaces. Thinking of you. Take care.
HVDY Hope you have a nice weekend. Not bright here at all. Minus 1, when took Auntie out shopping this morning. She's so very frail and don't think I could manage her without DH pushing trolley. Have to hold on to her arm constantly. Other shoppers can get a bit impatient. It's lovely to see children getting excited about Christmas isn't it?

After a good day yesterday was awake half the night with the cycle of thoughts about the things that don't add up about last consultant's answers. I know there's something very wrong about not putting down the right procedure on discharge paper for a start. The woman in the news yesterday who had papers taken from medical notes and took 7 yrs to get justice for her case has set it off I know. Her case isn't even in my paper today. She could have died.
Hope everyone stays warm today.
'Come on England! X

Yes I thought of you hearing that incident Sweetpeasue that it was bound to trigger. I get disappointed when people are intolerant, but hope Auntie enjoyed her "get out".

Doodle that is very very disappointing for your DH. Sigh. They say, "re-contact if it gets worse dont they". Somehow we all have to somehow manage when we "need to know". Hope you got OK to appointment.

Enjoy the visit, HVDY?

I've been out for tests in very efficient GP Saturday "clear backlog" surgery (routine tests) and it was near the gym so had a nice yoga sesh and even better loooooong shower and lots of plastering on of the bio-oil for pamper. Returned via "just get some milk" and a yellow label decent meal slipped into shopping bag. So far today emotions on an even keel ))

Bests to all BD's both present and just reading.

HVDY- Congratulations on your new job- being active suits you doesn’t it and being able to help someone as well is going to be so good for you.
That air fryer sounds like a miracle appliance - Doodle is right we need a demo . So many varied things it can do .
Lovely for you as always to see your son and the girls - lovely too the 8 yr old still believes. Our 8 yr old Great grandson does too but his 9 yr old sister has worked it out for herself! She’s promised to keep the secret though.
Wyllow- you sound worn out. This is a time to build up your strength and for your mind to heal from all the abuse you have suffered over the years. Only then will it be the time to decide on your next step . We are all here beside you on your journey.
SweetPeaSue- that brandy soaked cake sounds wonderful. I mustn’t have alcohol but oh I wish I could have a slice of that!!
You obviously love your Auntie very much . She must look forward to her trips out with you. Those impatient shoppers will be old one day- wish people could be more kind to each other.
I,m sorry you had a restless night. It’s so awful when those negative thoughts invade your mind during the night and relentlessly whirl round and round. Hope you have a better night tonight.
Let’s hope the match result brings you sweet dreams!! Let’s hope no penalty shoot outs😩
Doodle- I,m sorry your DH is feeling low - he must have been very fed up with all those rearrangements. My DH hasn’t seen a consultant for 3 years and just heard he has a phone consultation next week!
I hope the test today went well - he really does have a lot to deal with.
I spoke to my sister today. So far no results from yesterdays scan for my niece . So much worry for my sister as all 3 of her children have many problems. I,m worried for her.
Ziggy- glad this morning has brought you some relief. We are all here for you.
Whiff-;once again your post is so inspiring and your words always bring hope and love. Thank you.
Annie- thinking of you and sending a hug.
EllieAnne- hope you are doing something nice this weekend.
Love to all BD

SweetpeaSue Your aunt must look forward to your visits. Does she use a walking frame? The 3-wheeler delta frames are good and very stable. Some people seem to be in a hurry and have no consideration for others. All that over-thinking is worse at night, isn't it? The trouble is, it does no good. I hope you have abetter night.

Wyllow3 I'm glad you've had a good day.

ScaredyCat I think it'll be the last year our 8 year old believes in Santa. It's a shame, in a way, that they have to grow up, isn't it.

Whiff, EllieAnne, Annibach and all on BD - hhope you're all ok.

