Black Dog 15

Oh Wyllow and HVDY* thankyou for your kind words. We often so 'I know there's nothing you can do' to each other. But I really felt that hug and sincerity of support Wyllow and HVDY you do make me smile. First time today. I hope that woman doesnt put your BP up! Crazy and so unfair after you worked your socks off that day. Thanks x

nadateturbe Glad you managed to go out last night. It's good to have a change every so often. It sounds as though it was a nice evening.

Wyllow I'm pleased you've got the understanding and support of others at your gym. I hope your ex keeps away. At least people there now know what he's like.

SweetpeaSue Bloody hell, it sounds as though the GP today hadn't read through your recent notes properly. I really hope the scan tomorrow will reveal what the problem is, and that it can be properly treated.

EllieAnne, Doodle, Candy6, nadateturbe, ScaredyCat and others - hope you're all ok.

That stupid woman emailed me to say that she tried to pay me but Barclays wouldn't accept the transaction - that's because we bank with First Direct, which I'd told her. Gormless or what! She then transferred £63 to me. She actually owed me £175, but I'm not persuing it. No payslip. She then said that for my future reference, my bank a/c is in my full name - no it's not, it's a joint a/c and is in both names. The woman is an idiot. .

DH has been signed off work for another 2 months. Hope all BDers have a relaxing evening x

Dear Sweetpeasue just would like to come round and give you a big hug and say, you will get through this tho the road is so hard, and unclear. I really hope the scan will bring news that can explain what's wrong and some way forward.

nadateturbe well done you on getting out in the evening! and managing to pop in, thank you you and Sweetpeasue for sensitive and understanding comments.

thinking of absent BD's with concern and affection.

EllieAnne Absolutely no shame about being financially dependent on husband.Want to say that I do see why you might feel that as I have always been financially dependent too and I often feel as you do. I had many depressive times on ADs in my marriage and never found confidence to'go out'there after children grew. I hope you've managed getting through today without feeling youd be better not existing. That too I identify with.
HVDY What a terrible woman she sounds. You could do without someone 'pushing your buttons' right now. Glad your legs are not quite as swollen and hope the BP readings are continuing to be low. Also you get MRI soon for DH.
Candy Hope your day has been ok. I wasnt prescribed anything, tabs or medicine, they want me to sort it myself. Last year the didmt presvribe thrush treatment either yet chemists dont sell it to ober 60s.Had a right going on with DH having to lie cos I wouldn't. Hope the ADs are continueing to show a bit of improvement.
*Nadateturbe *So pleased you managed to get out last night but sorry if you missed part of show. It must give you more confidence and when you have achieved something like that and reassure that life can have some normality. I hope your pain doesn't last too long and you recover soon.
Wyllow What a fearful state it must be to feel stalked and afraid. I'm impressed by your ingenuity in dealing with the Gym predicament yourself yet so sorry youve had to cope with it all. I'm sure the others youve spoken to will be well aware now and be supportive and helpful. The did need to know what they were dealing with and I hope you'll feel a bit safer now. I hope you have a better night tonight knowing you have done everything you can. You really need your Quakers and your Gym is your way of keeping your life on track and coping with MH.
Doodle I really hope you managed a better night. I may pop by later to respond. I know, the waiting lists are ridiculous here. I'm reassured by your thoughts on Pain Management. I just dont want them to see it as the only way left for me with no diagnosis.

Following on from that Ive had a really disappointing GP appt. Only telephone but really needed to ask so much with DH present. I was in exhausted and in zombie mode when she called back. She's chasing up the bowel physio that Gastroenterologist was referring me to 8mths ago but I dont think my bowel problems can be solved with just this. A lot has happened since that time-have had bowel adhesion removed which he knew nothing about then. She knew nothing of my coming scan so hadnt seen that Id had an appt only couple of weeks ago about bowels. Wanted me to take a urine sample in today but have no UTI symptoms, she hadn't realised Id taken one in last week. My low searing pain over bladder was worst its been in early hrs and I'm worried that its something else. Ive been so upset today. She never mentioned bloods or low iron. That's least thing Im bothered about anyway. I dont think my pain is being treated seriously amd its ruining/ruined my life. It's never going to be solved with different GPs and no joined up thinking between different consultants. I'm in despair butam tok tired and overwhelmed to think straight right now, and pain coming on again. Tomorrow's another day but I cant see my tomorrows being any different. I'm so sorry for being so depressing. Take care all of you. x

