Mild Cognitive Impairment?

HarlemShuffle
You asked for advice and shared experiences (not a diagnosis) . I recognise all you describe. In fact you’ve probably been worried for quite a while but now the symptoms are worsening. DH is exactly the same.

He won’t drive anywhere except locally. Thank goodness. He stops at green lights and I have to shout STOP if he approaches a red light too fast because he’s gone through them before. Then he gets aggressive and says he was going to stop anyway. Like hell he was
He cannot process information or instructions except in tiny bite sizes. Like you I have to repeat things again and again. I used to say that I’d just told him that but given it up.
It’s a myriad of little day-to-day things that he cannot process.

And then there’s the ‘I’m always right!’ even in the face of evidence to the contrary eg. we backed out of our drive and workmen we’re repairing potholes at one end of our road. A big lorry blocking that way out. Stupidly I suggested that he should drive out the other end but no, he drives up to the lorry and tries to squeeze past. He can’t of course, and they can’t move. Big argument that he had no chance of winning.

He really ought not to drive but try telling him that.

People forget that dementia (like you I saw his mother go through this exactly the same) can cause personality changes.

I’ve spoken to his GP (who’s pretty useless anyway) and he asked a few questions and said there’s no problem. Hope yours is more astute.

PS advice….get out as much as you can to get a break. Try not to let it get to you and just go along with things. Alert your family and friends - though they may not see it at first.
It might help if you keep a record of odd behaviour and sometimes even writing it down helps.

AND look after your own mental health.

Without wanting to frighten you,my husband started to drift when driving and often out walking,he also complained about pins and needles in left hand,I knew there was something wrong but not dementia as he completed crosswords daily and used his computer
I asked for a referral to see a neurologist,who thought I was making a fuss and was sure there was nothing wrong but felt an mri would settle my mind,I’m sorry to say they found an large brain tumour which was rare and malignant,he died 18 months later after surgery and radiotherapy,push for a referral,you know him better than anyone,

I'm afraid your husband has dementia and things will only get worse. He has to stop driving. My father-in-law was like this in the beginning and would only stop driving after two accidents.

I am very sorry for your situation. This is a difficult ethical and legal problem. My late husband had a rare form of dementia and did not have any insight into his difficulties. He refused to go to the doctor until I threatened him with divorce if he didn't! His driving was erratic. It's a long story, but his doctor informed the DVLA and he was given a one-year temporary license. However, he was clearly unsafe to drive at all! I refused to get in the car with him and eventually he wrote his car off by crashing into a ROAD CLOSED sign. He said, "I saw it, but I just didn't know what to do." He did not drive again. Knowing what I know now, I would have been more assertive. After he died, I was involved on a regional Patient/Public research panel and was asked to participate in producing guidelines for doctors and clinicians on dementia and driving. Dementia and Mild Cognitive Impairment are not reasons per se for stopping driving, and, of course, you have no diagnosis because he has not yet seen a doctor, but not being able to work out how to get out of a car and your clocks story is an indication of impairment of cognition which is probably relevant. Each case is taken on its merits. You can write to/phone the DVLA and put your concerns succinctly. They promise not to reveal their sources, but they will write to him and offer him a temporary driving license and/or a test at one of their Driver Mobility Centres. This is not foolproof, but it goes some way to preventing him having a disaster which might endanger others. The other thing I would do, and this is just personal, but I would find a way to disable the car. Either 'lose' the keys, or arrange to have an isolated switch fitted, so he can't drive. You can contact the DVLA for further information on 0300 790 6802 or visit www.gov.uk/government/organisations/driver-and-vehicle-licensing-agency or write to DVLA, Swansea SA99 1DF

