Black Dog 15

Hand taken Wyllow Thankyou.
Oh that must have been such hard work with the snow shovelling. Have a well earned cosy evening.

Song for you Sweetpeasue.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ht2NCrlghS4
A safe place to land, Sara Bareilles

HVDY yes I think it is odema but the meds DH have been given don’t respond to diuretics so we’re kind of stuck. I have been giving him food and drink with diuretic properties but it hasn’t helped much.
Did you do any baking with your DGDs? Having them for the afternoon with a quiet evening to yourselves sounds pretty good. We were always exhausted after having our DGC round.
Candy I’m sorry your DH wasn’t feeling too good. Glad he’s a bit better now. Your son is a long way away. Not surprised you miss him. No wonder you're proud of him he seems to be doing well, Psychologically it helps me knowing mine are round the corner even if we don’t get to see that much of them now the DGC are older.
Nice you’ve got a daughter close by though.
Scaeedycat your DH must have been quite poorly to lose that much weight. You must be relieved he’s eating again.
It’s amazing how quickly you can go downhill fitness wise.
Be lovely to Face time with your sister. I bet you’ve missed that so much. Good to hear she’s feeling stronger.
Ellie Anne I can almost feel the tension radiated by you in your words. Shame you missed meeting your friend. Sometimes we forget what we’ve said to others. Hope you get to meet up soon. Do you have a local library? Ours hold some groups there like knitting or scrabble etc. Do you have something like that near you that you could get involved in?
Please try not to worry about that woman. She’s already caused you enough stress. Others know what she’s like too. I expect she’s moved on to upsetting someone else by now.
Sweetpeasue I suppose it’s a positive that it wasn’t RLS that disturbed our night. After we went back to bed we both slept well. Cough seems to be ok today and DH has lost some weight which makes him more comfortable. Trouble is his legs are still huge.
That wasn’t very helpful of that Doctor was it. Some of them are like that. 111 maybe a better option next time but I’m pleased you are feeling a bit better now.
I think you are feeling so low because you are in pain and worried. That always makes everything else much worse. When the sun shines and we’re feeling fit the world seems a better place. Long term pain and anxiety can take the edge off enjoying life. Do you know when you get your scan results?
Wyllow what a lovely thing to say to Sweetpeasue. Reaching out to someone who is struggling. We could all do with a hand to hold sometimes.
Glad you got support at the gym. You obviously have lots of snow. I hope the roads aren’t too bad.
Wishing you all a peaceful night.

Thats so lovely thankyou Wyllow. Encouraging words much needed. x

Doodle It is good that the RLS didnt show last night. It means perhaps you might get some further nights without it. It must be worrying that his legs are still so swollen though. I'm glad you could pre-book the GP appt on Monday. I do wish that was allowed at our surgery. I know he will need to try and move too, but when he is seated would it help if his legs are raised? Im sure youve already done this too, just a thought.
Yes I would ring 111 if out of hrs. I'm thinking the bladder pain must be the Interstitial Cystitis/Bladder pain Syndrome that started 8yrs ago but its worse than its ever been if it is that. I'm much better painwise today. Its the unpredictability and severity that frightens me. It was lovely of Wyllow to say that. The imagery of holding out a hand was so moving. It does comfort to know someone cares. Hope you and all here have a restful body and mind tonight.

Wyllow That must have been hard work digging your car out. I bet you were exhausted, so you did well going to the gym as well. I hope you slept well.

Doodle Your poor husband, I hope you can get something sorted out with his tablets when you speak with the GP tomorrow. Would compression socks help? I bought myself some from Amazon and have worn them occasionally.

ScaredyCat Great that you'll be able to FaceTime your sister. I expect you'll both have a lot of chatting to do. I'm glad she's feeling stronger.

EllieAnne Try not to give that horrible woman another thought. Are there any part-time college courses you might be able to do? Some of the hobby-type ones are free.

SweetpeaSue I hope your bladder pain has settled down. It is horrible. The only thing that helped me with that was cutting out all caffeine, but I think you've tried that (?) It does take weeks before it has an effect.