Son and girls called round. He took some (more) of his stuff from our loft. I played dominoes with the girls, then they went swimming (the leisure centre near me). Not been out, I've been really cold all day - heating is on 20 degrees, but I've got 2 pairs of fluffly socks on, a t-shirt and jumper, gloves (!). DH is wearing a t-shirt and has got bare feet! Easy dinner of spag bol tonight. Hope everyone has a relaxing evening x

Wyllow3 It's good to know you've had such a nice day so far. You deserve ALL the pampering you can get so that's so lovely to hear. Long shower and soothing body moisturiser--perfect. Hope you enjoy your meal and have a good relaxing evening. Thankyou for thinking of me too.
Scaredycat I do hope you hear some news of your niece's scan soon and it turns out to be something that can be rectified easily and quickly.So worrying for you all. I think it adds to concerns knowing the NHS is under so much pressure too. Crossed fingers your sister will hear soon.
I do love my aunt(she's mum's sister). I realise I can be a bit negative(intolerance this morning irks me) but to balance that there are so many kind ones who made allowances and that's so positive and reassuring. Hmm-match result. Please no penalty shoot out.
Annie I hope you're doing OK and you hear some news about where you will be going soon. In my thoughts. X

Sorry HVDY Crossed posts.
Aunt can walk OK, she just gets a little overwhelmed and appears to get confused as to which direction to take when someone comes towards her.Has no awareness and will suddenly stop. It IS cold! I got a thick 'teddy' dressing gown couple of weeks ago. Enjoy the spag bol.

HVDY our appointment went well on time. Nurse pointed out DHs heart rate was rather high which is why he was referred. They have done the test now we await the results, his heart bypass was a very long time ago so I’m a little concerned as to what they will think of the results. We shall wait and see.
As for the neurologist it’s a problem. He is the most charming man and DH has the utmost confidence in him but if we don’t get to speak to him that doesn’t help.
Funny how some people are warm and others cold isn’t it. Hope you had a nice time with your DGDs. Spag Bol is one of my favourite meals. What time can me and DH pop round. 🤣
Sweetpeasue nice of you to take your auntie out. I found it bitterly cold today and I live in the south. Yes DH and I have good solid shoes for slippery conditions. We are both a bit unsteady on our feet so flattering footwear went out of the picture years ago. Comfortable and safe now.
I would like you to have a peaceful Christmas. Could you try putting your thoughts of what went wrong on hold for the remainder of this year and give yourself some time to relax and be happy. You have been through so much I would like to see you get some rest,
Wyllow bio oil is so good. One of the nurses at our surgery recommended it to us after DH had his neck operated on. It is very good for smoothing our scars. Hope you have a pleasant evening and some rest.
Scaredycat the wonder of Christmas in children’s eyes is so special. I was watching the little children in church yesterday. They loved the lights and trees. Thank you for your kind thoughts of DH. He is feeling better today. He tolerates all his health problems well I must say and hardly ever complains. His first op was 28 years ago and the saga has continued ever since. His latest new diagnosis only last week. The local hospital must have a whole room set aside for his notes. 🤣
So sorry about your sister, worrying about one child is bad enough but with three with problems that must be difficult. It’s good you care so much for each other. That must help her.
Annie thinking of you as always and hoping you’re ok. We miss you so much.
To all others who have popped in here. You are always welcome to join us even if it’s only for a short while. Take care all.

Doodle I'm glad the appointment went well. Your husband's fast heart rate - I assume he's already on beta blockers? Perhaps the dose will be increased. Try not to worry. Some people are easy to take a liking to straightaway. The consultant must be one of them.

Wyllow3 Did the long shower and using the oil relax you?

SweetpeaSue I hope you had a good night's rest. How are you today?

ScaredyCat Your sister must be feeling very stressed. Having all 3 children to worry about. I hope your niece has her results soon.