Have only read the last post. Very tired as went to Neighbours show last night, managed to stay until the interval. I'm so pleased, first time I've been out in the evening for years. full on fatigue and some pain now but so worth it to make progress.
Wyllow I'm not surprised you forgot appointments, CFS and stress are not a good combination for the memory to cope with.
It's great that you managed to confide in gym staff and others, and got a good response and support. That must be so reassuring. and good that you have recorded proof of his behaviour and have a plan of action in case it's needed.
sorry, will read more tomorrow.
Hope everyone has as good an evening as possible.

Bad night extra meds fretting about gym and do I take DS advice police etc.

So got up determined to go to gym to take as far as I could. And completely forgot had a precious dentist appointment (excellent NHS surgery) AND hairdresser this morning. But had made mind up on one thing in the night… it’s limited what managers can do, but I’m a well respected gym member of 20 years with lower range women staff and members. So decided to start spreading the word informally. Like nice cafe girl we’ve known each other for years through each others MH stuff so showed her Ex’s last threat and one or two other key things and she was like oh Ex came in and smozzled us all and she’s going to spread it around. Ditto in changing rooms ‘fessed up to a couple of women and not only got hugs but one , ‘me too and never talked about it’

she too let’s just say us a ‘spread the message’ person. So when I got to see manager I was able to get a very clear promise she really believes me but can only set limited boundaries but grinned her head off when I mentioned my ‘informal’ approach. She also accepted my saying I’d been advised that Ex turning up was stalking. She was fine with me including any events at gym with police.
But won’t immediately take DS’s advice to contact police.
I’ve proof kept that proves coercive abuse right to last week to hang onto. Coukd get letters fro my help blah blah. I don’t have the energy nor desire to put it together. And it would backfire on me no doubt about that.

If Ex tried to join the gym I’d have to rethink. Tbh it’s my main support and pleasure alongside Quakers and family. More, even. In the 20 years being a member I even went when I was an inpatient, steadily there through 2 house moves and when 2 unwell to go to Quakers.
And the manager bless know this, not the details, but it’s role and that I’m safeguarded and now it will get round re Ex.

I think it’s the first time I’ve done something like ‘using the grapevine’. It doesn’t come naturally. But silent dignity over months had not served me well’

Depressed not deprived!

Sweetpeasue I’m so hoping the scan will show something helpful after all you’ve been though you are bund to be dreading it in a way. Shocked at the wait for the pain clinic, I just see it as an “every little might help”.

Pah HVDY she’d better pay up!

I’m so sad you are so stuck, Ellie Anne Its no shame to be financially dependant….but eats away at your confidence and self worth. I was dependant on my first husband financially and was surprised what my rights were financially: after a long marriage more or less 50:50 however there was “enough for two” once I had state pension….and it was relatively amicable “understand need to go separate ways”. Under the new No Blame divorce laws you done have to wait for 2 years separation, one person can initiate it, no blame needs to be attributed nor proved, but financial agreements have to be sorted. If you even want to consider that route, you can get a free 30 mins advice from most solicitors.

Any little bit of a slightly better night am glad to hear of Doodle but all pretty ghastly, wishing the time away quickly before your appointment.

Wishing the PIP system was a lot faster for you Whiff so many like you waiting and waiting tho you now have a strong case.

Counselling today and the full impact of Ex’s last nasty threatening WhatsApp and gym incidents came out. Counsellor says wake up what Ex did is a considered attack, undermining maliciously, the only place he can get at me (if he turns up at home its straight to police btw as laid down by them last year: he knows it’s my “go to happy place”). I even started fantasising again about escaping to family invitation to live closer to them, but in no fit state to move, and strong feelings of losing what I have here)

Son said I should go to police with the threats. Lot to think over, but most need more clarification from gym managers I will be Safeguarded as appropriate.

I was just off to bed when I got an email from that damned woman, saying the bank details I gave her are incorrect. They aren't, and she's a cretin. Contacting me at 10.40pm . The moron.