The girls didn't have time to do any baking as they were only here for about an hour and had to go home. The eldest always likes wresting with her uncle (Son2) so he obliged . It's a bright, sunny morning, so I'm hoping DH will fancy going out somewhere later. Hope all BDers have a decent day x

Afternoon all.
Ellie Anne I hope you are feeling better today. It’s sad we don’t get comfort from our own homes as I think we should. I’m glad you’ve got some hobbies though which must help a bit to distract. I really must try something. I hope you have been to Church today and it was some comfort to you.
Sweetpeasue yes we are all different in our experiences with BD and anxiety. I like busy places and whereas a lot of people like isolation, I don’t. I like noise. If we go away I like to stay where I can see something going on. I like to hear the traffic at home. I even keep the window open at night and first thing in the morning, when I hear the traffic, it sort of helps to ground me. I don’t live on a very busy road, but not far from it. Even my counsellor finds this strange but it’s just the way I am. I’m sorry you had more pain and the doctor wasn’t helpful. Some of them need to be more empathetic both in relation to pain and feelings. You have a lot going on and I hope you are ok today.
Wyllow glad you had a good day and went to the gym, even though you had to dig out your car to get there.
HVDY hope you get out today. It’s sunny here but we had heavy rain yesterday.
Doodle I’m sorry your DH’s meds aren’t helping but at least the RLS has stayed away. I hope he gets something else suitable soon. I can understand why having your DS’s close by helps psychologically. I say that to my counsellor, I don’t need to be joined at the hip with my DS, just to know he’s close by is enough. But he isn’t and it even makes me tearful just writing this. I realise this doesn’t make sense and it makes me feel guilty as some people have actually been bereaved, but it’s the way it is. Something in my brain has got confused. I hope you are having a good day today.
Scaredycat I hope the covid is getting better and you are starting to feel stronger. I hope you enjoy your FaceTime with your sister today too.

Wishing everyone else not personally mentioned a good day.

I’m struggling a bit today and it’s me who must give myself a good talking to and push myself. I feel low and anxious for some reason. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks on the meds so I’d have hoped my mood was lifted a bit more. I’ve already been lying on the sofa dozing but it’s not doing me any good so I’m writing on here, get some boring laundry stuff done then go out for a long walk. My ankles are aching but I’m going to push through it. DD and family coming for a roast later so I really need to get my act together. I keep telling myself that my mood generally lifts a bit as the day goes on so I hope that’s the case today.

Wishing everyone a lovely day xx

As expected wipe out day after yesterday so its bed and sleeps and a bit of "diary thinking" to try and work out move on from where I am now (yes more self-analysis:some strengthening retrieval of a better past self, some trying to come to terms with limitations and work out really what to expect of myself in terms of MH recovery as I accept probably I'll have to live with my condition for ever but how to make the very best of it).

I did attend a 45 mins quaker Zoom.

Depression first thing and it getting better in the day is a common pattern Candy. of course not everyone but enough for it to be written and spoken about a great deal. I think recovery is two steps forward one step back x

I'm fascinated by your liking the noise, I'm the opposite! too living alone I have the radio on somedays quite a bit.

HVDY I hope you and DH do get out somewhere nice!

Hi all
EllieAnne- that nasty woman isn’t worth a moment of your thoughts. She is probably totally unaware of how much she upsets people- don’t let her win. I hope you enjoyed Church today - there are people there who care for you and who will look forward to seeing you. It’s so sad to not feel happy in your home . Have you seen your GD lately- is she still learning to ride?
SweetPeaSue- we won’t let you sink. Wyllow put it so kindly and there are many of us who reach out to you in love and friendship.
Wyllow- you had a superman moment digging your car out. Today I couldn’t knock the skin off a rice pudding!!
Doodle- yes DH was poorly but he’s much better today and I,ve done a little roast for tonight as he’s eating again. The thought of it makes me nauseus but will do my best to eat a little.
I hope the GP appt goes well tomorrow
Well we had our Face time this morning - so emotional to see my sister again and hear her voice too. She’s done so well these first few days home but has a very big mountain to climb. We both got exhausted after half an hour so look forward to next weeks chat. Normally we do a couple of hours!!
HVDY- Hope you,ve been able to have a nice day out with DH. It’s not so cold today is it.
Candy- I,m sorry you,re struggling a bit today but a walk will hopefully raise your spirits. Then a lovely family lunch - hope you feel stronger later. I always feel better as the day goes on too.
Wishing everyone a pleasant evening and peaceful nightxx

