Black Dog 15

Good morning BDs.. Sorry I haven't been here for a while. It takes so much energy to respond to everyone even though I would really like to.
HVDY those nosebleeds are really bad. I wonder what causes them. Perhaps you need your nose cauterized.
Doodle You must both be so totally shattered with lack of sleep. I feel so sorry for you. I often am awake for hours and I know how that affects me, but you have the worry about your dear husband as well.
Will be back soon.

Susiewakie hello. Sorry your friends have let you down. It's hurtful when that happens. Do persevere with the doctors. Ours responds more quickly if we email. But we can ring many times before getting through.
EllieAnne I do hope you're feeling better. If you don't like the phone, I think you can use email with Samaritans.

SweetpeaSue I picked them up at 11, so by the time I'd taken son home and got back, it was 11.45 - we saw a Muntjac deer crossing the road on the way . It was going onto a golf course.
nadateturbe I've only just started having them, so I wonder if it's to do with the new meds. I'll see how it goes. Hope you're ok this morning.

EllieAnne I think Sweetpeasue's advice is very good.
Sweetpeasue Dont worry about bursting into tears. Perhaps it will help family understand more how you feel.
Continual bleeding is a lot to cope with too. Can you speak to someone about it. Surely someone can do something for you.
HVDY, the weight gain might only be temporary. But it is a blow when trying to lose weight. I'm sure the diet will help. Just be patient and don't expect too much too soon. You and your husband sound like wonderful parents and it's lovely having your sons living close.
Wyllow3 It seems like you are taking some steps towards moving, and have had a good conversation with your son. Starting to sound very positive! I empathise with how you feel about not being able to do the same now. I try to accept limitations without giving up on trying, a difficult balance. I too prioritise a half hour exercise, although mine is just walk. I think not pushing oneself would hinder progress. I hope that makes sense.
I've missed about your lump. I hope the surgery goes well.
Scaredycat can no one do anything about the AF? It must be scary. Having said that I have a friend who has this when she walks up even a slight a slope, she has had tests done and told everything is OK. Strange.

Hello to Whiff, Candy and other BDds. Apologies for anyone I've forgotten.
Wishing and praying for a peaceful contented day for all.

Hello dear friends. Been preoccupied, and this morning badly twigged my back when on the treadmill, a two tramadol job! I have the MRI on the alien lump at 6.20 so have to keep moving.

And yes nadateturbe overdoing it emotionally as well as physically just like you say accepting it, seeing the balance without falling low, is the trick. 2 evenings ago I decided to revisit last year (sound recording of Ex) to try and understand further the traps I fell into, as I don't want anyone to ever bully me again, but it triggered far more than was useful, well, I think.

Quakers was an island of peace.

There will be so much to do to move - I've agreed with my cleaner to help me declutter and shift stuff - again, note to self, don't go up into the attic without help! I need to look forward and live in the present not look back. I really feel the isolation resulting from time with Ex. there are no friends I can call upon to "help out" heaving stuff. But fortunately..I can afford some cleaner hours and so on and she's so lovely its a pleasure chatting.

Doodle your exhaustion and the never ending quest to get some treatment for MrD that helps - yes prayers, as it so hard.
I wanted to ask, if you are able to consider having a weekly cleaner. Someone to change the beds, clean out fridges, spiff everything up? For me its not just a practical lift, but feels emotionally supportive. Things being clean and orderly and nice clean sheets...?

Scaredycat I can understand that living with AF is very hard long term. Big dent in confidence as to "what's right to do" "what's safe to do". do you feel you have been given adequate guidelines going forward?

Emily Anne how are you getting on?

*HVDY I hope your nosebleeds dry up soon - or if not, that they can be helped. You are doing so much for family - time to ease off? All the best with your diet, btw, that is a lot of weight to lose, a tough time there, but believe me you will feel so much better for it.
Its a matter of time partly getting your stomach used to smaller meals, and the never buying in biscuits cakes or fatty food. the increased appetite due to steroids will make it harder, but you are a determined lady..

Sweetpeasue and Candy always in my thoughts, and others who read but dont post.

Sweetpeasue I had to go back a page to catch up on your HRT dilemmas. It's not something I know about to offer an opinion, was one of the lucky ones that never needed it.

BTW...we only have 18 posts to go on BD 15. Doodle gave a great intro to BD15 that we could re-use when it comes to the point of BD 16.

Wyllow Best of luck with the MRI. They are loud machines, so I hope you'll have music playing through the headphones they put on you. If you move, would you be able to get a removals company to do it? (sorry, no idea how much they charge but wish our son had used one). It's nice that your cleaning lady is so friendly and helpful. I need to lose 5st, but even 2st would help. I lost weight in hospital (much of it because I was on a drip for 3 or 4 weeks, not able to swallow, then pureed food, and I lost a lot of muscle mass. I soon piled weight on once I could eat! I'm 3st more than that now . I'll do what I can. I've had 2 boxes of chocolates and a bottle of Bailey's today, so I put them in the shed, away from temptation.

nadateturbe, Doodle, SweetpeaSue, Candy, Whiff and others - hope you're all ok.