EllieAnne Being financially dependant on your husband makes things more awkward, but if you were able to leave, you'd surely be entitled to certain benefits. It would be a huge step to take, though, and I can see why you're still in the same house as your husband.

Doodle I hope you and your lovely husband manage to get more sleep tonight. Can you try to catch up a bit by having a nap during the day?

Candy6 The cheeky mare doesn't owe me a lot of money (about £100) but it's the principle. I'll write a review of her "company" on Indeed if she carries on .

I hope all BDers have a restful night. I'm off to bed soon. DH will sleep in son's bed tonight (hoorah), as son is at GF's for the night x

Evening all, just caught up with your messages.
Whiff I’m sorry about your situation with PIP. I know it’s an absolute nightmare as I was involved in applying for it for my son. My belief was, and still is, that they make the forms as complicated and difficult as possible so you give up - same with the appeals process but I was absolutely determined he’d get it as he suffered so much. He did, but not without a fight. These people seem to forget that the people who apply are actually ill and are totally unaware or indifferent to how difficult the process is. It infuriates me, it really does. Don’t give up, fight to the end to get what you deserve. The support charity related to his condition had some very useful hints on their website on how to answer the questions so maybe you could look into that to see if there’s anything on yours to help. Good luck.
HVDY thanks for the tip on the AD’s. I have found for a long time that I’m struggling to cope with things so I hope they help me with that. I’m glad your blood pressure reading was ok and I hope it continues to be.
Wyllow hope you’ve had a good rest and are feeling less weary today.
Sweetpeasue yes, keeping busy is one of my coping strategies. It can be exhausting though but I am grateful that I’m physically able to do it. Yes, North Wales is lovely and has a great coastline. I’m sorry your health problems continue. Iron can be difficult to take but better in liquid form. They try to prescribe in tablet form because it’s cheaper. Try not to worry about your root canal, I’ve had it a few times and didn’t find it too bad tbh. I hope your CT scan goes well.
HVDY I DEFINITELY would not be paying your former employer anything- what a cheek! I hope she pays you what she owes you.
Ellie Anne such a shame your GP isn’t good. Mine used to be good but since Covid has gone downhill as you never get to see the same one. When I decided to go on AD’s, I did some research and decided on the one I wanted and tactfully suggested to them (it was a telephone appointment) and they just prescribed it. A friend tells me you should be reviewed after a month but they don’t seem bothered. I’m sorry that your son wasn’t understanding. It’s upsetting when those closest to us aren’t there for us. I’ve been there and feel your pain. Glad you had a nice time with your gds. you’ve been busy! I’m sorry too your home situation isn’t better.
Doodle Thank you for praying for us all. You are very thoughtful. Sorry you had a disturbed night and hope you have a better one tonight.
Sending love and best wishes for a restful night xx

Doodle I do get on with both dinl but it’s the other one who is more understanding. I’m ashamed to say that I am quite dependent on dh financially. I didn’t go back to my old job after the children. They were quite spread out in age. Looking back I think I was deprived but never diagnosed. I did cleaning jobs but obviously have no pension from that.

Evening all. Been to church today and said a little prayer for all on BD.
Sweetpeasue I don’t see pain management as saying you don’t have a problem just a way of coping with the pain until you get some answers. I find it ridiculous that people are expected to wait that long if they are in pain. I would try pushing for an earlier appointment.
Whiff that’s a disappointment. We are always led to believe that CAB are there to help, Age Uk too. What do people do who don’t have someone to help.
Im sorry you haven’t received help, I’m glad you’ve got your MP onboard. Hope someone takes notice.
HVDY good idea to look at unnecessary expense but you need to have a life too. Yes paying only for what you access is a good idea.
That’s a good Bp reading. Gp should be satisfied with that.
Wyllow I didn’t understand all that about Bi Polar 2. Now I understand why you seem to analyse what’s happening in your life and take steps to look after yourself
What a good point to make to Ellie Anne and I would second that. We can all make suggestions but only the person living their life knows exactly what is going on and what they can or can’t do. Sorry Ellie Anne if I’ve come over too pushy. I think we just all wish we could help.
Sweetpeasue have you checked with your Gp about the iron. It could be why you’re so tired. I know not everyone can take it. DH should be taking it but can’t because of his blood cancer.
I can understand your concern about the root canal treatment. That’s quite a long journey if it’s not one of your better days. I hope you get on ok.
Ellie Anne your husband is obviously aware you are upset then if he’s mentioned it to your son. I’m sorry your son was not more help. Maybe he takes after his dad and doesn’t consider how others feel.
I bet your DGC had a lovely time with you today.
Your son isn’t very grateful for all your help. Is this the one who is married to the DIL you get on with?
Like HVDY I would try a different GP, medication is advancing all the time. Maybe there are some new meds on the market that might help you.
Another interesting night for us. 2 hours sleep then up for a couple of hours. After that we both managed to go back to bed and sleep so that was a bit better.
Take care all.