I’ve been exactly where you are now. I realised something wasn’t quite right with my DH 3/4 years ago. All similar things happened to us that’s happening with you now plus my DH hit me for the first time in over 40 years of marriage. I was worried so called the GP and made appointment for myself but told GP at appointment what was happening with hubby. He asked if husband would go for an MRI scan if he arranged one, DH was having head pain and neck pain so was able to palm it off as that but GP was looking for dementia. We moved and with covid never got those results unfortunately but we signed on with new GP in new area and I had to go to new GP to ask for something to help me sleep as DH was having delusions/ hallucinations at night stopping me sleeping. GP referred hubby to mental health team who turned up at our home on pretext of checking husband and myself health. They were excellent, very helpful and asked DH if he would have a CT brain scan for his headaches, he agreed to and they put him on melatonin for his nighttime hallucinations which worked straight away consequently I didn’t need any sleeping pills. They managed to get hold of his MRI scans and compared them with his CT scans and the nurse came to our home and gently explained he had vascular dementia. We were both gutted but he’s getting worse quickly. He got really angry when he had to give up driving so my son explained he would invalidate his insurance if he drove now, or worse killed somebody! But he’d nearly killed us one night and I was so nervous I refused to let him drive me again. Now he’s become a back seat driver instead.
It is a horrible disease, he’s not the same person I married he’s a totally different personality. His father had dementia but refused to see a Gp and I ended up having him sectioned as he was violent towards his mother and myself! Last Friday I was driving and we had the mother of all arguments because he decided he knew the way (he didn’t) to pick our DGS up from a school outing! I’ve decided he’s never getting in the car with me again at the moment!! We too had all sorts of ideas years ago of what we’d do when he retired, it never crossed my mind he’d get dementia. It’s a vile disease that creeps up on you day by day. My advice would be to go to your GP and explain his problems, they will help you make an excuse for him to be seen and will go from there. The earlier dementia/ Alzheimer’s is diagnosed the more treatments there will be available to him if there is a problem. Unfortunately for my DH he couldn’t have the tablets that are available because of his type of dementia but for many other types there’s tablets that apparently can help to slow down the deterioration. Good luck, whatever his problem is be it urine infection or dementia it needs sorting asap.

Close family members are going through exactly what you describe Bluedaisy, and it is so so hard. Denial, anger, and yes, driving being the most contentious and difficult one, with said relative becoming so angry and raging, and came close several time to smash things and hit his wife, which he has never ever done before.

winterwhite I am not sure you understand the significance of what the OP is saying.

It is not just that her DH's driving has deteriorated. He is showing other signs of cognitive dysfunction, that suggest that he would not be able to respond appropriately if he faced a sudden emergency whe driving and other more worrying signs often associated with memory problems.

The best way to deal with this is for him to see a doctor, who can assess the problems and identify the cause.

People who keep posting “your husband has dementia” can’t possibly know this. It could well be, but equally, it could be something quite different, and until an assessment is done, by a professional, such an automatic diagnosis given by people on this forum cannot be taken as fact.

Certainly, the symptoms you describe HarlemShuffle are very concerning and your DH does need to be assessed ASAP. The poor driving is, obviously a huge concern, as you are obviously aware.

The best thing to do would be, I think, as suggested by so many other posters, to contact your DH’s surgery, either going in or by phone, listing everything to them that you have said here in your first post and try to arrange an assessment via the pretext of an MOT over 70’s health check or blood tests or similar (whatever they suggest, really).

It must be so hard for you, but I think you know instinctively what you need to do in order to get answers and next steps. 💐

Ziplok

People who keep posting “your husband has dementia” can’t possibly know this. It could well be, but equally, it could be something quite different, and until an assessment is done, by a professional, such an automatic diagnosis given by people on this forum cannot be taken as fact.

Certainly, the symptoms you describe HarlemShuffle are very concerning and your DH does need to be assessed ASAP. The poor driving is, obviously a huge concern, as you are obviously aware.

The best thing to do would be, I think, as suggested by so many other posters, to contact your DH’s surgery, either going in or by phone, listing everything to them that you have said here in your first post and try to arrange an assessment via the pretext of an MOT over 70’s health check or blood tests or similar (whatever they suggest, really).

It must be so hard for you, but I think you know instinctively what you need to do in order to get answers and next steps. 💐

Indeed, undetected UTI's can cause the most amazing symptoms which mimic dementia.

As others have suggested please see the GP.
Could you perhaps have a word with the surgery first, explaining your husbands reticence, they might be able to send a letter, asking he book for a general "Over 70s check up" whilst it's really a Dementia check

DH neds tobe assessed by GP. Not only is SHs life in danger but yours and others too. If you do nothing could ypu live knowing you could perhaps have prevented a crash.

The only people able to diagnose what is going on with your DH are medical professionals so get him an appointment with a doctor asap any way you can.

PerkyPiggy

I'm afraid your husband has dementia and things will only get worse. He has to stop driving. My father-in-law was like this in the beginning and would only stop driving after two accidents.

You must be a very skilled medical professional PerkyPiggy to be able to diagnose patients unseen.

I am sorry if you thought I misunderstood Monica. I hadn't realised my own powers were so defective.
I thought I was clear that I fully agreed with the need for a speedy GP assessment.
But I thought that some of the comments early on about driving in the interim were unnecessarily harshly worded in view of the difficulty of carrying them out, which is what I did think.

Very sad for both of you and really sorry for your situation but you really need to try and take control. Start by taking over the car keys, OK if you can drive otherwise you are putting both of you in danger by allowing him to drive.
As others have said please get him to the doctors and take things from there. If you can it would help if you had the conversation with him beforehand about his present state. You have to try to be honest and explain how much he has changed and how his actions are a worry for you.
I do hope you get some help and very soon. Take care.