Sweetpeasue glad you had a good afternoon but I do understand the confusion with different clinicians telling you different things. Hot flushes are not fun I know. I am still taking paroxetine for mine many, many years after my hysterectomy.
HVDY we once helped out son move without a removal company. He hired a van (a very small one) and must have made 20 or 30 round trips with it🤣 I don’t know about you but I love food. I could always eat something. Savoury stuff is actually my downfall I love salt but also chocolate.
Wyllow sorry you hurt your back in the treadmill but was interested in the fact that you take tramadol. It has been suggested as a drug which could help DHs RLS. How do you find it and does it have bad side effects?
With regards to a cleaner, I am beginning to think about that. Up until now been happy to sort it out myself. DH and I are quite private and oued prefer not to have strangers in our home. I was thinking more of a spring clean type thing rather than having someone come every week.
Sorry I’ve become a bit lost. Is your MRI tomorrow? If so I hope all goes well.
Scaredycat no not able to go to church last week and will miss it again this week due to hospital appointments.
DH is supposed to have atrial tachycardia but when we got seen last week they said his heart had gone back to normal sinus rhythm all on its own. No he has never had a transfusion before. This one was due to anaemia. Tests being done over the next two weeks to find out why.
Your woodland walks sounds lovely. That and beach walks are my favourite. Hope you have managed to get out this Easter.
nadateturbe always good to hear from you. Don’t worry about replying to all of us individually we understand. Like you, when tired, I don’t have the energy.
Ellie Anne I hope the family problems have resolved themselves. I am a big worrier. My imagination plays havoc with what I think may or may not happen.
Candy Whiff hope you’re ok.
Last night was awful. DH was in a lot of pain and discomfort. For some reason (perhaps peripheral neuropathy) he had shooting pains in his legs, severe cramps, no sensation in his feet and constant RLS. We were up all night and poor man had no relief till about 4 am when he fell asleep for a few hours till 7.
He’s been nodding off all day and is asleep in his armchair now.
I dearly wish he would sleep tonight.
Take care all

EllieAnne- I hope you feel a bit better today - if not please talk to someone about how you feel .
Nadaturbe- it’s hard isn’t it to accept limitations and at the same time push yourself but I know what you mean . If you don’t use it you lose it the saying goes doesn’t it.
Yes the AF does scare me - I don’t like inclines either like your friend. Hope she stays ok.
Wyllow- hope your back is OK now and that the MRI went off smoothly.
So glad you are still thinking positively about moving - better to look forward than look back eh!
Yes confidence is very dented at the moment as I,m not sure how to deal with the constant AF. I will see someone shortly hopefully.
HVDY- those nosebleeds sound nasty I think you could be right about the meds. I think you are best to think of small amounts of weight at a time so it doesn’t seem so daunting. One of my Grandaughters went to Slimming World which really worked for her.
Yes I take several meds for the AF and they have been a great help but not helping much at the moment- have increased one so maybe it will .
Doodle Whiff SweetPeaSue and all BD I hope you have had some moments of Easter hope. Sleep wellxxx

I did something today because I've so hurt and angry. Some of you know my son decided to give the boot as his mom. We have been estranged for nearly 3 years his choice not mine I had no say he just did it. After I finally got my diagnosis last year I let him know and sent him a letter as it was a health matter he didn't send it back. He never even sent me text saying at least you know what's wrong. Nothing. Finally my anger at being treated as if I don't excise got to me. So I phoned him and left a voice message. I asked to see him. I had an abusive text along with saying I am not to text,phone,post,email or go to their house . I am not to contact him,his wife or children ever. And said thanks for understanding.

I have never been to his house unless he took me. I did text back and said what crime did I committ to be tried , sentence and punished. And one day my grandsons will want to know about me unless he has already told them I am dead. One day his sons will have partners and hope they don't treat them like I have been. And he must be happy on that pedestal but it won't last. So of course I didn't have anything back.

I had hope that one day he would see me but know he never will. And spent all day crying my eyes hurt so much.

It's bad enough I grieve for my husband everyday but have been grieving for half of my family but it's a living grief. It's so tiring and today I feel helpless and I hate that feeling as I am stronger than this .

I know you are all dealing with worse things . And I have a wonderful daughter and her family. But I miss my son and grandson's so much it hurts. And today it's all got to much.
I know tomorrow I will be back to normal. But it helps to write it down.

That's why I haven't posted but been reading everyday. Sorry you are all having so many health problems and family worries.