Had a good night last night. We were up for about an hour but slept before and after. So nice to get some sleep.
Had a quiet day today. Have phone appointment with GP Monday, blood Tuesday and another appointment Wednesday.
Neurology consultant tomorrow night. Will be a busy day.
DH had a fall last night. I managed to hang on to him enough to break the fall. I think it was his Bp which was very low.
Sweetpeasue we didn’t pre book the appointment. Like your surgery you have to phone on the day. GP told us last week she would phone Dh Monday.
Even the words internal cystitis sounds painful. Can’t imagine how unpleasant it is for you.
I too thought the idea of holding out a hand was lovely. So caring.
HVDY DH has been wearing compression socks for years to help his vascular insufficiency. Unfortunately his legs are so big now he can’t get them on, or his shoes either,
It’s nice your girls get on with their uncle. Are your boys close?
Candy what you say about living somewhere where you can see what’s going on strikes a chord with me. My in-laws live in a lovely cottage surrounded by fields and views. I love sitting in their garden but I couldn’t live there. They don’t see anyone from one day to the next. I sit in my lounge and watch the world go by. Cars, boats, rowers, walkers, dogs. Love it.
Hope you had a lovely time with your DD and family.
Wyllow you are very good at self analysis. I think I am a self avoider. Don’t like to think too much about what is bothering me in case it makes me more worried.
Hope the zoom Quakers helped.
Scaredycat wonderful you’ve been able to chat to your sister again. I expect it cheered her too. I hope your appetite improves soon. I think when you can start eating you will start to feel better.

Well my nemesis was at church but left as soon as it finished . As far as I could see she didn’t speak to anyone and didn’t look happy.
One of my gd is still learning to ride. I saw them both last week. Tomorrow I am going to see my little gs .
I’m finding it harder and harder to speak at home since we had that horrible row . It’s not been mentioned since. We never did speak much but now I answer if asked a question but that is all.
Didn’t manage a walk this weekend.the weather has been a bit miserable.
I hope you all have a peaceful night.

Candy6 I hope you enjoyed your daughter's visit and that your meal was good. I hope your mood has lifted a bit. Persevere with the ADs. Are you on the full dose now?

Wyllow I hop you feel rested today. DH and I didn't go out - it was raining for most of the day, anyway. He cooked a nice roast chicken dinner (just the 2 of us today)

ScaredyCat I'm glad you were able to chat with your sister. I think once you start eating again, you'll feel much better.

Doodle You've got quite a week of medical appointments. Hope all go well. You did well to break your husband's fall. Be careful. My sons get on well for short periods - they are polar opposites in many ways and have quite conflicting views, but they're meeting up on Wednesday with a couple of mutual friends.

SweetpeaSue, EllieAnne and others on BD - Hope you've all been ok today.

Hope all BDers manage to have a restful night x

HVDYMy Interstitial Cystitis (or IC) is different to Overactive Bladder though both can react to caffeine and coffee can be an irritant to bladder. I did stay off for a while then went onto decaff but didnt seem to make a difference. Perhaps I should have restrained longer. Anything acidic is anathema to IC too and because of the other pain Ive tended to have a glass of wine of an evening which I need to stop. It seems that life is becoming so much effort and I'm tired.When I pass urine its to relieve pain and not because of urgency. Difficult to describe.
Wyllow Not surprising youve been so tired after all your activity yesterday. Thankyou for your kindness. I hope you feel better tomorrow.
Candy You are having a bad day and trouble getting motivated. I find the beginning of the day worse too. Did you go for a walk? It does sometimes help. I hope you feel the ADs are being of benefit soon. Its hard to tell sometimes.
Scaredycat* You must have enjoyed your chat with your sister so much. I should think you were both too exhausted for the usual 2hrs. You sound so weak, its thoughtful of you to make DH a little dinner. I hope you were able to eat some aswell. It brought tears when you said 'we won't let you sink' Thankyou.
Doodle I do hope you have a good appt with your Dr tomorrow. Your DHs legs do need to be kept an eye on if they're still swollen.Did your DH feel dizzy when he fell? Ive just realised you said you dont like to think about what's worrying you and here I am asking about your DH. I hope you both get a decent rest tonight. I'm so sorry you're both having this awful time lately.