You need to get an assessment from your GP. I have been through this with my Dad, but other family members ignored certain warning signs. It is very hard, but a proper diagnosis is a start for whatever help is required for the quality of life.

I am sorry winterwhite, this gentleman's incapacity as described by the OP is far too severe for him to wait a doctor's visit before he stops driving, he really is not safe to drive and could easily kill someone.

The avarage accident rate of any group of drivers has no relevance to judging the danger or safety of any individual in either group and this gentleman is clearly not safe to be driving.

I had increasing problems with remembering appointments, forgetting peoples names etc. I thought it was dementia and insisted my GP referred me to the psychiatrist or whoever it was. He decided on Mild Cognitive Impairment and I was tested again a year later, when my score had improved! If it had been dementia, there would have been a deterioration. I still swear blind that I didnt do something until my husband eventually proves otherwise. It is irritating and its scary at first if you think it might be the beginning of dementia. I did give up work as I just didnt want to look unprofessional and let people down. There are several different kinds of dementia with different causes and also treatments which can slow the progression of the disease if caught early enough. Im not embarrassed about my poor memory now. I just own up straight away and ask for help if necessary but it took a few years to get to that place. What you describe does sound more severe than Mild Cognitive Impairment, but could have a number of causes. If your husband wont go, make an appointment to see the GP for yourself and explain the situation. Good luck!

Re the driving - I was there with my DH 4 years ago; I asked my sister how to stop him driving and she said to find an independent person (not family or friend) to go out in the car with him. I suggested an acquaintance who is a retired driving instructor but my DH just said he would stop driving - he knew. I got rid of his car within 24 hours by asking my nephew to sell it for us.
Four years on, DH is immobile and in a nursing home with a diagnosis of Lewy Body Dementia.
You do not have an easy path ahead of you, but you MUST stop your DH from driving, for everyone's sake.

My husbands dementia stated 17 years ago at age 60…. he denied anything g wrong but it was there! Hearing started to go…driving was a ‘white knuckle ride’ …I don’t drive but insisted he get rid of car as he hated driving anyway. So we’ve done without it all this time. Not missed! Then his memory just started to melt…his confusion was horrible to watch. Anyway I’ve looked after him since, but the last 3 years it was mixed with Alzheimer’s…and now had become a 22 hour a day job….while he got more and more confused and disorientated ! I’m no doctor …but your husband has all the classic signs. Mine has finally gone into full time care…as his mobility has deteriorated over 6-7 years , and me lifting a 12.5 stone man (who could not help himself ) from the floor 2-3 times s day was killing me. After my third stroke last year my kids said ‘ enough is enough’ . Get you husband to the doctor and ask for ‘memory clinic ‘ assessment.
I’m so sorry for you… I know the road only too well.

I'm so sorry is rather an inadequate thing to say. As I'm sure you already know, your husband is clearly showing the signs of dementia. Dementia and MCI are different in that degrees of MCI are what happens to all of us - a slowing down of the brain. Dementia is forgetting how to do basic, very basic things you have done for years. Example dressing, making a cup of tea, finding your way to somewhere you've been going to for years. With my father I remember him asking me "where are we" half a mile from his home.
So the question really is 'how do you deal with this.' Is OH a dominant type who's always controlled everything? Is he becoming angry and intimidating? Do you have children who will help you? If I were you I would go to the Alzheimer Society who we found very helpful for advice on how to deal with this. Also there are support groups who can give you better advice than I can. Meanwhile you'll have to hide the car keys.....

Hi. Sorry to hear that you are having these problems with your o/h. My husband was diagnosed with Alzhiemers last March. I knew a few years ago something was wrong, 5 of his family had/have Alzhiemers so looked like it was on the cards.
I got Power of Attorney 5 years ago and I urge you to consider this as a priority as dealing with any firm etc will be a nightmare without it. I did the application on line and its a lot cheaper than a solicitor. Please get him to see a Dr, he is now under a mental health xlinic and is visited by a nurse every 2 weeks. Dvla and car insurance need to be told. He has a 1 year licence which is checked each year by dvla contacting his Dr. He doesn't drive very mu h now.
I too thought I would have a productive and lovely retirement but I am now his carer and claim attendance allowance. I keep busy and try to live one day at a time. My thoughts and good wishes go out to you at this difficult time. If he is diagnosed with dementia then you must look after yourself always aswell. Best wishes

That's excellent advice about Power of Attorney.

DH and I organised both financial and medical Power of Attorney, when I retired on health grounds.
It was one of the questions I was asked on admission to hospital last month.
It makes things so much easier for a patient's family.

If he hasn’t already got a power of attorney please do it through a solicitor who will ensure that he understands what he’s doing and will be able to confirm that should the validity of the power be called into question. Likewise a will.