Sorry I shouldn't have posted that . I sound like a whinny child.

It's just been a shitty day. 😢

Oh dear Whiff how dreadfully sad. We all want to get on with our family and I can understand even thought you have a good relationship with your daughter the loss of contact with your son must cause great distress.
You have done all you can and it sounds as though he’s not even prepared to think about what your saying. He is losing out too as are his children. It’s a sad situation and one you share with so many. Can’t think of anything else really other than to send you a 🤗 hug x
Scaredycat wouldn’t it be nice to have a period without health issues. I hope increasing your meds helps a bit.
Went to garage today for some milk and was surprised how cold it was despite the sunshine.

Whiff just seen your second post. You most certainly do not sound like a whinny child. You sound like a mum whose missing contact with her child. Of course you can write this here. It’s what we all do. This is the one thread where you can offload anything you want. We may not be able to help but we do care x

Doodle I love sweet stuff - chocolate, cake, biscuits, etc. I'm not going to buy them. I love pasta and potatoes too. We also have large portions of food when we cook, so I'll have to cut down. What your husband is going through is awful. Peripheral neuropathy can cause cramps and shooting pains, as well as numbness. There are some treatments that might help - sorry if these have been tried - steroids (same as the ones I'm on), Amitriptyline, and possibly Capsaicin cream (On eBay). Could he take antihistamines to make him a bit drowsy at bedtime?

ScaredyCat I tried Slimming World 4 years ago, didn't like it. My friend joined at the same time, lost 4.5st over 18 months, and has put 3st of it back on. I'm going to try my hardest to lost 2st by the time I see the Neurologist in 4 months. I hope your increased meds help. A friend of mine has AF, she had an ablation procedure which helped a bit.

Whiff I cannot imagine how awful it must be for an adult child to behave like that. You have obviously tried your utmost to abide by what he wants but have also offered an olive branch. What he's doing is so cruel. I don't know what else you could do. Your grandsons will be grown-up one day and will hopefully get in touch or at least allow you to contact them. I'm glad you've got a good daughter. Does she hear from your son at all?

Whiff sending you a big hug. It is so very sad for you that your son wants no contact. And to not see the grandchildren. So hard to accept. xx

It must be one of the hardest things in the world, Whiff. Your post just told it like it was, in the right place, and thank you for sharing.

This is no consolation but... a possible reason....you can never know whats going on in their marriage.

Doodle - Tramadol. Its well worth trying it - if it suits. some people feel very "Weird" in a way they can't tolerate. It happens to work well for me is all: a lighter mood and good pain relief. It is very constipating for most, btw, but given your circs probably worth a try. Like HVDY I wondered if something like the anti-histamine Nytol might help, but you'd have to check it doesn't "cross" with any other meds.

I cant recall when I stopped being "privacy conscious" but what I can say is it depends for me completely on who the person is. I feel easily invaded by people in my home even its to fix a tap if i feel uncomfortable.
But maybe I am used to a lot of my life not being very private. 20 years in the MH system has meant I am used to a lot of my life being an open book to professionals.

It takes the right cleaner, to me. I just think yo need all the support you can get - talk over the privacy thing with DH and "finding the right person"?

Trust, a sense that this person is wholly benign.
But the option of a monthly "spring clean" means you can tidy anything very private.

HVDY I just don't keep sweet stuff or have anything except the odd battered frozen fish fats wise except jam in the house but am motivated by my bowel stuff which means small amounts eaten maybe more frequently. If the temptations isn't there in the pantry then....you'll need to tell those who gift you items too. easy to say hard to carry out.

Well due to having to take 2 tramadol tablets in the end for back pain I sailed through the MRI a bit on planet Zog.... It wasn't long maybe 30 mins? They've introduced heated beds and as its been some time since I last had an MRI I noticed the new machine was less noisy.

Thank you all. Can tell how upset I was I woke up on my husband's side of the bed haven't done that since the early years of widowhood. But I know to have no hope . So can move on. This thread has helped me so much. The support thread on estrangement saved me in the early days and still does. Knowing you are not alone helps such a lot.

As with things in life you think you are the only one things happen to but then you find you aren't. Others are suffering from same or similar things to you and you aren't alone .

Doodle my daughter hasn't had anything to do with her brother for nearly 5 years. She never got on with my son's further wife when they met in 2005.. But when I was with them all they all behaved. My son and daughter in law have treated me worse than my husband's parents . My husband loved his parents he didn't like them and I hated the pair of them . But at least my in laws did and said things to our face. But I have the satisfaction of knowing I am a better person than my son and daughter in law as I looked after my mother in law for 11 years after my husband died. I did that for someone I hated but she was family. Without her I won't have had my husband and children. Funny enough I was down as her next of kin and yet she had a younger brother. So like with my parents was on call 24/7.