I'm sorry to miss people out.Just so tired. Bladder pain has been a constant nightly problem for a long time. Think its flared up worse because of the UTIs. It would take too long to explain but its more the pain than any urgency.
Bad early hrs but then lot better and had a v short walk by sea but now bowel starting.
I dont think I'm v clear today. Brainfog or something. Just so low.
Hope all hav as peaceful a night as possible. Grateful for all help on BD. x

Ellie Anne in some ways it’s good you’ve seen her at church and she’s not stopping. Hopefully that will make you feel more relaxed about attending yourself,
Glad your getting to spend time with your DGC. They can usually take your mind off things for a while.
Must be quite stressful for you living under those circumstances at home. I do wish you could move out but know it’s not possible.
HVDY my sons are quite different too. They get on fine with each other but don’t meet up often as they both have busy lives.
Sweetpeasue don’t worry. When I said I don’t like to think about things it more the unknown than the known. I can cope with what’s happening with DH as I know what’s going on it’s more that I worry about what might be happening in the rest of the family.
Yes I am concerned with DHs legs they are quite large now.
I wonder if you feel like DH. No longer looks forward to going to bed as it probably means a night up walking around or a night in pain in your case.
Hope both of you have a good night tonight,

Scardeycat OH my - face time with sis. Who could have believed it could come so far - so glad to hear it !I’m glad DH is a bit better but you dont sound so good yet.

Doodle I was glad to hear the you and MrD had a better night - hope tonights the same, that’s a lot of appointments one day after another. But so many different things going on. The fall is upsetting….you’ll mention it to the GP? A very hard time for you both. As regards analysis, it has to be the right time and now isn’t right for you!

It is the right time for me inasmuch as I have to make the most of the future and understand whats needed to do that - and I only have myself to look after atm - I have counselling and so on., and a framework after years of psycho therapy…. There is a time to do it and a time to just keep on keeping on xx

Ellie Anne - she’s not going got come after you, is she? Your friends at church are yours, and she won’t take them away.
Would you go with DH to anyone to talk over your relationship? He can't be so emotionally cut off he can't see things are very, very bad. Is there some kind of battle of wills going on? I so feel for you….

I was able to get out as I had the means and the family support as well as police etc. He's on benefits atm but has a social flat and a future inheritance that balanced my house, thats how it got worked out.

Brain fog is very understandable, Sweetpeasue with everything going round and round about physical things, just big hugs.

Meant to say, HVDY - nice meal there.

Sweetpeasue I've been slowly drinking a bit too much realised it was getting up to 3.5 units a night....and it is a depressant- so trying to stick to the max 2 units - I also think it makes me sleep worse with drugs I'm on. I'm also getting better being on my own in the evenings.

But don't forbid yourself a little tipple in the evening!

SweetpeaSue So sorry that you've got the bladder problem. I was treated for 15 years for Overactive Bladder, before I insisted on seeing a Urologist. Like you, I used to have terrible pain. I used to wee 30 times a day! Things changed completely then - he told me to stop all caffeine for 3 months, which I did, and the difference was unbelievable. I still wee more than the "normal" 8 times a day (about 15) because I drink too much (Urologist recommended 2 pints maximum, which I can't manage). I hope today will be easier for you.

EllieAnne Glad that woman didn't bother you. Your situation at home sounds terrible. Seeing as you've got no choice but to stay, could you both go for relationship counselling? Enjoy your time with your GS.

Doodle I hope today's GP telephone chat goes well.

I hope all BDers have a decent day today. I slept with my feet and lower legs uncovered all night as they felt as though they were on fire. Going out with my friend this morning - I offered to drive, so she chose a place 18 miles away that I've never been to. I asked if she'd mind driving and I'll pay for lunch. Yes, she said, but then changed her mind "because of the rain", so we'll probably go where we always go. It'll be nice to get out, anyway. "See you" later x

Doodle Hope you've had a satisfying and productive appt with GP this morning and your DH managed another night without RLS. I often think of you both during early hrs and wonder if you're 'walking'.
HVDY I wee normal frequency in day but think at night urine concentrates so bladder lining is affected so get pain and get up to go and get slight temporary relief, usually around 4 times.A theory of IC cause is defective bladder lining (I think also many UTIs can be to blame). Ooh I hope your legs are not as painful this morning. Enjoy your meet up with friend.
Wyllow It was such a brave thing to do to split from ex yet necessary under the circumstances. I can't imagine how worn down you must have been with all the turmoil emotionally and physically. Yes, alcohol is depressant.