I'm being lazy this morning (not dressed yet) but am going to get ready and go to the shops soon to pick up a few things I think my friend's husband might like - he's in hospital with Pneumonia. I hope all on BD has a decent day x

Sorry to say I started with the bowel pain that I used to get yesterday t-time and lasted through till around 3am. Difficult to describe - feels like the bowel is an exploding block of cement and immense pressure like stretching beyond limit with feeling sick. Just very uncomfortable now. See if GP on tomorrow. I'm so sorry to sound this way. Nothing you can say or I can say. Probs adhesion distorting things I don't know. It really felt like blockage in April at A&E.
Son finally on way home as stuck offshore from Friday with weather.
Freezing Fog here.
HVDY Are you OK today? Oh dear hope your friends DH will be OK. Im sure he'll appreciate your things, what a nice thought. He must be quite poorly.
Doodle I hope you and your husband are not too bad today. Also that you didn't think I was sounding as if you were both much older than you are! We come full circle with footwear from our mum's thinking however will we walk in those, to just finding something we can walk in at all. Some footwear can be so narrow around toes but I'm always nervous of slipping when it's icy. Remember when we used to line up in school playground and make long slides on the ice and go skidding across. Thanks for your kind wishes Doodle.
Scaredycat Wyllow3 EllieAnne * Whiff and Anniebach Hope you've all been OK today. x

I've just been thinking about something after Doodle's post about the good Neurologist Dr. My DH had 4 hand ops a while ago and the consultant was a lovely man, a real gentleman. I can't imagine he would ever behave untruthfully in ANY awkward situation. My own experience has profoundly shocked me so much, encountering multiple Drs closing ranks, that Ive found myself thinking it must be thoughout the whole profession. I really want to believe this isn't true.
I'm glad you told us about the neurologist, Doodle. It reminded me of my husband's surgeon.

HVDY DH can’t take beta blockers as he’s asthmatic. He wasn’t too good this morning. Low heart rate and shivers again. He’s been ok since lunchtime but a bit unsteady on his feet. We have stayed in the warm today and written our Christmas cards.
Ooh that’s a first. I think I might have been up and dressed before you this morning. Hope you had a good day.
Oh Sweetpeasue so sorry about your bowel pain again. The way you describe it, it sounds so very painful and uncomfortable. Hope your Gp is on and you can get appointment. Good your son is on his way home
Don’t ever worry about making us sound older than we are. We are getting on a bit and are really quite doddery now 🤣🤣
DH had a nasty fall on ice a few Christmases ago and broke his ankle. We have been extra caution since then.
Ove the years DH and I have seen many consultants. 1 was extremely rude and off putting, a couple were ok but not inspiring but we have had a few that DH would literally trust with his life. They have been excellent and really supportive. I suppose like all walks of life you come across all sorts.
Hope you have a better night.
Annie hope you are sleeping well in hospital. They are notorious for noise at night and early mornings.

No, it isn't true Sweetpeasue although its understandable you should feel that way. Remember how afraid I was to see the psychologist last week because of past experiences and it wasn't born out? Although I do think we need to be alert about our own care.

Last night was the worst "dark night of the soul" I can recall for some time. Extra meds didn't help, as they usually do.

Combination of grieving and loneliness - not just re Ex, but th fact I am so isolated due to CFS: there are people I could arrange to meet and see but can't. And anxiety about bowels, as the cramping and sick or discomfort have got a bit worse and I now know it will take months to see a consultant unless it gets really bad. (ie level of blockage).

As ever, picked up a bit by coming online and talking about ordinary things, just a "connection" thing, and I also talked about Ex and abuse and giving up the idea we could talk at the end of the Quaker meeting (in appropriate way). this was helped because one man had tried to help Ex back in February, and had at first been totally charmed and drawn in by him, then was abused himself in a very nasty way, so he knew.

I went and did my brisk 20 min walk at the gym as per reading up last night on colon stuff and some of the exercises I'd found, simple ones. but exhausted as ever even after just that.
I have got a letter to ring to chat to someone at the local CFS treatment people at last: and if the level of bowel stuff continues like the last 2 days re contact my GP. As for the nights - if another one or two like that will ring the MH crisis people - I know I can get someone to talk to in normal working hours -out of hours is "about to self harm or harm others" stuff these days.