Would it be worth seeing a different GP and/or trying different tablets? The problems wouls till be there but your mood would be lifted a bit so that you could perhaps see what you could sort out (if anything) with your home situation. I'm glad you've had a busy day and seen your grandchildren. Is there any way of renting a flat on your own?

I am not On antidepressants. Have been on various ones in the past with mixed results but the problem is always there.
My dr was not nice last time I saw her.
Tried to speak to son about family issue. Told him I’d been upset and he said his dad said that. I told him my bp is all over the place and my friend is worried I’ll have a stroke.
He wasn’t interested. I’ve been watching gds because of school strike. Took them out for lunch. Tidied the house. Did some ironing. Then spent time in a garden centre reading and having a coffee to delay going home.
I had some counselling years ago but didn’t feel it helped.

SweetpeaSue I'm sorry you're still bad. If you have to take Iron tablets, they cause constipation, so I understand your reluctance to take them. Is the root canal work essential (sorry, I'm unfamiliar with these things).

Candy6 It won't be long until the nights are light, which will be better for walking your dog. It must be lovely to be able to go to your caravan, though.

EllieAnne How are you today? As others have said, are you on ADs?

Doodle What kind of a night did you and your husband have?

Nadaterturbe, ScaredyCat To be able to go on holiday to your caravan must be great. A friend of my husband has got one in Whitby and has asked if we'd like to go some time.
We'll have to think about it.

Whiff, Wyllow3, all on BD, hope you'll all ok.

That woman I did the cleaning for/with hasn't paid me, so I've asked her for the money she owes me. She said she'll pay me but that I owe her £25 for some online training course I did - well, she knows where she can whistle from for that . x

Candy It seems that keeping yourself busy is a strategy that works for you to an extent. I'm glad the ADs. appear to be starting to help. I'm sure the time away in caravan helps too. We have had holidays in North Wales on the coast and its a lovely place.
Wyllow Hope you are feeling a bit stronger today after your rest.
HVDY Its great that your BP reading was good. They can vary so much according to different times in day. DH took his in last week and surgery asked him to make appt. They were quite high still. Very grey here too.

Tummy more settled this morning with less pain. It's so unpredictable. Wasnt sure if to go to reading group this afternoon as so tired and tummy started churning. I cant know what it will be like but went anyway. I managed butI just felt like a numb shell.Bloods came back showing very low on iron. Receptionist says Ive to take extra
iron supplements. With my problems? Great. I dont think I can afford to do that. I can't plan anything as my pain is completely unpredictable. Worrying about my 2 hr root canal appt next week with over an hrs journey to get there. CT scan at night on Sat. I wish I didnt feel everything completely pointless. Thought that the last op was going to sort everything.
Hope everyone is managing with their own worries and problems.Do hope you and DH managed last night
Doodle. Also hope the treadmill is still helping.

I'm not taking enough care of pacing nadateturbe at all adequately. I let things get to me too much then there is no relaxing.
Remember my diagnosis is Bi-Polar 2, not depression. Bi-Polar 2 is long depressions but in between being "high". Not full on manic like Bi-Polar 1 (thank god) but sort of driven. Under decent drug control but still needing me to use full on self awareness all the time and sometimes failing.

I've read above and lovely to hear from you all and wish you all the best day you can have but yes too tired to reply in detail..