My daughter and family come back from a week's holiday today but she has texted everyday just to check up on me. I have the satisfaction of knowing I am not a bad mom ,mother in law and grandmother. As I still have my daughter's and family unconditional love and support. The problem isn't me but my son and daughter in law. Unfortunately it's my grandson's are the ones to suffer.

Wyllow MRI machines have come a long way since my first one in 1988. The machine filled a whole room. The tunnel was pitch black and the noise was deafening not ear plugs in those days. Never knew I was claustrophobia until then. But like all medical things the diagnostic tools have improved so much. Look at ultra scans when I had my first one for my daughter it looked like a black blob and could just make out the heart . Now they have three dee ones. Hopefully they got really good pictures and your alien will soon be removed.

Someone mentioned Amptriplyine I have it for nerve pain and have been using it since 1992. Just 10mg twice a day but in a pain flare have an extra one at lunch time until the pain goes back to the level I tolerate. Others in my craft group are on it for nerve pain . Probably said this before. But the drug that had helped me the most is Clonazepam after 32 years of limb jerks and 4 months of full seizures. My limbs became still after a couple of weeks. Been on it for 3 years and recently had to double the dose because of my legs it was like walking with planks attached to them. Clonazepam has changed my life it was like a switch had been turned off. Still have all my usual problems but having still limbs is bliss.

Doodle I know how your husband feels it's horrible when you have no control over parts of your body. And it's so painful and damages your joints and muscles. It's exhausting both your body and mind . You need rest but your body won't let you. My husband said he needed to sleep in a suit of armour as I had the jerks in my sleep. And bashed him nightly. But we never slept apart.

As shown here not only physical health problems but it has a knock on with your mental health. I don't think some doctors realise that they 2 are linked. To be honest I didn't realise it myself .

Those who's health problems are caused by operations not doing what they should and still not getting the help you need is awful. In another field you could get justice and get things put right . But nowadays medics are so frightened of getting sued they fob people off. When they should admit something went wrong and put it right.

Thank you all . Today's a new day new start and the sun is shining so will get into the garden. Rained heavy all day yesterday.

Sorry not to mention everyone. But do read all you write and your honesty and caring for everyone shines through. You all have helped so many people not just me but ones who read but feel they can't post. It's shows how important this thread as it's nearing 1,000 again . Big hugs and many thank you you all.

Morning, all. It's bright and sunny out. Son2 went to his GF's at about 11pm last night (she lives 45 mins away) as she was so upset about one of her cats - she'd been waiting at the vet's for 2.5 hours, waiting for him to be seen. He's apparently now doing ok (blocked bladder) but will need to stay in for a couple of days. I'm going to son's house soon, to vacuum, mop the floors and make up the bed. "see" you later x

Glad you're feeling a bit more optimistic Whiff.
I too take amitriptyline, only half a 10mg pill at night to help with nerve pain after head injury. It works.
HVDY morning, sunny here too..for now. Hope the nosebleeds have stopped. Where do you get your energy!!
Morning all. Hope you got some sleep Doodle.

Will be back later. Just to say a belated Happy Birthday to HVDY.
So sorry I forgot it was yesterday. That was why you got the chocs and Baileys! 🥂

Oh same here HVDY. Belated birthday greetings. 🙂

From me too!

Belated birthday from me to HVDY 🎂🥂🌹

Thanks, friends. . x

I hoovered and mopped son's house, cleaned the patio doors inside and out, shampooed a large rug, decided not to make up the bed (he can't move in properly until he gets broadband for working at home, and that's now probably going to be next week). Changed my own bed, done 2 lots of washing. I don't know where I'm getting the energy, but I like it .

Hope everyone's day is going ok.
Wyllow, how was the MRI?
SweetpeaSue How are you today?
Doodle Dare I ask - how was last night for you both?

Hi all.
Doodle- That’s good that your DH,s heart went back into NSR by itself. So he,d had no heart rythym meds as such? Hope it stays that way. Hope the tests due to be carried out will shed light on the anaemia.
I had a friend with peripheral neuropathy which he said was very painful - fingers crossed for a better sleep tonight.
Whiff- that is beyond sad and is bound sometimes to overwhelm you with grief. I,m glad your daughter brings you joy but there is such a big part of your life missing. I wish I could heal your hurt.
HVDY- I love sweet stuff too especially cake. However nauseus I might feel I can always manage cake.
I am terrified of ablation but had a cardioversion when I first got AF.

you are a Duracell Bunny in disguise!! You are such an energetic person and the best mum.
Glad the little cat is doing ok - GF won’t be happy til he’s home again though.
Belated Happy Birthday from me too🍾
Wyllow- Glad you,ve had your MRI and hope the results come through soon. A heated bed sounds very welcome.
SweetPeaSue ,EllieAnne ,Nadaturbe and all hope your day has been a good onexxx