Woke at 3, came down, bad thoughts, went back up, came down, made drink(not coffee) continual bad thoughts.Looked at Samaritans page for a while, paced, bad thoughts, hit call symbol, heard DH stirring. Stopped after few dial tones. DH came down. Phew. Didnt tell him. Just sat for while. Told him everything hopeless. Went back to bed. Just constant feeling hopeless thoughts. Force myself out to shop, bread n milk. Dh with me. Managed no tears. Back home. Better than last night.
Wish all of us could be 'happy/normal' but then we wouldnt be here would we or 'know' each other. Take vare all.

Hi all
Doodle- hope you have a good productive appt with GP this morning. She might throw light on why she thinks DH fell- you did well to break the fall. Hope too the neurology appt is helpful. Will that involve looking at his legs? You,ll be tired tonight after all that.
I would love to be able to watch all the lovely goings on that you can. Must be so nice to see the seasons change too. We live in the village street and do like being surrounded by people.
EllieAnne- so wish you could make some little space for yourself at home and be able to read or watch telly in peace. Have you thought about U3A there are lots of things you can join in and find people who are interested in all sorts of subjects.
Wyllow- yes when I could drink alcohol I always found
I went sleep quickly but then woke up in the night quite soon after. However a glass of wine is one of life’s pleasures - I miss it very much.
Yes it was wonderful to see my sister - she is special to me. Still feeling so tired think I overdid it yesterday - that,ll teach me.
HVDY- oh your legs sound so uncomfortable but a good idea to cool them down. Hope you,ve had a nice day with your friend and haven’t got too wet.
SweetPeaSue- that was an up and down night for you both. Your husband sounds very concerned for you - he must wonder what he can say to help you.
You did well to get out - maybe it’s time to visit the beach again. I think we are normal just that we feel things differently and it wears us down.
Had a nice chat with my son this morning. My DiL has just recovered from Covid but luckily he didn’t get it. He was out with his lovely dogs in between work.
Wishing you all as good a day as possiblexxx

Doodle How did the GP's phone chat go? I hope something helpful came of it. It sounds lovely to be able to watch people and boats go by. We live in a suburb, and because our house is high up from the pavement, we can't see anyone unless we stand up .

SweetpeaSue I hope today has been better for you. We are all here for you.

ScaredyCat I hope you're feeling better today.

I went out with my friend, talked and laughed for a few hours. DH has got a beef curry cooking in the slow-cooker all day . Hope all BDers have had a decent day x

Sweetpeasue Yes I always made/make calls to crisis lines alone. You need to be able to say absolutely everything and anything. I'm just glad you were going to "go for it". I also think you need more Mental Health Care than you are getting atm. Care your DH cant give xx

Scardeycat hoping your energy will pick up: nice DS call there alway so good to hear their voices.

Nice natter there, HVDY! But I hope you can find some healing for your legs.

Very bad night woke in life not living mode - I'd say engendered a lot by exhaustion and being able to do little...and fears of not being able to manage on my own, like getting food in getting meds in and when house things break down:

I went to the gym and had to do more stuff so bed for the rest of the day but mood improved.

Look forward to hearing from any other BD's who pop in, hoping the Doodles had any GP/appointment luck.

Scaredycat Hope youre feeling a little better today. I was wrong to speak for everyone else when I put'normal'. I wasnt meaning it quite the way it sounded. But it is myself who doesnt feel normal.--my thinking feels irrational.
HVDY Glad you had a nice day. Hope the Beef curry is good.
Wyllow Sorry about those awful feelings. It must feel very insecure to be in that situation alone and to worry about practical things you may not be able to do.
Doodle Really hope the GP appt and tonight's Neurologist appt went well for you both. You need and deserve some help and some hope that things can improve.

Wyllow Would you consider having your groceries delivered? I get ours from Asda (obviously other supermarkets do deliveries) and pay £6.50 a month for as many deliveries I like, providing each order is at least £40. DH has his meds delivered, free, from Pharmacy2U. I wouldn't know how to do things in the house either (would you be able to find a local handyman if needed?)