Ellie Anne Just wanted to say that although people have made suggestions here, you dont have to feel we would be critical if you decide they aren't for you, do keep posting, we'll keep listening!

Candy6 ADs don't "cure" depression (it doesn't get rid of low times etc) but they work so that it becomes easier to cope with things. At least that's what I found.

Doodle Thanks. I'm dealing with things, the next thing I'll do is to see what DDs could be altered (I cancelled my leisure centre membership a month ago so only pay for the classes I go to)

Whiff Thank you for all that. I claimed PIP a few months after I got out of hospital (only because a friend kept on about it). We'd never claimed anything in our lives until that. Because I get PIP, we automatically qualify for help with heating. If I could find part-time work that wasn't strenuous, I'd take it, but there only seems to be care work and cleaning available (I loved care work but am not physically fit enough to do it now). I look online every day. I agree with what you say about ILLEGAL immigrants, but let's not forget that there are many of "our own" people who won't work at all.

How is everyone this (grey) morning? I've just taken my BP (GP wants readings for 2 weeks now I'm off the tablets). 125/74 - if it keeps on like that, I won't be going back on any tablets. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

HVDY I wish you luck getting PIP for your husband. When I applied last year I asked CAB and Age UK for help filling in the forms both refused to help me. So my daughter filled them in for me . You have to write it's as your worst day. But the initial questions are yes or no answers then you can write an explanation but I am positive they don't read the explanation if you tick yes on anything. I don't lie. So ticked yes then my daughter wrote long explanation how I have to do things. The up shot is even after the phone assessment they can me 0 points on everything. My MRN decision was identical to the PIP the lazy woman copied the original decision just changed a couple of words and put things in different order.

I asked for the forms end of March last year . Been waiting since September for a tribunal date as the Brain Charity got a solicitor for me. Trouble is these forms are written by the able-bodied and assessed by them . They have no idea what it's like to have a physical or mental or both condition. They sit smugly in there offices playing with people's lives they forget anyone at anytime can become disabled physically and mentally or both.

Until disabled people with various conditions both physical and mental write and assess the forms no one needing help will get it swifty.

I have resorted to asking my MP for help and he is trying on my behave to get a tribunal date.

Anyone who is getting PIP I am glad you are getting it as it opens up other benefits you are entitled to. And hope you are getting them .

I don't care who wants to live in this country provided they work and pay taxes and NI . What I object to is people coming here illegally and given housing and benefits without paying a penny into the country.

There are tens of thousands like me needing help but not getting.

I hope all on BD are getting every benefit you are entitled to as the last thing you need is money worries on top of health worries .

I know some will object to me posting about this on here as there are other threads about PIP . But the right to benefits effects everyone here.

Also I hope you are all on the priority lists with your energy companies and water company. As they have a list of people with health problems so they make sure you get help during energy cuts or if the water is off due to water leaks . Water companies will deliver bottled water to your door in the event you have no water coming from your taps. You just have to answer a few questions. This applies to physical and mental health conditions.

Doodle Thankyou. You have enough worries. I accepted Pain Management referral. Even though I believe this is something that needs proper diagnosis and treatment. Last November referred. Appt for May. 5 weeks ago postponed untill November. I think GPs dont understand my bowel problem. Ive only ever had 1 appt with NHS Gastroenterologist last April. He seemed mainly concerned that CTScan was normal on inside of bowel, which is what they deal with. If its outside bowel thats causing problems (ie adhesions or whatever) he was leaving it to Gynaecologist.
I do eat carefully now, fibre ect. Thankyou Doodle. You are really kind and caring. Hope night is not too bad for you both. X

HVDY you seem to be sorting things out but is it worth talking to citizens advice or like body about. Make sure you’re not missing out on benefits.
Sweetpeasue your situation is intolerable. I can’t understand why no one can help you. Could you ask for referral to the pain management team?
Have you tried a bland diet for a few days of something like bread and milk. Something that won’t build up.
I know pain killers cause constipation it’s a big problem. Could you try raisons instead of all the laxatives. That’s what a gastroenterologist told DH to take. I do feel for your despair. Like my DH feels when these spasm come on. Hoping for a better night for you,
nadaterurbe thank you for your kind thoughts. Your caravan site sounds lovely. I really like mountains. So peaceful. You must enjoy it there.
Candy I’m sure things will improve over time. It’s early days with your meds. I think I found with mine that I suddenly found myself feeling better without realising it.
Wales coast is really nice too. What a lovely spot,
Sleep well all

Evening all

HVDY I’m sorry about the worries you have over your DH’s health and the financial side too. He will almost surely be entitled to PIP, I really hope so as this will ease your financial burden a little. Sounds like you had a nice lunch with your friend which will have done you good I’m sure. Good your DH got out too.

