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Dementia help needed please

(54 Posts)
HowdidIgetthisold12 Fri 03-Feb-23 14:52:45

For the last year my DH has been having problems with his speech retrieval and it's gradually been getting worse and worse. He has been to the GP and had blood tests and a head scan. They have now reported back that the blood flow to the brain is being restricted and asked him what other issues he is having. He downplayed the other issues (it was a telephone appointment) and said his memory wasn't as sharp and he often forgets where he put his pen glasses etc. It's more than that but they are making him an appointment at the Memory Clinic which I have read is the next step of the protocols for Dementia.
We are also having huge marital problems. I think it's all to do with the Dementia beginning to take hold. He's always been a bit of a fiery character, quite outspoken, determined and driven, but always very kind in the main although empathy and consideration have never been in his vocabulary but who gets everything in life? Now, he flies off the handle with me over the slightest thing and sometimes he's so angry he's red in the face and screaming in my face. I don't know this man.
The last altercation came 2 nights ago over the silliest thing and I told him I was done, I couldn't take any more of this behaviour and we should sell the house etc. The next thing I know he's ringing the children and telling them we are splitting up and he can't take anymore! He slept on the sofa for the first time in our relationship.
Since then we have only spoken in polite terms, he was out yesterday and didn't get back until late. Today he's gone out and not said a word to me. I know we have to talk and Im going to when he gets back but does anyone else have any experience of this? In some ways his behaviour is the same as it often was only now the aggression is added into the pot, ie complaining about this that and the other in shops etc.
I mean he could just be developing into Victor Meldrew but from his symptoms I doubt it.
I just don't know what to do, what if he says he thinks we should split up, what will happen to him? I don't like him very much (this has happened over the years tbh) but I care about him and love him and it's all so bloody sad.

Fleurpepper Tue 14-Mar-23 11:52:00

How are you doing 'howdidIgetthis old?

Just seen this, and I think it would be very helpful for anyone caring for someone with Dementia

kittylester Tue 14-Mar-23 12:25:00

I think that is a really good article FP. They must have been on one of our courses. grin

2020convert Tue 14-Mar-23 13:08:42

Whiff, how your story resonates with me! Bless you. What some people never realise is that a person with dementia is frightened, doesn’t understand what is happening to them, can’t help their frustrations etc. If only we could all experience what their life is like (but, of course, only for a very short time). Unfortunately there is no cure and it is so painful and sad for those who have to cope with their loved one going through this. Diagnosis and help is getting increasingly difficult to obtain. But …. Never, never, never lose your sense of humour and the ability to laugh at the funny things that happen. It’s the only thing that help me when I was in that situation. Take care of yourself, HowdidIgetthisold, and remember the good times.