Evening all.
We,ve just got back from visiting my Stepson and family for present exchange and dinner. I didn’t think we,d get home as the snow was coming down thick and fast and the motorway was so scary. I had visions of us trapped in the car!! DH was his usual calm self and my anxiety shot up- wish I wasn,t such a panic pants😩 However here we are - so pleased to be home.
Doodle- so sorry to hear DH not feeling well today.good idea to have a cosy day at home.
It was so slippy walking to the car tonight I felt ancient and held onto my Stepson like the Great granny that I am.
HVDY- what a kind person you are - sure your friends husband will appreciate your thoughtfulness. Hope he gets better soon
SweetPeaSue- what a shame your discomfort has returned.
Hope your son is home safely by now and that you don’t have the heavy snow like here.
Hope you have a more comfortable night tonightxx
Sleep well all BDGxxx

Oh Wyllow Im so very sorry to hear that you're suffering so badly with your bowel problems aswell as your grieving. Its terrible to be alone as you are and night time is so awful for magnifying everything. If you are feeling such despair again I hope you will call the MH Crisis number. You have been through so much with your ex and I cant imagine how it must have affected you emotionally, let alone your self worth.
The bowel stuff can be so awful, I know I couldnt cope without the pain relief, so I can understand how frightening that is for you to know there may be long waits to see a consultant.
It would be amazing if it all wasnt 'getting to you'. So good that you could share with the man who knew your ex at the Quaker meeting. It would re-confirm (not that you needed to) that you are better off without that controlling in your life.
So hope you have a better night tonight. Hugs. xx

SweetpeaSue Sorry you're having the bowel discomfort again. Does any food/drink make it better/worse? Glad your son will be visiting you soon.

Doodle I'm mildy Asthmatic but the hospital (after the stroke) put me on Bisoprolol (low dose), betablocker, for a fast heart rate. I take one a day. I hope your husband feels better tomorrow. It's probably wise to stay in and keep warm.

Wyllow3 Sorry you had such a horrible night. It's good that you managed to get out to the gym - all those endorphins surely must make a difference? I hope you have a more comfortable and restful night tonight.

I hate driving at night, and driving in snow isn't nice. My husband is like yours - always calm and reassuring. We haven't had any snow here (yet). In fact, we haven't had any frost, and it hasn't been as cold as yesterday.

Anniebach I hope you've been enjoying some good food again.

all on BD - hope everyone has a relaxing evening x

Dear Wyllow I’m glad you managed to chat to some people. It’s good there is someone in your Quaker meetings who knows how your Ex can really behave. I hope talking to him has helped a bit. Also the chance to talk to others with CFS too. It always helps to feel we are not the only ones around with the same problems. It’s good you are going to the gym and exercising. I wish I could do more to help. We miss Annie’s guiding hand. How often do you go to your Quaker meetings?
I’m sure the bowel pain is bringing you down. Have you asked your Gp to refer you to someone. I know it can be a long wait but it might be a start. Hope you have a better night tonight and when I wake up (which I do a few times a night) I will think of you and pray for you to have some rest.
Scaredycat much as I love snow I hate driving in it. I’m so glad you made it home. Hope you had a nice time with your stepson. Dh has been tired most of the day so is getting himself ready for an early night.
Sweetpeasue you and Wyllow can really relate to each other with your bowel problems. It’s not nice when your body doesn’t behave as you want it to. I hope you too have a good night . Is your son home yet?
HVDY I believe there are some beta blockers that asthmatics can take and Gp persuaded DH to try one recently. It was that which caused his recent bought of coughing that he’s been taking the steroids for. One of his lungs was damaged a bit during his heart bypass so doesn’t work to full capacity. I think his heart rate is all over the place at the moment. They are trying to decide if it’s AF (although nothing seems to confirm that) or what it is. Hopefully, the echocardiogram will give them some idea.
Sorry your friend’s husband is in hospital. Hope he makes a good recovery soon.
Annie I know how you hate snow so hope you can’t see any from where you are. Hope they are looking after you well.x

Very kind to read comments, feel understood, will catch up tomorrow. Feeling understood here matters most to me.

Love to all BD's

When I was at my very worst mentally, it was feeling I had support and was understood here on BD that was so essential to me. I understand that Wyllow