Wyllow Thank you for your kind thoughts regarding my meds. I’m still very much up and down and sometimes feel so ‘flat’. It depends on what is going on for me really. I’m hoping things even out for me soon as it’s only been just 2 weeks on the full dose. Well done in going to the gym. I do find it helps and at least you used your time in bed constructively by making your lists. Im glad you had your zoom with the psychologist, fingers crossed they continue to see you. I hope you enjoyed your day in. Do the admin when you feel like it.

Nadaterturbe How nice your caravan sounds. Ours is on the North Wales coast. I seem to cope better there during the spring/summer months but not as good in the winter as I find it quite isolating. I feel I need to walk with my dog on the dark nights to help clear my head and I can do that safely where I live whereas it’s too dark and isolated there. I hope your caravan brings you some joy and relief. I think sometimes just a change of scenery helps.

Ellie Anne I’m sorry you are feeling the way you are. I’ve had those thoughts too but never seriously thought about acting on them. Like others have said, I think meds can help and that’s why I’m trying them. I’ve tried all sorts of things – natural remedies, vitamins, diet, etc. but I just can’t get there. I also think the suggestion of counselling would help. I find it much easier to speak openly to someone who is not closely linked. You have to ensure you get a good one though but you can do some research on BACP and find out what their background is and what they specialise in. It just might be something for you to think about.

Scaredycat Yes, I love my caravan, it’s a big financial commitment but worth it I think. As I mentioned above, I’m a bit up and down but I’m hoping that there’ll be more good days than bad in the near future. I hope you hear some good news about your sister soon. Im glad your DH had a good birthday and I hope his appointment goes well on Thursday.

Doodle Yes, distraction is good for me but as I think I may have mentioned, I feel I need to be distracted a lot and again, I’m hoping that eases as the meds kick in more. I’ve got a lot resting on these meds! I’m glad you have an appointment for your DH and at least you know that help will be forthcoming.

Sweetpeasue I’m sorry your problems continue and I hope that you get your F2F appointment on Thursday so things can become clearer and you get the support you clearly need from your GP.

Love to all and hope you all have a restful night xx
Sent from my iPhone

HVDY your Monday sounded super busy, but then I suppose it takes your mind off things whilst accomplishing something. I hope you weren't too tired today.
Scaredycat glad your OH enjoyed his birthday.
Candy hope you're still feeling more positive.
Sweetpeasue hope your pains are not too bad today.
Wyllow3 you sound like you get very exhausted. I wonder do you pace yourself each day, just a thought. I do hope you get to continue the zoom sessions for as long as you need them.
Doodle your nights sound like a nightmare to me. I really pray you get some help soon. Its just awful for you both.
To answer Doodle, we don't go to our caravan until May-June, depending on the weather, even though it has CH. When we retired, we decided it would be something to look forward to each year, as travelling to other countries is tiring. We have made friends there, but there's no pressure if you don't feel sociable. We can see the lovely Mourne Mountains that we used to climb from our van. We're fortunate.
Just read your last post Sweetpeasue. Feel so sorry for you. I wish I could help. There must be someone you can complain to.
Thinking of you EllieAnne, Candy Whiff and all on BD.xx

Of course we are there for you Sweetpeasue if we can only walk with you..and keep posting you need the outlet and know you ARE heard.

Doodle sorry I missed the appointment coming up. Relieved, tho it must feel a very long time away.

HVDY well done for being practical at such a difficult time.

A warm wave Scardeycat and love to other BD's. I've got a little way re Ex and the gym, I just had to go and check it out. couldn't relax at all and knew relevant people in today. Now just a wait and see.