SweetpeaSue I've never been "normal"

The beef curry was good. Son2 is back now, so I'll be sharing my lovely bed with Old Constipated Warthog my husband x

Very good day so far. GP accepted our concerns about the drug DH has been given and agrees with our decision to stop taking it. We have agreed that DH won’t make any changes to his meds for a week and see how he is at the end. There is another drug GP can prescribe but is holding fire till she hears how we got on.
Tonight we saw the neurologist. Very young, very smart and very professional. He has told DH he can double his meds for RLS and if that doesn’t help he has alternatives. We will work on gradual increase of drugs and see how we get on. DH is happy with both decisions so is having his favorite tiramisus for pudding to celebrate 😊
Wyllow DHs legs are now enormous. I am hoping now he’s off the dreaded drug they will start to come down.
Yes told Gp about the fall. She had said it could happen so be very careful.
We too like a drink in the evening. We have wine with dinner. We find it relaxes us. In my case I find it helps.
I think we all have times when we wake and the panic or fear step in. I’m sure you’re more resourceful than you think and would work things out if you needed to. You have family to call on and even if you don’t want to bother them I’m sure they’d lend a hand.
DH has just fallen asleep in his dinner. 🤣 it’s been an exhausting day.
HVDY DH has overactive bladder too. Mine is more unpredictable than overactive. Goodness, 30 times a day 😲. That’s awful. You must have been in a really bad way.
Hope you had a nice day with your friend. Enjoy your curry.
I like houses off the pavement too. Means people can’t look into your windows. 🤣
Sweetpeasue yes a good day thank you. We were up last night. Between 2.30 and 4 am I think. I often look on GN to see who’s about. It’s hard when you feel nothing is helping and you feel you are getting no where. Those early hours are always the worst. I do hope if you feel really bad you will phone someone like the Samaritans. I’m hoping for a better night for you tonight.
Scaredycat DH fell because his Bp was too low due to meds. GP warned us it might happen. Yes neurologist did check DHs legs and confirmed that all the nerves from his knees to toes were affected and that was why he is so unstable walking.
Your home sounds nice. Is it a friendly village. Do you know lots of people?
So pleased you got to chat to your sister at last,

Evening all, just caught up as it’s been a work day for me today.
Wyllow yes, you are right, recovery is very up and down and I guess I need to accept that instead of thinking I’m going backwards all the time. I’m sorry you had a bad night. I always find it’s much worse at night and it’s the most difficult time to deal with our feelings. I was awake a lot too during the night with low feelings. I was surprised I did as although I hadn’t had a good day, things did ease during the evening but then I woke lots of times feeling awful. I hope you are feeling better today.
Scaredycat I’m glad your DH is feeling better and hope he enjoyed your roast. I hope you managed to eat some too. I’m glad you enjoyed your FaceTime with your sister too. I did enjoy my walk thanks but then went downhill during the night unfortunately. I’m glad your DiL is better and your son managed to escape it.
Doodle Ah, you sound like you live where I would like to - overlooking a river? Or the sea. It sounds glorious. There’s a lovely river not far from us, in a small city, but the houses there are so expensive, even a two up, two down terrace is £500,000! Maybe if we win the lottery! It sounds lovely and I’m happy for you. I hope the GP appointment went well today and your other appointments this week do too,
Sweetpeasue your condition sounds so painful. I can be up 4/5 times a night and that’s bad enough, but when you’re in pain too, it must be awful do you think it’s a build up of something during the day that does it? I’m sorry you were up too with bad thoughts and yes, wouldn’t it be lovely if we could just be happy? I’ve no real reason not to be, but I’m not and hate feeling this way, just flat. Maybe one day ……. It’s good you forced yourself to go out though and I hope you are feeling better now.
Ellie Anne sorry things are still difficult at home for you. I hope seeing your little GS perked you up a bit. I hope seeing that woman in Church didn’t upset you too much and hope you are feeling ok today.
HVDY yes, I’m now up to the recommended 50 mg per day, although the maximum dose is 200 I think. I think 50 works for a lot of people though. I’ll plod on. Hope you enjoyed your trip out with your friend. It does us so good to have a good laugh. I did the last time I met up with my best friend. It was a long time coming. I hope your legs are ok today.

Love and best wishes to all and obviously to all those others on here I haven’t mentioned personally. I hope everyone has a peaceful evening and night xx